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you woke up feeling more refreshed than ever. this was the most sleep you have gotten in years. ever since your family left, you had to wake up way too early for your liking because you had to look after jaxx. standing up from your bed, you became to stretch- a habit that you had ever since you were 10. it was a great way to start the day and it always felt good.
you walked over to the bathroom and shut the door. you started stripping your clothes and hopped into the humongous shower. the cold water made you jump back, causing you to fix the water temperature. you loved taking burning hot showers, you never understood how people liked cold ones. reaching your hand over to the water, you felt the water and realized it was just perfect. you started to look for the shampoo and conditioner, and you found it right away. you opened the shampoo first, squirting some on your hand. you put your hand up to your nose and almost passed out.
the shampoo smelled like nothing you have ever smelt before. it was hard to describe...it reminded you of...happiness? you started massaging it into your scalp, then running your hair under the water.
"from now on, i am going to be smelling like i came straight from heaven!" you spoke out loud.
you then used the conditioner that smelled the same as the shampoo. you were extremely extremely happy. just because of shampoo and conditioner? you washed your body with some bodywash that was in the shower, lathering it onto a nearby washcloth. you turned the shower off and reached for your towel. you wrapped yourself up and walked over to the sink.
you took your sweet time getting ready. it wasnt like you were in a rush or anything. you finally exited the bathroom after 30 minutes. you walked over to your closet- this is where the fun began.
you tried on multiple outfits, each one being different from the other. you felt pure joy doing this, you felt almost like a kid in a candy store. finally settling on a grey sweater and a pair of black jeans, you headed over to the vanity in the room.
you picked up the hairbrush and styled your hair into a neat braid. you then put some perfume and chapstick on, then went back over to your bed.
you decided to actually make it for once, seeing as you had no other things to do. you did it as neat as possible then headed out the door. you didnt really know where you were heading, but you just knew that you were starving and that you couldnt handle it anymore. opening the door, you were greeted by 2 stormtroopers.
"peter? wyatt? what are you doing here? do you like live outside of my door?"
"kind of. our assignment is to be with you at all times pretty much." wyatt explained to you.
"hm. that is strange. whatever, lets go get some food? i am starving right now."
"me too. i havent eaten in forever." peter said to you, leading the way to the cafeteria.
arriving at the cafeteria, you could hear the chattering from outside the door. when wyatt opened it, everyone went silent. was something wrong with your outfit? was it your hair? dang it, you knew the braid looked werid with the outfit.
as you walked over to get your food, the silence disappeared and the chatting continued. this relieved you a bit. maybe it wasnt your hair? grabbing whatever food your heart desired, peter then guided you to a table near the back.
him and wyatt both took off their stormtroopers masks and you were confused for some reason. why did you think that they could eat with their masks on?
"i keep forgetting you guys are real people." you mumbled to them as you picked up a piece of fruit. "so, how old are you guys?"
"im 25 and peter is 22." wyatt said to you as he ate some of the food he chose.
"thats cool. im 23...do you like your job? if i were you, i wouldn't like it. it would be boring to have to follow around a random girl."
"it is okay. it isnt like we can do much about what task they give us" peter shrugged.
"yeah, i guess that makes sense."
after that, you 3 ate in silence. it wasnt really that awkward though, more just...peaceful?
you all sat up at the same time to dump your trash. wyatt and peter put their helmets back on and you all were on your way back to your quarters.
"do you guys know where i can find the commander by any chance?"
"you really aren't scared on him huh? well, he is probably roaming the ship right now. i heard that after your little encounter with him y/n, he took off on his tie whisper and blew up the resistance's main hangar." wyatt said to you, almost like he was gossiping.
"oh dang. well, if you see him...just knock on my door. i need to have a talk."
"okay...fine." he replied.
"see ya later!" you called out to them as you walked into your room. you really wanted to have a chat with kylo. it was irking you how you havent gotten the chance. it was also irking you how jaxx hasnt reached out to you either.
then you had an idea.
"hey guys, come in here for a second" you popped your head out of your door, talking to wyatt and peter. they walked in and you started talking.
"can you guys do me a big favor? can you go to jaxx y/l/n's room and ju- just check if he is okay?" you pleaded to them. you really hoped they would agree, you just needed to make sure that he was alright.
"you should be glad that we dont hate you." peter said to you. you took that as a yes, and you brought them into a group hug. you opened the door and you saw a little piece of a cape fly by. you looked over and you saw kylo walking down the hall. this was perfect timing for you.
"bye, thank you guys so much!" you pushed wyatt and peter out of your room and they started walking to what you assumed was jaxx's room. "hey big scary tough guy! yoo-hoo!" you called out to kylo. you got no response, so you tried again.
"kylo ren. commander. commander kylo ren. hello?" this time, he turned around. he looked like he hadnt slept in days. he starting walking towards you until he was practically hovering over you.
"yes?" he said through gritted teeth.
"you. come in here right now." you yelled at him. you were not in the mood right now.
kylo didnt feel like putting up a fight, so he listened and walked into your room. you gestured for him to sit on your bed, so he did.
"you little punk bitch!" you went to go slap him but his reflexes said otherwise- preventing your hand from touching his face.
"what the hell is wrong with you?" he said to you, he clearly wasnt in the mood either.
"you are so fucking stupid! why did you tell my brother the truth about our family? do you have common sense you dumbass?!" you screamed at him. you saw his expression change. it went from annoyance to wa- was that guilt or something?
kylo realized that jaxx probably confronted you. he swallowed the tiny lump in his throat before he spoke, "you never told me i couldnt tell him."
he got you there. nowhere did you flat out tell him 'hey, dont tell my brother this'. but, you still had the right to be angry at him. "okay technically i didnt. but i also didnt tell you to go out of your way and spill it all out to him! what even is your explanation for it?"
"i needed to do it. and also, i dont need to explain myself to you. you arent a higher rank than me, so stop ordering me around. got that little girl?"
he was pushing your buttons and he knew it. "oh, so this is about rankings? is that all you care about? your foolish rankings? what the hell bro. why did you think telling my brother that was okay? like seriously. what made you think, 'oh, well his own sister hasn't told him the truth, so i should just do it myself'? hm? what made you act so naive kylo?"
"naive? says the girl that has been keeping the biggest secret of her life from her brother for a good couple years."
"i did it to protect him! i dont know if you have like a heart or something, but i did it to prevent him from the pain it would cause! but look at him now, he is broken. he is shattered. thanks to you. he isnt even talking to me goddammit! is that what you wanted? to rip me and my only family member away from each other? because you fucking got it commander!" you screamed, tears running down your eyes. you were done. you were so fucking done with kylo ren, and you barely even knew him.
seeing you cry caused kylo pain. he didnt know why, he barely knew you. but it did, oh stars did it cause him pain. he didnt want him leaking the information to jaxx to result in your relationship with your brother to crumble. actually, at the time, he didnt even think about you. he thought about himself and the order. he thought that revealing the truth to your brother would benefit the first order because it would make your brother think the first order was there to help him- that he could trust the organization. he knew that doing this would cause jaxx pain, but he didnt care. looking back, kylo realized he had been really selfish. it wasnt like kylo had never been selfish, because boy was he selfish all the time. but this time looking back, he actually...regretted it. he regretted his selfishness. he hadn't regretted anything in a while. and i mean a while. it almost shocked him how he was regretted it.
tears continued to run down your face and you quickly wiped them away. then 3 words came out of kylos mouth that stunned you both-
"i am sorry."
you could tell, no... you knew that kylo was not the one to apologize. you didnt even think he was able to! yet here he was...apologizing for his actions. you knew that continuing to be angry with him would get you no where. you knew holding grudges wouldnt either. in a sense, he kind of helped you? you knew the day would come when jaxx would figure out. so, kylo telling jaxx instead of you lifted some weight off of your shoulders, yet it also added some? this whole situation was a mess, you were thankful that kylo did it, but you also were mad at him for it.
kylo on the other hand... froze. right when the words slipped out, he froze. it wasnt because he didnt mean it, he truly was sorry... it was just because he couldn't remember the last time he truly meant it. sure, he would say it to people around the base and he would say it to snoke, but he never really meant it- until now.
"it's fine." you took in a deep breath "in a sense, you helped me? i dont know, i hate this situation. but the thing is, i cant blame you completely. well, really...at all. like you said, i never explicitly told you not to tell jaxx. so, i cant hold a grudge when this was my fault. im sorry for getting overly mad, heat of the moment type thing." just as you finished that sentence, you slapped kylo on the cheek- catching him off guard.
"but, i still wanted to do that though." you said with a wide smile. seeing you smile brought this odd sensation in kylos stomach. what was happening to him? what is happening to him?ever since he met you, he..he has changed?. it was werid, really werid. the thing that made it werider was that he wasnt stopping it. he was letting it happen. he knew that whatever was going on was not good, but he didnt care. he really didnt. he decided that then and there he was going to fix your relationship with your brother.
"oh i hate you y/n" kylo said to you, almost letting a smile escape- but stopping it just in time.
"aw, does the ass-nugget hate me? well i dont give a." you said with a fake sympathic tone.
"oh shut up birdbrain."
"now that we went over that...situation, i still need to talk to you more about other stuff." you said to him as you started sitting down on your bed near him.
"then what are you waiting for buttlicker?"
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authors note
not one of my best chapters...sorry!! i have so many ideas and i am so excited to continue this story!! stay tuned ;))
-i.t