Let's Fix that Stutter
"I know I'm crazy sometimes, but I am pretty sure that my boss is Auntie Tonette, and yet here I see the long face of Jerry who's nothing but a cherry?" I accusingly asked Auntie. "What frickin' wizardry is this?"
Kanina pa kasi siya nakanguso, at habang nagtatanggal siya ng tinik sa tangkay ng bulaklak ay naiinis siyang bumubulong ng salita. I got scared for a second here, to be honest. She might be chanting some kind of witch spell or something. I couldn't be so sure.
And of course, Auntie being herself, didn't respond.
"Was it because Uncle Benj left with a woman friend a while ago?" I smiled goofily and nudged the jealous body of enchanting Antonette.
"Hindi," she finally replied.
Oh, that very well confirmed it.
Umakto ako na napaisip, hinaplos ko pa ang baba ko gamit ang hintuturo at hinlalaki. "Like love, jealousy is also for all ages, huh?"
"Hindi ako nagseselos, Snooki, matanda na ako at walang panahong isipin ang mga ganyang bagay," masungit niyang sagot.
Iyan ang sabi niya, pero tingnan mo nga naman at rumarahas ang pagtatanggal niya ng tinik sa tangkay. I wince every time her paring knife scrapes out the thorn soh-so ruthlessly. It's so matalas it can break the laws of physics and slit the thin air.
Mother, I'm scared! Jealous women are scary as shit.
"Ano ka ba, Auntie, ilang ligo po ang angat mo ro'n, ano! She may be clothed with luxurious articles, but you're ten times mabangodahil hindi lang basta-basta ang liniment oil mo. It's for sure."
Umirap si Auntie pero umangat ang gilid ng labi niya. "Mabango nga 'yong mga gamit kong oils."
"Atta girl!" I beamed at her.
Tinaas ko ang kamay ko para sana sa high-five pero binaba ko lang agad ulit. Ang tulis kaya ng kutsilyong hawak ni Auntie!
"Kumusta na pala si Archer?"
My eyes automatically looked at the storefront. I thought he was there. Lunch time na kasi, and by his usual schedule, he should be here by now.
Eh, wala. So, hopia ka ngayon, Snooki!
"Yesterday, okay na po siya. I think he went back to work today," sabi ko. "Pero ipagluluto ko pa rin siya ng dinner mamaya, Auntie, kaya sibat po uli ako nang maaga, ha?"
Her eyes rolled to the side to give me a brief look. Alam ko na 'yan, aakusahan na naman ako niyan ni Auntie.
"Alam ba niya? Baka mamaya ay mang-trespass ka ng apartment, ha."
See? See?!
"Grabe ka po talaga, Auntie! Puso lang ni Archer ang ite-trespass ko, 'di naman po bahay!"
Also, baka mamaya 'pag pumasok ako nang biglaan sa aparment niya ay kung anong makita ko roon, ano! Syempre kakabahan ako no'n... kasi baka mamaya, wala akong dalang kanin 'pag nagkataon. Sayang.
Pinisil ni Auntie ang namumuo kong bilbil dahil sa postura kaya't nagising ako.
"Ano na naman 'yang iniisip mong bata ka?" Matalim niya akong tiningnan.
I closed my eyes and grinned. While I wiggled my brows, I sang, "Hindi ko po sasabihin. Akin lang 'yon."
Once again, she pinched my baby fats. And as the heavenly mother of them babies, I jolted in futile defense. I playfully growled at Auntie to get even, but she already continued to work and got back to completely ignoring me. So I just worked, too.
I did good at my job today. Syempre, kasi excited akong umuwi. Grabe pala, 'no? Lalaki na lang talaga ang kinasisiyahan ko ngayon. Like, hindi ko inakala?
Oh, well. Mahina lang talaga ang puso, kaluluwa, at damdamin ko. Hindi ko na lalabanan ang pwersa ng pag-ibig. 'Di na rin ako magpapakipot kasi alam ko namang kami na talaga ni Archer sa dulo. Keme!
But it's not keme, for sure. No, nope!
As soon as Daily Bloom closed for the day, I did my grocery. Mabilis lang ulit, because I wanted everything to be ready once Archer got home. And also because I was just using my bike with a basket that's small it couldn't hold a lot.
Ang iluluto ko para kay Archer ngayong gabi ay Chicken Curry, para siya ay mag-hurry... na mahulog na sa 'kin.
I snickered as I parked my bike. Oo, ipu-push ko talaga ang love story namin. Wala, eh, kasado na ang puso't damdamin ko. I've been a strong, independent, single woman all my life, never laid eyes on people who never mattered, never attempted love with anyone ever, and yet here I was going gaga over a man in New York!
I bet people would think that I was indeed crazy for spoiling my feelings, but in my honest opinion, I didn't think that there's something wrong with it so I'll keep going.
Nag-focus na ako sa pagluluto. Hindi ko alam kung anong oras umuuwi si Archer galing sa trabaho. What I did know was that he's a stealth. Well, it's either that or he always got home late. Ni hindi ko siya nakasalubong sa hallway kahit isang beses bago 'yong umagang kay gandang naabutan niya ako na bagong gising!
Anyway, pagkatapos kong magluto ay binuksan ko ang pinto ng apartment ko, so that I'd easily hear and see Archer when he comes home.
I watched TV while I waited. I was sure Archer wouldn't ditch me... right? He's polite, he's a gentleman, he'd say it if he won't be able to make it.
Hindi rin naman masasayang ang niluto ko kasi, duh to the highest, kaya kong ubusin 'yon lahat. Easy slay!
Patingin-tingin lang ako sa labas ng pinto, mga every one second. Hindi naman sa atat na ako, pero medyo. At nang hindi ko na talaga matiis, kinuha ko ang ceramic platter at lumabas na sa hallway.
Gusto ko sanang mag-walling habang naghihintay para may effect, 'yong parang sa movies tuwing nagda-drama ang bida. Kaso may hawak akong food, baka matapon. Next time na lang, 'pag winasak ni Archer ang puso ko. Kapag.
For a moment right here, I thought I heard the sound of a stampede, but it was only Archer running up the stairs and almost missing the last step. He's on his work attire—his smexy long-sleeved polo, black pants, and leather shoes. His left hand gripped on a suitcase that actually saved him from the fall.
Huminga siya nang maluwag habang nagpipigil ako ng tawa. His face instantly turned crimson when he realized I saw what happened. Syempre, makita ba naman siya ng crush niya, e.
"Hi!" I chirped with a grin as a reflexive answer.
He looked away, shy as ever, and cleared his throat, as if to regain his cool.
"Hi, Snooki," nag-aalangan niyang sagot habang papalapit sa akin. Hindi pa rin siya makatingin, pero kinuha niya sa akin ang hawak kong glassware pagkatapos niyang buksan ang pinto ng apartment niya.
He used his foot to push the door forward for his queen, that was me, to enter.
Dapat ay siya pa rin ang magla-lock ng pinto pero pinauna ko na siya sa kitchen dahil sa hawak niyang pagkain. At saka ako na ang magla-lock, para wala na talaga siyang kawala rito! Char.
Sumunod ako sa kitchen area at nadatnan ko siya roon na nag-aayos ng lamesa. Nakatupi na sa braso niya ang kaniyang longsleeves. Habang pinapanood ko siya ay tinatago ko talaga ang ngiti ko. May na-iimagine kasi ako!
"Sorry, I got home... uh, late," he said apologetically, his hand reached for the back of his neck.
"Sus! No worries!" Ngumiti ako. "But do you know that you stutter? Like, a lot?"
Bahagya siyang tumungo at natawa. "Yeah, I do. Sorry."
"At mahilig ka ring mag-sorry," I added. Pabiro ko siyang tiningnan na parang hinuhusgahan ko siya kaya lalo siyang natawa. Umupo siya sa bar stool sa kabilang banda ng lamesa. Magkatapat pa rin naman kami pero ang layo niya. UwU
Ngumuso ako at tinuro ang katabi kong bar stool. "Ayaw mo here?"
Tinikom niya ang bibig at umiling. Sa mata niya lumabas ang ngiti. Kilig!
"Bakit ayaw mo? We're going to fix nga your stutter, e," pagpapanggap kong nagtatampo kasabay ang irap.
"Paano?" nangingiti niyang tanong.
"Tinatanong pa ba 'yan?" I grinned and bobbed my brows. "Kiss kita."
He threw his head back and laughed.
"Char!" habol ko. Baka mamaya ma-awkward siya, e. Pero kung gusto talaga niya, why not, coconut, right?
Nang kumalma si Archer ay nangingiti niya akong tinitigan, ilang segundo pa ay inikot niya ang lamesa para umupo sa tabi ko.
Kumalabog ang heart ko nang super intense! And not super sure, pero parang naririnig ko na si Jolina Slaydangal na kinakanta ang Chuva Choo Choo!
Tonette, ito na ba ang story ng magical first kiss ko? Eeep! 'Di ako nakapag-lipgloss.
Nagsimulang kumain si Archer nang hindi ako pinapansin. Medyo natameme ako kasi ano, kasi 'di ba ano...
Wait, akala ko ba ano?
Kailangan ko pa bang ngumuso? So that he'd get the message? Sorry, ha? Pero nag-e-expect kasi ako rito. Tao lang naman ako na may pusong mamon.
Suddenly, Arch just bursted out laughing. "Snooki, just eat. Hindi ka ba nalipasan ng gutom, o kumain ka na kanina?"
"Hinintay po kita." Ngumuso na talaga ako at umirap ulit.
"Nandito na po, ma'am." Namula siya. "I overworked, lost track of time. I kind of forgot we are having dinner tonight. I'm sorry."
"It's fine, it's fine! Ang mahalaga, 'di ka nadapa kanina." I snickered, at namula na naman siya nang matindi. Ang puti niya pa naman.
"I was just hungry," he defended with a creased forehead.
"Yes. Yes, you are," I just agreed with my shy boy. Kahit alam ko namang excited lang talaga siyang makita ako. "But what time are you usually off work?"
"When I close my eyes to sleep, I guess." He shrugged. I glared at him and he chuckled in defense. "I'm not lying, Snooki. I often still work when I get home. Sakit ko na."
Pabiro akong umirap at napasubo ng Chicken Curry. Natawa siya. Oh great, another workaholic human being.
"But I don't work when you're around," he said before looking away.
Napakapit ako sa mesa, e. Sapul sa heart, 'di ko kinaya! Napalunok pa ako kasi para talaga akong nanghina, gusto kong mahimatay sa dibdib niya. Hngg~
"Hala, sorry, istorbo ba ako?"
"No!" agap niyang sagot. Yie, ayaw ma-hurt ang feelings ko. Umubo-ubo siya nang mahiya sa sudden outburst niya. "I mean, no. It's fine. Nakakapagpahinga ako."
I do, Archer. I do! Tanong mo na lang talaga ang kulang. Char! Gusto kong tumawa nang malakas. Kasi feeling ko kung naririnig niya ang thoughts ko, takot na takot na siya sa 'kin. Kekeke!
"Aww, ako ang pahinga mo?" biro ko habang nakangisi. I even poked his love-handle.
Nawala ang ngising-aso ko nang tumango siya. His shy eyes were frantic, looking for a way out, and his cheeks were so flushed. I ran out of breath—no, it felt as though I had forgotten how to breathe.
I knew I looked red as him, but I could only say these words, "Pa-fall."
Humalukipkip ako at umismid. He finally loosened up and laughed beside me. He continued to eat his food while I only started on mine.
Sa kalagitnaan ng pagkain ko, 'di ko na napigilang itanong, "Archer, free ka ba on Saturday?"
"Why?" Sandali siyang napaisip, probably recalling his schedule.
"Magde-date kasi sina Auntie at Uncle Benj. Eh, sinasama ako. Ayaw ko namang maging third wheel."
Binalik niya ang tingin sa pagkain niya, pero nagtanong pa rin siya ng, "Where? And what time?"
"Prolly at lunchtime? Not sure pa. May zumba kasi si Auntie sa umaga. Alam mo na, getting her body ready for something or anything." I snickered. Umiling-iling si Archer sa 'kin. What? I'm just saying!
"Okay. I'll go with you."
Dahan-dahan akong napangiti. Jolina, isang malakas na awit nga riyan!
"For real?" I asked as I bit my lip.
"For real."
Umiwas ako ng tingin para makangiti nang malapad na malapad, mas malapad pa sa yellow pad! Elie Saab, prep your sewing machine thingamajig, you're seaming my wedding dress!
"Now, about fixing that stutter..." Ngumuso ako at tumingin sa kisame. My index finger was pointed on the table, doodling hearts and flowers.
"Snooki," pabiro niyang tawag.
I guffawed and raised both of my hands in defeat. Sus! Alam kong gusto niya rin naman.