"It's open" Maggie called out from the interior of the room.
Billie pushed open the door quietly, her head tipped down as she stepped inside. She closed the door behind her and willed herself to be brave.
"Oh I'm sorry, young man." Maggie said, using the outrageously thick, wanton accent most of the women who worked there used, "I'm not available tonight."
Billie looked up and removed her hat, watching Maggie impassively. For a moment, Maggie just stared at her wide eyed in shock, and they both watched each other, silence reigning in the room. And then Maggie's expression roared to life, frustration and elation among the two most prominent.
"What are you doing here?!" she hissed, dropping the fake accent, "Stop coming here! I told you I am not your mother. Let go of your silly obsession and go back to your home.
"Look, I don't know why you're trying to protect me, but I'm an adult now. I don't need protecting anymore. I know you're my mother. Stop pushing me away!" Billie responded hotly, "It's time for me to protect you. You've had to deal with getting fucked by dirty old men and sleazy cheating assholes and who knows what other horrors you've had to endure for so many fucking years, but no more! I'm getting you out of this hellhole whether you want me to or not. So shut the hell up and just let me do what I want!"
Maggie's mouth snapped shut and her eyes widened in surprise. She blinked in shock for a good few seconds, staring at Billie like she was suddenly seeing-truly seeing-her for the first time. Billie grit her teeth, feeling something swell up in her chest. Something truly melancholic but at the same time some indescribable joy. It was threatening to tear her apart.
"Well you certainly are stubborn..." Maggie chuckled, her eyes welling up with proud, unshed tears, "You don't know how many years I wished for us to speak like this...To at least have one proper conversation together. I never imagined it would be in a whore house with you dressed as a male and telling your own mother, of all people, to shut the hell up."
Billie averted her gaze, staring at the ground and breathing harshly, fighting to keep her tears from falling. She would be strong. She would be strong dammit fuck sake!
"I haven't seen you since you were a loud, blue eye little thing swaddled in a blanket." Maggie let out a breathless sob, "I thought I would never see you again...And then there you were earlier today, grown up and strong and beautiful. My beautiful baby Billie, all grown up..."
"You remember my name?" Billie whispered, blue eyes watering and throat tightening dangerously.
"I could never forget my child's name."
Billie sniffled, her voice breaking while she spoke, "I thought you abandoned me. I thought I didn't have a family."
Maggie shook her head and patted the bed next to her, "Come here, my baby girl."
Billie knew she told herself to stay strong and not to move, but nothing could keep her from walking over to Maggie. Next thing she knew, she was curled up into Maggie's side, sobbing into her shoulder and gripping her nightdress like a lifeline. She didn't even realise how hard she had been crying until Maggie rubbed her back soothingly, shushing her lightly.
"It's okay Billie...it's okay, baby."
"I've felt so alone these past years..." Billie blubbered, "So, so alone."
"I know...I'm sorry..."
They sat there for a while, Maggie, just rocking Billie back and forth soothingly as she exhausted nineteen years' worth of tears. Billie, feeling for the first time like she could finally let her guard down and just let her emotions wash over her. She could finally be the vulnerable Billie she kept locked tightly away...
"What's my real name?" she asked, "I know my last name isn't Donahoe."
"Well, you're an O'Connell. Billie O'Connell to be precise. It's not a common last name here in the West. But it is in California."
"California?" Billie questioned in awe, her voice muffled because her face was buried in her mother's shoulder.
"That's right. Your father and I were from California. Los Angeles to be exact."
"What is it like?"
"It's a beautiful place. With lots of different people. Always warm throughout the entire year. A place where dreams can become reality. But it was hard to find work there. When we got married, your father bought a deed of land out west so we moved to this town for the brand new opportunity. We started up a restaurant business in the town. One of only two."
Billie sat slightly up, frowning. "Is the restaurant still there?"
Maggie sighed a bit wistfully, "Honestly, I wouldn't know. I've been pretty much stuck here for so many years..."
"I'm sorry..." Billie said quietly.
"You don't have anything to be sorry about, Billie." Maggie rubbed her back soothingly, "We named our restaurant O'Connell's, you know. We wanted it to be a family restaurant passed through generations. You were going to inherit it."
"I don't think there are any restaurants named O'Connell's in this town."
"I wouldn't expect there to be any. Nobody else would be able to run the resturant with me in the whore house. It's probably been long gone."
That's right. The debt.
"If you don't mind me asking, how did you get your lifelong debt?"
She let out a soft breath, "Your father always was a gambler of sorts. Not in the traditional sense of the word, but more like a risk taker. He took big risks. The higher the stakes, the more interested he was in playing. But he never gambled so much that it would affect either of us. If there was one thing I truly loved about him, it was that he made sure the risks he took would never negatively affect his wife and child. He made sure we never had to deal with any consequences. He was thoughtful and caring that way."
Maggie continued, staring off into the distances, "A little less than a year after you were born, your father came home one day, shamefully crying and begging me to forgive him because he had lost all our money dealing with one of the chief advisors on the mayor's town council. That he had wagered our restaurant and lost that too and that because he owed money to that man, he was being sent to work in a mine, but that he'd be back as soon as his debts were cleared."
That sounded way too familiar to Billie's ears. She frowned, her breathing slightly quickening and the wheels turning in her head. It couldn't be a coincidence.
"Who was the mayor back then?"
"His name was Leon Carson. He wasn't particularly aggressive or a go-getter as a mayor, but he was kind and fair and more than helpful in getting your father and I set up in the town once we moved."
"Leon Carson? Don't you mean Wesley Carson?"
"No honey. Wesley was his older brother. Back then he was chief town council advisor."
"Was?"
"You were still probably only a small child so you might no remember, but Leon, his wife, and their son died while he was still in office. Wesley became the mayor after that."
Billie nodded, thinking something was a little but off. She wasn't sure what it was, but there was definitely something a little wrong. "What happened to my father?"
"I never saw him again..." Maggie's voice wavered slightly, and she paused momentarily to compose herself, "But I knew. Deep down, I just knew the truth. He wasn't working in any mines. He had been killed, and they would be coming for us. About a year prior to your birth, Bull's Sleaze was established, and we had watched as family after family was destroyed and the women forced to prostitute themselves and work there as whores to pay off debts."
"You didn't want me to end up as a whore." Billie said quietly, finally understanding why Maggie had been so adamant in pretending she did not know her, "Because you knew they would eventually force me into work once I grew."
Maggie nodded solemnly, "I sent you away as quickly as possible. I brought you to the Donahoe's. They didn't have any children of their own yet, but they had always been regulars at our restaurant, great people, and people I knew I could trust to protect you. I told them I would be hanging myself in the morning, just so that they wouldn't try to ever let you see me. I made them promise to never tell you the truth about your past."
"They kept their promise..." Billie said, "Even through all of my suspicions and accusations, they never wavered."
"I should've known you would naturally become curious and seek knowledge on your own, though. You share that personality trait with your father. And you have his hair and sarcasm, Billie."
Billie snuggled further against her mother, fighting back the tears threatening to fall once again, "What happened after you sent me to the Donahoe's?"
"As I suspected, the men came for me the next day. They were wondering where you were but I told them you had died of dysentery, a common infantile sickness back then. Wesley told me that my husband had wagered my life in their gamble, and so I belonged to him. For about eighteen years, I've been subjected to all kinds of dehumanizing and used as a tool for him to exert his sexual frustrations and fantasies towards."
Her voice was hardened and angry, "I was beaten, and bruised, and other horrible things I cannot tell you. He's been doing his absolute best to try to break my spirit. He almost succeeded one day. I contemplated finding you and running away one day. I snuck out and even made it all the way to the Donahoe's ranch. And then I heard a little girl laughing. And I just knew it was your voice. I knew I couldn't do it. I could not subject you to a life on the run with me. I wanted you to grow up loved and happy and like an actual child should live. And I knew the Donahoe's were the best for that. So I went back, and just kept that sound of your laugh in my mind to get through difficult nights, holding on to the hope that one day, we would be reunited."
Billie grew increasingly and increasingly more livid with each word Maggie spoke, hot, angry tears trailing down her face.
How dare he.
How dare he touch her mother.
How dare he put his hands on her and damage her physically.
How dare he subject her to such pain and untold horrors for so many years.
And how dare he keep Maggie here for life and unable to ever see her own child.
She was going to make Wesley Fucking Carson pay if it was the last thing she did.
Sitting up with a low growl, Billie unlatched herself from Maggie and roughly wiped any lingering tears from her eyes.
"I need to borrow a dress" She said decidely.
Maggie frowned, confused by Billie's sudden liveliness and the fire dancing in her eyes, "A dress? Billie, I would love to let you, but none of my clothes would be looked kindly upon in this town."
"I know. Please, just trust me. I need one of your dresses. The tightest, most revealing, most difficult to walk in dress you possibly have."
Maggie was about to object to the request, but upon meeting Billie's fiery gaze, she changed her mind. She didn't know why Billie was so adamant about borrowing the dress, but her determination was giving Maggie some hope. She nodded and pulled out her clothes chest residing under her bed. Rummaging through a few of the contents, she pulled out some rumpled fabric of an ebony colour with red flowers the hue of blood.
"This should probably fit you. I haven't been able to wear it in several years."
Billie took it from her slowly, hands shaking. In fear or excitement, Billie honestly wasn't certain.
"Please be safe, Billie."
"I'll be back, Mama. Just trust in me, okay?"
Maggie gasped softly, hands clutched at her heart and tears dropping from her eyes. "Do you know how many years I've wished to hear you call me that even once?"
Billie carefully slipped her hat back on and readjusted her disguise, willing herself not to start crying again. She turned to Maggie with her expression steeled.
"The next time we see each other, you will be free. I'll save you from this life, and we'll finally be together. We'll start fresh together. In California."
"Oh Billie..." Maggie gushed, wiping her eyes, "My sweet, sweet Billie..."
"I swear I'll protect you, Mama."
Giving her one last resolute nod, Billie spun out of the room, determined look on her face and tiny dress snuggled under her arm. She rounded out of the corner and back into the main hall of the saloon. The bar fight was almost fully settled by now with some men groaning softly on the floor. Others were sitting at their tables, laughing loudly and nursing their drinks. She saw Drew helping some of the other women pick up fragments of broken furniture. There was no sign of Brandon or Ezra. They must have already left.
Swallowing, she walked by Lily, who was watching her with a frown, displeased by something.
"Billie..."
"Lily, I'm glad you always look out for me, and I know that you've been keeping tabs on me for years, but I need you to just take a step back this time and let me do what I need to do." Billie said undeterred, "Don't try to stop me."
Lily opened her mouth to respond, but then closed it. Her expression softened as she looked at Billie, and she nodded silently, a small, proud quirk to her lips.
"You better bring that dress back in one piece. It costs a fortune to replace all the damn clothes that these hooligans rip"
Billie let out a sigh of relief. It was really a breath of relief to know that Lily had her back, despite being against Billie's evening activities and hobbies.
"I promise."
"Good. Now go on home before your father wonders where you are."
Lily was right. She didn't know quite how late in the evening it was anymore, but she knew it was nearing sunrise. If she didn't get back soon, dawn would break, and it would be that much harder to sneak back inside.
Billie ran outside and quickly stuffed the dress into her saddle's satchel. She would leave it there until she absolutely needed it. She would have absolutely no way of explaining the dress if anyone saw it.
"Run like you've never run before, boy" Billie whispered to Nightlock, before digging her heels in his side.
Then he took off wildly into the night, past the drunkards roaming aimlessly, past Everett and Sam's lifeless bodies, and through the sleeping town, back to the Donahoe's ranch.
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As Billie crept towards the tree outside the room's window, she had honestly expected it to be darkened and shut, as per usual on a night where Billie went to town.
What she didn't expect, was Zoe watching her from their window with a candle in hand, the light casting an ominous shadow on her face that was rather uncharacteristic of the bubbly, doe-eyed girl. When Billie got beneath the window, Zoe tossed down a rope to aid her in her climb, before backing away from the window.
Billie climbed up against the side of the house, slowly pulling herself up one hand at a time. When she was finally at the top, she crawled up the slanted roof and back into their window.
"I didn't think you'd still be up, Zoe" Billie said, averting her gaze and making slow work of removing the dusty clothing she had borrowed from her father.
No...
From Mr. Donahoe.
"Why have you been so distant lately?" Zoe asked seriously.
"I haven't been-"
"Billie, I know you've been sneaking out to the saloon and coming back at extreme hours of the night, I've followed you before. Who do you think has been making excuses to Mama and Papa about your absences after dinner for several years?" Zoe sat on her bed dejectedly, "We used to be so much closer. You would tell me everything, and always told me how you felt. Do you not trust me anymore?"
"I do trust you."
"Then why have you been so distant? Ever since a few years ago, it's like you no longer act like you're part of our family. Like you don't want to be part of it..."
Billie could do nothing but stare at Zoe, not sure of what to say.
"What's going on with you?"
Billie finally stripped down to her underclothes and took a deep breath, sitting on her own bed and facing Zoe. Zoe was too sweet, too innocent, and too caring, and she'd always been Billie's biggest support. She couldn't just dismiss her. Especially not when Zoe really had been her best friend and perfect little sister she could ever dream of having.
Billie sighed and looked down at the bandage on her hand, "Zoe, I found my real mother. At Bull's Sleaze. Trapped in a debt to be a whore for the fucking mayor for the rest of her life."
Zoe's eyes grew impossibly wider, and she stayed silent for a number of seconds, just staring at Billie. Although she looked confused, Billie could see the comprehensions dawning in the depth of Zoe's gaze.
"What do you mean you found your real mother?" Zoe finally objected. "Mara is your-"
"Zoe, don't kid yourself," Billie interjected, arms crossed against her chest, "I know you know as well as I do that I'm not your parents' real daughter. I never have been"
"Billie..."
"Look at me Zoe. Really look at me." she hissed, "You can't honestly tell me that you haven't wondered why I look so incredibly different from you all. Why I am nothing like you. Why I don't resemble either of your parents."
"Never."
"Don't lie to me."
"I never have thought that!" Zoe asserted, "Because it never mattered to me! You're Billie. My big sister and best friend and the only person I can talk to about my woes. It never mattered to me because you've always fit into my life. You've always fit into this family."
"Zoe. Wake up" Billie said, looking away in guilt at the wounded look in Zoe's eyes. "You can't live in a cloud of oblivion. I've never fit in this family. It's been painfully apparent since the day I finally became aware of how to be my own person. And your father tried, but even he couldn't convince me I was a true Donahoe."
"Billie, he's your father too..."
Billie scoffed mirthlessly, "No...He's not. My father was dragged into debt and then killed. And my mother is suffering and paying for it all. She's been paying it for eighteen years in a fucking whore house." Billie stood and released her hair from the tight braid, letting it cascade around her face and shoulders in reckless abandon, "But I'm going to make it up to her...I'm going to end this once and for all, and she'll never have to deal with that pain ever again."
Zoe stood up in alarm as well, eyes looking hysterical, "Are you planning on leaving us? Leaving me?!"
Billie's answering bittersweet smiled was all the answer she gave her.
"Please Billie! Don't go!" Zoe begged, tears pooling in those beautiful eyes, "Who's going to be there for me when I start courting men? Who's going to give me advice about life? Who's going to take care for me when I finally get married. Who's going to help me get through my first pregnancy? Billie I need you here!"
"Zoe, no matter where I may go, I will always be your sister, do you understand? Nothing is going to change that."
"Billie..."
"We don't have the same father or mother, but we will always be sisters. I'll always be there for you."
"You swear?" Zoe asked.
"Cross my heart." Billie slipped under the covers of her bed, exhaustion catching up to her after that very taxing day. Too much had happened, and she felt almost entirely drained.
"Hey. Can I sleep in your bed tonight?" Zoe asked, "Like we would when we were children?"
"Yeah. Come here." Billie said. Zoe crawled into Billie's bed and curled up next to her, snuggling into her. She looked much smaller than Billie have ever seen her. Billie rubbed her back soothingly, just the way Maggie had done for her.
"Billie?" Zoe asked, her voice sounding drowsy, "Are you going to leave us?"
"Zoe, I haven't decided if I'm going to leave yet. Don't fret over it, okay?" Billie smiled sweetly to reassure her.
"Okay..."
Zoe sniffled and Billie continued to rub her back gently until the little sniffles soon turned to deep breathing and soft snoring.
Billie looked out into the semi darkness of the room and let out a long, fatigued sigh. That was the first and last time she would ever lie to Zoe. But she couldn't tell Zoe the real truth. The truth that Billie had already made up her mind that once she got Maggie out of that whore house, Billie was going to go back to California with Maggie.
The truth that Billie would leave the West and never look back.
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This chapter is dedicated to my birthday twin @mtvbil for tomorrow so everybody go wish her a happy birthday and read her stories they are so amazing. Love you so much Marie!
Also I am so excited for this story to start picking up. I have big plans for this story.