A/N
Sunday aaya update laaya!
Here's the next chapter, I hope you all will enjoy it.
Happy reading!
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Swayam's POV
I took deep breaths in and out to calm myself down. Now sitting in front of the holy fire and performing the rituals before the bride arrived felt really nostalgic. I had already done this before too and now I really pray this time it is for forever. It made me more nervous thinking of my Sharon. I really hope she doesn't get an attack here or experience any discomfort. Though the doctor has said that the medicines are of high dosage, I am still worried for her.
I haven't heard from her since morning atleast through a message and that makes my mind even more tensed. Even yesterday she seemed disturbed while we were leaving and wanted to say something but she couldn't. She didn't even reply to my message this evening that I had sent her when we left our house. I really hope she will be fine throughout the ceremony. I was brought out of my trance with the voice of the priest requesting the bride's presence and my heartbeat quickened. The time is finally here where I am marrying the same person once again.
I looked at Sid, expecting him to bring her down but he didn't make any movement to go get her. I observed carefully and he looked really tensed. After aunty put her hand on his shoulder, he seemed to come out of some thought and quickly nodded, leaving to bring her to the mandap. I frowned and looked at Rey to see him equally worried and I racked my brain for any possible problem in this event that may arise, I had come through. I got none but what are both of them so tensed of? Even Kriya seemed visibly lost but nonetheless they took part into everything with a smile. Thinking I might be overthinking, I just shrugged off the thought and shifted my gaze to the stairs from where my girl would walk in.
My breath was caught at the very sight of her. She looked like an angel walking down from paradise. My choice definitely suited her and the glow was visible on her face too. Everything brought me a feeling of deja vu. My mind took me back to the flashes of my Sharon walking down to the mandap for the very first time. It's just that now she doesn't remember it at all. I felt my eyes becoming teary and I quickly wiped the corner of it, without anyone noticing it.
She took her sweet time to walk upto me and I was already standing with the flower garland. The whole way she had her eyes casted down but even now she didn't raise her eyes to look at me. Her mom handed her the garland and she finally raised her eyes but still didn't make a eye contact. Maybe she is nervous or even her headache might have kicked in with the familiarity of her past events.
Just as she lifted her hands to put the garland around me, I decided to play a little to lighten the atmosphere for her and I leaned back. She scoffed a little and tried again while I made her miss it again making everyone else around us laugh. She then stopped trying and stood holding it tightly. She looked down again and I could see her controlling something so much with the clenching of her jaw. I immediately bowed in front of her earning everyone's hoots and awes. She slid the garland over my turban and I did the same with her too.
Our eyes connected for once and I could see a strange flicker in her eyes and she quickly averted it. Her eyes looked so guarded. Is she having the flashbacks before attack again? I am not able to figure out, what would have happened to her so suddenly? One after the other, we performed all the rituals but she looked a bit pale now I could see her so close by but she kept her smile intact all the time, making no one else doubt on her.
Soon the priest said us to walk circles around the holy fire. I stood up and gave her my hand for support but instead, she got up on her own making me frown. I brushed all the unwanted thoughts off and we completed the ritual. Then we were asked to sit down and I was asked to tie the nuptial chain around her neck. That's when I noticed she had removed my gifted chain around her neck. Now the matter is starting to bother me but I still smiled and filled the partition of her hair with vermillion too.
After a few minutes, we both were declared husband and wife once again for me which brought a huge smile on my face. She is mine now. She is going nowhere. I promise you Pia, to bring the Sharon back in you and love you unconditionally forever. My vision became blurry and I blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall. I looked at Pia to see her already looking up at me which made my smile grow wider. She frowned, probably seeing the moisture in my eyes and I blinked at her assuring her that I am fine. She gave me a small smile and shifted her gaze to everyone else.
We stood up together this time and took everyone's blessings. Mom and dad were happy and contented seeing us. I could see it in their eyes. Mom hugged Pia for a little more time than she did to me making me a little jealous but nonetheless, it made me smile at their already lovely bond. I felt dad's pat on my back bringing me out of my trance and saw him giving me a genuine proud smile. I know he is very emotional at this moment, I can sense it and I hugged him again, tightly this time.
After talking to, taking blessings from and greeting everyone else, we spent a good amount of time laughing among our gang too. She seemed off the whole time but I guess it's because of the time that's arriving. It was time for the Bidai and I hated this. Last time I had to go through this, it wasn't hurting that much because Sharon didn't had an immediate family and she wasn't attached to others so much but now Pia is very much attached to everyone here.
Pia hugged her mom for the longest, just holding her and sobbing quietly. I looked away not able to bear that sight. After sometime, when I realised she will not leave her anytime soon, I went and stood beside her. As if sensing my presence, both let go of each other. Mom turned to me.
"Before you say the same cliche dialogue, I promise that I won't let her cry ever again and I will do my best to keep her happy always" I promised just as she opened her mouth to say something. She smiled lovingly at me too, through her tears and Pia turned to her dad. After hugging him for her heart's content, she let go.
Now next in line was Sid and I am afraid now at her breakdown because he is the closest to her. To my surprise, she just hugged him briefly, though I could see Sid fighting his tears. She was pulling out surprisingly after just a few seconds but Sid held her more tightly and didn't let go. I found it very strange of her to behave like that. Sid finally let her go and I could see her guard up again.
"Take care sweetheart, I love you too" he mumbled to her with brotherly affection and she reacted with just a smile which looked more made up. I let it go, not wanting to push this now, especially when she is vulnerable.
I heaved a huge sigh of relief finally sitting into the car. Thank god everything went right and she didn't get any attack. I turned to her sitting beside me and continuously wiping her tears. I wanted to talk, to ask so much about her behaviour today but something about the situation or maybe her body language said me not to poke her now. I just took her one hand in mine and interlaced her fingers with mine. She looked out of the window, seeing the passing buildings and traffic and I let her be herself for now.
I lightly patted her shoulder when our car pulled in our driveway. She had fallen asleep with head resting against the window and I smiled looking at her form. She's so beautiful, so serene. She must have been so tired with the all the rituals all day. She jerked out of her sleep by my touch and looked around. As if the environment dawned upon her, she quickly fixed her appearance and I got down from my side.
I walked towards her side of the car to open the door but before I could reach for the handle, she opened it on her own and got down too. What is up with this behaviour of hers? Shaking the thought off, we both walked towards the entrance of the mansion where mom along with Taani and dad, my brother in law and all the close relatives were standing behind them. Mom had held the pooja plate and everyone had wide spread smiles on their faces.
Once we reached in front of them, mom did the ritual of griha pravesh of the new bride and we sat down for the other fun activities after the marriage. The atmosphere was so happy and full of laughs and teases. Not doing it a long ritual since everyone were tired already, we just played the ring finding game. Ofcourse she found the ring but I couldn't stop the wide smile on my face.
I looked at her admiringly but she seemed to be not so happy and plastering up a fake smile. It made me frown but I quickly covered it up and looked over for Taani and when I found standing her beside mom, I gestured her with my eyes towards Pia. I wanted her to make Pia comfortable and she looked even tired. She understood that and took her to my room, oops! Our room now.
I was held back by mom and dad and everyone else were dispersing. Even Rey had bid bye and it bugged me that he hadn't talked to me today properly. I wonder what bothered him so much! I was brought back from my thoughts with a hand on my shoulder and I turned to look at my mom, who was standing behind me.
"I am so happy for you Swayu!" mom whispered with unshed happy tears in her eyes and hugged me soothingly, taking away all my tiredness and worries. I hugged her back even more tighter. Dad patted my back lovingly and I could see him feeling happy through his eyes itself.
"How dare you guys have a family moment without me?" Came an accusing voice of Taani which made me chuckle and I let go of mom. I turned to her and opened my arms for her and she ran into it happily. We stayed hugging each other for a moment and she pulled out later.
"So happy for you bhai. Finally! You got your love back!" She said sniffing.
"Yes and no. I got my love back, but not completely yet. I will be happy the day she will get her memory back. I really hope it comes soon." I replied and smiled faintly at her.
"Ofcourse it will! You have suffered enough and it's time for a happy phase of life now." She said but something about the statement didn't sit well with me. I don't know if happy phase is to roll in or the actual struggle is starting now. The hidden sadness on Pia's face didn't go unnoticed by me and it formed an unsettling feeling inside me.
"And we all had yearned for this goofy smile of yours from years and saw you actually happy today, after so many ages! We love you bhai. Be happy..." She said getting emotional again and I held her hand in mine.
"I will." I assured her and suddenly felt a pull on my pants. I looked down to see little Alia rubbing her eyes with one hand and pouting cutely at me. Her hair looks disheveled and I guess she just woke up from her small nap. Taani bent down and scooped her up in her arms and I smiled at her widely.
"Did my princess enjoy today?" I asked her pinching her cheek lightly to which her sleep seemed to fly away and her eyes grew wide in excitement.
"Yes! It was so happy happy and fun!" She said clasping her hands to which I leaned in and kissed her forehead.
"Okay enough of this now. Swayam, go up, Sharon might be waiting for you." mom said in a teasing tone and I looked at my watch, ignoring her tease.
"Even I will sleep with Swayu uncle!" Alia squealed suddenly, just as I was moving from there. I just halted before stepping on the first step but didn't turn around, knowing they will definitely tease me to death!
"No baby, you can't sleep with him today." I heard Taani saying her.
"But why?" Alia whined.
"Because he is married now! Even aunty will be there with him right? You will not have space to sleep." Taani explained but I could sense the suppressed laugh in her voice. I shook my head and resumed walking upstairs and I heard few laughs and talks fading away as I neared my room.
I smiled recalling the same thing that had happened years ago. I was in the same situation, walking towards the room where my newly wed wife was waiting for me. I could feel my cheeks heat up when I remembered how we had consummated our marriage the very day itself. I shook my head again and the thought of how I will have to deal with things slowly and patiently this time with Pia took over.
I held the knob and pushed open the door, entering my own room. I could feel my nervousness jump in suddenly. I walked further to notice that Pia had already removed all her jewellery and dupatta and was standing by her suitcase kept on the bed, in just her blouse and lehenga, her back facing me. She was shuffling something inside and I immediately looked away. Come on Swayam! You will have to talk to her. Just as I turned to her, she took some clothes in her hand and disappeared into the walk-in closet.
I sat on the couch and sighed deeply, running a hand through my hairs. What happened to her suddenly? Did the treatment I got just now is her cold shoulder to me or she really didn't notice my presence in the room? I need to talk to her, as soon as possible! I got up and walked upto the bed, sitting at the edge of it, facing the closet door. I couldn't stop my legs from bobbing up and down in nervousness.
I heard the click of the door and looked up at her opening the door. She looked at me and her hand froze. Our eyes connected and I could see the slight redness in her eyes. Is she crying? Before I could read further, she quickly broke the eye-lock and stepped out, shutting the door with a bang. Is she angry on me? But why?
I got up seeing her approaching me but she walked past me towards her suitcase and zipped it shut. She went to lift it, but she was using all her strength because it was heavy obviously. I walked upto her and easily kept the suitcase down, even though she did struggle to push my hands off. I took it inside the closet and kept in there. I want to talk to her now, at any cost.
"Pia, I want to talk to you." I said as soon as I walked out of the closet and saw her making the already made bed ready to sleep. There weren't any decorations in my room today because I had requested to not to. She would definitely feel stressed by it and we are not even at that level of relationship right now.
"Pia?" I called out again. I saw a brief pause in her actions before adjusting the duvet more furiously. What is wrong with her?
"Pia what is wrong?" I asked a little louder this time to which she straightened but didn't turn to my side.
"Look I can figure out by now that something definitely happened. Tell me what it is? Are you feeling the attack building up again? Are you okay? Are you feeling uncomfortable? Is your health fine? Do you-" I was continuously asking but I was cut off by her yelling.
"Stop it! Just stop it!" She yelled turning to me and shooting daggers at me. Her eyes were red and completely filled with anger and hurt. Did I say something wrong? What did I do to hurt her? I quickly walked closer to her and stood at a decent distance, seeing her taking a step back. Okay, I will need to deal with this calmly.
"Pia? Please tell me what happened." I request this time, raising my hand to cup her face but she shooed my hand down with hers. I frowned seeing a whole another emotion flicker in her eyes. A slow sarcastic chuckle left her lips and she took a step closer.
"Stop faking your care Swayam!" She said through gritted teeth making my frown grow deeper.
"I am not faking anything! Tell me what is wrong?" I asked her again, trying to maintain my calm. Anger shot through my nerves when she called my love and care as fake.
"Then you will even say that the sentence 'this is your second marriage' is untrue?" She asked back, her eyes spitting fire.
"My... My what?" I asked her back, unsure if I have heard it right. How the fuck did she got to know this?
"I know already that this is your second marriage Swayam. It's just that my stupid heart wants to hear it from your mouth once. Is it true or it is another game my life played with me?" She asked with a heavy voice and I was shocked would be an understatement. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. I didn't do anything wrong, but she took it everything wrong. I didn't know what to say now?
"Yes or no?" Her voice boomed making me startle a little but I didn't show it.
"Ofcourse your silence says a lot!" She added, chuckling humourlessly and took a step closer.
"I trusted you. I fucking trusted you but you had to break that and show that I am just not worth of any love! You broke my trust Swayam! You could have said it to me and I would have still understood it and be with you but you choose to hide. Not only you, even Sid, Rey, Kriya and everyone of your family too hid it! I feel... Am I not worth knowing such an important thing of my to be husband?" She asked, poking my chest with her finger accusingly and looking straight into my eyes. Her tears were flowing freely now but she looked furious and hurt. I didn't take my eyes away from hers, not wanting to come off as the wrong one, which I am definitely not. At fault? Yes. Wrong? No. I could see betrayal, hurt and anger more than anything else dripping from her eyes into tears. My heart squeezed seeing her in this state.
"Pia, just listen to me on-" I started, finding a great difficulty in even talking but she cut me off again.
"Listen what? That you married me just for the business sake? That you have loved, will love and always love only Sharon who happens to be even your wife? Who am I then? Why did you marry me?" She asked grabbing my kurta's collar and I feared of what will happen now. What should I do? What should I say? It felt like my words were caught in my throat, not even wanting to come to my tongue. I was just shocked beyond expectations.
"Before you ask how did I know all these things, I admit that I overheard the conversation of yours with whoever the person was on the call with you on the night of Sangeet. Thank god that I walked in at the right time, or else I would never know and you would have fooled me for my entire life! Your silence now is also saying enough about that." She said taking a step back and throwing her hands in air. She turned around and started to walk off but stopped and turned around.
"But you know what? I still believed you and didn't trust what my own ears heard. I trusted you thinking that no! Swayam will tell me if it is anything important or when you feel it right to. But you had to break my illusion when I heard the aunties speaking at the haldi! I still didn't believe it but Rey and Sid just confirmed the words they spoke, finally breaking the last string that was holding my trust for you! You broke me successfully!" She added and I could feel the pain in her voice.
"Congratulations Mr. Swayam Shekhawat! How much profit your business will now make after buying me for our company? Are they enough or you will divorce me and marry someone else again for business? I won't be surprised though." She spit out every word with venom that burnt my soul. I closed my eyes and tried to control the boiling anger. Not at her, but at myself. Each words were like a stab of a knife in my chest. Please stop. Stop.
"What all are other things that you are hiding from me huh? Tell me everything and end this for once. Tell me? This is really your second marriage or how many more did you do secretly? Oh if at all you actually loved her and you didn't marry, is there any child of yours that you are hiding too?" She asked which made me open my eyes at once and look at her. It's becoming too much now. I think something with the look in my eyes, she stopped whatever she was saying next.
The thorns of her words are just going too deep into my heart. It physically hurts now. How can she think of me like this? Am I that bad of a person? Did I give away that cruel vibes to her from the day I have met her? I didn't even earn that much of her trust that she could let me speak once? I don't even understand what to say. That I married the second time to her only and she was my first wife as well?
"Thanks for ruining my idea of a happy life and crushing all my hopes I had with this so called marriage." She said and her voice cracked in the end. She was trying too hard to keep herself together. It pained deep in my heart to see her like this. The worst is, she is guarding herself from me, her own husband. She turned around again and started to walk away but I held her hand.
"Pia I have an explanation to my behaviour. Listen to-" I stopped this time as I felt a stinging pain on my cheek and my face had turned to a side. I realised that Pia just slapped me. Did she just slap me? She jerked her hand from mine with a force. I closed my eyes to calm my urge to lash out on her and feed some truth in her brains.
No! I cannot do that. It will stress her. I cannot take that risk. I should let her be. I should let her do whatever she wants. I shouldn't be angry on her now. Her anger is justified! Its all for her only! For her own good! Taking deep breaths in and out, after I felt myself under control, I opened my eyes and looked into her's equally hurt eyes. I could see her hand with which she hit me shivering at her side and she took small steps backwards. I took a step towards her but she stopped me showing her hand.
"Don't." she said in a low yet stern voice which sent chills down my spine. She was not looking at me now and was looking at the bed and breathing slightly heavily. I took a tiny step back, fearing the change her body language had suddenly made. This can wait, her health is important first. She finally turned and walked into the washroom, closing it shut immediately after her.
I was rooted at my place as I was still trying to grasp what all happened just now. I looked down as few of my own tears dropped down. So this is what the unsettling feeling inside me was bugging me for. This why Sid and Rey were so tensed throughout the wedding and they didn't even have a talk with me. Didn't they think it's important for me to know this recent happening?
What will Pia think of me now? She already thinks that I faked everything. Everything. Whereas my feelings for her are anything but fake. She thinks that I played with her feelings. What should I do now? I didn't think my life will throw up this at my face when I had thought that this is the starting of my happiness, our happiness, our days of togetherness.
I looked up immediately when I heard the door unlocked to see a very composed Pia stepping out. She walked towards her vanity bag and pulled out her medications. Oh thank god atleast she is taking those without a fit. After drinking water, she walked back to the bed. Suddenly she turned towards me and I could feel the cold vibe from her which made me gulp.
"Oh Swayam, I forgot to ask you. Do you prefer sleeping on the couch or the lounge out there in the balcony?" She asked out of the blue making me frown. She acted like she wasn't crying and broken just few minutes ago. I looked keenly at her to see that she had turned her eyes completely unreadable, like some shield was guarding it from me reading them like always. Her whole stance screamed cold. Nothing was warm about her now. It scared me.
"Huh?" I asked meekly and she let out a sigh.
"I don't have all night for this. I am sleepy and I am going to sleep. Suit yourself wherever you want to sleep because I am sleeping on the bed and dare you sleep beside me." she said glaring at me in the end and slid into the sheets and turning her back towards me. I just stood there blinking at what she said. Did she just kick me out of my own bed? Fuck. She is really deeply hurt because I have never seen her like this before.
Not wanting to stress her out anymore for today, I took the pillow and the spare duvet from the closet and walked upto the couch. I sighed looking at it. This doesn't look like it will fit my height here but still, will have to do. I layed down, turning to face her sleeping figure. She had her back to me and seemed to be shifting a lot. How I wished I could cuddle her in my comfort. I could hear her sniffing occasionally and see her wiping her tears in the dim light that spread across the room.
Soon enough, her chest started to heave at equal intervals and evenly, telling me that she slept. I sighed and turned my body in the restricted space, to face the roof, staring at nothing in particular. Sleep doesn't seem to engulf me anytime soon. My mind kept playing today's incidents and I wondered how my happiest day turned into a grave one, in just a blink of an eye.
As expected, sleep didn't welcome me at all. Not finding it comfortable anymore on the couch, I got up and walked into the balcony. The night's chilly breeze immediately hitting me but it doesn't seem to make me shiver like it usually had done and I kept staring into oblivion to what seems like hours, just waiting for the sun to roll on. My trance was broken by a loud shattering sound which startled me and I immediately rushed inside. I quickly walked towards the light's switch and switched it on. I turned around to look what was wrong when I came with the sight of a sweating Pia holding a water jug by the bedside table in her shivering hands. I saw the scattered pieces of the glass on the floor next to bed.
Fuck.
I strode towards her but she shuffled away from me as I neared her and kept the jug back at the table, clasping both her hands into each other. I stopped and immediately looked here and there, thinking what to do. I carefully sat on the edge of the bed, not at all touching her anywhere and she was looking everywhere but me, breathing heavily like she had run a marathon.
"Calm down... Pia calm down! I am here... Calm down..." I said and forwarded my hands in air, hoping she will let me hold her atleast. Shit! I never came across her panicked after a nightmare. I freaking don't know what to do! I immediately retreated my hand as she shifted away from me just seeing the raise of my hand, staring away. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths. I noticed that her hands stopped shivering but she was still sweaty in an air conditioned room.
Something snapped inside me and I got up, rushing to the coffee table near the couch and took another glass that was kept there to her. I poured in the water from the jug and passed on to her.
"I am fine..." I could hear the coldness in her tone even now. Is she crazy? She needs me now. She looked away to the opposite way from where I was standing.
"Pia it's not the time for this. Please! Have it." I too said sternly to which she made an eye contact for the first time after her nightmare with me. I pleaded her through my eyes and she silently took the glass. Our fingers brushed a little and I mentally winced at how cold her hand was. How I want to hold them between mine and spread my warmth to them.
She drank the water at one go and took deep breaths. She leaned to keep the glass on the table after she seemed to be normal again but I held the glass mid-way and kept it on the table myself.
"Are... Are you feeling better?" I asked, not sure what her reaction would be. I don't want her to get angry again and lash out now. She needs rest.
"Don't pretend it atleast now! I don't need you. I can take care of myself. Night." And with that, she turned her back to me and pulled the duvet over her and didn't let me speak anything. I took my steps back, letting her words sink in. When did we both grew so far from each other? I stumbled with my own foot but I balanced myself before I could fall.
Is this how it's going to be now? I closed my eyes and let the tears fall freely. Never have I felt so helpless. She was suffering in front of me and she didn't even let me hold her, let alone comfort her. I didn't realise when I reached the couch and I quickly wiped my tears. Feeling numb everywhere, I laid down on it, blankly pulling the duvet over me. All I could feel was this strange numbness in me.
What happened to our happy world all of a sudden? I had dreamt of sleeping with her in my arms today after ages and here I am, hugging myself under the duvet just like the many other nights I had to sleep like this. This one seemed even more stinging in my heart because she was so close yet so distant from me. Where did I go wrong? I gave her all my love but it all seems fake to her. Closing my eyes, I consoled myself that she is behaving like this because she doesn't know anything and this is very natural on her part to behave like this. Anyone would have, if in her place.
The thought of another set of lies I weaved to her regarding who Sharon was, passed through my mind. I closed my eyes again and silently prayed that it shouldn't get back at me this time. It's all for her and I am already guilty for lying to her so much and am also paying for something I hid for her own good. I gulped the lump formed in my throat, trying hard not to cry now. I have to be strong, just for her.
She doesn't know things, that is why she is behaving like this but once I will tell her, she will understand for sure. I have seen love in her eyes for me, it cannot go away so soon. I swear to god that this all will end soon. I have to get to talk to her, by hook or by crook. I am not going to give up after coming this far already. I will make her trust me again.
I love you so much Sharon... I will get you back. I will definitely do it for us, love.
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A/N
So, how was the update? I hope you guys can now understand where Pia is standing, for her to behave like this... Her position will be more clearer in next chapter.
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