A/N The end is soon, I just don't know how to continue this story any more. I have the ending written out already, I just need to put in the rest of the chapters to lead up to the end.
It's gonna be a roller coaster argh....
POTTED POTTER IS THE MOST MAGICAL, AMAZING, FUNNIEST THING IN THE WORLD. IF IT'S EVER NEAR YOU, BUY TICKETS OH MY GOSH.
Happy New Year!
*
~I'm done with everything. Nothing is going my way -it never has- and I think that my time is up. No one is there to help me, so why not?~ E.L.
*
The wind blew softly and the snow crunched beneath their feet as Emma and Remus walked in silence to the carriages that led to Hogsmead. Emma could hear all the conversations and laughs coming from ahead and behind them, people were happy to get away from school and be able to buy more candies and spend time with friends. She sighed quietly, putting her hands in her pockets as she walked with her head down. Remus was looking around, glancing behind him often to glare at a black dog that seemed to be following the two, along side it was James, Peter, Lily, Daisy, and Elle.
Emma noticed them too but continued to walk as if she had no idea.
"Where would you like to go first?" Remus asked, followed by a clearing of his throat.
"We're not there yet, Remus." Emma said with a small smile as she walked up to the carriages.
"We'll walk, it'll be peaceful. Give us time to talk alone." Remus said hastily, grabbing her forearm gently and walking her to the path.
"Talk about what, exactly?" Emma asked finally looking up at him.
She was nervous, she knew what he wanted to talk about and she was not ready for the conversation.
"Well..." He paused as they walked down the path.
"It's about my trying to kill myself, isn't it?" Emma finished for him brushing her hair behind her ear.
"Yeah." Is all he said. They walked in silence for a few minutes more before he broke it again.
"Why?" He silently pleaded, his eyes softer than before as she looked him straight in the eye.
"There are reasons you wouldn't understand." Emma replied looking straight forward.
"Can I tell you a story?" Remus spoke with the tone of hesitance, it made her more anxious than before. She bobbed her head up in down in a, 'Yes' motion.
"I love chocolate." he began. "I've loved chocolate since I was ten. Not because of the taste, although amazing, because of another reason." Snowflakes swirled in the sky now as she waited for him to continue.
"Chocolate can kill dogs," Remus added, "and I'm a werewolf. Ultimately, the same thing. So, I decided that I'd try to kill that part of me. Kill the ugly beast inside of me since I couldn't stand knowing how terrible I truly am.
"My parents wouldn't let me around other kids, in fear of me blurting out my secret. Not until Dumbledore came to tell my parents that I'd be fine to come to school, he had Sprout plant the Whomping Willow." He looked down for a moment,
"I had a clever thought, if chocolate can kill dogs..." He let out a bitter laugh,
"Then it can kill the wolf within. But it didn't work. Nothing worked."
Emma stared at him for a couple seconds as they continued to walk.
"I'm sorry." Emma said softly. Remus shook his head,
"Don't be."
They silently walked into the village, the only sound was the distant voices and the snow crunching beneath their feet.
"Honeydukes?" Remus asked nudging Emma. She nodded timidly following him to the brightly lit, packed candy shoppe.
*
He stared across bar/restaurant, watching Emma and Remus drink butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks. Bitterly, he sat with Severus and a couple of Slytherins.
"What does she see in Lupin." Trent glowered, almost downing his butterbeer he had spiked with fire whiskey.
"They're both half bloods." Avery said with an eye roll without sparing the two a glance.
"She tried to kill herself after almost dying. Come off it, Trent. Let her be happy." Severus said quite disgruntled.
"I thought you were in love with Evans." Trent snapped at him. Severus returned his glare with an icy stare,
"Keep your trap shut, Trent."
"Gladly, Severus."
Trent looked back over at Remus and Emma. She looked upset, obviously trying to fight back tears while Remus looked nervous, saying something frantically as if trying to apologize. Trent immediately stood and quickly walked over to them, shoulders hunched with quite a nasty look on his face.
"What do you think you're doing?" A quiet yet shrill voice asked, pulling Trent into a booth. Trent glared at the girl who pulled him away, Lily.
"Evans, I swear to Merlin-"
"You're going to ruin everything!"
"She's about to cry!" Trent glanced at James, Peter, and Sirius who say across from him, Lily, and Elle.
"And where's your twin?" He tilted his head, momentarily distracted.
"Doesn't matter," Ella cut through flatly,
"What matters is that you sit your arse down and not do anything stupid."
"D'ya reckon he knows?" James directed towards Lily.
"Probably not. But that doesn't matter either."
"I know everything about Emma." Trent said defensively, going to turn his head to look at her but he was kicked under the table.
"What in the name of Merlin's saggy testi-"
"Don't look." Peter hissed, cutting him off.
"I don't understand." Trent moaned. He looked to Lily for help.
"She never told you because you two aren't friends at the moment." She said quietly, shaking her head slowly.
"That doesn't matter!" He mimicked Elle, throwing her a glare while he was at it.
"How about we all just shut up." James suggested.
"And arse-face here goes back to the soon-to-be-Death Eaters, yeah?" Sirius added pointing his thumb towards Trent. Trent laid a hand on his wand threateningly but was met with 4 wands in front of him in a flash and a smug look from Sirius. Trent sneered and stood abruptly, walking back to his table grouchily.
Emma listened to the words Remus was saying, yet she wasn't comprehending anything.
"Emma, are you alright?" Remus asked frowning.
"I need... Um I need fresh air." She said faintly. She went to stand but changed her mind, settling back down.
"Why me? Honestly, Remus, why would you choose me?" Emma blurted out, rubbing her temples. She made sure to divert her eyes and stare down at her butterbeer.
"Because you can make yourself look however you want," Remus began, "but you choose to keep your own self. You're not perfect, but to me... You're beautiful." Emma kept her eyes down.
"He's lying." The snide voice remarked.
"I'm not." Emma said honestly, feeling light headed.
"What's wrong?" Remus asked examining her, noticing her pale complexion.
"Do you really want to know why I tried to kill myself?" Emma said after a moment of two.
"If-if you're alright with telling me..." Remus stammered.
"You all were so adamant on making me...I don't know. Making me better, trying to get me to forgive you all it was stressful. It made me have...bad thoughts. Thoughts that you wouldn't believe." She closed her eyes as the sly voice overwhelmed her.
"I'm sorry. Emma? Emma, are you ok?" Remus frantically grabbed her forearm,
"Listen to me, alright? All we want is for you to feel loved."
"How can I if I'm continuously told that I'm unloved?" Emma shuddered opening her eyes. Remus stared into the now grey eyes.
"What will it take for you to realize that we don't hate you?" Remus stressed, now grabbing her hands.
"I don't think there is anything." Emma sighed. There was a commotion from the booth close to the two of them and Emma glance that way to see a smug looking Sirius, and Peter and James pointing their wands toward someone who's hair was blue....
The blue haired boy, who Emma knew was Trent, stood and stalked away from the booth.
"Don't mind them." Remus said shaking his head.
"They just threatened Trent." Emma protested, giving Remus a look.
"He's fine." He said with a tone of finality that Emma surrendered to.
"Yeah." She sighed.
"Then don't worry." He smiled softly.
"I'm going to try and make you realize that we care for you."
Emma shook her head, "It's going to be hard."
"Shall we get back to school?" Remus offered. Emma nodded and they stood, leaving the pub.
"OI!" Emma ignored the voices yelling from behind her and Remus, but Remus stopped.
"What do you want, Trent?" He sighed, running a hand over his hair.
"You hurt her?" Trent asked, storming towards the two of them. Emma grabbed on to Remus' hand, trying to get him to keep walking.
"Please." She whispered but to no avail. She wasn't heard over the taunts from Trent's group of Slytherin's.
"Trent, you're a Ravenclaw. Why on earth are you with Slytherins?" Remus asked calmly, pulling Emma behind him. She backed up slightly, not sure how this could go.
"Filthy half-blooded b*tch." Evan Rosier sneered at Emma when she accidentally caught his eye.
"Because they're the only ones who don't care about my looks." Trent slurred. They were drawing looks from locals and students,
"Remus, please." Emma begged, pulling on his hand once more.
"Always knew you'd go for him, Em," Trent spat, a bitter laugh escaping him.
"Two little half-bloods. Adorable."
"You made the mistake to talk to my friends like that, Trent." Emma said softly, shyness taking over her.
"What's that, Loren?" Avery snickered, "can't hear a word you're saying."
"Back off." Severus sighed, "They're not worth it."
Emma was thankful yet hurt at those words.
"No, no! Snape, I want these two t-to tell me right now." Trent growled at Severus who cast his eyes up to the sky, shaking his head.
"What do you want? Jesus, Trent, what do you want from me?" Emma yelled hauntingly, fed up with the abuse being yelled from his Slytherin friends.
"I-"
"Shut up. Lets go." Remus shook his head angrily and spun on the spot, grabbing Emma's hand and dragging her down the path.
"What? Need your friends to defend you, Lupin?" Trent called towards them, sounding desperate.
"Ignore him. He's stupid." Remus tried to convince her.
"You're choosing the wrong lad, Emma!" Trent yelled again.
"Bloody Hell, shut up!" An annoyed Lily Evan's yelled at Trent as she, Daisy, and Elle ran to catch up with Emma and Remus.
"Remember what they did." Was the final scream from Trent before she walked back with them, listening to their every worry and thought.
*
Emma watched from her desk as Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws cast a spell towards the boggarts. It was review time in Defence Against the Dark Arts. The first thing on the list was really easy, boggarts. In her third year, Emma was able to do this lesson after class ended, due to her begging the teacher, Professor Mannings, to let her do it after the lesson. But the teacher for this year didn't know this, Professor Lester was an aging man, his hair was balding and he stood with the aura of authority.
Before class started, Emma had hurried to his desk,
"Professor, maybe I ask of a favour?" She asked timidly, biting the inside of her cheek.
"Professor who?" Professor Lester raised a challenging eyebrow at her.
"Pardon me. Professor Lester, may I ask of a favour?" Emma corrected. Lester stared her straight in the eye, his gaze was quite unnerving. He visibly ran his tongue across his teeth,
"Ms Loren, what could you possibly want me to do for you?" He asked, inspecting her closely as she tried to work up the courage to continue to stare in his blank brown eyes. Emma cleared her throat,
"Well, Sir, I wanted to know if I could um..maybe do this lesson after class? Or after dinner, whichever." Emma wanted to look away from him, but knew she'd be in for a lecture if she were to 'not make proper eye contact'.
"And why is that, Ms Loren? D'ya feel like you'd make the class look stupid?" Lester 'humphed' and shook his head,
"No, no, Emma. You are going to have to participate with the class."
"But Professor Lester, I cannot confront the boggart in front of this many people." She argued.
"Listen to me, Emma," Lester licked his lips. "Present me with a reason why you refuse to participate in the review and you'll be free from doing so. Simple, m'dear." He looked at her expectantly but Emma's mouth went dry, her throat closed. She couldn't think of something to say.
"If only I could tell you-"
"Then it's not a terribly big deal, now is it?" He said with a challenging eyebrow raise.
"Forgive me, Professor Lester, I cannot explain my home life to you. Would my suicide note make it clear to you?" She said coldly. Professor Lester watched her for a couple of minutes,
"Very well. My apologies." He waved his hand and Emma set off with just a nod.
And thus, Emma watched as student by student walked up and conquered their fear. Snakes, clowns, dogs, there was even a porcelain doll. She watched as Daisy walked up and saw, just as she expected, the previous crow turn into a squid. Daisy shrieked but cast the spell, making it tap dance. It was still quite horrifying to Emma, but it was amusing to others. Trent walked up next, a determined look on his face. A werewolf stood in front of Trent, baring its teeth. Professor Lester sat up straighter from his desk but Trent pointed his wand toward it and growled, "Riddikulus." Before stalking away, not sparing a glance toward his creation of a werewolf dressed up as a Hogwarts student....
Trent caught Emma's eye and nodded his head with a frown. He knew. She stared at him horrified, shaking her head at him quickly.
"Are you alright?" Emma jumped at the sudden appearance from Daisy, but her eyes never wavered from Trent's daunting stare.
"Fine." Emma murmured, finally looking away.
"Are you sure?" Daisy asked hesitantly.
"Yes." Emma said louder.
Daisy nodded and backed off, but she had so many questions. Questions about what was written on her note.
"Emma....?" Daisy said again. Emma could see her questioning eyes and shook her head,
"You know too much about my home life, and I'd appreciate it if you could be a good person one last time and not say a word to anyone." Emma spoke quietly but firmly, wanting Daisy to realize just how imperative it was that she was to not tell anyone.
"Emma-"
"You...did you?" Emma asked shakily, wringing her hands.
"Y-yeah..." Daisy whispered.
"Who?" Emma said, pressing her palms to her eyes.
"Erm, y-yesterday uhm... Remus, S-Sirius-"
"The Marauders, Elle, and Lily." Emma stated more than questioned.
"Yeah."
"Please just... Go." Emma said with a sharp intake a breath. Daisy complied and sat at her desk, her eyes straying from the group going up to the Boggart more than once.
"I warned you, Emma." Trent hummed as he stood behind the hyperventilating girl.
"Leave me be." Emma pleaded, keeping her palms to her eyes.
"I'm here for you. Whenever." Trent whispered, placing a hand on her knee.
"Trent, please. Go." Emma turned away from him and waited until the class ended, signalling the next class.
Emma stood and collected her belongings,
"I will be seeing you at lunch, Ms Loren." Professor Lester said as he stood on heavy feet, putting the Boggart back into the chest.
"Yes, Sir." Emma said, emotionally exhausted before leaving the class and heading toward Transfiguration.
She left early that class, claiming to be feeling sick. The main reason she left was because of the constant,
"Emma, we need to talk." From James,
"I'm sorry." From Daisy, and continuous looks from the rest of them.
"What's wrong, dear?" Madame Pomfrey asked as she watched Emma walk into the Hospital Wing.
"I'm feeling sick." Is all she said as she sat on a bed.
"When are you going back home?" Madame Pomfrey questioned as she placed a had on Emma's forehead. She clicked her tongue and turned away.
"Tomorrow."
"Good. When you go, I'm going to need you to take this," she handed her a small vial of dreamless sleep potion, "and this." Also handing her another vial, a brown potion. "One sip before bed each, should last a few days." She instructed.
"What's the brown potion for?" Emma asked as she held it up, trying to look through the murkiness.
"Well, dear, it's-"
"Never mind. I know. And I said I don't need them-" Emma began with a frown.
"It's worth a try. Antidepressants in the muggle world give you nothing but depression itself, this should help. Honestly." Madame Pomfrey patted her shoulder,
"Now, lay down. You'll feel better for Herbology."
"Yeah." Emma sighed laying back on the hospital bed.
A/N written at school and home. Had too much emotion in me, so ta-da!
The more comments, the quicker the update!,
~AwesomePegacorn