I pull out my phone as I head back inside and it rings only once and I hear. "Hey."
"Hi. So your phone is finally operational. That's got to feel good."
"Yeah, I forget how dependent I am on that stupid thing until something happens to it. All my appointments, my contacts, my entire life seems to shut down. I got your message. I'm sorry I wasn't able to call you back sooner," Cat tells me.
"That's okay. Hey, would you like to get together? I've got time before I have to get back home," I offer.
She's quiet for a moment before asking, "What about your Personal Assistant, Trina?"
"Tina?" I cringe that I just corrected Cat. I don't really care what she calls Tina, it's not important. Why did I have to correct her?
"Yeah, her."
"I sent her home. I hoped maybe you could come to William's and I can make you some pasta and we can chat, face to face."
Long pause. "What time?"
"What's good for you?"
"I can be there in about 30 minutes?" she tells me.
"Sounds perfect. I'll see you then."
"Okay."
"Cat?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
"I love you, too. 30 minutes," she repeats and I'm happy to hear the smile in her voice when she says it.
"Bye."
"Bye."
I hang up and look at William who is staring at me like I just lost my mind. "What?"
"When have you ever known me to cook? The only pot I own is the one you gave me when Cat packed up your stuff and I use that to make tea," he says pointing to it on the stove.
"Shit! Right? Okay, well. I'll order food then."
William hands me a folder with a rainbow kitty on it filled with take-out menus. Within a few minutes, the order is placed and will hopefully be here a few minutes after Cat arrives.
"You good? Where are you going to hang out?" I ask William.
"Me? I know a guy."
"Oh, really?" I can't help the sly grin.
"Don't give me that look, Alex. He's just a friend."
"Aren't they all," I tease and he laughs knowing I have a point. William is forever hanging out with "friends" or in his case "friends with benefits." I think he is too scared to open his heart up to someone again, and this is his way of not being alone. Still, I wish he could find someone to change his mind.
William grins. "Hey don't be a hater because I refuse to be a one and done like you. I have my entire life in front of me."
"Yeah, to what? Sleep around with every guy on and off-campus?" I roll my eyes. It's all empty. I don't know how he can stand it.
"Hey," William announces indignantly, "when you go to a buffet, do you stick to just getting a salad? No! You try a bit of everything. Sometimes I find something I like and sometimes I find something I know I will never try again, but life is too short not to sample all life has to offer."
"Uh-huh." I know better than to argue with him. He's not ready to move on from Aiden. I don't know if he ever will be. I just don't want him to end up alone.
"Stop it! Stop it, right there, Alex Bragin! I will NOT have you pity me! I like my life. Just because it's not what you think it should be doesn't mean I'm not fine with it."
"Okay," I say shrugging in defeat. His eyes narrow on me like he is expecting me to fight and normally I would give him a lecture, but if this is what he wants, who am I to say he's wrong.
Yet by not arguing with him, it looks like I may have hurt his feelings. Like by not arguing with him means I don't really care that he ends up discarded and therefore I don't care about him. GAH! Why do feelings have to be so damn complicated!
"Look, I don't pity you. I just want to see you... happy."
William smiles, satisfied I guess with my answer since he now knows I haven't given up on him. "Call me when you need me," he tells me, giving me a kiss on the cheek not much unlike Tina did moments ago, and headed out the door.
"See," I say to myself, "a kiss on the cheek doesn't have to mean anything. I know for a fact that William doesn't have a thing for me. Tina may have just been trying to be nice." Okay, that sounded naïve even to me, but that is a problem for another time. Right now, I want to make sure everything is perfect for when Cat arrives.
Thirty-five minutes later there is a knock on the door. I open it up to see Cat on the other side and there has never been a more welcome sight. I pull her into my arms and kiss her before my mind talks me out of it for some stupid reason.
She laughs against my lips and then takes her time kissing me back. I hold on to her tighter and Cat melts in my arms. I know what William said about sampling and buffets, but when you find something or someone this perfect, you'd have to be a complete idiot ever to give it up. That reminds me...
"I was a complete idiot ever to walk away from you," I tell her the moment we come up for air.
Her arms wrap around my middle, her neck has to crane up to look at me when we are this close, but she is smiling up at me and I do so love that smile. "I like where you're headed with this. Keep going?"
I laugh and pull her with me the rest of the way into the apartment and shut the door. I then back her into it, staring at her for several minutes. "I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was doing what was best, but I realize now how wrong I was."
Cat's hand reaches out and caresses my face. "I'm missed you so much."
I smile. "I've missed you more."
"You sure about that?"
"Oh, yeah, Cat. I'm a mess without you. Miserable doesn't even begin to describe what I've felt like since you walked out the door."
"I'm sorry I got mad and stormed out like that. When you answered your phone, I just felt ignored. Had I known it was your Mom I wouldn't have reacted that way, but then again I didn't give you the chance to tell me that either."
"It's okay. I hurt you. I get that. I'm sorry. I should have given you the chance to decide. It was stupid for me to make that decision for you, but I was afraid..."
"Afraid? Of what?"
There was a knock on the door, and we had to move apart so I could open it. I missed the warmth of her closeness already. I open the door and the delivery guy is there with the pasta I ordered. I already paid by credit card, so I thanked him, took the delivery, and shut the door.
"I thought you were making your spaghetti?" Cat says with a pouty face that made me want to laugh. She's so cute.
"I know. I'm sorry but you see the only pot that William has," I say, putting the food on the counter and go to the stove to grab the pot, "is this one."
Cat stares at the little saucepan and laughs. "Wait isn't that pot you gave him when I made the mistake of packing up all your stuff."
I nod my head and she laughs harder. "Oh, poor you." She helps me unpack the cartons so I can dish out the food onto the plates I've prepared on the kitchen table.
"This looks nice," she comments looking at the setup, I set the table with plates, silverware, and glasses, complete with cloth napkins. Leave to William to have cloth napkins available and of course a lit candle.
Cat grins when she spots it. "The candle is a nice touch." And we both laugh at our inside joke with one another that only women and gay men buy candles.
"You like that, huh?" I tease.
"Very nice," she agrees, taking the plates and handing them to me. I fill them both up and hand them back to her to place on the table. I get us some water and bring over the side of garlic bread, parmesan cheese, and of course sugar as I know ever since I've made her spaghetti she won't eat it without a sprinkle of sugar in or on the sauce.
She smiles at me as I place the items down and it strikes me how easily we got back into our routine. Like nothing happened. We are so in sync it's crazy. I sit across from her and she reaches out her hand so I take it.
"I've missed you. I've missed this. I've missed us," Cat says as she stares into my eyes and I wonder if it would be unmanly to cry in front of her.
"Me too, Cat. And I've missed Peanut," I tell her, and now she looks like she wants to cry.
"I wish I knew what was going on. I want to be there for you. I know this has to be hard on you. Everything going on with your dad."
I take a deep breath. God, I wish I wasn't so hypersensitive about everything lately. My emotions are so on the surface they are hard to ignore. "Why don't you eat? I know you're probably hungry." I pull my hand back.
She sits back and picks up her fork, but is staring at me. She knows I'm avoiding talking about my father. I know I must talk about him, eventually. I'm just not sure how.
"How are you and the baby doing?" I ask toying with my food.
"We are doing great," Cat answers as she adds some sugar to her sauce. "School is going well. Everything is looking up for once."
"I'm glad," I take a piece of bread take a bite, and put it aside.
"Not hungry?" Cat asks.
I open my mouth and am about to say that I ate not too long ago, but then I'd have to admit that I went out to eat with Tina and thought better of it. "Not right now," I tell her with no further explanation.
Cat's lips, purse, and brows draw together. "I'm worried about you."
"I'm fine, really."
Cat eye's me skeptically. "Nope, I'm not buying it. What's wrong?"
"Cat, it's just... it's a lot. The whole situation, I just don't know where to start or even if I should. It's only been a few days and I'm just trying to figure out how do I get back to my old life, my life with you. There's so much pressure to change."
"Change?" Cat says, alarmed. "You and me?"
"No! I don't mean us."
I do an instant replay in my head and it only takes a second to see where she may have misconstrued what I said.
"I mean, my life. I know what I'm saying isn't making much sense, but it's hard for me to express it because it makes little sense to me right now."
Cat's smile is full of pity and concern. "Don't worry. We'll figure everything out... together."
That last word is a balm to my wounded soul. "Thank you!"
Cat eats a little more. "This is good, but not as good as yours," Cat admits.
I eat a little more of the bread and I can't help feeling guilty over Tina. "Look Cat, that girl..."
"Tina?" Cat's grip on her fork tightens as her body tenses.
"Yeah. She's not really my assistant."
Cat twirls her fork in the pasta. She won't look at me but said, "She's not?"
"Not exactly. Tina was my father's personal assistant. She's trying to help me sort out the details. There are so many things I don't know, and I don't even know where to look. When I broke my phone, she offered to take me back here to the store and William's because I need my books to complete my assignments while I am out of school. Where I live isn't very close, so she was just trying to help. There really isn't anything going on."
Cat surprises me by saying, "I know."
"You do?"
"Alex, the one thing I know about you, without doubt, is how loyal you are to the people that you care about, me, Peanut, William... even after all these years your mom. She calls and you're there for her. I was just embarrassed. Here I am with my ex-boyfriend. I'm not wearing your ring. This girl knows nothing about me, but I'm sure she's decided that I'm no good for you."
My eyes widened. "Why would you say that?"
"Because I guess I can't help but wonder why DO you stick by me? You care about me so much you will give me up to make certain Peanut and I get to stay together. I hated that you made that decision, but I love you for making it. I don't deserve you."
I reach out for her hand again, and she gives it to me. My thumb gently runs over her fingers. "Cat Fischer, you are the smartest, kindest, strongest woman I know. You're my hero."
Cat looks surprised. "Me?"
I smile. "You. I was living a half-life before I met you. Obsessed with what happened to my brother. So devastated that he lost his life that I didn't realize I stopped living mine. Until you." My grip tightens on her hand and she looks into my eyes.
"I was dying, Cat, but you showed me how to live again and what to live for."
A tear glitters in the candlelight as it slides down her cheek. I reach out and wipe it away.
"Don't cry. I love you, Cat. Please never doubt that."
"I don't. I won't. I promise and Alex... please know I'm just trying to build a bridge between me and Liam."
"About that, Cat? What if I told you I could make it so you wouldn't have to worry about Liam at all?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, I now have the resources to beat him and they are at your disposal. You're not bound by his threats any longer."
Cat looks confused, "He's not...? Um, how?"
"Remember, you joked about your marrying a spoiled little rich boy. Well, that's no longer a joke. With my father's death, his wealth is mine. I can help you. You don't have to hang out with Liam and try to appease him any longer."
Cat bit her bottom lip. "The thing is, Liam wants to be involved."
"Involved?" Her words give me that hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. "Involved how?"
"He wants to step up. He wants to be a good father."
"Father?" The hollow filling turns into flutters of nervousness. "And is he expecting to accomplish this, how?"
"He's been learning more about the baby. I've filled him in on what I've learned so far. He's even picked up a book on parenting and..." Cat pauses, she pulls her hand from mine and looks away.
The flutters change to full-on panic. She's pulling away already. I'm going to lose her.
"Cat? What is it? What are you trying to tell me?"