A/N
This was originally written as a special for when we reached 2K and cause I missed writing about Ayanna and Namjoon but I never got around to finishing it... TELL ME IF YOU LIKE IT-
And then yesterday, I found out that, *drumroll please*
"Coincidences" won first place in the Kim Namjoon category in the Love yourself awards 2020 hosted by the lovely bangtastic_bae . Thank you so much for this honour!!! I was so happy when I got to know about it!!!!!
Thank you to everyone who supported and loved coincidences~ you guys are the best!!!!
Okay okay so about the chapter there's a //T/W for panic attacks and anxiety //
This is in no way romanticising any of that. There's nothing pretty about mental illnesses and the repercussions of having one. This hopefully helps you understand it better. And the fact that they don't really disappear overnight... Even when you know you're loved and taken care of.
Also they don't manifest the same way for all, so this is just one specific case.
If you are affected by reading about any of them, please skip this one and take care of yourself. You are worth all the love and kindness in this world, remember that forever.
Okie dokie let's get on with the chapter now...
LETSSS GOOOOOOO
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Ayanna sat in her home studio, twisting her rings as she tried to think straight. She sighed as she took off her engagement ring and read the inscription engraved in the inner side.
Let us go on and take the adventure that shall fall to us...
She couldn't help but smile at that quote that perfectly summarised how she and Namjoon met.
And to think that it was from the lion, the witch and the wardrobe too..
Ahh Joonie was so sentimental sometimes.
She'd always take it off and read it when she'd need some clarity.
But today it didn't provide any.
She slipped it back on and sighed, taking a sip from her fourth cup of coffee for the day.
Sure being a head of her department was great.
But it was sure as hell stressful too.
And Namjoon wasn't around to keep her company either.
So here she was again.
Alone.
Staring at the numerous paint chips scattered on her desk along with a bunch of sheets pinned on her corkboard.
She sighed and swiveled on her chair, trying to come up with something, but to no avail.
This wasn't supposed to be this hard.
Her phone buzzed as she got a mail.
She clicked on it and read it. She'd gotten another project.
One with a new deadline.
Right next to the current one.
Nice.
She chugged down the rest of her coffee and flexed her fingers determiningly.
She was going to finish these today.
....
That didn't work.
She stared at the blank canvas on her tablet.
And at the actual blank canvas a few metres away on her paint splattered easel.
Today was not a good art day.
But in this line of work, she didn't really have a choice but to work on all days, whether they were good or bad.
Three projects with back to back deadlines.
She tapped her foot as she racked her brain, hoping and praying something would hit her.
Joonie would know what to do.
But he was on a flight home and was sure to be exhausted once he landed.
Sigh
A thought gnawed at the back of her head as she ruminated in silence
I'm alone again aren't I.
...
Namjoon was tired.
Tired would be an understatement actually.
Sure there wasn't that much of a time difference.
But travelling drained him almost all the time.
And he'd have to force himself to not affect him.
But the best part about coming back home, was the warm bed and the fact that he didn't immediately have to go for a dozen appearances and interviews.
And of course there was Ayanna, with her steady embrace and wisecrack jokes.
He chuckled at that thought as he looked at his wedding band, smiling longingly as he looked out the window, the city of Seoul visible below him.
...
"Hi Joonie! Welcome home!" She said as he carried his bag in, her kissing his cheek.
"Hi love! I'm gonna go take a quick shower, okay? I'm grubby-"
"Yup okay. I'll serve dinner till then. Just one second-" she said as she wrapped her arms around him
"Missed me that much huh?" He asked as he rested his head on top of hers.
"You have no idea... Now go! Shower, stat!" She said as she broke the hug, playfully pushing him towards the bathroom.
....
They had dinner together, Namjoon filling her in on what they did while they were away, and Ayanna updating him about things she was working on.
"Ahhh the unrealistic deadlines are the best part!" She said sarcastically as they clinked their glasses filled with lemonade.
"You're using humour again to deflect your actual annoyance aren't you-" Namjoon asked as he narrowed his eyes.
"No-"
He noticed her tired eyes and her fidgeting fingers. How she zoned out every few seconds, definitely thinking about something.
"Ayanna..."
"Hmm?" She asked, looking up from her food
"Have you been sleeping?"
"Yup! I don't sacrifice my sleep for anything!" She said with a grin
Which would've convinced him, if he didn't know her better...
He decided not to push her though, as he said a faint okay before eating again.
...
He woke up to a whimper.
Rolling over towards her side he noticed her back was shivering, her hands covering her face as she tried to, as quietly as she could, steady her breathing.
Always stopping short of a full inhale, as if her breath caught on something.
He had crashed the moment they had finished cleaning up after dinner, Ayanna insisting she had work to finish, deflecting his puppy face attack. He had wished her all the best as she softly closed her studio door, him going and collapsing on their bed soon after.
And now he woke up to her trembling.
He shuffled closer to her as she tried to move away.
"I- I'm so sorry. Leave me alone for a while. I'll be fine..." She said between breaths, "I'll figure it out-"
He wrapped an arm around her as he pulled her closer, whispering into her ear
"I'm here so you never have to be alone again..."
He rested his forehead on the back of her head as he let her calm down, their chests rising and falling together.
It was a while before she passed out, the tears drying on her cheeks.
Namjoon looked at the clock on his bedside. It read 4:30.
He had slept a good 8 hours now. He slowly removed his arms as he got up from the bed, trying to be as careful as possible. She didn't stir.
He tucked her in and made his way to her studio. Stepping into it, everything seemed normal. He walked up to her desk to see the computer hadn't been shut down properly. Switching it on, he found a bunch of tabs open and her art app too. Clicking on it, he found himself to be staring at a pristine white screen.
He looked around the desk and saw 5 different unwashed mugs and three discarded ramen cups.
He moved to the easel in the corner and saw that was empty too.
He sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair.
No wonder she broke down.
She hadn't been able to create.
It was hard, making something new, every single day. Sure, they got high off of it, the sheer exhilaration of making something unique. But sometimes, all it did was make you question your sanity.
He sat down on her office chair as he looked out of the window which faced their backyard, the day slowly beginning.
His eyes lit up as he snapped his fingers, turning to face the computer.
...
Ayanna woke up to sunlight hitting her face. She shot up from her bed as she looked around, a plate of breakfast on her side table.
"Good morning!" Namjoon said as he hustled about the room, wearing his wrist watch as he packed things in his backpack.
"Good morning... What- are you doing?" She asked as she started nibbling on the breakfast.
"Packing! And you should do that too... I mean I already packed your suitcase, but I'm pretty sure I forgot some things, so just go through it once."
"What- why did you pack me a bag? Where are we going?"
"We have a flight to catch in a couple of hours. Come on now, eat up and ask me questions later," he said as he walked out the room, going into the closet.
Ayanna scarfed down her breakfast as she got out of the bed, looking at their packed luggage before looking at Namjoon, confusion written all over her face.
"Namjoon I don't know what you're thinking... But I can't leave-"
"You've been working non stop for months now. Letting go of a couple of projects and letting someone else do the work this time is a completely reasonable thing to do. I've already spoken to your colleagues-"
"What- what is this? Where are we going?"
"Paris. Disneyland." He says like it's no big deal before putting on his shades and smiling his million dollar smile.
What the heck
....
He wasn't kidding.
"You need a break. You need to completely remove yourself from all this and stop thinking about it for a couple of days."
She called up her office and all she got from them was "it's fine! We'll manage! You've done a lot take a break!"
So she relented, packing up a couple more things, going to her studio to grab her laptop.
"I'd rather you not carry that-"
"It's fine. I promise I won't spend too much time on it. I need it just in case... Plus I need to finish a couple of things," she said, trying to convince him with her best smile.
...
She leaned over to stare at the boarding passes Namjoon had just gotten from the check in desk.
"Well shit-" she whispered under her breath
"You didn't believe me?" He asked, shock gracing his face.
"Are you insane? Wait don't answer that-"
"I am indeed insane. For you-"
"I knew you would tell me some cheesy shit like that," she said, suppressing her laughter.
They got through security and sat in a quiet corner of the airport, Namjoon reading a book as Ayanna worked on her computer, finishing up and mailing some things. He had made her promise that she wouldn't open it in Paris until she absolutely had to. So she typed away like there was no tomorrow.
....
They watched 'The sound of music' using shared earphones, Ayanna shushing Namjoon whenever he started singing along while suppressing her giggles.
...
"La beauté, Paris..." Namjoon says as they step out of the airport into the crisp early morning air, Ayanna leaning against him, stifling another yawn.
"Where do we go to first?" He asked her as he guides her to their car.
She immediately perks up, rubbing out the remainder of her sleep from her eyes, "Breakfast! At a patisserie-" she declares as her eyes twinkle, causing Namjoon chuckle and ruffle her hair "Sugar it is..."
...
They dropped off their luggage at the hotel and went to the nearest patisserie, stuffing their faces with tiny eclairs and dainty tarts, washing it all down with coffee.
"Do you have anything planned?" Ayanna asked as she took a sip of her coffee, earning herself a milk moustache.
Namjoon looked up and snorted, wiping it off carefully while saying, "Nope. This is as impromptu as it gets. I just booked tickets for Disney two days later-"
"Just how many days are we here Joonie?" She asked mid bite, worry marring her face
He took one of the pastries and put it in her mouth, shutting her up.
She narrowed her eyes before sighing, relenting to the situation.
Joon just grinned as he scrolled through his phone
...
"What do you mean you want to go to the Disney store when we're going to Disney land in two days??!!" He yelled as she dragged him to the giant mouse façade, looking at him with puppy eyes
"If there's one thing you should know about me by now, it's that I'm a Disney whore. Now come on. We went to a dozen boutiques and now I wanna go there!" She whined
Namjoon pinched the bridge of his nose as he gave up, sighing.
....
"I don't think that's exactly chic" Ayanna giggled as she pointed at Namjoon's new addition, a blue stitch hoodie.
"You said it looked cute!" He said as he looked down at himself, before looking at her in disbelief.
She stood on her tiptoes and pecked his nose,"It is cute. You are cute."
"God you still make me flustered" he said as he rubbed his neck, trying not to smile too hard, before he wrapped an arm around her as they got lost in the streets.
....
They spent the next day roaming the cobbled streets, with nothing but a camera and their tiny backpacks filled with essentials.
"Joon ooh ooh look at those flowers!"
Click
"IS THAT A HANDMADE PASTELS SHOP-"
Click
"KIM NAMJOON"
Click
"YAH! STOP TAKING PICTURES AND LETS GO THERE PLEEEAAAASE" she whined looked into his lens
She walked into the shop, her eyes lighting up, like a kid in a candy store.
Click
"STO-"
....
She walked out with a case full of pastels, clutching the box against her chest like it was her most prized possession as she grinned at Namjoon, who threw an arm around her shoulder, bringing her closer.
Grrrrrrrr
His ears turned red as she tried to stifle a chuckle
"Guess we should eat something" she said as she took his hand and led the way, on the hunt for a new restaurant.
....
Next day-
They got up early and got out of their hotel, Ayanna high key annoyed that they couldn't sit down and eat the breakfast.
"I don't understand what it is with you and early hours-"
"We want to make the most of our days here, remember?"
She walked out, pulling her suitcase behind her with one hand, a jelly donut in the other. Namjoon opened the boot to put the bags in and chuckled as he saw Ayanna, the donut now in her mouth as she dusted the powdered sugar off her hands, hefting up the suitcase into the boot.
"I'll drive?" Namjoon asked as he saw her reach into their packed breakfast, pulling out another pastry.
Ayanna slowly took the danish out of the paper box and put it in her mouth, not breaking eye contact for one second.
"Well that settles that then" he said as he opened the door for her.
.......
Ayanna skipped ahead as Joon walked forward, his hands in his pocket as he smiled at her back.
"Look at the architecture" She said as she pointed at the castle " The castle was inspired by the renaissance age, with its elaborate filigree and the colours and the techniques used to decorate the entire thing! With the stained glass windows-"
Click
"I thought you didn't like architecture." He said with an amused smirk as he stood next to her.
"Oh I don't mind architecture as long as I don't have to study it. And this information comes from me being a Disney fanatic-" she said with a wide smile that made his heart flutter.
"Then, tell me more, oh wise Disney addict-"
She punched his arm before they started walking around the considerably empty park.
....
"Im never going on rides with you again..." Ayanna said as she clutched her stomach after the mad teacups ride.
"Hey it wasn't that bad! And besides I could say the same about you! that roller coaster was so scary. I think I lost my voice screaming. You do realise, My entire career revolves around my ability to speak-"
"Oh Namjoon don't be such a wuss"
"What did you just call me?" he asked as he cocked an eyebrow, a smirk gracing his lips.
"Oh you didn't hear? A wuss-" she aid as she took a couple of steps backward, "W-U-S-S" before she took off in a full sprint laughing, her pony swinging wildly behind her.
"YAH! AYANNA! GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!" he yelled as he sprinted, trying to catch up with her.
....
They stood next to each other in the bustling crowd as night fell, just in time for the electrical parade. Namjoon held onto a helium balloon as Ayanna ate cotton candy, occasionally giving Namjoon a piece as they looked at the floats coming by from up ahead.
The whimsical music played as the floats went by, with the colourful performers in their outfits made up of thousands of twinkling led lights.
Ayanna held out the cotton candy to Namjoon and he ate it without looking, getting it all over his face
"And this is why I have a love- hate relationship with cotton candy"
"Here let me get that for you" she said as she reached into her bag to get her handkerchief
"Oh I've got a better idea" he said as he leaned in, kissing her, hiding their faces with the giant fluffy cotton candy.
She laughed as they broke the kiss, wiping the cotton candy off his nose and cheeks
"You're such a dork"
"Only for you" he giggled as he gave her his dimpled grin.
......
"I'm sorry to disturb you guys" they turned as they heard a small voice behind them as they were walking hand in hand to exit the park.
They saw a Disney cast member looking at them, recognition lighting up her face, "Umm Mr. Kim Namjoon and Ms. Ayanna..."
"Yes?"
"We at Disneyland Paris would love to make your experience a little more magical..." she started with a smile, "Have you heard about sleeping beauty's suite in the castle tower?"
.....
"You've got to be kidding me" Ayanna said as she looked out the high windows in their room in the middle of the park. "How is any of this real" she sighed
Joon walked up and wrapped his arms around her waist, putting his head on her shoulder, "A question I ask everyday... How are you real and how are you mine?" he whispered.
She turned around and kissed his nose, "You're so cheesy" she said with a smile.
"I never want you to forget that. I'm your's and you're never alone," He said as he looked into her eyes, intensely.
She sighed as she buried her head in his shirt, "I won't"
"Now, do you wanna see if sleeping beauty's bed is as comfortable as they say it is?" he asked as he felt her leaning onto him for support
"Yes that would be lovely"
He lifted her up and tucked her in, kissing her forehead before switching off the lights, wrapping an arm around her.
......
"These are a ridiculous amount of pictures" Ayanna said as she put all of them in their new album "and most of it is us doing stupid shit, look at this one-" she laughed as she held up a picture of Namjoon messing around with a statue.
They were sitting on the floor of their living room, sifting and sorting throught the freshly printed memories.
"That's not the most ridiculous one though" he said as he held up another one, a picture of Ayanna slowly walking away from a pot she knocked down, a suspicious look on her face
"Oh my god I told you to not get that one printed!"
"When do I ever listen to you though?" he said with a little chuckle
"True that. Now what do you wanna eat for lunch?"
"Just grab a couple of cup ramen and come sit next to me, we aren't done sorting these pictures"
"Okie okie bub, be right back"
Namjoon quickly went through the envelopes and found the wallet sized picture he had made.
It was Ayanna, her eyes twinkling as she pointed at the Castle, spouting interesting trivia with a huge smile on her face, the mickey ears off center on her head, her sundress flowing in the breeze.
He kissed it before slipping it into his wallet.
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A/n (again lol)
So "Eunoia" will probably not have an update tomorrow since I posted this. I'm still writing the next two chapters so that's going to take a while... So the next chapter will drop the day after tomorrow.
Also also I just wanted to share with y'all that
*I actually printed "coincidences" as an actual book. Hardcover binding and everything-*
It turned out so pretty and it was really fun too!! I drew the cover and designed everything and type set everything so it was a one man show LOL BUT IT TURNED OUT SO CUTE SO HERE ARE SOME PICTURES.
*the other copies are for my friends who made me do it- I kinda love then for that and hate them for that at the same time*
Okay then this has been a long chapter and ramble.
I hope I get to write about these two again at some point but I don't know so we'll see...
TYSM FOR ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT SO FAR
BORAHAEEE❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
A/N:
(from the futureeee)
A lot of you keep asking me about getting one of these hard copies for yourself and I'm pleased to let you guys know that I am looking into making it happen! For more details head on to my "From the Cafe" Under the chapter- Coincidences Hard Copies Deets! Ill drop a link here in the comments for easy access<3