Tessa
"He's not okay" is all I say to Vance.
"I know" he replies.
All we can do is follow him and we are quickly stopped by security once we reach the stage.
And he is beyond fucked up don't get me wrong. Yet when he is out there he almost seems free of that.
I guess I never seen/heard Hardin DJ and he's really good.... even super messed up which is almost impressive.
I get the feeling Vance has the same thoughts.
"I am going to go to the opposite side of the stage so that which ever way he comes off we can catch up with him and try to get him home." Vance says to me.
While I'm standing there I can't help but be mesmerized by him. But also at the same time I just wonder why? Why has life taken him here? Why is he so weak with fighting his demons?
I wanted to just be normal with him. I ended things with Easton because I really thought that for once we could just be us. Hardin and me together and that be all that matters. I was willing to follow him so he didn't have to stop his career. I was willing to sit with him each and every day at the hospital while he goes through chemo. I just wanted to spend my days and my nights with him and know that neither of us were going anywhere. I guess that's my biggest thing why does he keep walking away from me. Why does he keep choosing this life. This life where he is alone. Where he is constantly putting himself on the line of taking it too far. Even more so now...because he's still sick that didn't just go away.
Not to mention...I'm having a baby. His baby. Our baby. I guess I could wrap my head around him walking away from me. But what I can't is him walking away from us. His child.
Regardless of what he thought or thinks I just don't get it.
When he is done he comes off the stage towards me. When he gets close enough to me he looks at me and just says. "I need help Tessa."
Vance is already on his way over from the other side of the stage.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"I have a problem...what else do you want me to say." He says slightly raising his voice.
In the mean time Vance walks up. "Hardin calm down. Why don't we head to your moms and we can talk..."
"Okay" Hardin says which is shocking.
There isn't much he agrees with let alone coming with us.
But I don't question it. I let him lead the way to leave and we follow.
We get into the rental Vance has and Hardin takes the back seat.
Next thing I know I look back and he's passed out, but for the first time all night looks peaceful.
"Tessa you know we are here for you....and the baby right?" Vance says.
"I appreciate that thank you" I reply.
"So he knew about the baby before he left?" Vance asks.
"Mhmm" I simply reply.
"I am sorry. I want to understand his thinking and why he does what he does" says Vance.
"It's okay." I reply and is it...okay?....No. Nothing about him is okay.
When we get to his mum's he wakes up right away and gets out of the car. He walks right in and doesn't say anything to her just goes straight to a room that I assume is his old room.
"Hardin....Hardin!!" His mom yells as she goes to the door and tries to open it. Of course it's locked.
"Maybe we should give him a little time." Vance says to Trish.
"I'm going to see if he lets me in." I tell them.
I go an lightly knock on the door "Hardin it's me could you let me in?" I ask
He surprisingly does but doesn't say a word and lays back down onto the bed. Throwing his hands behind his head and plopping onto a pillow.
"Are you okay?" I ask
"Are you?" He asks back
"Uhh Yea." I reply
"You and the baby are okay?" He asks
"Yes fine" I reply.
He motions for me to lay down next to him. I surprise myself and give in right away.
When I lay next to him he doesn't say anything he just pulls me close and holds me.
"Hurting you was never part of my plan, you know that right?" He says.
And I guess I don't know that. Because all his decisions point to that being the case. "I don't." I reply.
"You don't what?" He asks
"I don't know that. I have been through a lot of hurt with you when we were together, then you left and that was the worst hurt I ever felt. And then you topped yourself again when you came back and left me all over again." I reply.
"I'm sorry." Is all he says as he pulls me in closer and puts one of his hands on my stomach.
And as much as I want to pull away from him. I can't I want to be in his arms. I want to feel his touch. I just want him. But I don't think it should be this easy for him or if he even wants that. Or me. Or us.
Mind you he's still pretty messed up coming off whatever bender he was on. So whatever this is I don't think I can trust anything he says in this moment but I'll take it for what it is and revisit everything in the morning besides he has a girlfriend remember...
The next thing I know I am waking up in his arms. I turn into him and realize he's awake. He brushes my hair away from my face and puts it behind my ear.
"Good morning beautiful." He says.
"Morning." I simply reply.
He pulls my face into his and kisses me. Again I know I shouldn't let him. But I can't stop myself.
He takes his hand and makes his way under my shirt to take it off.
He then pull his off. This is my first time seeing his port. I think he forgot about it. And immediately seems self conscious about it.
"It's okay." I say as I pull him into me as he is on top of me.
He kisses me on my neck and makes his way down my body. And takes his hands to pull my pants off.
His hands running down my body is the most incredible feeling. I have missed his touch.
"Is this okay?" He asks referring to if we should have sex.
"Yes i want you ." I reply
"I want you so fucking bad." He replies back.
The last time we had sex was the night at the hotel.
And it feels amazing to have him close to me again and I don't want it to stop or him to let me go.
We both get off and are just lying there...
I guess I never noticed that night he had a new tattoo on his chest well I guess newish.
And it's says your story is not over yet and has a semi colon. I run my hand over it and stop it there.
"I'm sorry you went through that." I say.
"I still am going through it" He replies.
I know he has been through a lot but I didn't know his struggle with his mental health is ongoing.
I have been blaming a lot of his choices on being selfish and I think it's part of it but I think his fight is a constant battle.
He gets up and throws his shirt back on. I was kind of hoping he would lay there longer so we could talk...I had so many unanswered questions for him.
"I guess I should get this over with." He says
And I immediately know he's referring to talking to his mum and Vance.
He walks out of the room before me and I am scared for how this is going to go...