DOMINIC ALEXANDER
I stood in front of the big windows in her bathroom, towel wrapped around my waist as the steam from the shower I had just taken lingered a while. The view brought a sense of peace to the point where I didn't want to look away. We were high enough to the point where the idea of curtains was useless, I stood by Zahriah's decision to keep the windows bare; the beauty outside should never be covered with any kind of sheer or fabric. This view... was addicting, the calm that any and everyone needed to see.
I took in a deep exhale, letting go as I closed my eyes for a moment before walking over to where my duffle bag was. I moisturized my skin with the Japanese Cherry Blossom scent I saw on her counter, it was pretty strong but not that bad. I had showered with the gel so it only made sense to finish off with the lotion as well.
I got myself dressed then threw my duffle bag over my shoulder once I had everything together. As instructed, I placed the towel into the laundry bin by the door before stepping out into her bedroom. Everything was neat and organized, not that I expected any less. The woman's vibe alone spoke volumes of her being put together, I wasn't surprised one bit by the way she was living.
Making my way into the living room, I smiled at the sound of her giggles as she sat facing the big screen TV that displayed Martin reruns. A classic and one of my favourites for sure. Next to her sat a bag of white cheddar popcorn that she popped into her mouth between laughs. Great taste in shows and in snacks I see.
As I shut her bedroom door, she finally looked over her shoulder. "You clean up well." She said, while covering her mouth so that she could finish chewing.
"I've heard that a few times." I licked my bottom lip as I trotted over to the TV. "I appreciate you for allowing me to come over and freshen up."
"Don't mention it, it's the least I could do." she paused the show then stood to her feet. "Did you want something else to eat? I got some leftovers from last night..." she walked over to her fridge, "I have to admit, I am not the best chef in town but I do make a mean pasta!"
"I'd love to, but I gotta head out now."
"Head out where?" her brows furrowed as she began to size me up.
"This is nice and all, but I can't stay here."
"... and where do you plan on going?"
I scratched the back of my head, "probably hit up one of my boys out of town, see what they're saying."
"Is this boy you speak of gang affiliated in any way?"
"I aint answering that."
"I'll take that as a yes," she opened up the fridge and took out two bottles of water, along with the pot that I'm assuming contained the pasta. "Put your duffle bag down and have a seat."
"Zahriah, look. I'm grateful for this, hon-."
"Should I throw some garlic bread in the toaster? Or are you not a carb person?"
"Zahriah..." I sighed.
"Dominic, put the bag down and come help me serve this food." She folded her arms, "I'm not trying to make you feel as if you're stuck here or anything, but you need to remember that you asked me for help."
"This is more than enough help."
"Your eyes are puffy and your lips are dry. You're both tired and very hungry so no, my help is not done. The least you can do is have dinner here, get some rest and if you want to go afterwards... feel free. But, I'm not alright with the idea of you leaving like this." Leaving no room for argument, she walked over to me and placed her hand the straps of my duffle bags. My eyes met hers as she took it off and carefully placed it into the corner of the room. Zahriah dusted off her hands before returning back to the kitchen to wash them. "So, back to what I was saying are you a carb person or not?"
"Do you do this often?" I asked through squinted eyes, before joining her in the kitchen area.
"I'll answer your question once you answer mine." She pointed at the garlic bread, raising a brow.
"Yeah, I'm good with the garlic bread."
Nodding, she opened up the bag and took out a few thick slices that she placed onto a pan then popping it into the toaster over. "Do I do what often?" she asked, wiping her greasy fingers onto a dish towel.
"Help out random ex-convicts?" I smirked at the sound of it.
"I am a police officer, it's kind of in my job description."
"You know what I mean..."
"No, I don't." she answered while retrieving two dishes from the cabinets and placing them onto the island so that she could dish out two big portions on each plate.
"What makes me so different?" I asked.
"Why is it that you don't want to lose me again?" she asked, looking up from her plate. "You think I didn't remember those words from last night?" Zahriah placed one of the dishes into the microwave, then leaned against the counter awaiting my answer.
"I'll answer your question when you answer mine." I shot back, mimicking her line from earlier.
"I don't know," she answered honestly. "You called and I came running. I heard something in your voice that kind of gave me no choice."
"Hmm, I see." I took note of her honesty.
"Now, your turn."
"That's kind of a deeper question. Mind if I save the answer for a later time?"
"That depends. You were just ready to run for the hills; how do I know I'll get the answer before you leave?"
"I don't know." I shrugged. "Guess you're just going to have to trust me."
"Do you trust me?" she laughed before I could even answer.
"I trust no one."
"Thought so." she pointed in my direction, "which is why I'd prefer an answer now, sir." She rested her elbow onto the island and leaned forward as she stared deeply into my eyes. "What did those words mean?"
"How about this, can I pass this question for another deep one?"
"I'm not interested in anything else right now, but that one." The microwave beeped and she was quick to remove the plate, replacing it with another one at the same time. Zahriah then put it onto a table mat which she slid over to me. "You can grab one of those bar stools over there." She said.
I pulled up a seat, then pulled the plate closer to me while she added utensils to the table. I must admit, it did look and smell pretty good. I watched as she took the garlic bread pan from out of the toaster with an over mitt. She took a pair of tongs as well, placing two slices onto the side of my plate. "Thank you."
"Enjoy." She said in return.
As much as I wanted to dig in and enjoy, giving in to my growling stomach. I waited for her food to finish and for her to join me at the table before I did so. Once she was seated, I wasted zero time and began to eat meanwhile she on the hand said a silent little prayer before doing the same.
"This is good." I pointed at the plate with my fork.
"Can't say I didn't warn you." she grinned, before taking another bite herself. "Back to what we were talking about."
"Zahriah please... let's not ruin this good meal with that conversation. It's really the last thing I need right now."
"Fine." She playfully rolled her eyes. "We will talk about something else."
"Anything else."
"How old are you?" she asked.
"25 in a few weeks."
"Oh nice." She complimented. "Happy early birthday."
"Appreciate it." I smiled, while taking another bite. "And yourself?"
"26 in a couple months."
"26 and gettin' it." I gestured at the condo, "this is motivation right here."
"My mom always taught me that it's never too late or too early to grind. I made up my mind that I'd get my goals out of the way while I could. That way I get to retire much earlier and actually enjoy the rest of my life."
"Mhmm." I hummed, "I hear that."
"Are you originally from out here?" she asked, easily. It was clear she was trying to break the ice but I was raised not to answer too many questions. I could tell she was a good one, with a pure heart but I just couldn't take any chances.
"... been here long enough." I answered and said.
"True, true." She nodded. "I was born and raised in Bakersville, California. Moved out here when I was 15 or 16... I was shoved into a private school however so I didn't really get to know much about this place until I was like 21 in college."
"Cali? Why'd you move from there out to here? aint Cali everyone's dream?"
"Hmm, depends. Bakersville is a quiet little town, nothing like LA at all. It's a place where almost everybody knows every body. There was a lot of gossip and tension especially when it came to my parents."
"Why was that?"
"My moms were like one of the few openly gay couples around that time."
"Oh wow."
"Yup, they're amazing individuals however, with the older standards not many really took the time to see. Instead they just judged from afar to the point where it became toxic and we just made the decision to pick up and start fresh out here."
"Do you like it better out here?" I continued, now becoming intrigued in her story.
"Much better, I feel as though I can finally spread my wings..."
"I like that, happy for you."
"Thank you," she stole a glance at me. "How about you? I've witnessed your family dynamic with your mom... how are things with your dad? Or your mother's partner? Sorry for assuming."
"No worries, uh..." I cleared my throat, and my jaw clenched at the thought of him. "How long you been working as a police officer?" I asked, dodging her questions completely. I was kind of enjoying this conversation and feared the idea of it getting dark at the mention of my sperm donor.
Taking note of my discomfort, Zahriah didn't push instead she acted completely normal. "Not long at all. I did a lot of volunteering with the office work during my program in college. Once I graduated, I was offered a job with the field operations unit where I became a patrol officer for the city."
"You've worked in the jails before though, right?"
"That is ... correct." She nodded, I heard the hesitance in her voice and knew she was probably questioning how I knew that. "On my free time, I do pick up some shifts if anyone calls in sick. CO is a completely different department as a whole within a completely different system. However, I was trained for both and don't really have much responsibility here as you can see." She gestured around the room. "So, I just pick up shifts and I'm also on-call if they ever need me."
"On your free time?"
"Yes, on my free time."
"You're telling me you don't got no friends, or a man you would much rather spend that time with? Instead of working with crime consistently? I mean, doesn't it get tiring?"
"I mean, sometimes." She used one shoulder to shrug while she filled her mouth with some more pasta. "And to answer your question... most of my friends are from work, most of them actually have families so no. I don't have anyone to really chill with." She swallowed what was in her mouth, "nor do I want or need a man. I much rather help out the community than waste my time in a relationship. No offense or anything."
I stopped eating for a second, looking over at her with a blank stare on my face. "What?" she asked, covering her giggle.
"You're serious?"
"As serious as can be. However, like I said; no offense... different strokes for different folks."
"I'm surprised."
"Did I strike you as the relationship type?"
"I mean... I guess... you're fine as hell and clearly got a lot going for you. I don't see why you wouldn't be in one."
"Aww that was actually sweet." She gave me a playful nudge.
"I'm just being honest."
"I appreciate that, but no... it doesn't strike my interest. Nor do I have the time for the drama it comes with."
"Not all relationships come with drama. It all depends on who it is that you choose to be with."
"So, you're telling me that your relationship has no drama in it?"
"I mean, I'm no longer in one. But apart from me being in and out of jail not really. My girl was always the perfect girlfriend."
"Perfect, yet you're no longer in a relationship with her? May I ask why?"
"I got too much on my plate right now... I know her, she likes to take on my burdens and that's the last thing I need. I see she's doing well, finally got the ball rolling on her career. I don't want to slow her down, so instead I've removed myself from the picture and decided to work on myself, for myself before I could turn around and do it for someone else."
"I see and how did she take that?"
"Clearly not so good." I smirked, "that call you attended last night was due to her reporting me, the moment I heard the address I just know. She's never done anything like that before so I can only assume that she was really pissed from the break up."
"Damn, well I'm sorry to hear."
"No need, like they always say... if it's meant to be; it'll find it's way back."
"Not entirely."
"What do you mean?" I questioned.
"Toxicity tends to make round trips from time to time also, if you aren't able to differentiate the two, you'll be stuck falling for what isn't good for you." she finished what was on her plate. "I always let my gut feeling make decisions for me, because sometimes my heart will lead my astray."
"I never thought about it that way."
"You learn something new each day." She reached for her water and took a long swig, "but anyways, back to you Mr. Alexander."
"What about me?"
"What else do you like to do when you aren't out here breaking the law?"
I chuckled, "I'm not as bad as my record makes me seem, you know?"
"Oh, I know."
"How are you so sure? You just met me."
"Like I said before, I let my gut feeling make decisions and as far as I'm concerned; you're safe in my books."
"Good to hear and all." I pushed my plate forward a bit, "but as much as I am not all that bad, I can admit that I still am very far from good." I turned ever so slightly, to get a better look into her eyes. I found eye contact very important within every conversation that I had. Thankfully Zahriah held just as much contact, it made her come off as very confident which I must say; I liked to see in a woman.
"Trust me, I've seen my fair share of horrible people. You don't match the description at all."
"What if I told you that, I'm very capable of being a horrible person?"
"I'd say, so is everyone. However, I know that you don't got it in you."
"Are you tryna call me soft or something?" my brows lowered.
"Not at all," she shook her head and said, "I'm not undermining anything you've done or the weight you hold in the streets. But what I am saying is that you got a big heart at the end of the day. Pardon me for assuming, but I can tell that no situation you've been faced with has been able to change that about you. You're here at your lowest and still I can see how much you are craving change and it's inspiring. Anyone else would've either thrown in the towel or easily went back to their old ways... you chose the opposite and that's because of your heart."
"I doubt I'll ever be able to change." I looked away for a brief moment, "It seems as if I got too much dirt on my hands to ever get clean."
"Change doesn't come over night. In life you gotta learn to strive for progress, not perfection." Zahriah outstretched her hand and flipped it over for me to see her calm. "Even my hands aren't 100% clean. We're human, we weren't meant to be perfect."
"Yeah but we weren't meant to be complete fuck ups either, yet here I am."
"You aren't that at all..." Zahriah stood to her feet, "look over there." She pointed towards something behind me, then walked in that direction.
I hopped out of my barstool and turned to see a wall filled with blank painted quotes, I don't know how I missed it in the first place. I guess, the other details of the room caught my attention along with the fact that I was trying to get out of her hair prior to being forced to sit down and eat. "Damn. This must've taken you forever." I stuck my hands into my pockets, following her until she got to it.
"And a day, but it was so worth it." she placed her hand against it and said, "the best part of my house, if you were to ask me." Zahriah closed her eyes as she took in a deep inhale, she began to run her hand across the wall until she stopped, her eyes fluttering open. "pain passes more quickly when we don't criticize or shame ourselves for feeling it." she read out. "by inspirewithyas."
Zahriah turned on her heels, "Whenever I'm feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, demotivated, sad, angry... you name it. I use this wall here for motivation, I remind myself as much as possible until I am finally able to pick my head up and continue on with my day. It's so important that we don't let the minor things take a major toll on our day. Your mental health deserves so much more than to dwell on the negative, there's so much more you can get done in 24 hours as opposed to sulking in sadness or misery." She reached for my hand and placed it on the wall, "try it out."
"As inspiring at that sounds... I doubt a wall of quotes can really change much of how I feel right about now."
"Try it out," she insisted. "Close your eyes."
"Za-."
"You are so damn stubborn. Just try it out, talk shit later."
"Fine." I shut my eyes.
"Take a deep breath," she instructed and I followed. "Now." she placed her hand on top of mine and began to move it across the wall, both side to side and up and down. "Whenever you feel like the time is right, stop then open your eyes." She let go, allowing me to do it myself.
I stopped abruptly after feeling an urge to. I opened my eyes hesitantly, then looked down at Zahriah's ecstatic expression. "That's a good one." She said, "that right there is perfect!"
I glanced back up at the wall, then removed my hand from the middle of the sentence so that I could read it. "The conversations you have with yourself matter; nothing speaks louder than your inner voice." I smirked, "by happyheads."
"Boom!" Zahriah pretending to drop a mic, "Thank you. I will be here all night." She brushed off her shoulder. "Now tell me, how do you feel?"
"Like I just got told off by a wall."
"And that's good, it means that you can relate and it's in fact amplifying what is actually wrong. You are apart of the issue in regards to your mental health, you aren't being kind enough to yourself."
"Let me guess, you just know everything. Huh?"
"I know a little something something," she winked.
"Is that right?"
"Yup. Just like I know how much you probably want a blunt right now." catching me off guard, I couldn't control my expression. Jerking my head back, I shook my head. I was not about to fall into this trap especially not with a fed. "I don't know what you're taking about." I said.
"Oh please." She walked away from the wall and back over to the couch, "Like I said earlier, it's my day off." She reached in the middle of the coffee table, picking up a perfectly rolled blunt. "I wanna enjoy this just as much as I know you want to as well."
"Is this some kind of trap?" I bluntly asked.
"Dominic, if I wanted to arrest you for anything, I could've done it the moment you hopped into my car earlier. I get that you don't trust me, but I won't stop encouraging you to do so." she grabbed her lighter and lit the blunt between her lips before taking a pull. The cloud of smoke that escaped her lips was so perfect. I could tell she was veteran at this, a real smoker.
I took a seat on the couch next to her and she held it up in my direction, while reaching for the remote to un-pause the show. As much as I wanted to fight the temptation, she was right; I definitely craved this more than anything. I took the blunt in between my fingers and took a long pull, relaxing into the seat while the smoke cloud formed around me.
ZAHRIAH CRUZ
I finished up with the dishes, drying them and putting everything in its rightful place. After watching a bit of Martin, I switched up the tempo now that the sun was set and the city lights lit up the dark sky. Snoh Aalegra - I want you around played from my sound system, drowning out the loud snores of Dominic on the couch.
Now accompanied by a warm fuzzy blanket and a comfy pillow, he looked peaceful as ever for the first time since I had met him. It was heart warming to see that mean mug replaced by the calm facial expression he wore now that he was resting.
I turned off the living room lights and headed into my bedroom, stripping out of my clothes as I headed into the bathroom to take a well needed nightly shower. I pulled my hair up just before turning on the water and shutting the door behind me. I got in and allowed the hot water to relax my muscles, just before actually using my body wash. I turned up the volume of the speaker that was connected to my shower as well and just basked in the moment of complete bliss, looking out through the steam at the view from my bathroom windows. Nothing could top this right about now.
I got out and by routine stepped into my closet where I took out a pair of shorts from my drawer along with an oversized white cotton t-shirt. The perfect combo for a goodnight's rest.
I did my skincare routine which took as long as it normally did, especially with me jamming to one of my favourites. Snoh's vocals just did something to me, I couldn't help it.
After finally wrapping up, I switched off my bathroom lights and the soft white LED lights that glowed from under my bed, giving me the right amount of light that I needed to maneuver around the room. I grabbed my phone from my night table, which actually happened to be for the first time since I had arrived home with Dom.
Just as I was about to flip it over, I heard shuffling from outside in the living room. That followed by what sounded like furniture being moved around.
My brows wrinkled and I opened up my bedroom door immediately, walking out to see a frantic Dominic. The furniture had been moved back just a tad as he paced the room in a rectangular pattern, never missing a step at all. The light from outside was all I needed as I watched him walk in that pattern over and over and over again, mumbling very faint words to himself.
I quietly sighed before making my way over to where he paced. At first, I wanted to reach out and maybe place my hand on my shoulder but I knew better. It was an episode and I didn't want him to react in a panicked manner. I knew better than that from the de-escalation techniques I had learnt back in school.
So instead, I took a step back. "Dominic." I said, in a very empathetic and soft tone. It didn't help much since he just continued to do the same thing. It wasn't until I glanced over at the wall that an idea hit me. It was something I practiced while covering the CO shifts in the hole, the banging at night always made me so anxious so I would walk the hallways blurting out random quotes that I heard read that day. I searched the words I could see on the wall until I found the right one. "You have so much potential, you can't give up on yourself." I read. It was one of the ones I used often while doing my rounds and it usually helped with getting the noise down. "it's not too late to learn how to be happy again." I continued, realizing that his pace was beginning to slow down. "Grow where you are planted." Was one that I didn't need to read from the wall; but it was in fact one of the many tattoos on my body.
Dominic stopped dead in his tracks and looked up at me. "I knew I should've left earlier." He said with sweat glistening on his forehead."
"And if you did, who would've been there to save you from yourself?" I stepped closer to him, slowly. "Dominic, you're safe here."
"Yeah but you aren't safe around me." he said. "I can't control these moments... I just don't know when and what'll happen."
"I'm not afraid of you." I shook my head and took a hold of his hand, "now come to bed."
"Zahriah..." he whispered. "You heard what my mom said. I get it, you like to help but I'm clearly a lost cause. Just turn me in, it's safer for both myself and others if I'm in there."
"No." I said adamantly, "you aren't about to allow someone else to tell you what you're capable of. Even if she doesn't believe in you, I do."
"But why me? You said it yourself, you don't do this often. So why me?"
"Because you called and I came running." I answered, once again as honestly as I could. "And I'd run again if you called me tomorrow."
"You don't have to do this... you don't owe me anything."
"I know I doubt, but it's something that I want to do." I pulled him into the direction of my room and he reluctantly allowed me to. Once we got inside, I rolled down the comforter on the bed before climbing in and patting the spot beside me.
Dominic got in and I pulled the comforter back up to where it covered us, the view of the city once again displayed before us. It was beyond words with how beautiful it was. I laid on my side and reached over to use the pads of my thumb to brush his cheek. At first, he was tense, but he soon turned on his side as well gaining contact to my eyes.
"Remember when you asked me, what I meant when I said I couldn't lose you?" he asked. I nodded, nervously chewing on my bottom lip. "You saved my life before." He uttered.
"How?"
"Door 408. Friday April 17th, 12:13 AM." I searched his eyes, "'one day, you will turn this test into a testimony' you said. Right before I was about to slit my wrists. I had had enough, but you passed by that night and I knew it wasn't luck, I knew it wasn't by chance. I knew it was because you were, you are a God sent. After that night, you didn't take anymore shifts on my floor, but I knew you were there; I felt your presence in the midst of such a toxic environment. I held onto the chance that one day, I would meet the woman that simply spoke a word that saved my life... and when I saw you, I knew... I couldn't lose you again."
I felt my eyes water and before I could fight it, a tear slipped and rolled down my cheek. Before I could reach to wipe it away, Dominic held my hand in place. "Don't let me go." He whispered, making sure my hand stayed rested on his cheek.
"I won't." I said, snuggling in closer to him. Dominic wrapped his arms around my small frame and I listened to the sound of his heart beat until I eventually heard his soft snores, "you're safe here." I whispered, "you're free here."
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THOUGHTS??
Zahriah & Dom? Ouuuuuuuuu