Troye Sivan as Tyler Benington. <3
----------------
Tyler's POV
The surrounding air became cold. Ice cold, as if it were suddenly the middle of winter rather than summer. The chilled breeze penetrated deep into my bones. It felt as if the time was stopped in that moment. It became eerily quiet. A small pin dropping would have cut through the silence like lightning.
Cold sweat trickling down my forehead. My eyes widened, looking straight into a pair of hazel eyes that I had once loved. The memories of how we met, fell in love, dated and married flashed by me so fast. But only the happy memories were recalled. I could feel my eyes brimming with tears.
I kept staring into them, watching as the life of the person under me, slowly fading away. The light of life became duller by the minute until they were completely gone. The realization of what I had done slapped me and I scurried away, backing up until I hit the wall.
My breath was ragged and heavy. Seeing the person laid down in front of me unmoving finally pressured me until I broke into a wailing cry. The sound of my sobs echoed throughout the house. I pushed my fingers into my hair and grabbed it until I could feel the pain but I ignored it. The matter of fact was I had killed a person.
--------------
2 years later..
"The juries found the defendant, Tyler C. Benington, not guilty of all charges" one of the jury spoke.
I let out a sigh of relief. My lawyer patted my back and hugged me while saying congratulations. I stood from my seat to give respect to the court judge before leaving the court. Two years of going in and out of the courtroom to finally be pronounced innocent has lifted all the burdens of my shoulders.
Two years after that godforsaken incident had happened. The incident that had tortured me physically and mentally was finally over. I was proven innocent, hell I was innocent before and now I was clear. Two years after I fended off my abusive husband. It was finally over, however the trauma of the incident still lingers.
I turned around, quickly going over to my mother and engulfing her in a warm hug. My mother broke down in a cry on my shoulder. I heard her sniffles and I hugged her even tighter as if it was possible. Our hug broke by the sound of a woman screaming. Both my mother and I pulled away from each other to face the woman.
"You are guilty! How could you walk away free after you killed my son!" she screamed, hysterically. A guy next to her tried to calm her down and pulled her away out of the courtroom.
"You murderer! You will not get away with this! Frank will have his revenge!" she yelled as I watched her being pulled out by her husband until she disappeared from my sight. I let out a shaky breath. I cursed in my heart. After he died, he still can affect me.
"Don't listen to her, Ty. You are innocent." My mother cupped my face and stared straight into my eyes. I nodded slowly at her. She pulled me in for another hug.
We are on our way back to our house after the trial. I can't seem to forget what Frank's mother had said.
'Frank will have his revenge!'
It rang in my head and honestly, I don't like it. I don't need another trauma to add after what I've been through with Frank. Frank and I had married a year before the incident but had dated for three years during our college days. Right after we had finished our studies, he'd asked for my hand in marriage and it was like a fairy tale straight out of the book.
(Flashback)
It was a week before we graduated and he invited me on a date like always. Except that date felt special and it was.
"Where are you taking me, Frank?" I walked slowly with Frank behind me while covering my eyes. My excitement was through the roof and my smile plastered on my face for a long time.
"We're almost there" he simply said. Suddenly he stopped in his tracks and I immediately stopped mine. He removed his hands that had covered my eyes. I gasped at the sight in front of me. My hands held over my chest, absorbing the scenery.
There was a plaid pattern blanket on the grass, located strategically overlooking the lake of the park. There were yellow Christmas lights scattered around the blanket, providing us with that romantic mode. It was so breathtakingly beautiful. On top of the blanket was a picnic basket, a bottle of champagne and a variety of food.
"What is this, Frank?" I asked him but he just gave me a charming smile. He took my hands and pulled me toward the blanket. I sat on the blanket and he sat in front of me.
"Surprise!" he yelled out. I let out a chuckle at his actions. I was definitely surprised by this.
"I tried to impress you of course. Like that prince charming inside the fairy tale books you love too much" he scoffed. I gave him a soft smile, touched that he remembered what I love.
I leaned in and gave him a kiss on his lips and he kissed me back. I parted my lips giving a way for him to slip his tongue inside. Our tongues clash and savour each other's taste. He cupped my face to pull me closer and I moaned against his mouth. After a moment, he pulled away, leaving me to catch up with my breathing.
"Save it for tonight babe" he whispered seductively. His voice immediately sent shivers down my spine. How I craved for his touch. I stared into his beautiful hazel eyes, it was clear that his eyes were clouded with lust and I would bet my eyes screamed for desire and lust too. His thumbs circled on my cheeks ever so softly.
"We should eat first" he whispered against my mouth. He nibbled my bottom lips, making me whimper.
"Maybe we should skip dinner and go straight to dessert" I said, teasingly. He let out a breathy chuckle. He kissed my lips gently before letting my face go.
He took out a container filled with food and both of us ate while having small conversations. After we finished the main course, he took out a box of chocolate in the shape of a heart. The box was red with pink bows wrapped around it. He gave it to me and I took it while having a confused look on my face.
"Open it" he simply said.
I opened the lid and there was a variety of chocolate in different colours. But, one thing caught my eyes. Right in the middle was a ring. My face then contorted into a much more confused look. I examined the ring. It was a black ring with a gold streak in the middle. I lifted my head to look at Frank but was shocked at the sight of him in front of me.
Frank was kneeling down on one knee in front of me. I hadn't noticed when he got into that position.
"Um. Frank. What are you doing?" my voice was shaking as I spoke those words. He took my right hand and held it in his. Frank gave me a proud smile before saying those magical words.
"Tyler Cameron Benington, will you be my husband?" he proposed. My jaw dropped and I froze on my seat. Tears fell down on my cheeks and I couldn't believe what was happening. My heart flutters and my stomach was filled with butterflies. I nodded my head unconsciously.
"I do" I said after I had composed my strength to speak. It was a good thing I was sitting down. If I were to stand up, my knees would buckle and I would fall down. The smile on his face grew even wider and that prompted me to get on my knees and hugged him tightly. It was all I could ever ask for.
(End of flashback)
I wished my story would end right there and stay that way because truthfully, that was the only time I'd felt genuine happiness with him. Our wedding was grand and we were happy. That was before everything crumbled into dust and left me nothing but pain after the honeymoon phase had ended.
The first few months after our marriage, we were happy like what a married couple should but four months into the marriage, Frank began to act weird. He would come home drunk and we would often engage in a fight. A month of just verbal fights, it escalated into a physical fight. He would slap, punch, kick and even force himself on me. He would also yell out curse words at me and call me bad names.
After he sobered up, he would apologize and promise not to do it again. Of course, those were just empty words. It went on for a year. I would never leave the house as I was afraid to go out with cuts and bruises all over me. I was afraid of people asking questions that I don't have any answers to.
I couldn't even visit my parents anymore. You would've thought that I should have left his ass but I couldn't bring myself to. The abuse got so bad that my neighbours started to question all the screaming coming from our house. There were times where police knocked on our door and only Frank answered it. He would use excuses like the screaming was coming from the horror movies and what not.
Where was I? I was naked, being tied and gagged in our bedroom. Every night I would cry myself to sleep. We never slept together after the abuse started. He would sleep in the guest bedroom and left me alone after he was done with me, with all bruises, cuts, bloodied and covered in his semen. I would drag myself to the shower and clean myself for his next tortures in the early morning before he went to work. It felt like it was already embedded as part of my daily routines.
Then one fateful night, I was in the kitchen, cooking our dinner. He came home and instantly screamed when he had me in sight. He tore my boxer from my waist and took me on the kitchen counter. I was screaming and crying in pain, begging for him to stop and have mercy on me but he just screamed at me to shut my mouth. After he had climaxed, he would punch and kick me till I coughed up blood. I know he wasn't done with his tortures. He took a kitchen knife with murderous intention evident in his eyes and at that point I knew I needed to fight for my life.
We struggled with the knife. He has the upper hand since I was badly wounded from his kicks and punches at the time. Somehow, in a split moment, I gained a strength in me and I managed to kick his stomach and he sprawled on the floor. I took that chance to grab the knife and struck at his chest, right into his heart. I knew it had hit his heart because being a medical student gives you an advantage to know where the vital organs would be. I kept the knife deep inside his heart and watched through his eyes as the light of his soul left his eyes.
After I had cried for half an hour, I dragged myself to get the house phone to call 911. Ten minutes later and they came. They bursted into the front door to find the dead body of my husband on the kitchen floor. I was hugging my knees towards my chest, half naked from waist down with obvious fear and trauma plastered on my face, not far from where my husband was lying lifeless.
After that traumatic incident, I moved back into my parents house. Every night I would have terrors and woke up screaming my lungs out. My mother eventually had to sleep with me. I had to take anxiety and depression medicine. I tried to off myself twice in the span of six months. On top of that, I had to be present for a court hearing.
Things got even worse after my father passed away last year. I locked myself in my room and only got out when I needed to. I lost all my weight and had become malnourished. My mother cried and begged me to eat food. It broke my heart to see my mother had to beg me to spare my own life. I had undergone therapy and a domestic violence healing group.
Little by little I tried to pick up bits and pieces of myself or what was left of it anyway and tried to put it back together. I began to eat well again and gained back my weight, but my night terrors and nightmares are still present to this day. There is no cure for that.
"Tyler." A soft voice and a hand on my shoulder snapped me out of my trance. Out of reflexes, I flinched before holding both of my hands in front of my face, waiting for a knuckle to connect on my face. My eyes were tightly shut and when the anticipated pain didn't come, I opened my eyes.
My mother was staring at my actions with hurt and pity stares. I looked towards her as I lowered my arms and she took that moment to wipe the tears on my face that I didn't even know had fallen. She pulled me into a hug and stroked my hair. I let out a soft sob on her shoulder.
"It's okay. Everything is over. You are safe now" she coaxed me. I shut my eyes tightly and let out a shaky breath to calm my nerves down.
When we arrived home, I went straight to my room. I stripped off from my suits before getting a shower. I turned on the tap and cold water poured in before warm water took its place. I went under the running water and let the warm water cascaded through my body.
I ran my fingers through my hair and pushed it back. I let my hands rubbed every nook and cranny of my body. The rough bumps and small gashes that spread throughout my body hit my fingers. Every one of those bumps and gashes are the 'gifts' left by Frank. I still vividly remembered how he left his markings on me. My body shuddered at the memories of the sharp razor blades touching my skin.
My hands began to clench my body tightly. The memories came flooding my mind. I slowly fall down to the cold tiles before letting out a sob. I still can't believe the one person I had loved before could hurt me to this extent. The soft sobbing turned into a full wail cry. I held my knees up to my chest and cried my heart out. The physical pain he had inflicted can't be compared to the emotional pain of keeping reminiscing the happy memories.
I kept asking myself where it went wrong. He never showed any signs that he could be that aggressive when we dated before. Not even once he laid a hand on me. But after we were married, he changed. It was as if he turned into someone else that I didn't recognize anymore. Did he really want to kill me that night? Would he even have the intention?
After I finished showering and put on my clothes, I went to one of the dresser drawers in front of my bed. I opened it and in it was a blue box. I took the blue box and then sat on the floor, leaning my back against my bed.
I took a deep breath before opening the lit. Inside the blue box, there were polaroid pictures of me and Frank. There were also two rings laid perfectly next to each other in a transparent case. I took it out and opened the lid. I took both rings. It was our wedding rings. There was a phrase engraved in our rings in Latin and small letters.
'amabo te in perpetuum'
"I'll love you forever," I whispered.
Those were just empty words the moment he laid a hand on me. If he truly loved me, he wouldn't have tortured me like how he did to me for the past year and a half in our marriage. Even though he was gone and even after what he had done to me, I still have a little bit of love left for him.
It was not easy to let everything go, especially the happy memories that I have with him. The only genuine happiness that I have experienced being with Frank. There were moments when he made me feel safe in his arms, his actions that made my heart flutter or moments where I thought we will be happy together forever. I can't deny those feelings much as I wanted to because they were part of the memories.
I put back the rings inside the box and put the blue box away before going down to the dining hall. My mother was sitting on a barstool at the kitchen counter, sipping her cup of tea. I approached her and she noticed my presence. I stopped on my tracks, just a few feet from her before looking at the floor and fumbling with my fingers.
"Yes, honey? Do you need anything?" she asked. I peeked at her through my long curly bangs. I nodded my head at her.
"What is it?" she asked again. I took a deep breath before lifting my head at her and gathered all my strength to utter the next sentence.
"I want to go to Frank's grave" I said without stuttering. She widened her eyes.
She was hesitant for a moment before nodding her head slowly. She probably has figured out the reason why I decided to do that.
"Okay. We'll go tomorrow," she said calmly. She gave me a smile and I returned it with mine.
The next day after lunch, both of me and my mother were on our way to the cemetery where Frank was buried. I needed to confront him for the very last time. As if this was my way of saying we were officially divorced.
During a year into the trial, I had asked my lawyer to file for divorce because I don't want to have any attachment with Frank legally. It infuriates my in-laws and they bashed me saying I wasn't good enough for their son.
For a brief moment when they had said that, I believed them. But my mother and my lawyer fought them off saying Frank wasn't a human, if he was he wouldn't abuse his own husband. No one should suffer the way that I had and I know there were more victims like me who suffered domestic violence throughout their lives. But, they weren't able to get out of it like I had.
I don't think you could get out of being abused. Even if you managed to escape alive, the aftermath of being abused for a long time was even worse. You were unable to function correctly after that. You began to have anxiety, panic attacks and even depressions. Well, that was what I had been diagnosed with after going in and out of therapy. You don't really escape from it. The scars, either physically or mentally, will always be there, haunting you.
When I was still in college, I learnt about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD, either you obtained it from being involved in incidents that were traumatic could have complications like depression, anxiety and the tendency to be suicidal. I had gone through numerous cases like this as study cases and felt pity towards the victims. I kept telling myself why wouldn't the victims seek help or leave their abuser. Now that I've experienced it first hand, to say that I was ignorant was an understatement of the year.
When we arrived at the graveyard, both my mother and I made our way to his grave. This was the first time I visited his grave after the incident. I looked at his gravestone and let out a bitter chuckle at the words engraved, particularly at one sentence.
'Loving husband'
I took out something from my pocket before placing it on top of his stone. It was his ring. I don't have any more reason to keep it.
"I came here not to visit you. I came here to officially say, we're divorced now. I hope God forgave all of your sins because I won't for the rest of my life" I said calmly. I felt my mother hand on my shoulder.
"Goodbye, Frank" I spoke before turning around to leave.
As I turned around, a shadow behind a big tree not far from us caught my attention. But, the shadow disappeared quickly as it came.
"What's wrong honey?" my mother asked, assuming she had seen my eyes widened and my jaw slacked a little bit.
"N-Nothing. I-I thought I saw something" I said to her. I thought I saw him, I said in my heart.
I shook my head and quickly clasped my hand with my mother and we went to our car before going home. I tried to calm my erratic heartbeat and kept saying to myself 'he's gone, he can't hurt me anymore' in my mind a few times.
----------------