chikasue ikari,
a disaster. last night was a disaster.
after excusing myself immediately afterwards, i went home alone and died inside.
needless to say, i didn't get a lot of sleep last night. any dreams that briefly passed were only painfully stuck in that moment and i was never once freed from discomfort.
7:12am...
oikawa's definetly already left.
i shouldn't be surprised that he didn't even knock on my door that morning, it wouldn't be a normal walk to school anyway.
maybe it'll be better to just get to school and get rejected sooner rather than later...'
i took a shaky breath, allowing the bathroom air to rattle through my body and help calm me.
my attempts to cover the dark circles under my eyes were all in vain and so i tried patting my hair down once more before grabbing my bag and leaving early.
damnit.'
with guilt eating at me, i reluctantly walked to school alone, lost in thought.
i wasn't even angry at myself anymore, just accepting the befall that was coming although part of me did weigh heavy everytime i recalled my actions last night.
perhaps this is for the best.'
my somewhat 'confidence' crumbled further when oikawa hadn't stopped by to walk to school with me and so i didn't exactly know what to do from here.
i could sit in my classroom for another hour or i could go to the boys volleyball gym.
passing through the school gates, all i could hear was the echoes of the large gymnasium and my feet lead the way.
i stood outside the main doors, keeping my distance while remaining in the march cold and staring endlessly at oikawa.
i couldn't say that he didn't seem unfazed, he wasn't sporting his normal smile or engaging with the team that much.
my heart ached at the sight of him, not even doing anything special, just standing ready for the ball but, for some reason, his face tore it apart.
it's funny how fond of the boy i was now. before, i was terrified that he'd discover that his classmate was his soulmate, the quiet and annoying one that did nothing but insult him or give him sour looks. i thought that he'd be disappointed.
and i grew to hate him until we finally met and i sought out to ignore him, eventually his persistence pissed me off and i relaxed into a friendship with him, convincing myself that i was doing it for myself to try and prevent further injuries best i could.
after all that though, i caught feelings first and was terrified of any change. despite that, i went ahead and kissed him.
maybe it would've been best not to involve him at all, route of my feelings or not we might have walked to school together otherwise.
"you don't have to hide your feelings from me."
whatever, it doesn't matter. i showed him my feelings and he rejected them. what's to think about here. i sighed and closed my eyes, snapping back to reality- but a second too late.
before i could move an inch to regain my composure and leave the boy be, a force hit my head hard and i fell back to the ground, a burning pain kissing my forehead.
"GAH! chi-chan, are you okay?!!"
the familiar call of oikawa forced my eyes to squint open and my vision was swallowed by the sky above.
'chi-chan'... is this... heaven?'
the brunette eventually appeared in front of the clouds, concern painting his also injured face.
wait, shit⎯'
iwaizumi also showed up but i can't remember the rest, my vision began to blur and i suddenly woke up in the nurse's office.
my eyebrows creased as i adjusted to the light, blinking in confusion. i noticed the distinct smell of chemicals and bandaids before i sat up to further examine the room.
i was lying in the only bed in the infirmary, the same one that oikawa sat on a few months ago now with a sprained ankle.
oikawa was also there, sitting beside the bed. he noticed that i'd moved and turned his head away from the window but in a panic, i covered my face with my hands as if addressing the bump left there by the ball.
he came to help?'
"ah, you're awake now," he said softly.
"a-are you okay?" i asked, begging that my voice would stop shaking.
"me? are you okay- you're the one that got hit in the head with a volleyball!" he laughed.
my hands dropped to my lap, revealing a unsurprised expression evident on my frowning face.
"and who was the one who hit me?"
oikawa released another awkward chuckle and scratched the back of his neck, looking away. "heh sorry about that..."
i guess we've both been spacing out...'
"anyways you're head isn't too bad." he pointed to my forehead, once he mentioned it i noticed that it didn't hurt at all.
"so that means you didn't⎯"
oh.'
thinking about it, it's no wonder that i passed out after not getting any sleep last night. in the end everything's kinda my fault isn't it?
"you've only been out a few minutes," his smile returned. "none of the staff are here yet but you should be fine."
i gave a small nod, wondering whether to address the the questions that were stuck in both of our throats.
"yesterday," he began, beating me to it i guess. "i'm sorry that i pressured you."
what?'
"i didn't know that i crossed the line, i just wanted to let you know that i care about you." his smile looked forced as he barely glanced at my confused and hurt face, standing up to leave. "but if you want to talk, let me know."
once he stepped into the hallway, his footsteps were the only thing to tell me that he hadn't disappeared completely, but he might as well have.
what an idiot!'
without thinking i sprung out of bed and grabbed my bag that had been neatly placed beside me. running out into the empty hallway, i threw my bag at oikawa, ready to unload my thoughts with anger quickly rising.
26.08.20
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