-"The floor seemed wonderfully solid. It was comforting to know I had fallen and could fall no further."-
-Sylvia Plath
_______________________________
Midnight's POV
I was never a religious person.
All my life this 'God' denied me of my well-deserved happiness.
I had suffered for peace. I had suffered for love. I had suffered all my life just to be back to square one. I hoped that one day I would learn that the universe and this 'God' didn't have mercy on anyone.
Because if this 'God' loved me then he wouldn't have made me who I am.
"God sends his toughest battles to the strongest soldiers."
I was sixteen.
I was not supposed to be a soldier. I was supposed to be a kid.
God might love you but he sure as hell doesn't love me.
He didn't love Luca. He didn't love Thea. He didn't love Ida and Starr. He didn't love Blade, Antonio, or Matteo. And he most definitely didn't love Oscar. Oscar has survived and done some things that I would have never been able to do. We all did. We were the sinners that were "meant for hell". We were the outcasts that society shunned.
We were the lambs to the slaughter.
And tonight would be our butchering. My butchering.
We were supposed to raid the warehouse where they were keeping Thea in a few minutes and I didn't need any distractions. I told Blade to have everyone meet there. Blade could tell something was off from the tone of my voice but didn't say anything.
I loved him like a brother
The same thing went for Ida, Matteo, Starr, Antonio, Thea, and Oscar. They were my first real family in a long time. They were the ones that taught me that Blood doesn't make a family.
But the person who taught me love and happiness...was none other than the Don himself.
I didn't know I was capable of loving him in the way that I do. Today went by like a dream. I don't remember much but it felt like I experienced so much. I said my goodbyes even though no one knew it.
I sparred with Antonio and Matteo. I gave Blade my favorite gun except I didn't tell him it was my favorite. I gave Oscar a promise. I played chess with Starr and played darts with Ida. I held Luca for an extra minute and told him we could go to dinner after the raid tonight.
I lied to him one last time.
There is no other way to explain the way I love him than what I'm about to tell you.
I would die for him. I would live for him. I got addicted and don't want to go to rehab.
But now I'm letting go. I'm going to get sober.
For the sake of them...
~
I got dressed in all black, strapping weapons to my thighs. It was not like I was going to use them but it had to look like I was putting in an effort.
I swung my leg over my motorcycle and straddled the seat before I sped off to the warehouse where they were keeping her. Ten minutes into the ride, two black range rovers with a capital gold K were following me.
They didn't know who Alexei was and that he had been the one behind every bad thing that had happened. I couldn't tell them right now. I need it to seem like it was a complete shock and that he had won.
A part of me dreaded putting everyone I loved in the same car as him but I knew he wouldn't do anything without having me first. I had full confidence in his plan screwing up.
Alexei would pose as our ally for now but when the time was right, he'd stab me in the back and make it seem like a shock to everyone. Everyone but me.
I was always good at acting. I had faked a smile for 16 years of my life until I took on a new persona.
This was a piece of cake.
I know how bad his heart is going to break when he sees me bleed out, but I need him to know that it was not his fault.
So I have a plan.
~
I didn't waste time getting off my motorcycle and getting out of my gun. I scanned the feeble structure of the place and cringed as I saw a rat scamper across the pavement. Oscar, Blade, Ida, Starr, Matteo, Antonio, Luca, and Alexei all got out of the matte black range rovers and I took that as my cue to kick down the door.
My skin crawled from Alexei's presence now that I knew who he really was. I needed to keep up the act though.
My blood started to surge and my fist seized when I saw Thea chained up bloody against the cold wall. I moved towards her after I made sure no one was there except us. But I halted in my tracks when I heard a gun being cocked back.
Right on cue, Mr. Ivanov.
I concealed my smirk of victory and turned around to be faced to face with the barrel of a pistol.
With Alexei standing behind it.
I acted hurt and betrayed. Alexei and Viktor's plan was sour deception and I must say that it was almost well-planned. Almost.
This was his plan all along.
He wanted to break me and take me away from everything I hold dear just like the first time. It was working.
The second Alexei raised the gun to me, everyone else aimed their weapons at him.
"What do you want?" I monotoned, still maintaining my stoic expression. He chuckled evilly and began to circle me.
Once he got behind me he backed away to Thea, still holding the gun up. Only then, did I see their worried expressions.
I turned around again, not standing the expressions on their faces that made my heart clench.
He kept one hand on the trigger while the other undid Thea's chains. He pulled up her barely awake figure and put the gun up to the side of her head.
"I want you in exchange for her," he smirked wickedly. I closed my eyes as I smiled internally.
Thea shook her head violently, but he tightened his grip around her throat.
"D-Don-t..." she rasped.
"Okay," I shrugged. The worried people behind me snapped their attention to me and glared at me.
Especially Luca.
I gave him a sidelong glance and nodded, telling him that I had a plan. He nodded once but gave me a small glare silently scolding me for how reckless I was. But nonetheless, he didn't say a thing as I walked towards Alexei no matter how physically painful it was for him to do nothing.
"Wait. No weapons. We don't want you getting away just like last time," he growled. My teeth ground against each other when he referenced the last time. I could feel everyone's stares of confusion burning into my skull.
I took a deep breath and lowered my hands to set my gun on the ground.
I used my foot to slide it away and I heard it rasp against the icy-stiff cement.
I undid the band that hooked the rest of my weapons on my thigh and slid it over in the opposite direction.
I felt my heart thump in my head.
This was it...
It's bitter how I escaped him 10 years ago just to be back to where I started. I promised myself that I would do anything in my power to expire peacefully and suffer no more than I already did.
No suffering whatsoever.
But this was going to be painful. I would have to watch as the people I love most try and bring me back to no avail. I would have to say goodbye to the person that has been my sole reason for happiness.
It's ironic.
The air turned poor and rampant with anguish.
I felt their shocked and distressed stares on the back of my crown and I promised myself that I would not be concerned, but it still made my eyes gloss over that I wouldn't get to say goodbye.
After I was completely weaponless, I turned around and signaled for them to lower their guns.
Being as stubborn as a splinter, they kept their firearms up with no intention of putting them down.
I gestured again, and they hesitantly lowered it, probably thinking that I knew what I was doing and I was going to get out of this situation. My eyes landed on Luca who still had his gun up and my gaze hardened.
I looked at him warningly and he lowered it as his body began to shake slightly and the muscles in his jaw visibly contracted.
I turned back around and walked up a few more steps to where I was halfway there. Alexei released his hold on Thea and nudged her so that she started walking. He pointed his gun back at the back of her head.
(Play song now)
She had tears cascading down her trusting face as she walked slowly towards me.
When people imagine death, they think it is horrific, chaotic... terrifying. But people misunderstand it. They think it is vile for taking away breath, but it only does what it is destined to do. The truth of death is that it's peaceful and not as scary as people make it out to be.
And I know that.
I have died before...and it was tranquil...a waltz into the unmoving freedom. I was ready to greet it as a long-departed companion that I had dearly yearned for.
But as a true friend should, death gave me a chance to be reborn with a different strive. With a different meaning.
Death gave me a chance to love and live and not survive. It gave me what I thirsted for the most at that time. Stubborn and sharp like a thorn, it gave me a new mentality that I could use to burn my weaknesses.
And I had used it to my advantage.
When she made it to me, I whispered something in her ear. She nodded with tearful hums and continued walking.
Her laments only made this heavier.
I didn't think saying goodbye would be this difficult.
I was always the person to run from my problems and not face them, and to be confronted with them felt strange.
I sucked in a breath as I looked back at the wicked expression on Alexei's face.
As soon as I saw that Thea was safe in Oscar's arms, I walked again.
Each step was like I was slowly selling away parts of myself that I tried so hard to guard. I clenched my jaw as tears brimmed and blurred my vision.
Alexei didn't waste a second to pull me into a chokehold. I tried to breathe out of instinct but I didn't get to do anything else as I felt a pang in my chest.
I hesitantly looked down to be greeted with the sight of a knife at the center of my chest. Each breath became ragged and throbbed with pain.
So, so much pain.
At this point, the tears were falling on their own.
The burning in my chest was incomparable to the distress in my head when I realized that no opera was louder than their screams and yells of agony as the bullets flew to Alexei.
The sound was permanently imprinted in my head as I blinked lethargically, an undying hurt in my soul as my vision hazed with flashes.
It all became a blur as the pain began to hurt more and more. I saw an obscure picture as they rushed towards me.
I fell gravity take over as Alexei released his hold on me and fell to the ground with a thud.
I began to fall too.
And falling had never felt so wrong. It was like when you fall in your dreams, and feel the pit in your stomach deepen...but you wake up before you hit rock bottom.
But I didn't wake up.
As I braced for the impact of the cold hard concrete, a pair of strong tattooed arms wrapped around my body as I sunk into a lap.
I recognized these muscles instantly as I saw a clear outline of his face. I blinked heavily as I began to feel liquid in my throat, preventing me from taking any more air.
I felt it pool in my mouth as it trickled down the side of my cheek. I heard sobs and yells to "stay awake" but I lost all will to fight.
I had fought too much in this lifetime.
I looked at Luca...my Luca...
He was cradling my limp body in his strong arms as he wiped away my tears. I memorized his face as I heard his velvet voice ring in my ears.
His voice will forever be my favorite sound. In this life and the next. Heaven or hell. Ghost or just...dead.
It will always be my favorite.
His jet-black soft hair that I loved to tangle my fingers in was ruffled but still looked good. Those stormy eyes were almost black now with emotion.
His tan skin was blotched with salty tears as more ran down uncontrollably.
I felt his lips press to my forehead as my blurred vision scanned everyone around me. Ida had her hands over her mouth to conceal her cries as she clutched onto my lifeless hand. Starr held my other as she moved the hair away from my face and closed her eyes as silent tears escaped her.
Blade looked at me with those ice-blue eyes that made me feel so guilty about this, like a big brother that was scolding me. But the tears on his cheeks made me feel even worse.
Oscar held Thea as she cried into his chest as tears of his own stained his cheeks. Matteo stood next to Ida as he stared at the blood pooling beneath me as his body shook with tears. Antonio looked at me with his blurred vision as he fisted his hand and put it over his mouth, and the second he blinked all his tears broke out.
Suddenly, a wave of exhaustion overtook all my being. My lids felt heavier than before and unlike any other tiredness, I had ever felt. They seemed to weigh tons but I pushed to keep them open with all the strength I had left.
I don't want to forget their faces...and I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that I won't see them and I'll be alone again.
I wish I knew that they had loved me and I had loved them when I thought that I wasn't capable of it. I wish I knew that they had loved me right when I thought that the world hated me.
As my story came to a close, I realized that I found love where it wasn't supposed to be. I was happy but something inside me griped that I don't deserve it.
I realized that I was slow dancing in a burning room all along.
I went from wondering if I was going to make it to the age of eighteen, to live twenty-six years of life.
I was never supposed to live this long but I had accomplished all I wanted to do in life.
I had a family who loved me.
I smile for the first time in what felt like years.
I laughed.
I lived.
I loved.
~
(A/N): I'm SORRY...
SECRETS STILL HAVE TO BE REVEALED AND I PROMISE THAT YOU WON'T EXPECT IT!
I love you all!