𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐄

[𝟏𝟒] 𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐛𝐲𝐞𝐬 & 𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬

"As far as I know, we're looking at an eating disorder here."

Son of a freaking shriveled up nipple, did he just-

"What?" Maddie whispers. I hear a chair screech against the floor and the door being slammed shut. My assumptions of what's going on stops there because my eyes flutter open. Sam gets up to go after her but Spencer puts his hand in front of Sam, stopping him and goes after Maddie.

I'd, up until now, completely forgotten about Maddie and everything going on with her. In a way, I feel like I'm being selfish for not talking to her. When I first saw her at home, I knew I should talk to her but decided against it considering she and Spencer have been attached at the hip since they got back. I know she needs someone to talk to just by the way her eyes randomly become glossy.

"Gracie? Gracie!" Sam's face lights up as he dives onto the bed and squeezes me tight, a weird noise rising from his throat.

"Uh, sir, it's best you don't do that, please get up off the bed." The doctor scratches the back of his neck as I tangle my fingers in Sam's dark hair.

"Hi, buddy," I say softly. When he tries to get up, I hug him tighter, turning to the doctor. "He stays."

"What happened?" I whisper to Sam. His head perks up and his chin rests on my stomach.

"You fell off the stool in the kitchen." He tells me.

"Not vague at all," I murmur. He chuckles, snuggling closer to me. Though, I'm not sure how much closer he can get considering he's literally on top of me.

He's so close, you'd think his cologne is my perfume by how close we are. And god, I can't get over how he smells.

Creep.

What I mean is his cologne smells nice. I thank god that he doesn't use Axe. Ahem, Spencer. Ahem, grade seven. Anyways, it suits him. If I were to have chosen his cologne, I'd choose the one he's wearing. It smells how he looks. You know?

No.

Great.

"What I was saying is it seems like she may possibly have an ED."

I freeze. "Sammy?"

"Yes?"

"Did he just..." He nods vigorously. "You think if I stay still long enough, I'll disappear."

"Let's hope so and please take me with you."

"Wow, they're gone." My mom rolls her eyes. "So you're both aware of this?"

"I'm not here," I tell her.

I sit up, fixing Sam in my lap as his arms wrap around my waist. "Yes, we both know what's going on with me."

"And nobody else except you two know?"

"Ray-Ray knows and-"

"You what? You knew this was happening and you didn't do anything? You didn't tell anyone, what the hell is wrong with you Rachel-Mae?"

"Will you stop?" I interrupt. "You weren't here for almost a year, stop acting like it's your business."

Oh, snap. I'm going to get smacked, aren't I?

"Ooooh, she told you, Mrs. Gracie's mom."

"Excuse me?" My mother narrows her eyes at Sam. "I'll call your mom, Samuel."

"I'm right here, Loanna." Sam's mom speaks up, rolling her eyes. "And Sam, pay more attention to your girlfriend's health and not her family matters."

"Technically-"

"Don't start with your technicalities, Samuel." I smack his head. He grumbles out an 'ow', rubbing his head.

"Gracelyn!" I snap my attention back to my mom's stern gaze. "You-"

She pauses, shaking her head. "Actually, no, Grace, why is this so hard for you? Put some goddamn food in your mouth and get over whatever the hell this is."

"Ma'am-" The doctor starts.

"I am talking." She turns her attention back to me as Sam sits up and moves next to me, like he's ready to get up and beat her ass if she makes even one wrong move. "You think this is okay? You think not eating will get you attention? Welcome to the real world, Gracelyn, you don't always get the attention you want-"

"Stop!" I scream, getting out of bed and ripping out my IV. I ignore the stinging sensation in my arm, inching towards my mom. "This is your freaking fault! You're getting too big, baby, and, don't eat too much of that, you'll get fatter. Do you really think it's a coincidence that this and what you said... and then when you left and Spencer..." I trail off, Sam's hand coming around my wrist.

"Gracie," Sam says when I turn to him. His thumb brushes under my eyes and I reach my hand to feel my cheek wet with tears.

"Loanna, I think it's best you leave." Sam's mom reaches for something and wipes the blood dripping down my arm with it. When my mom doesn't get up, Mrs. Winters' eyes go cold just like Sam's did when he found out. "Now, Loanna! Get out, NOW!"

My mother's expression is hard and judgy and I can no longer stand to look at her so I speak up. "Get the hell out if you're not, for once in your goddamn life, going to be supportive to someone other than yourself."

She slams her feet to the floor as she stands, purposefully making a thud ring out. "Good fucking day."

When the door slams behind her, I screw my eyes shut, suddenly not being able to handle anything anymore. "Can everyone please get out?"

The doctor has a look of disappointment written on his face and a hint of disgust mixed in there. Not at me, but at my mom. If I dare continue calling her that. She lost the privilege long ago but still, I hold onto it. I hold onto her.

"I'll be back to have you reconnected." The doctor spoke, leaving as fast as he had once come. After him, dad and Ray followed behind him. And eventually, so did Sam's mom. But he stays, Sam that is. Sam stays.

"Grace?" He finally speaks up after what almost feels like hours later. I can't even look at him, not when I'm like this. But I also don't want him to leave so I slowly wrap my arms around his waist.

He moves us back to the hospital bed and sets my head in his lap, his fingers mindlessly running from root to tip of my hair.

"I'm sorry," I mumble, sniffling. "I know I let you down, but I promise I was trying to get better."

"Gracie, no. God no, you didn't let me down and I know you're trying your best." He pulls me up so my head is on his tummy. "Sometimes not everyone's best is going to feel like the best for other people but you that can't make you feel like you didn't try, Sweetheart. I know you tried, I was there."

I sniffle. "Mhm, I know that. I just wish this never happened."

"That's not true."

I look up at him through my eyelashes to find him already looking at me. And again with that only person in the whole wide world look he has in his eyes when he looks at me. "How come?"

"Because then I wouldn't have figured out you were actually cool and not a bitch like I thought you were. I wouldn't have done things that I wanted to if it weren't for you. You bring out the best in me, I think. And I wouldn't have known that if you didn't go through all this. If we didn't go through all this together."

I kiss his tummy, hugging him tighter. I don't want to let go of this moment. I just want to stay here forever and pretend nothing else exists. I like it like this, with him. With us. Hell, if I could stay here as long as I wanted, we'd end up watching the world end like this.

"That's a funny way to look at it," I whisper. He nods, running his hand up and down my spine gently.

"But it's a good way to look at it." I guess he's right but I don't know how I want to look at anything. "What about me?"

"What about you?"

"Uh, rude." I giggle as he clears his throat. "Like do you want to tell me anything? Do you want to profess your undying love for me or tell me how much you appreciate me or anything nice that can possibly come out of that mean little mouth of yours?"

"My mouth isn't mean," I grumble, sitting up and clearing my throat. "I do have something to say."

"Yeah?" He whispers. I nod, wiping away the wetness from my cheeks with the back of my hand.

"You can't get upset or think anything is your fault though." I held out my pinky, something I kind of started doing as more of a reflex thanks to Annie. He gives me a quizzical look before hooking his pinky around mine.

"You remember when you used to poke fun at my weight?"

He quirks an eyebrow at me. "You mean like less than five months ago?"

We both laugh and I hum in agreement. "I mean when it started."

"I don't even remember when it started to be honest."

"Pre-K? Kinder? First grade? One of those." I shrug.

"Yeah, about then. Damn, eight plus years now, right?" I nod, kind of shocked he knew how to do the math... or math in general. If you saw this boy's math grade, trust me, you'd be confused too.

"Well, this is kind of your fault in a way," I say. Yes, I just rip off the bandaid. The worst thing that can happen is he throws me across the room. I'll get over it. "Obviously not completely though. I think my mom wins first place this time."

He's not talking, just listening and attempting to braid my hair. I appreciate it but I wish he would react to what I was saying, that way I'd know what he thinks about the whole thing.

~~

I think I'm going to shit myself. All this is because of me? The hell does that mean? Wait, eight years, right? I've been hurting her pretty feelings for eight years?

"My mom was a big part of it and I think Spencer and my mom being gone kind of triggered it to come on. Everything was kind of already there. Like the thoughts and feelings but I never acted on them because I didn't want to give in to what you made me feel."

I nod, unwinding the pieces of hair that I tried to make a braid with.

"All the things you always told me finally caught up with all my mommy issues and I just... I don't know. Sometimes I think I chose for it to happen even though I know that's not how it works."

She clears her throat. "I want you to know because I think it would be best you know you contributed to this whole thing. Gosh, that sounds fucked up. I think it's better you know for the sake of our relationship."

I smirk. "We're in a relationship?"

"Yeah." She says, her dimples coming to my attention when she grins. "We're besties."

"This is why we aren't in a relationship." I roll my eyes.

Then a knock comes from the door and I move off of the bed and sit where mom had been before she left the room.

The doctor came into the room along with Spencer, Maddie, Ray, Grace and Ray's dad, and my mom.

After a few moments, a few shed tears and objections to Grace being assigned to a clinic for her, her dad signs the papers.

I had a bad feeling about this. And a world where there wouldn't be much of an us after Grace was gone burned the corner of my eyes. But I push the burning sensation back and hold onto her hand until she's out cold at eight.

A W E E K L A T E R

I open the back door for Grace who's been crying since she got in the car. She really didn't want to be here but no one would listen. All I could do was stand by and watch as her entire life was pried out of her hands and shoved into a box for 'safe' keeping.

I take her hand as she stands, helping her out and pulling out her bag with my other.

"Everything's going to be fine okay? I'll come visit."

"I don't want you polluting the air in my jail cell, Sammy." She nudges me. I shift my gaze away from her and look at the clinic I'd left her outside not all that long ago. There's a nurse walking our way so I make sure to keep my hand around hers as long as I can.

We stop walking as Grace steps forward and greets the nurse. They exchange a few sentences before she pulls her dad, Ray, and Spencer and Maddie because the two never leave each other's side.

I can't help but feel a wave of sadness wash over me when she doesn't turn back to watch as I walk away. I mean- me and her parents. Not me singular.

Sure, buddy.

I'm only a few feet away from the car when she calls my name. "Sam!"

I turn to find her running my way, her cheeks a light, rosy pink. Once she reaches me, she cups my face, bringing those lips of hers I'd been longing for to mine. It's just a quick peck but there was nothing quick about the way everything seemed to slow at the contact of our lips.

She smiles shyly, giving my hand a squeeze. "Bye, Sammy."

She turns on her heels and her steps seem lighter as if one small, quick kiss just completely brought light to her again.

What the hell just happened?

"What the fuck was that?" I call, walking towards her and her smile falters and I know what she's thinking. But the thing is, something I've learned about Grace Rieder is not only is she insanely annoying, she's also incredibly stupid.

I pull her face to mine, smashing my lips to hers and I know she's shocked just by the way she tenses in her spot for a moment. Next thing I know, she has her hands cupping my face and kissing me back. On her tippy toes and everything.

When we pull apart, I rest my forehead against hers. She told me one time when we were watching a movie that she always wanted her first kiss to be like the one on my TV. The couple had their foreheads resting against each other and looked so in love, she said. So there you have it, Grace. Your dream kiss.

"I don't take shitty kisses well, Rieder," I say, my face serious before I let it spread to a grin. "Next time, let's hope you do a little bit better than that."

She smiles and there the light is again. She's glowing.

I don't like goodbyes and shitty kisses but it seems to me like when it comes to Grace, I can always make an exception.

"Get your dirty hands off my sister, Shithead!"