*Josie*
Once Harry dropped me off in the lobby of the large business building, I sat on Netflix watching a Korean Drama while eating a bag of grapes. We had just eaten lunch with my dad but I was always hungry.
An hour passed by and I didn't feel like watching another episode. K-Drama episodes can sometimes be an hour long and my arms were cramping at having to hold my phone. I didn't have any headphones so I had subtitles on. But I soon switched to a book on Kindle and counted down the minutes left in Harry's meeting.
"Josie?" My eyes sat on a single word on my phone as my mind wandered off to recognition of that deep voice.
I slowly looked up and my eyes fell on and took in the man before me. Ryan. His blond hair slicked back, his suit hugging his muscular frame, and his eyes ... oh his eyes. Those vibrant blue eyes that pull me in every time I see them.
"Ryan, hi." I stood up and walked over slipping my phone into a pocket of my dress. I folded my arms and smiled at my ex-boyfriend. "It's good to see you."
"You, too." He nervously smiled and scratched the spot that bore his tattoo. "Why are you here?"
"Harry had a meeting with a client here." Ryan nodded. He went to say something but stopped himself. "How have you been?" He slightly blushed and looked away.
"Missing you," he avoided my eyes as I knew that mine displayed guilt. Not so much guilt but ... pity.
"I'm sorry," I softly said, practically a whisper.
"How are you?" He finally met my eyes.
"I've been good. Harry and I are good." He nodded.
It was quiet for a minute until he said, "Are you happy with him?" By the look in Ryan's ocean eyes I knew he still had feelings for me. Real and raw feelings for me. Part of me convinced myself that he still loved me.
"I am." I won't let his charm get to me. I love Harry, my husband.
"Is he happy with you?"
"Yes."
"What makes you happy with him and not me?"
"You cheated on me, Ryan."
"You cheated on Harry."
"But that was a misunderstanding."
"You still jumped at the first chance to get pay back. He was drunk and framed. He doesn't seem like a guy who would cheat on you. Which means you never even had faith in him in the first place."
"Well what else do you expect of me? I've had three boyfriends in my life and they all cheated on me." He looked hurt by my words. "You were one of those guys, Ryan. You all three did this to me. But I trust Harry now. He's proved himself."
"How? Josie I love you. And you are carrying my child. A baby that is just as much mine as he is yours. We made him together. You may be carrying our baby boy but I helped. And it is beyond unfair that you keep him from me."
"I don't want him to turn out like you." I coldly added. Ryan tensed.
"I had my reasons to cheat on you. I was stupid and selfish and an idiot. But that doesn't mean my son should be taken from me. And you're certainty not dragging him away from me to another country."
"What? How do you know about that?" Ryan seemed dumbfounded.
"Elizabeth, Harry's secretary told me."
"Liza? Why?"
He looked hesitant to answer my question. "She's the one who arranged this meeting for Harry and my company."
"But why?" He took in a deep breath.
"She likes your husband, her boss." My heart stopped.
All this time, a snake was hiding under my nose. I always knew something fishy was wrong with Liza. She liked Harry.
Jealousy suddenly overcame me as I thought about Harry calling her his right hand man, as well as all the time they spent together. And she helped him build this company. And she practically knows more about him than I do. Dinner with his mother proved that.
"I can see that." I scoffed while simultaneously rolling my eyes. "So let me guess, this is her way of breaking Harry and I up?" It was more a statement than a guess. Of course that's why she planned out this whole trip.
I looked up at Ryan. "And you helped her."
"How could I say no? I want you, Josie. I want us to be a family." He placed a large hand on my belly and the baby kicked, as if he knew his father. I caught my breath and wanted to cry. I didn't know what to tell Ryan. I was in love with Harry, not Ryan. But I was once in love with him.
"I can't, Ryan. Harry and I are married. I can't just leave him. He's already had one woman leave in his life, he doesn't need another." I wiped at a tear and placed a hand over Ryan's. "But I promise to let you visit our son." Ryan looked defeated.
"Josie, I want you to look me in the eye and tell me straight that you have absolutely no feelings for me."
I looked into his deep, blue eyes and wiped at another tear. I told myself that what he requested was easy enough, but as I went to say the words, I couldn't. I did still have feelings for Ryan. That one night we'd shared and his words kept me at bay. I secretly wanted a life with my ex. Live in a rundown apartment and have four kids. A dog named Scraps, a cat named Socks. Our kids jumping up his legs when he came home.
I tried to picture all of that with Harry. But ... our future was so unclear. It always seemed like it was clear but what if he accepts going to London? I don't know how to picture a british lifestyle. I'm an American. Thinking of a future with Ryan was so easy. Too easy.
"You can't, can you?" Ryan smirked. I wanted to punch that handsome smirk right off his perfectly chiseled face.
"I can't." I looked away. "But that doesn't mean I know what's good for me."
"Josie," Ryan gently lifted my hand. "You still like me. If I were to kiss you now, you'd linger. You'll want more. You can't say you won't. We have too much history together. You and Harry hardly know each other." Ryan drew closer to my face. "Who was it that helped you get through those break-ups? Who was it that loved you the moment he laid eyes on you?" His lips were now only inches away. "Who's baby are you carrying?" Before I knew it, his plump lips brushed against mine. I caught my breath and felt my stomach summersault.
Our kiss was gentle at first, then he tugged at my dress at my waist and I couldn't help but put my hands on his chest. Our kiss deepened and soon my hands were tangled in his curly blond hair.
*****
I threw away yet another tissue box as I cried on my bed. I'd ordered pizza and was already done with an entire box. I felt so full and tired and torn and empty and discomfort everywhere.
The TV that blared wasn't enough to keep the thoughts of me kissing Ryan out of my head along with Harry's silent judgment.
What have I done? I deliberately cheated on Harry! My husband! I kissed Ryan right in front of everyone in the lobby. Harry must feel so embarrassed to have to go through this twice now.
Why must I be so messed up in the head? Why did I kiss Ryan? Why did I allow Harry's face leave my mind. It seems whenever I'm around Ryan I blank on everything. But why does he have that affect on me!? Why couldn't I say that I didn't have any feelings for him!?
I don't! I don't! I don't!
I do ...
I can't lie to myself. I can't deny it. The feelings are there.
I rolled off the bed and went to the bathroom sink. I grabbed a white mug provided by the hotel and filled it up with water a hundred times. The tap wasn't the best water but I was thirsty. I turned off the TV just needing some peace and quiet. I didn't want to think about tomorrow or how I was going to stay here in New York without Harry here with me. I decided to pack my things and head over to my dad's.
I texted Harry: "I'm going to my dad's. I'm sending your credit card back to Washington through mail. I'll get my own plane ticket back to Seattle when I'm ready, or when you're ready to see me. I'm sorry about everything. I love you, Harry."
I reread the text over and over again. I waited a few minutes for a response but got none. I looked at the ceiling knowing Harry was right above my room. I looked up because I heard ... moaning.
Is he ... ?
I couldn't believe it. My cheeks turned flush and tears prickled at my eyes. Harry was sleeping with someone, having sex with someone. I knew the sounds of love making. But was he making love or just having angry sex.
Angry sex is probably it. Maybe it's Liza he's sleeping with. Since she's had the hots for him. Stupid b****.
I quickly packed my things and left angry now. Not at Harry for having sex right above me, but at myself for pushing him to have it with another woman. Of course he's having sex, he needs to let loose the fact I kissed Ryan passionately right in front of him! How can I be angry at him?
The only person I can be mad at is myself.
When I got to the lobby, I waved down a taxi outside. Once I got in, I told the man at the wheel my dad's address. How embarrassing is it going to be when I tell my dad this pathetic story after just having lunch with him? How stupid I and Harry will look to him.
I went to call my dad to inform him that I was coming over when Ryan texted me. I wanted to ignore his text but my eyes wandered down to the pre-message at the top of the phone screen.
"I need to see you Josie! You can't kiss me like that and leave with another man."
"That other man is my husband." I replied.
"Please?" He responded within seconds of me sending my text.
I sighed.
"Wait!" I said to the driver, hating myself for giving in. I told the man Ryan's address or at least the street name and within a few minutes, I was standing outside his building.
I buzzed into his apartment number and someone answered.
"Who is it?"
"Josie."
"Who?"
"Josie, Ryan's friend."
"Ryan doesn't live here anymore."
"Where can I find him?"
"Last time I heard he was living out of his car."
I drew my finger off the button and texted Ryan. He sent me an address and nice enough it was only two blocks away. I decided to walk because it was a nice evening. I looked strange rolling a suitcase around but I honestly didn't care. It was getting dark but I was almost there. Ryan lived in a private building and I had to text him to let me in. He was downstairs within seconds and I chuckled at him running up to the clear glass doors. He opened the door and invited me in. His smile was heart warming. He wore khaki shorts with a loose shirt that hugged his pecks and biceps.
He took my suitcase and led me up to his apartment. The ride in the elevator was quiet as well as the walk down the hall to his home.
Once he unlocked his apartment and invited me in. I was surprised to find the place spotless. Of course, there was hardly any furniture or even a TV in the place. And it was quite small.
"¡Bienvenidos a mi casa!" I chuckled, assuming that meant, "welcome to my home." I walked further in and already found the couch set up as a bed.
"Have you already assumed I'd stay the night?" I smirked as I gestured to the couch and the blankets on it. Ryan shrugged.
"Something tells me you will." I blushed and my confident facade fell. He slowly walked over to me eyeing me like a predator eyes it's prey. He placed his large, strong hands on my stomach and caressed it.
"Have you decided on any names?" I shook my head. "Do I get a say?" I shrugged.
"Go for it."
"Andy, after your dad." He didn't even hesitate before answering.
"You've thought about this?"
"I have. I think our baby boy should be named after your father." My heart melted. I realized then that I didn't even know the name of Harry's father. What kind of wife have I been!?
"I like it."
"You'll have to run that by Harry, I guess." I didn't respond. Ryan knelt down and asked, "May I?" I nodded. He smiled at my belly then kissed it. "Hey little guy." He said. "Daddy's missed you. You might not know my voice just yet, but you will." My senses heightened. Seeing Ryan and not Harry talk to my child was strange and different. It felt more natural with Ryan doing it since the baby really was his. He kissed my belly once more then stood up.
"You hungry?" He asked. I nodded, ignoring the fact I'd just eaten a whole pizza to myself. He quickly whipped up some pastaroni angel hair and we ate in silence on the couch.
*Ryan*
I looked over at Josie as she ate. She was so cute when she ate. She's gained some weight since the last time I saw her. Of course in her belly but around her. While I had made somewhat of a dinner, Josie had changed into booty shorts and a tank. A tank that didn't fit her, and had me barely holding myself back from pulling it off and taking her now on the couch. I didn't know if she could still have sex with how big her belly is. She's twenty-nine weeks along.
"Josie," she turned to me. "You're beautiful." I watched as blush crept to her chubby cheeks. I smiled kindly at her and took my chance. I swooped in and kissed her. She kissed back.
*****
The next morning, I woke with her in my arms. Our baby safely protected by both our hands. Our naked bodies molded together. It beat waking up to her gone like I had the last one-night-stand we had. I only prayed and hoped that this time wouldn't be like the last.
Josie stayed asleep for another few minutes. Then she woke up. She turned and lazily looked at me. I gave her a good morning smile but she ignored it and snuggled into my chest. I softly chuckled and moved her hair behind her ear. I let her sleep some more then I had to go to work.
I got up and she didn't protest. I dressed for my job then I kissed Josie's head and then her lips.
"I'll see you later, beautiful. I love you." I walked out of the apartment and prayed I'd find my woman at home by the time I came back.