Hello there. 😚
Welcome to the ride again 😄 Almost nine thousand words and one billion thing happening. Let's see where the rollercoaster stops this time. 😉
Well, Russia wasn't one of my favourite destination anyway.
I just told that to Charles when we landed at Sochi Airport, and I realised it was raining, and the wind was blowing like there was no tomorrow.
"It's only four days, and we're back to Monaco, don't worry," he said as he grabbed my hand and didn't let it go despite the dozens of paparazzis waiting for his arrival at the other side of the walls.
I never liked the attention that came with our public appearances, and I tried to avoid as much as it was possible.
"You shouldn't be this nervous," Charles murmured, with a smile on his face. "You are my girlfriend, so they have to process that."
I wasn't sure it couldn't have been more discreetly organised or the whole couple's thing couldn't have been treated better.
For example Sebastian never brought his wife with him. And it was still fine by everyone.
Okay, I was working in this world too, so it wasn't an option for me not to attend the races but we could have been more closed up about it.
At least I wanted us to be.
Anyways, Charles insisted on me flying in Sochi with him, and as I was haunted from the pangs of consciousness because of… Well, because of recent happenings, I agreed to accompany him.
"God, why are you not coming with us?" Max pouted when we said goodbye in Monaco twenty-four hours ago. "This is your team!"
I smirked at the Dutch friend of mine.
"It's not part of my job. I checked my very detailed contract. And you know, Charles is my boyfriend," he nodded as I reminded him of the obvious.
"Still?" He glanced at me with his most disappointed look. I had to laugh out.
"Yes, still," I nodded.
"It's a pity," he sighed. "Sometimes I think I should just hit on you myself because it's such a shame, Ferrari basically stole you from us."
I snorted loud at what he said.
"Sure," I giggled while I hugged him goodbye. "I'm positive you wouldn't bear me as your girlfriend for a solid five minutes."
He looked at me truly offended.
"Why?" He whined. "We make a good team."
I scoffed again, because the thought was the most absurd idea, ever.
"Yes. That's why we'd never, ever going to risk what we have," I nodded.
"Bye Clara," Max nodded a bit still offended by my words. "Just message me and I'll get you out of there" he sent me a serious look.
"Bye Max," I laughed at him. "See you in a bit."
I saw them at the airport when we landed.
In the private area of Arrivals, there he was, wearing his travelling grey training pants, which I thought for a strange reason to be adorably awesome.
Daniela was on her phone - again, not a surprise - while he was giving out autographs for his fans.
I felt lucky that I could have avoided meeting him this long after we kissed. It was two days ago and since then we haven't met.
This 48 hours I spent dealing with the worst feeling of guilt, and self loath. I felt as a terrible person, using both Charles and him for my own good.
Also, it was very immature not to be able to control my overpouring emotions.
But at the same time the feeling of him holding me close, smiling faintly while taking one last, shaky breath in, kissing me with his warm, soft lips was popping back to my memory.
All. The. Fucking. Time.
Even that morning, at the airport while walking next to Charles, the first thing was that I noticed his smile, as he giggled at a little girl, giving her a high-five.
God, he's even posing with kids now. That is so not fair.
I truly felt dizzy just by the sight. I felt my stomach make a somersault before our eyes met. He blinked, and within a second he looked at Charles and also at Daniela.
Yes, they are called our partners, Daniel.
I waved at him briefly, but didn't say hi, nor walked there. I gulped and continued my way outside following Charles, to search for our transport to the Ferrari hotel.
I met the rest of the team later that day, the first was Vicki, who ran to me, embracing me in a tight hug.
"He asked me!" she mumbled while hugging me. "Jake asked me to marry him!" She grinned like a fool, and I could only do the same.
"And what did you say?" I asked, but of course I already knew the answer.
"Yes. What else? Have you seen his abs?"
We both giggled like teenagers, and I felt truly happy for her.
We chatted a bit about their plans, Vicki saying they planned to have the wedding soon, maybe right after the summer break.
"We plan to have a nice little gathering with friends and family, nothing too fancy," she explained. I promised I'd be there and offered my help with the organistion if she needed that.
"Thank you so much, I'd take you on your word," she said and gave me another hug.
I heard a nervous little cough behind my back, and as I turned back I saw Daniel standing there, patiently waiting. I frowned, but Vicki was faster acting.
"I need to see if Max arrived," she mumbled, and was ready to leave me there. I silently begged for the Dutch to magically turn up, so this whole situation which was seriously threatening to happen can be avoided.
"He did, I just saw him in the cafeteria," Daniel said, pointing to the direction where he just came from.
Vicki murmured "thank goodness" and hurried away.
I gulped as we were left alone.
"Hi," he said quietly. It was the most simple greeting, but his one word had so much hidden behind it. His eyes were searching for mine, examining my features, as if looking for clues.
I felt a new wave of guilt flashing through me, flipping my stomach. I crossed my arms on my chest, and finally was able to say "Hi".
His expression changed slightly as he saw my uneased behaviour.
"Are you alright?"
I casted my eyes down, but nodded. Well, obviously it wasn't alright between us, but I didn't have the slightest idea if or how can we fix the situation without fucking this whole mess up for good.
"Hey," he spoke again after a heavy sigh and he stepped closer, raising his hand to reach for mine.
"Daniel!"
We heard the sobering shout from the end of the garage.
I saw Daniel directing the route of his hand to scratch his nape, and he turned to the source of the noise. It was my uncle who was desperately searching for his driver.
"Good god, you're here. Come, I'd like you to meet someone," Christian said in a bossy tone.
"Aye sir," Daniel nodded at him. "Just one sec!"
He turned back to me with an apologetic pout.
"Go, duty calls," I smiled somewhat disappointed.
We clearly needed to talk at some point about what happened.
But maybe the Red Bull garage wasn't the best place to clear things - or maybe it was.
Safely, guarded by the curious glances of our coworkers, we could surely avoid anything to happen again.
Because - well, because obviously that could never happen again. We were both in relationships, and just ignoring that fact was unacceptable.
Right?
God, I'm such a mess.
"Yeah," he grimaced. "Damn him."
I couldn't hold back my laughter. I giggled and looked him in the eye.
"Listen," he continued lowering his voice. "We should talk."
"Yes," I nodded again. "We should."
"I'll come back soon," he promised with an encouraging half-smile and jogged back to the garage.
I watched him disappear and decided to head back to my office to find whatever I could to take my mind off this impending talk.
Thanks to Dr. David Conrad, soon I forgot entirelly that such thing as my lovelife even exists.
"Hello David," I picked up my phone immediately as I saw that the FIA head doctor was calling.
"Hi dear," he answered. "It's so good you picked up." His voice sounded cheerful at first but then I felt something was off.
"So you're in Sochi already, right?" He asked.
"Yes."
"How lovely," he giggled nervously. "So, I have to admit I had the most unfortunate thing happen to me this morning. Just before my flight!" he sighed, and it had me quite nervous.
I really hoped nothing bad happened to him and he is just calling to reschedule our next training.
"So I've ridden my e-scooter and I fell," he jabbered. I gasped.
OK, maybe there was something wrong.
"Oh my god, please tell me you are in one piece!" I asked him, but there was a long silence on the other end that got me suspitious.
Well, if he was calling then he should be fine. At least I hoped so, from the bottom of my heart.
"Yes, I'm all right. But it appears that I've broken my arm," he said.
"God David!" I sighed, silently cursing those damn scooters. It wasn't enough that last weekend Toto Wolff almost hit me, but now more and more people used them around the track. I found them too fast, dangerous, and especially demasculinising. "Is it bad?"
"Well," he began. "I probably need some stitches and an operation. I'm just waiting for my friend, Patrick to return with the results."
"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry David," I groaned and my thoughts were already speeding to find a way to help my dear colleague somehow, but I stopped at the mention of the familiar name.
"Wait a second," I gasped. "Are you talking about Patrick Jost? The Patrick Jost, the head of Trauma Department at Northampton General?"
There was a happy chuckle at the other side of the line.
"Sure, and he sends his best wishes to you," David said.
"God, you should have told me earlier. I could have travelled back and put you to sleep for the operation," I grimaced, realising the missed opportunity. "I still have my contract."
"Oh no, no my dear Clara! Actually I didn't call you to feel sorry for me. I wanted to ask you something else to help with. You have to be my substitute for the last two races of the first half of the season," he said in a calm way like it's already a done deal.
I was the complete opposite, my head was buzzing and I felt like everything else became blurred.
I could only think about the huge responsibility and the possible catastrophic accidents that I need to deal with as a leader in case.
I couldn't say anything for a few seconds, totally overwhelmed with such thoughts.
"Clara," I've heard somewhere in the distance.
God, what if it's somebody I knew? What if….? I'd just die right there. I could not do anything useful.
There must be someone else for this.
"Clara," I have heard it again, and realised the line was still on.
"Yes?" I asked absentmindedly.
"You are going to do even better than I'd do it. I'm sure of that," he said. I felt my lips curve into a faint smile. It was nice of him to say that, even if it was a complete nonsense.
"Well, I have to go to lay under the scalpel," he said lightly, almost giggling. "And I also need to make some calls before that," he explained. "Jean will be in touch with you." He added and hung up.
I just stared out of my head and wondered how could I tear myself up with stupid kisses and love triangles if there was so much bigger problems in life. They seemed miniscule compared to the things I had to deal with instead of David. Starting immediately.
My afternood duties made sure of I was occupied. Jean Todt, FIA director called me ten minutes after I said goodbye to Dr. Conrad.
The Frenchman was nice and offered his help with everything, accepting it was a last second notice for me and surely needed some guidance.
We agreed to meet later that evening at the driver's meeting.
"So," my uncle started with a heavy sigh when I found him.
Actually he was talking with Max when I stepped to him, wearing an apologetic expression.
"Clara, looks like we have to stick with Lee for the upcoming weeks," he said while I saw Max listening and getting confused next to him.
"What?" He asked his boss. "Where are you going?" He turned to me.
"I'm not going anywhere," I smiled at him, but the kindness was not returned.
"She's going to be the FIA head doctor for the next month or so," Christian summed up the situation instead of me which I was actually grateful for, seeing Max's frown accompanied by a painful grimace.
"You can't let her go away all the fucking time Christian! Next time she joins Ferrari?! Or what?" He scoffed and left us alone with my uncle.
"Jesus, why is he so damn hard to manage?" He groaned. I smiled again watching the Dutch driver disappear in his room, slamming the door in the face of Jake who followed him with a pair of rubber bands.
"I feel like I didn't leave my kids at home, they are still running around here in the garage," he sighed. I smirked at the thought, Christian comparing his toddlers to Max and Daniel.
"He will get around, just let him cool down first."
I had my first obligation as David's substitute in a couple hours. In the afternoon I met the medical team, and checked the car and also the equipment.
It wasn't like we haven't met before, but the roles changed and as I had all the responsibility now I looked at that car in a different light.
"Thank you for helping us out again," Jean looked at me during the team principals' meeting.
As I looked around I saw serious eyes, vut also some encouraging nodding.
Damn, what am I doing here?
"Now, let's move on to the changes made on the track for this year, all based on last year's complaints" he continued.
"There was no complaints, Jean. Only observations on our side," Toto Wolff said in a dead calm voice. His face was eased, no emotions, and I had the feeling I was watching a shark patiently swimming around before it attacks and kills its prey with one simple move.
"So is this still horribly boring track?" Günther Steiner asked and it made all the room laugh.
I was listening, but it was mostly about tyre management problems and pit lane traffic questions, very little stuff concerning the safety of the drivers.
I almost got bored when the meeting was over.
"Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to finish up, and make some place for our drivers," Todt stood up and closed down the meeting.
"See you around Clara," my uncle squeezed my shoulder and hurried after Andreas Seidl to ask something.
Soon, the drivers filled the same room arriving after their bosses left. Pierre waved to me happily, just as Lando did as soon as he recognised me.
"Clara," Charles gasped as he saw me sitting in the room. "What are you doing here?"
"I have to substitute for David," I shrugged. He looked at me with disbelief as he took the seat next to me.
"I don't like this," he murmured. "You being in a car on the track."
I rolled my eyes.
"You don't start this please," I asked him. "Max is already enough, having a tantrum about it."
"As well as I'm proud not sharing much qualities with him, it looks like we have the same opinion about this," he said, and squeezed my hand. "Take care, OK?" He asked giving a kiss on my temple.
Max and Daniel arrived together, speaking to each other in a serious tone. The Australian was the first to recognise me. He sent us both a look, and I wasn't sure his eyes narrowed at the sight of Charles and me sitting together or it was just my mind making things up. He sat down in the front row, followed by Max, who only sent a death stare to Charles before doing so.
I felt he still resented me, so I decided to find him in the hotel that evening, to make it up for him.
"Welcome again gentlemen," Todt smiled.
"First of all I'd like you to know that Doctor Conrad was involved in an accident and while he is recovering, this promising bright doctor, Clara Horner will fill in his post. I guess you all already know her," he smirked.
"Well, some better than the others," Vettel said just loud enough for everyone to hear then he cleared his throat to hide his comment. There was a childish wave of laugh following.
"Sebastian, please," Todt sent him a look.
"It's for me. He is always after me." I heard Charles mumbling next to me.
Max' hand was raised high in the first row.
"Yes, Max?" Todt pointed to the young Dutch.
"Is it possible for the FIA to hire his own staff and not to steal from actual teams?"
The FIA director's eyes went wide after hearing him. Then, after a second the Frenchman looked at me.
"Doctor Horner, would you switch jobs?" He asked.
My heart missed a beat.
"No, no, no," Max protested in a terrified voice. "It doesn't work like that."
"I thought so. Well, then let's just skip this subject and let's talk about speed regulation in the pitlane, because I think it is still not clear for some of us," he continued.
I said goodbye to Charles, saying I'd probably spend the night at the hotel where the Red bull team and Max stayed. I even refused his offer to take me there, because I felt like hop into the office to check my medical bag once again before tomorrow.
I tried to remain calm, but every minute I had a new thing in mind, thinking about how could I deal with my new role better. Deep down I enjoyed feeling the pressure again, the thrill of the wait.
I don't say I'd hoped for a crash - but was happy that I would be the one to deal with that if it happened.
I sighed as I checked the laryngoscope blades once again, then counted the endotracheal tubes.
Everything was in order.
I nodded contently, zipped up the bag, and placed it on the table, ready to grab it tomorrow morning.
I was enthusiastic, but terribly frightened and freaked out at the same time.
"Hey," I heard from the doorway. I turned and saw Daniel standing there, leaning to the frame casually.
"Hi," I gulped.
I had no idea what was he still doin around here this late.
Alone.
"I saw uhm..," he mumbled. "...the lights on," he pointed to the lamp on the ceiling.
I blinked there, and then to him a couple of times. I swallowed hard before speaking.
"Yes, I just hopped in. Then I'm off to see Max," I hurried to explain what was I doing, so there was no awkward silence.
He nodded slowly.
"Yes, he told me about what happened," he said. "He is just afraid to let you get in danger," he smiled. "In fact, I feel the same," he added. He wasn't smiling anymore. I looked at him, and as much as I felt my stomach flip again just because the mere sight of him in my office, I had found a disturbing thought forming in my head.
"So if you too just came here to say that you don't want me to be in the medical car tomorrow, you may as well leave," I frowned.
I saw him smile again, and I couldn't decide if that already made me pissed off or not. He stepped into the office, leaving the doorway. He peeked outside before finally closing the door.
"I didn't," he shook his head, as he turned back to face me. "We agreed on to talk later, remember?"
I swallowed. Right, we did.
"Yes," was all I could say. He looked at me, as if he was waiting for me to say something more.
"So what do you think?" He asked casually while he stepped closer once again. "Of this?"
I blinked and looked up to him, trying to resist his gaze.
Well all I knew that we have been here before, and last time it didn't end so well.
"On second thought, I'm not sure if it's a good idea Daniel."
Ok, that was my fucking realist mind speaking. My poor heart was drenched in my chest, fluttering quietly as he looked me in the eye once more before lowering his gaze down, inspecting my lips. He reached out with his hand, tacking a strand of my hair behind my ear in the most gentle way.
"Well, we don't need to talk if you don't want to," he breathed, and the next second his lips were on mine.
It was like welcoming a long last part of me.
He didn't waste any time, he continued from where we finished last time - somewhere near the shores of Monaco. He slipped his arms around me, making sure I stayed close.
I knew we were making a mistake, forgetting everything else but the other and just made out there but I couldn't think of anything against it at that moment.
So I bit on his lip while let him make us step back together until my butt met the examination table. I sighed into his mouth, and felt his lips curve into a smile immediatley. He slid his hand slightly lower, and made sure I hop on the table securely.
He stepped between my tights, and leaned away to give me a look. His eyes were dark, darker than I've ever seen them before.
"Do you want to stop?" He asked, while he didn't really stop. His hands cupped my butt pulling me even closer. I felt his body pressed to me, and the warmth of him just by itself almost made me gasp.
He used the short pause to slip his hand under my FIA logoed shirt, and stopped at the hem of my bra.
"God, make me stop, Clara," he opened his eyes to look at me again. "Make me stop now, because from the next minute I won't be able to."
I took a deep breath because I already knew I won't be able to say the only responsible thing to say in this situation.
"Continue," I said almost inaudible. "Please, Daniel."
Now, I begged, as I reached up to dig my fingers into his brown hair. It was still damp - maybe he had a shower after his workout, it was Thursday and he always did cardio with Michael. Or.maybe it was an ice bath when - Fuck. He kissed me again, and this time he wasn't gentle. He got what he asked for, my permission and it felt like a dam burst to million pieces in him. His hands were everywhere, caressing my back, grabbing my breasts and stroking my tights.
I enjoyed every move of his, easing in his touch, completely shutting out my real world.
It felt so right being with him at that moment, in fact this was what only felt right after that stressful day. I felt my body become weightless under his touch while our kisses became more hungry.
I also wanted to take the opportunity to feel his long craved body. I caressed his shoulders, his pecs and stroke his abs.
I felt my head spinning as I opened my eyes to meet his once again.
He didn't say anything this time, but impatiently reached for his fly, also making his belt loose. Then, in the most natural way he did the same with mine.
I gasped, just before he captured my lips once more.
"You are amazing," he whispered.
Everything came so natural.
Every touch of his felt mindblowing, and I tried to concentrate hard on not to gasp at every move but I failed miserably.
He kissed my neck as he pulled me closer, pushing me flat on the table. He leaned forward over me, following my body, carefully covering it. He pulled down his jeans with one hand, and I shut my eyes, already imagining what sweetness would come next.
He should have fet the same way because I heard him groan in the curve of my neck as I automatically wrapped my legs around his waist.
"God, Clara," he whispered, still kissing the soft skin over my collarbone. "I wanted you so much. I had this in my mind for months."
He sighed and I did nothing to deny this desire from him.
"Mate? Are you still here fuckhead?"
I heard the not so distant words, but I was positive that Daniel wasn't able to hear his surroundings in that state. He was way too in to make his shaky hand wander up along my tight with the destination already in his mind.
"Danny Ric, I have your car key, so you're sleeping here unless…"
That was all, because the next second the door opened, and Michael stepped into my office, making us both jump up. Luckily we still had many clothes on, but the situation was so obvious, there was nothing left to deny.
The fact that my face felt to be on fire was nothing, compared to the feeling Michael must have been feeling.
He realised the situation, and all the blood were gone from his face at once.
"Holy fucking shit! I am so sorry guys," he muttered. "I am so sorry." He said once again, and he slipped out of the room, closing the door behind him.
Daniel groaned painfully. He leaned back his head to my forehead and looked me in the eye.
"Don't worry, I promise I'll kill him," he vowed. I couldn't hold back the chuckle that left my chest.
"It's OK," I said, sighing, trying to look away.
"Clara," he turned back my face to make me look at him. "It's not OK. In fact, that's the most unfortunate thing ever happened to me."
I saw the desperation in his eyes, and all the lust that wasn't able to escape through his kisses and touches.
"I…" he began after taking a few deep breaths. "I could take you home. Wherever you want to go," he said with some newly found calmness in his voice.
"All right, let's go," I nodded.
I soothed down my clothes, and got up from the table.
Daniel watched me quietly, while he walked me to his car. It was pitch dark, not a soul around except the security guards and some random mechanics minding their own businesses. For a moment I wondered where did Michael disappear so fast. He must have gotten himself a taxi, there were still some waiting at the exit.
We got in the car and there was a heavy silence for a few minutes.
There was much needed to say but we still chose to stay silent. I glanced at the screen to see it was half past nine. Good, so I could still go over to Max.
"Should we speak about what happened?" Daniel asked, struggling to keep his eyes on the road.
I sighed, because yes, we should.
We could. We will.
Just not now please?
He let me think, and waited for my answer patiently. After a few minutes, when we were getting closer to the hotel he reached out and put his hand on my tight.
"It will be alright," he said in a calm, reassuring tone.
He was surely speeding, but his firm touch and calm voice made me ease up in my seat, and didn't even care about the car or its speed. It was only me, and his soothing presence.
"So, are you going to wake up Max now?" He asked with a tiny smile.
"He is surely not sleeping yet," I answered.
"He never sleeps this early," I stated.
He nodded, and took the last turn to the hotel's parking lot.
When he had to switch to reverse he took his hand away from my leg, so I realised it was still there the whole way here.
I sighed again.
Jesus Daniel, why do you have to be so casual? Easy. Natural.
Essential.
"Come, I'll take you to his room," he said when he parked and came around to open the door on my side. I followed him to the elevator, and watched him press the top button.
Penthouse suites. I'd really never figured that out by myself. I rolled my eyes.
I leaned to the wall, and hoped he didn't want to break the silence with any words or actions. I got sick of the closed, suffocating atmosphere of these elevator rides.
"Come," he tilted his head in the direction of the door as we arrived to the top floor.
He stopped at a door, and he turned to face me. I somehow didn't expect to stop so soon, so I almost crashed into him. He stopped me with both hands, holding me firmly.
"Well, this is Max," he murmured, pointing to the door in front of us. Then he bit his lower lip, suppressing a smile.
"And I'm next door," he added with a deep exhale. "Which one do you want to go in?"
I had my breath trapped inside my chest. I looked in his brown eyes which were eagerly waiting for my answer. His lips curved into a snug smile, seeing my hesitation.
He started to lean in - again and I used all my willpower to resist him, as I said -
"It doesn't matter what I want, Daniel. We can't," I whispered. I placed my hand on his chest to feel his warmness once again, and kissed his cheek.
Then I walked to Max' door and knocked.
My Dutch friend opened the door with a surprised expression on his face, but let me step inside immediately. As he closed the door I peeked outside but didn't see Daniel.
"What do I owe the pleasure?" Max asked me as I positioned myself comfortably on his couch, and switched on his laptop to find Netflix. I still felt him still being a bit pissed, but I honestly hoped he'd ease up seeing I came to him spending some quality time together.
"Don't be a jerk please. You have no idea what I went through to get here," I mumbled, opening the comedy section.
Such a classic way not to deal with your emotions, Clara.
"Leclerc?" He asked with a lightning look.
"No, he's actually not like you think he is," I rolled my eyes. I had more than enough of their quarrels and I was desperate to get out of between those two.
"Well, I am the one who knows him from the age of 6," he wrinkled his nose.
I looked at him, already grinning.
"Max, considering the levels of our experiences with him, I don't want to get deeper here," I chuckled.
"Oh, fuck him," he scoffed. "Don't even remind me of that."
I watched the Dutch with an evil grin, then he decided to leave it and sat down on the couch next to me.
We were only ten minutes in the movie when the image of Daniel's lustful look jostled into my thoughts, found a cosy place there and stayed until I fell asleep.
Next morning I woke up to the sound of Max' alarm. I opened my eyes and remembered I fell asleep on the couch before the movie ended. I had the impression that Max did the same, I think I woke up in the middle of the night when he switched to lay on his bed.
I sent a text to Charles to say I'm arriving with Max to the track and we could meet there.
He insisted on seeing his girlfriend before the practices.
"Don't stress, you'll ace it," Max mumbled in the elevator, seeing me taking a shaky breath, just after I remembered what am I supposed to do today.
I felt the weight of the importance of the job pressing on my shoulders.
"Wow wow wow, wait!"
We heard the loud shriek as the doors started to close on us.
Max rolled his eyes while we pushed the opening button on the console.
"Thanks," Daniel and Michael hopped inside the small place.
"Hey buttheads," Max grinned and gave high fives to the guys.
"'Morning," I mumbled. It felt like they just noticed me, standing at the back.
I felt my cheeks getting hot, in fact the whole elevator felt like a furnace at once.
Is this some malfunction? God, we should report this immediately.
Michael literally started to sweat, I almost felt sorry for the poor lad. He sent me apologetic looks on the way - all day really. I could see him taking all the blame on himself, because of last night.
Well, nothing could be more inaccurate. We'd never supposed to be there - like that. In fact, I could thank him later.
The elevator door opened, and more people got in some wearing Alpha Tauri shirts. We had to take a step back to make room for them. I was still standing next to Max, but Daniel also got dangerously close to me. I felt a shiver running through my spine.
I felt Daniel take a deep breath and tried to look everywhere else but me.
Michael closed his eyes, leaning to the wall - he looked like he wished to be somewhere far, far away.
"Now what?" Max couldn't hold himself back longer than the elevator doors opened on the ground floor. "What the actual fuck was this?" He looked at me, then Daniel.
Michael practically ran away, already on the way to their car.
"Nothing," I hurried to say. My gaze just met Daniel's and I saw he thinks otherwise but we silently decided to say nothing in this matter.
"Sure," Max scoffed. "Just for your information, that," he pointed to the elevator at his back, "was the most awkward elevator ride in my life," he said. "Thanks for that," he added, looking at the both of us. He turned and continued his way to the parking lot.
I looked at Daniel again, and we followed the Dutch who was leading the way.
In the short distance, Daniel's arm grazed mine once, and when we parted ways he gently touched the small of my back.
"See you around," he said, looking for my gaze. I looked up, meeting his eyes.
"Sure," I mumbled and walked away.
"So," Max started again when we were in his car, on the way to the track. "Care to enlighten me?"
I rolled my eyes.
"Can't you just concentrate on your driving or something? Instead of seeing things into everything?" I asked.
There was a short silence, followed by an accusing look of his.
"Sure," he mumbled.
After we arrived, I changed to my overalls I supposed to wear while in the medical car. On my way to the FIA building I peeked in to the Ferrari garage to see Charles. He was warming up with Andrea, but they stopped for him to greet me.
"Hey," he smiled. I have to say his smile was almost as adorable as Daniel's.
Almost.
He was slightly sweaty but that didn't stop him and he hugged me and gave me a kiss.
"I missed you like crazy last night." He said. I smiled back at him.
"No more going out tonight," he mumbled, still hugging me. I frowned.
"But both of us have team dinners to attend," I reminded him.
"Merde," he cursed. "I forgot."
I chuckled, and said goodbye, agreeing on meeting in the afternoon when we were both finished here.
As shaking as I was before, the happier I jumped out of the medical car a few hours later.
There was no incident on track that required our assistance, and on the top of that, Red Bulls were incredibly fast. Charles finished on the fourth place, just behind Vettel.
When we arrived home I had to resist collapsing into the bed right away. It was late, I got only one hour until the team dinner. So instead of napping, I went into the bathroom and started to apply makeup on my tired face.
"You are beautiful without all those, you know right?" Charles walked in and stopped behind me, resting his hands on my waist. I smiled at him in the mirror, because that was a really nice thing to hear from your boyfriend.
My boyfriend. Is he still? I asked myself several times in the last days if it was still a functioning relationship or not. I still denied the things obviously happening even for myself and failed to acknowledge the fact that I was only playing with Charles, and no matter how attracted I was to him, his love for me remained unrequited.
While I was helplessly in love with Daniel Ricciardo.
It was hard to let go, because he was an amazing boyfriend, and with a little work on the relationship it could have been amazing. I still felt shivers as he leaned forward and planted loving kisses on the curve of my neck.
God, not entirely twenty four hours ago Daniel was doing the same. Right there.
See? I was helpless.
But it doesn't matter because I've got my own worthy punishment. Daniel was doing the exact same thing I was doing with Charles. Playing with his heart and emotions, enjoying the attention while loving someone else.
Fuck, I was thinking about Daniel while my boyfriend is kissing me. This has to stop. Immediately.
I threw down my mascara, turned around and kissed him on the lips as passionately as I could. I was surely driven by the pangs of consciousness and also by the anger because of my own weakness.
Charles didn't hesitate for one second, he grabbed me and pushed me to the wash basin to make me sit up there. I gasped, because it was exactly my position also yesterday.
Fuck that.
I kissed him again, before removing his shirt, and he opened my bathrobe.
"Let's stay here," I asked him between two kisses. "Let's not go to the dinners, please."
He groaned, and he kissed me again, as his hand slid to cup my breast. With his other hand he pulled me closer to his body.
In the end, Ferrari team had to have their team dinner without one of their pilots, as well as Red Bull had without their doctor.
I got the scolding from Max as soon as I arrived to the paddock on Saturday morning.
"Where have you been?" He watched me, waiting for my excuse I still haven't made up. "I had to spend all night with Daniel and Daniela."
I honestly was surprised that Daniel brought his girlfriend to the dinner. But on the other side I was the last person to have the right to say anything - as I was having some passionate sex at the same time.
"I had some things came up, sorry," I grimaced.
"Yeah, I guess who that was," he barked and walked over to his car. There was no need to get in yet, he obviously just wanted to end the conversation.
Luckily, Saturday was the same uneventful session as Friday. As a change, Charles came in to pole position, followed by Max and Vettel. Daniel spun in Q3, and lost his front wing. It wasn't a huge crash, only clipped the wall, but my stomach sunk in my pelvis as I heard mentioning his name on the radio.
"Car Nr.3 crashed. But there's no need of medical attendance," we heard the heavy russian accent over the radio.
Thank god.
I hurried back anyway to the Energy Station after the Qualification was over to see if everything was alright.
On the way I saw Charles giving an interview, and I didn't want to disturb him, so I just tried to slip away.
Anyway, he didn't think the same way because I heard him saying to the journalist -
"Wow, sorry, just one sec," and he reached for me to pull me next to him.
"Here, she is the main reason for my pole position," he grinned, and gave me a kiss.
I blushed, and couldn't even say anything. I was so embarrassed, I didn't even know if it was live or not.
"Hello Doctor Horner," the interviewer smiled at me, already happy about our lovelife pictured in their channel for the first time. "How are you? Happy about Charles' win I presume?"
I managed to flash a smile, and nod.
"Sure, he did an amazing job, again." That was all I could say and then I tried to slip away. "Have to go, just continue."
I exhaled long as I jogged away.
I returned to the Red Bull garage, and shortly I saw the fuming Max and the disappointed Daniel. They were chatting in the debrief room, and I thought it'd be better to let them process today.
It wasn't like I could help.
Later Charles took me home. He was eyeing me all way long.
"I feel amazing," he grinned when our gazes met. "You were amazing last night." He smirked and I felt a lump forming in my throat.
"Honestly I though we have problems, but after yesterday, I feel more sure than ever that you are the girl I was looking for."
I felt my lips curve to a weak smile, just a faint resemblance to his full face grin.
Next day, the race was a tough one. Just after the start a three car collision happened including Sainz, Stroll and Grosjean. Everone was fine, but the Safety Car had to lead five laps. It was a good news for Red bull, but not for Ferrari.
Max was furiously zigzagging behind Charles, staying so close I was afraid they'd crash in a turn.
Then, in lap 23 Bottas had a puncture and the race was suspended again.
Just two laps later, the promised rain arrived and caused a slip for Hamilton and Vettel too.
I felt my heart starting to race every damn time I've heard on the radio that there was an incident.
I eased up after there was nothing, even twenty lap later. I blinked at my phone with dreamy eyes, when the radio scattered again.
"Incident in turn 5. Car Nr. 3."
God. No. Not again.
Our driver pushed the accelerator in that moment the message was over, and in no time we were out in the track. All I could hear was my own hearbeat, it was like a constant warning siren, roaming at 140 bpm in my ears.
I watched the way we went with wide eyes, saw the cars letting us go by, slowing down.
We took over the Safety Car then braked long at the scene.
My eyes were sticked to the Red bull car - well, at least what remained of it. The wreck was laying upside down, half hanging on the tyre wall. At least half a dozen of marshalls were already there, working on to turn the car back.
I ran there, while I heard the noises of the passing cars.
God, please tell me Daniel is OK.
As soon as they managed to turn the car I was there, kneeling next to him. I put my hand on his helmet, and shouted desperately.
"Daniel! Daniel, do you hear me?"
It was enough as he raised his hand and opened his visor.
"Sure, I'm a tough cookie," he said.
I felt a stone fall off my chest, as I patted his shoulder.
I helped him get out of the wreckage with the help of the marshals. As he walked away the car I saw him limp.
"Is your leg hurt?" I asked.
"Yeah, just a bit," he winced.
"Then you are coming with us," I grabbed his arm and directed him to the medical car.
We got in to the FIA centre, and I examined his leg.
I was relievet that he was in one piece, but it wasn't enough, I had to be sure his leg is OK.
After I made sure it was just a simple bruise to his knee, I closed my eyes and exhaled long.
"Fuck, Daniel," it was all I could say. I was stressed out, I still felt my heart pacing in an unhealthy rythm. I had to steady myself, reaching for the back of a chair. I suddenly felt hot, I struggled to get out of my grey suit.
"Fuck," I cursed as my shoulder stucked in the overall.
"Hey, it's all right," he said, sliding his hand under the suit and helped me to remove it. "I'm fine."
"Yes," I nodded as I tried to plant this thought in my head. "I see that."
He reached for the sleeves and tied it on my waist with a snug smile.
"There," he said and from the knotted sleeves his hands slipped to my waist, pulling me to a hug. I eased into his arms, rested my hand on his chest and let him hold me for a minute.
He caressed my back, until one of his hand slipped into my hair.
"I'm here," he mumbled over my head. "I'll always be here," he planted a soft kiss on my hair.
Then we heard a knock on the door and Christian stepped in with Jean Todt. I stepped away from Daniel, which felt like a terrible mistake.
Followed by Daniela. God, I almost forgot about her. Almost.
"Thank god, Daniel," she squeeked and throw herself at the Australian. "You are alive! We thought the worst. The worst! I had such a bad feeling. Told you in the morning! Didn't I?" She turned to my uncle and the FIA director.
"I have these feelings, and they are always turn out to be right! Remember, honey, last time…" she must have continued to talk, but my ears refused to listen to that frequency she spoke on.
"Everything all right?" Christian asked with much concern in his voice. I nodded, still watching the pair.
We started to chat about the incident, then my uncle told us the end results - Max wasn't able to take over Charles, so the Monégasque won, with Vettel at the third place.
When it was time to leave, Daniela insisted on accompanying Daniel. Wrll, it wasn't preventing him from striking my arm, and murmuring me a "Thank you," before leaving. At last, I managed to nod, watched the pair walk out, then I fell in my chair.
Fuck you Daniel.
Just, fuck everything.
I sighed, after as I was sitting there for half an hour. I changed and decided to head home. To be more precise, I was heading home to change again, wear a lipstick and join the partying crowd.
Russian vodka, here I come.
I didn't even wait for Charles, called him on the way and he was exceptionally understanding. He told me he had interviews to give so we agreed on meeting at the club.
I messaged Vicki and invited her to come over, so we could spend some time talking.
"Hi," as soon as Vicki stepped inside, she saw something was off.
She sat next to me, and I didn't say anything, I just hugged her tight.
"I know you probably don't want to talk about that," she looked at me. "So I will do the only thing a supportive friend could help you with," she grinned. "I drink with you," she reached for the other glass on the table waiting for her.
After another hour we left to join the rest of the Red Bull team. I was honestly surprised by the warm hugs and congratulations by the team members I barely knew.
"You aced it today," some mechanic patted my shoulder.
"Yes, it rocked to see our doctor helping Dan," his mate added proudly.
I assured them about that being just formalities and their driver was being in the best health condition.
"Yeah, we saw him, already dancing with Ms. Romani," he winked.
I felt a sudden wave of nausea hit me, so I turned and told Vicki that I was heading to the toilet.
I didn't take more than a few steps when I was stopped by Kimi and Sebastian. I saw Raikönnen being very drunk, Vettel was probably there just supporting him.
"Hey," the Finn gave me a side hug, which was very weird.
Yes, obviously drunk as hell.
"Hi," I greeted them. Seb sent me an apologetic look, and sipped from his beer.
"I saw you today," Kimi continued. "And I'm sure you need this," he raised his hand with half a bottle of vodka.
"Well, I had better days," I scoffed. Kimi looked at me like he knew he was always right, and gestured me to drink.
And who I was to say no to the Iceman's invitation?
"Hey, you should know that we like you," he muttered in my ear. "You are cool." He said and took the bottle out of my hand. "You just don't let yourself down on this fucking bullshit around here. Or anything, really."
"Well, it's easier to be said than done," I grimaced.
"Clara, look at me," he pointed to himself and grinned.
Yes, if somebody could say such a thing, then it was him. I nodded smiling, and thanked them the drink.
"Anytime," the Finn winked and let me go.
I reached the toilet when I realised I was fine. I sighed as I checked myself in the mirror then I stepped out.
Surprisingly, I found Daniel waiting at the hallway.
I guess he was waiting for his girlfriend.
I gave him a look, and wanted to walk away without saying anything.
"Clara, wait!"
I stopped and turned back. I even managed to fake a smile.
"Yes?" I asked. He looked at me surprised.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
I crossed my arms over my chest and exhaled long, looking away. I already enjoyed the moment Daniela leaves the toilet, seeing me talking with Daniel.
I grimaced, and looked back at him.
"You know we have to stop it whatever is this before more people get hurt, we already caused so much trouble," I said and hurried to leave before his girlfried finishes.
I hurried away, to join the partying team, maybe to find Max.
He was at the bar, talking with Lando.
"Clara," he grabbed my arm as soon as he saw me. "Where the heck you've been? I was searching for you. Called you like a hundred times!" His voice was upset.
"Why?" I asked, leaning closer to hear him.
"Wait, it's better if we go somewhere more quiet," he said.
We walked over to a more quiet corner, and he turned to me.
"It was Leclerc who leaked your relationship," he said with a straight face. I thought I've heard him wrong.
"What?" I asked back.
"It was him, who told all the things to Daniela," he continued. "I am sorry."
I was watching him and waited for his serious expression to break, bursting out in a cruel laugh. But he was watching me with his look unchanged.
"Why are you saying this?" I asked. "How would you know?"
He took a deep breath and cleared his throat.
"I have my sources," he said but I looked at him like he forgot all his shady phrases.
"Okay," he grimaced. "Federica told me. She heard it from Daniela herself," he grimaced again.
"He wouldn't do such a thing," I said, staring in front of me. I felt like my insides froze and I couldn't even take a deep breath. I was just standing there.
"He wouldn't have done that. He loves me," I muttered.
Max stepped closer to me and put his hand on my back.
"Maybe he did it exactly because of that," he said after a while. "Hey, people do stupid things all the time," he continued. "Especially in the name of love," he said. I looked at him, and saw he was watching the crowd. I took out Daniel and Daniela returning to the dance floor. The Australian's eyes just caught us, and he was watching, surely being curious about the two of us talking like this.
"Could you take me home?" I asked, looking back at the Dutch. I felt the bitterness rising inside me, and I was afraid if that reaches my eyes the dam will burst and then I couldn't stop crying.
"Sure," he nodded, and turned me immediately in the direction of the exit.
I only hoped to avoid seeing Charles there. I couldn't stand the thought of seeing him at that moment, not to talk to him.
Sitting in the car all I could think about how tired I was, how exhausted.
After a while I frowned at Max.
"How is that you drive? Didn't you drink?" I asked.
He looked at me with a sad smile.
"Well, first I wanted to talk to you with a clear head, but I couldn't find you anywhere. I decided to wait if you needed a drive home, so I could take you then," he shrugged.
I watched him and felt my eyes swell with tears. And when I started to cry I really couldn't stop for long hours.