The first thing that he saw when Wang So opened his eyes that morning was the face of his beloved, Hae Soo. The shallow and steady breath of Hae Soo could be heard amidst the silent bedroom that morning. It was the most beautiful sound Wang So could ever hope to be greeted when he just awoke from his slumber.
How long had he dreamt that this thing would happen?
How long had he endured to be awake and found that he was alone?
How long had he longed for this moment?
His right arm was rather asleep because of the sleeping position he was in at the moment. For the entire night, he was sleeping while hugging Hae Soo till morning. But it was also proof that all of the things that happened right now weren't just his imagination. The pain was worthy.
He pulled Hae Soo closer and practically glued her to his body. The warmth of Hae Soo's body... The sweet fragrance that came from her body... The steady rhythm of Hae Soo's breathe... Wang So could never ask for more and hoped that this could be the first thing that would always greet him when he woke every morning.
Wang So's heart was slowly filled with blissful feelings that he hadn't felt for a very long time.
"Pyeha..." Wang So heard Hae Soo's muffled voice. "Could you loosen the hug a bit? You're hugging a bit too tight. I can't breathe."
Wang So loosened his tight and pulled Hae Soo to see her properly. Her eyes were fluttering before she opened and stared directly at Wang So. "Morning."
"Morning," said Wang So softly and he leaned to kiss Hae Soo's lips softly. "How was your sleep?"
"It's the most restful sleep I've ever had for many months." A small smile adorned Hae Soo's face. "I even dreamt about you, me, and Seol going to the lake that we used to go to, the one that was your hiding place before. We also had once rowed on the boat there. Do you remember?"
"Yeah, I remember," replied Wang So. "Do you want to go there again? I'll take you and Seol there if that's what you wish for."
"If only I could go-"
"You can."
"I-"
"Don't argue."
They both stared at each other in silence, neither wanting to yield. Hae Soo turned her body and looked to the other side. A moment passed before Wang So broke the silence. "Soo..."
Hae Soo sighed. "We had this talk yesterday. And I wanted to believe that you have fully understood the situation."
"Soo... can we not talk about this thing in the morning?" implored Wang So while placing his free hand on Hae Soo's shoulder.
"Pyeha... can I ask you one question? And please be honest with me."
"What?"
"What will you do after I die?"
Hae Soo's question had completely caught Wang So off guard. What would he do after she... died? He was still struggling to accept the fact that Hae Soo would go at any moment. How could he even think of something that was beyond that?
Wang So didn't answer Hae Soo's question. The answer he could only give was silence. Hae Soo waited patiently while she could also feel the inner struggle within his beloved from his grip on her shoulder that was tightening slowly as time went by. She reached Wang So's hand on her shoulder and squeezed it before she turned back to face him. She caressed his cheek with her thumb, tried to soothe the struggle that she knew was choking him up.
"Just promise me one thing then."
"...What?"
"Don't blame anyone for this. Including Jung... and yourself," said Hae Soo, softly. "Whatever you will do after I die, I just want you to not ever be angry or holding a grudge. This is my fate. Even though it's unfair, that's what life does to everyone. You have enough burden already. And I know my departure will be another burden to add to your mind. So, please, I-"
Before Hae Soo could finish her monologue, Wang So cut it by pulling Hae Soo to his embrace and kissed Hae Soo. The pecking on the lips immediately turned into a full-blown passionate kiss, heated by the suppressed desire. Hearing Hae Soo referred to herself as his burden had triggered something inside Wang So. He didn't hold back this time and Hae Soo also let him take over. Seol was moved into another room the night before, which was exactly next to their own. They were alone in that room and for the first time since the separation, they delved into each other once again.
Wang So loosened his clothes and opened Hae Soo's. His hands tenderly worshipped every curve of Hae Soo's body. Yes, she has become so tiny and frail. Her plum and healthy body had gone, replaced by a sickly and thin one. But this body still belonged to his beloved. The only woman that would ever own his body and heart. No matter what she had become, Hae Soo was still Hae Soo. He would love every part of her, in and out.
Hae Soo knew that she was not as attractive as she was before. Not to mention her sickly body, the pregnancy also had left its mark on her body. The stretch mark that was visible on her stomach was one of them and she was aware of it. But when Wang So saw that mark and then kissed it with each loving kiss, her tears were rolling down unconsciously and she let out a little sobbing. When Wang So heard the sobbing, he moved to her face and kissed each of her eyes lovingly. Then they continued to devour each other's lips without pausing at any moment.
"You are not a burden," Wang So said after he thoroughly kissed Hae Soo's lips. "Never will you ever become my burden. Not now, not even after... you've gone." The lump in his throat was hard to swallow but he managed to say the word he wanted to convey. "Your request is something that is very hard to do. Without you by my side... how could I go on and not blaming this condemned world?"
"That's why I told you not to blame this situation on anything or anyone. It will only gnaw on your feelings and will be eating inside your body slowly. I don't tell you to let go, I won't ever be gone from you forever. I'm right here, inside here." Hae Soo placed her hand on Wang So's chest. "Maybe not physically. But my soul will always be with you. Pyeha... you have to learn to accept it. Acceptance is the only way for you to keep going on in your life."
"I... can't," Wang So said hoarsely.
"You can't do it now. But I have confidence that you can do it later in the future."
"You put too much confidence on me. I'm not strong, Soo. If not because of you, how could I manage through all those that happened before in the palace? Between me and my parents. And my brothers. It's because you were beside me that I am here now."
"Don't you realize that you've grown and become someone that many people could depend on? You are a king. You are the ruler of your people. You have done something that people never thought you could do. Moreover, you are the man that I choose to reside in my heart. The man that is the father of my child. I have put my trust and confidence in you, so you better not betray it by saying that you can't do it."
"I'm not that strong." Wang So emphasized the word once again.
"I didn't say that you are. But I know, you are a person that can pull through every difficult situation. You can, and you will. Including... my departure."
Wang So didn't say another word after that and just pulled Hae Soo into his embrace. The morning passed by with both of them trying to come back from their dream world into reality. A harsh, unforgiving, and brutal reality called life.
---
In the afternoon, Wang So and Hae Soo were sitting at one of the pavilions in the mansion. Apparently, Jung had invited the best musician from Songak long before Wang So and Baek-ah came. He wanted to cheer Hae Soo up because the man that she waited for hadn't appeared yet, not until yesterday. He thought that he could offer a bit of comfort by letting her listen to good music. He knew that Hae Soo loved music.
In the beginning, Wang So didn't agree with Hae Soo getting up and went outside of the room. The weather was quite chilly at that time and Hae Soo was not in any condition to go out in this kind of weather. But when Hae Soo heard Jung tell them that the musician was from Songak, she agreed. They had come from afar place and she didn't have a heart to just tell them to go.
"Soo."
"It's okay, Pyeha." Hae Soo reassured Wang So. "Besides, I've been confined inside for too long already. It's not a bad idea to go outside once in a while. And I do love to listen to music."
Wang So was not happy with Hae Soo's decision, nevertheless, he still complied with Hae Soo and accompanied her.
The lovers were left alone with the musician, sitting side by side. Hae Soo was bundled with a thick blanket. Wang So had made sure that she was warmed enough to sit in the chilly weather. They had just eaten lunch and played with Seol a bit. Listening to good music was a perfect way to enjoy the time that they had together.
The musician bowed to them and asked if there were any particular song they wanted them to play.
"Do you have any particular song that you want to hear?" Wang So asked Hae Soo. But the latter just shook her head no. Then he said to the musician, "Just play a song that you're best at."
"I understand," said the singer. "There's once a court lady that the king fell in love with. And many said that this was the song that made the king fall in love with her."
Wang So and Hae Soo brows raised a bit of what the singer had said.
"The king?" said Wang So curiously, while he tried to wrack his brain of what song this singer had referred to.
One particular memory resurfaced inside Hae Soo's mind and she smiled at that memory. "I would like to hear the song."
The singer bowed once again before the musician played the tune that Wang So and Hae Soo were familiar with. It was the song that she sang at Wang Eun's birthday once several years ago. How did the song spread until people from the outside castle knew, was something they wouldn't even comprehend. Still, listening to the song brought a nostalgic memory to them. A vivid scene played out in their mind about how that event happened at that time.
Hae Soo leaned on Wang So's shoulder while listening to the music. Wang So circled his hand to embrace Hae Soo.
"What a nostalgic song," said Hae Soo.
"It is." Wang So agreed.
"Does this song really has made you fall for me?"
"Maybe. Maybe not."
"Oh? Why is that?"
"I can't pinpoint when exactly I've fallen for you. When I realized, I just knew my mind was full of you already."
Hae Soo chuckled a bit and they continued to listen to the music. Just then, Hae Soo felt that her eyelids were getting heavier and heavier. Not only that, but she could also feel that the beating of her heart had become fainter.
Her time was up.
"Pyeha."
"Yeah?"
"I know that my request to you in the morning is quite a tall order. No matter what, the guilty feeling of us can't be together... Even now I still blame myself that I have to leave you first. So, it's really selfish of me to ask you not to do the things that I also can't do myself."
"Soo, don't talk about that right now. Just enjoy the music."
Hae Soo shook her head. "I have to. Because... I have to go."
For a second, Wang So's heart had stopped beating. "Soo... What do you mean?"
"Pyeha, please... do one thing for me." Hae Soo looked up to directly see Wang So's eyes. "Please... protect our daughter. I... I don't want Seol to go to the palace. She isn't... someone that would fit inside the palace. Please, don't turn... our daughter into someone like me. Don't let the harshness inside the palace... taint our daughter."
Wang So knew if Seol came to live inside the palace, the innocence of his daughter would quickly disappear as the times went by. He was the living proof of what the palace could do to an innocent child. Even though it meant that he couldn't be near his daughter, he would prefer that Seol have a life that was free from the things that made him and Hae Soo suffer through their life.
"You have my word," replied Wang So.
"Thank... you." Hae Soo gave Wang So smiled and returned to rest her head on his shoulder. "I'm getting... sleepier. My eyelids are so heavy..."
"Don't sleep yet. Talk to me more," Wang So urged Hae So to be awake. "I remember. This song is really one of the things that make me fall for you."
"You remember now?" Hae Soo smiled faintly. "You know, there are so many things that I... want to forget. Of our situation... of our fate... of leaving you behind... of my departure..."
"You're not going anywhere, Soo." Wang So tightened his grip. His voice was trembling and almost choked up from the emotion inside.
"Maybe it'll be better if I forget it all... Because I don't want to remember all of these painful things, the next I woke up from my sleep." Hae Soo couldn't hold the sleepiness any longer. "Thank you for coming, Pyeha."
"Don't... don't say any word, Soo. Just listen to the music."
"Hmm..." replied Hae Soo.
Her breathing was getting fainter and it's time for her to say goodbye. But she didn't want to. No. Yet, she did want to say something more to her beloved. She didn't want her time to end yet. She wanted more... and more... and more...
"Friend... oh friend... Thank you for being the way you are..."
While saying the last verse of the song she had sung before, Hae Soo breathed her last breath.
...
The moment Hae Soo stopped her breathing, Wang So's heart also stopped for a second. Then, he slowly turned to look at her face... And a tear rolled down.
A tear followed by another. And another.
The tears were streaming down, fast; falling into Hae Soo's face.
She looked like she was sleeping, so serene and free from the pain.
"Are you so sleepy that you can't hold your sleep?" Wang So caressed Hae Soo's face, his hand was shaking. "Sleep then, my beloved."
Wang So hugged the lifeless body of Hae Soo. He rocked Hae Soo's body back and forth as if lulling her to sleep.
"Soo... Hae Soo..."
With one scream, he released his grievances to the world.
"HAE SOO!!"