May 1998
In a lifetime there's the handful of people that get lucky. That were in the right place at the right time, that had a good day, or whatever. It's not a science, and most people lay awake at night hoping they'll be one to do so.
Enclosed in her dance directors tiny office Jaclyn Webber was having a hard time deciding if what this was, was luck or her worst nightmare.
"Jackie, it's time we consider our options."
Right in that moment every part of her life blew by. Two year old tap class with her parents, performing Clara in the studio's Nutcracker, receiving news of that damn scholarship.
A piece of paper sitting in a mixed mess of other papers on their kitchen table, except this one was giving her a chance to take that extra step.
"I don't know what there is to consider," she blew out. She was only fifteen, and they wanted her to consider moving to a different country, like her parents would ever allow that. "I can't go."
Miss. Tricia, the best ballet teacher in central Illinois, drew in a deep breath her eyes solving all of Jaclyn's comebacks before she could use them. Miss. Tricia had always been more of a friend to her girls than an authoritative figure, so putting them in place wasn't her favorite thing.
That didn't mean she wouldn't do it.
"The Royal Ballet School, just doesn't hand out full ride scholarships to anyone. Especially ones who attend a small intensive on a scholarship from a competition." Her hands tapped the desk every time she said scholarship emphasizing how lucky Jaclyn should consider herself.
Going to London for a week or two was different than a temporary move, and she was still baffled with what they would want with her. She couldn't deny l she had talent, local conservatory talent, but overseas academy talent? When had she gotten that good?
She looked to her mom wanting to gauge her reaction, but she was uncharacteristically blank, maybe a little pale in her round face. She hadn't said a thing just listened as Miss. Tricia listed things that would have to be done.
Move in was in a month, so she had to make up her mind quickly.
"My parents need me." That was true, work could swallow their family business whole now, losing a person, would possibly put them under.
"No," Michelle, her mom, said. Voice nothing like Jaclyn had heard before. She was boisterous, loud and charming; now she was sucking in to hold back any shakiness. "We will survive without you. After the year we've had we can even hire someone else."
"But what about Gaga-"
"Your grandmother is a capable grown woman, and if she hears you passed on a once in a lifetime opportunity for her it'll..."
Break her more than she already is...
Five years after her divorce, and she seemed more crazy than broken; her antics were a desperate cry for help. She cut her hair short, got in shape, and now played the ukele. None of those things seemed bad, but behind the change and new obsessions she hurt.
If it had all been for her better good then it would've been fine, but the woman was so far off her rocker and Jaclyn was positive her father was close to losing it with her. More than a few customers had been chased from the lawn and garden center by her, not that she meant to.
"You can't give up everything for us, princess," her mom soothed daring to reach out and frame the outside of Jaclyn's face with her long fingers. She really didn't want to let her only daughter go, but watching her move through everyday stuck in ordinary things like they were...
It hurt more
Small town Illinois wasn't that bad. It was boring when your dreams took you to places beyond the walls of your family's small business, and getting yelled at by teenagers wasn't really the same as cheers from a crowd. But it wasn't bad.
Spending the rest of her life as a plant consultant had its perks, her landscape would always be nice for one, and she could still be connected to her family.
She couldn't be selfish, but other opportunities already had been passed to ease up on bills. There was nothing Jaclyn wantes more right now, than to run with that. To be selfish for once when it was reasonable to be so.
"I'll do it."
-----
In the airport about to leave her parents is when it sunk in. Fifteen, and going to live in London at an arts boarding school for the next three years, and training to be a professional dancer.
She held her Gaga, mentally never planning to let her go. Her other grandparents said goodbye at the greenhouse, they were running it for the day because her father refused to close.
Like in the studio memories clogged her mind; reading with her Gaga, learning how to repot plants with her father, her grandparents taking her out on a canoe for the first time, and her mom holding her close as she cried after falling during one of her variations.
She moved on kissing her mom goodbye allowing the tears to sit openly in her eyes relishing her mother's coppery hair. "I'll make you proud." Michelle's smile grew as she breathed out, "you already have."
"Remember," her mother started, "Natania lived in London until moving here and she'll help you around." Jaclyn nodded kissing her mother one more time. Her gaze turned to where Mary was holding her daughter, and Jaclyn's best friend, sobbing.
Jaclyn's dad, Brad, stood back looking rather blank under his camo baseball cap and dark sunglasses. The tough guy act was on full display, but as she collapsed into him he held her tighter than he ever had.
He was a man known for being brutally honest and straightforward, he worked hard for everything in his life, and he expected the same thing of Jaclyn . There's a toughness at the core of the father daughter relationship, and few understand it.
Despite all these jarring characteristics she melt in my dad's arms. Whispering against his shoulder saying, "dad I'm scared."
"The only reason for you to be scared is if you're doubting yourself, and if you're doing that then I'm pulling the plug on the whole endeavor." Her head bobbed knowing he was right.
Obviously she had done something right, so she just had to keep doing things right.
He kissed her head pulling back to pull his sunglasses down a little bit. "I'm not paying for expensive dance school just so you can go over there and do the same thing you were doing here there."
Again, he was right. This was her chance to really grow into herself. Become the person she really wanted to be.