..Trigger warning...
???Depressing chapter???
》~{Welcome to overthinking}~《
And how the fuck was I able to reach it to Chapter 25?!?!?
I'm not even at the half yet.... it's weird... like.. I have pretty long chapters but the story's not really progressing... well not yet. But... people are still reading this?
The fuck? The people reading my stories need standards... why my book???¿¿? ((I don't mean to mock anyone reading. I'm just still weirded out people put my stories in their 'Reading Lists' and like.. vote for it and shit))
Is my story even good tho? Like... huh?? I don't know how to view it... it's a story? And it's filled with my raw emotions and wrong impulses.
But... like.. they only see it as the "Character's emotions" even though they're mine.
BITCH WHO AM I?
Anyways...
Bakugou Katsuki's Point of View:
The warm fuzziness swarmed through my being as I heard water and rain tap through the window. A cold breeze was still present and I couldn't help but snuggle into the warmth.
"Katsuki.." a deep yet warm voice called out. "5 more minutes... and a year" I whisper the last part. "1 year?... sure.. I guess?" The deep voice spoke. I then looked up realizing I was speaking to the hot dumbass but also a smart ass.
"What is it? " I say annoyed. Momo and the others are looking for us. The heroes and teachers are busy outside, saving residents from the flood. Our classmates wanted us to have a...
Car-i-u-key?" He said stumbling on his own words.
"A what? Do you not know what Karaoke is?" I ask trying to stand up and look at his mouth, to read his lips. I realized his face was actually super close. I stopped moving forward when I felt his breathe on my forehead.
"K-katsuki... you're too close" he pointed out.
I sigh and say "What the fuck do you want me to do about it?! You tied me up and called me a 'BakuBurrito'! I can't fucking move" I say slightly annoyed while recalling the past events.
He laughed at me then remembered what he did. "Oh... yeah... I forgot about this" he said in between snorts of chuckles. It was honestly cute but it's angry time, not getting attracted to his deep laughs and hot ass morning voice time...... fuck!
"Wait... what time is it?" I ask. He shrugged and checked his phone. "Um... 3:20 AM" he said and checked his phone. He untied me and I immediately exploded myself
"F R E E D O M!" I yell and stood up.
Apparently... My whole body's numb.
I fall off the bed and he laughed again. "H-Halppppp" I say from under the bed. "Wait" he said and pulling me into his arms while putting me back on the bed. "You should stretch first... I gotta go take a shower.. bye " he said and ruffled my hair. I smiled discreetly, blushing madly though.
He left to his bathroom and moved my arms around. "Yes!" I exclaim. I feel like I've been free from medusa's stone thingy. My legs started moving and I couldn't feel my ass!
I wiggled around and I felt a hard object beside me. I look over and it was Shoto's Phone.... hmmm. I took it and there was a lot of notifications.
Mostly from Instagram and Twitter...
"What is he doing?" I ask myself.
That dumbass... he doesn't have a fucking password! I swiped a thumb from the top of the screen and downwards. A ton of messages blocked the screen.
I read a few stuff.....
He... he's getting death threats?
I look over again and some were supportive messages like "I like your art style. Can I use your work for like my-" it was cut off since it was a long ass message.
"You better give me your portrait or I'm sue-" and that's a threat....
Wait.. huh? A portrait?
"Can you please do me a tattoo! Just for my birthday-" tattoo? What the fuck is Shoto doing?
I look at a new message...
"The burial of _______ will be postponed the next next day Master Todoroki. Today isn't the best weather for a plane ride"
Wait.... I've heard that name before...
Wait... isn't that... like.. the woman we met at like Europe? The beggar, wasn't she like.. helped out?
What happened? Is that way Shoto was.. in a bad mood? Is that why he was kinda traumatized seeing the video from mina ..
I put the phone down and looked at the bathroom door.... Sho... why didn't he tell me? Do I have to prove that he can trust me still? I stood up, fixing the bed and looked around the huge as dorm. I went to the kitchen and he even has a fridge, induction stove, oven and a microwave, along with a dishwasher.
There's a pretty light fixtures on the middle. I heard a door unlock and I went back to the bedroom. The temperature was still cold so steam came out of his bathroom.
A sudden burst of hormones went to my stomach as I saw Shoto Todoroki half naked and looking at himself on the mirror. His wounds, bruises and cuts were gone from his body now except for the new ones on his arms.
"Sho..." I whisper. His body jerked towards me, looking at me. "Katsuki? I thought you left..." he looked at me slightly embarrassed. I walk up to him and took his arms. "I thought I told you-" I cut myself off and stop myself from scolding the younger as he looked at me with surprise.
Blood trickled down the cuts as he tried to pull his arms away from me. I sigh and looked up at him, teary eyed.
"I-I.. thought you said..." he was saddened at the time. He clearly didn't want to talk... but if not now, then when? He's clearly not gonna tell this to anyone. If I don't help now then...
I thrash my head around and hug him. I know he's only got a towel on but I want to hug him. My arms held his back as some part of his back was still wet from the shower.
He was still in shock of what I'm doing so he just stared at me but eventually melted into the hug. He hugged back, staining my clothes with his blood.
The coldness was still there but embracing him... it was like the best decision I could think off. "It's so warm" I mumble. He looked at me and then spoke "Well... it is Cuddle weather" he spoke.
"Oh..." I added and I unintentionally bury my face in his chest. "K-Katsuki... I'm still... naked" he says shyly. I step back and realized what i was doing.
"S-shit.. sorry" I say and push him into his walk-in closet.
I closed the door and let him change.
I sat on the bed as I waited for him and ducked down, I smelled a faint scent of him.... it feels really nice.
He eventually returned, less soaked up.
His hair though.... fuck. His hair was still drenched, all of them were scattered yet they added attraction to his physique. Like it went well despite it being cluttered and dishelved.
He raised a brow and went to me, sitting beside me.
"Shoto... can we talk?" I started, he was just looking at his phone. "About?" He asked and then looked up at me. "About... your death threats?" I said with an apologetic look. "Sorry. I saw the notifications on your phone"
He looked at me unbothered and nodded.
"It's fine... I don't really keep much secrets..." he said even doubting himself in that sentence. I raised my left brow and said "Uh-huh.... you haven't even told me anything... you know you can trust me right." I added.
He clenched his phone seeing what I assume was the text he got about _____burial. "Shoto.... the threats... what was that... plus what was the tattoo thing and portrait?" I asked him.
He nodded and looked at me in the eyes. "Please don't tell anyone this...
I won't hesitate to kill myself... you know that but... I kinda... have this account... it's pure cringe" he tapped his phone a few times and threw it to me.
It was an Instagram account... filled with... him painting, drawing famous heroes, trying some shit but not showing his face or body.
"....how is this cringe?! You have fucking talent!" I screech at him. A tug on the side of his lips made him look cute as he smiled at me with a thankful attitude in it.
"T-thanks.. I'm not even sure with that" he added. "What's so cringe in it?" I ask scrolling a bit.... until I stumble upon a video where it only showed a microphone, a blank white wall with a grey pattern behind him and his lips showing at the side.
"Uh... that" he said pointing at his phone. "What is it?" I ask suddenly scared of pressing the "play" button.
"Um..." he was blushing as he looked away covering his ears.
"Ummm..." I say, I was gonna ask what he was doing until I played the video. I took the headphones that he used earlier and listened to it.....
Well fuck, I'm in love...
Holy shit.... his voice... it, It's fucking hot.
He was singing... like actually singing. He made a cover of "Maria" by
Hwa sa. Why does... he have the illegal voice.... shit. You know the illegal voice... the one where.. it's fucking deep but his is mellow and comforting...
((I'd imagine him, Shoto singing this..))
I glance over at him and he was red? It was clear that he's embarrassed at himself. "Why the fuck aren't you famous! This is great" I exclaim.
"Ummm.... Well... I sorta.. am? I'm not sure why though." He added the last part.
"What other stuff do you post here?" I asked scrolling again. "Oh.. other than singing, doing art... well... I make 'songs' but only lyrics. I also make poems just for fun. I wanted to write a book but... it's sorta hard having many characters, especially since I'm forgetful at times and the only things that don't leave my brain are the lessons I were taught " he looked at his phone.
"You don't show your identity?" I asked looking at the cover photo. It was just a cat. "Yeah... that's zyler by the way... my cat" he said.
"Ummm the threats, you haven't explained it" I asked curiously.
"Oh it's nothing. All of it are empty threats, they just threat me that I should give them free art or like I should give them my identity or they'll 'hack' my account" he said finger quoting the hack part.
"I don't even know what they'll do with it, it's just a bunch of shit posting" he looked at his account one more time and closing it. "Shoto... what's shit posting? " I confronted him.
"Umm... posting random shit. Plus... No one likes them" he said bitterly. "That is not shit you talented bitch, here.. gimme your phone" I say and he unlocked it. He handed it to me and I went to the notifications.
As on cue a direct message popped up and it read:
"Oh hey... I'm just here to say I really like your art and art style. The songs... you've written. They've helped me out a lot. Especially in my healing process and moving on with my ex...
It helped also in my mental health. So... I'd like to thank you for everything. Thank you for always talking to me and helping me"
The anonymous person said.
I looked at him and yelled "Tell me when did shit posting helped anyone??? You help people... plus the people that talk to you... they're supporting you. And, you've helped people with their mental illnesses. Isn't that good?" I said putting his phone on his palms.
"That's the point.... they're supportive" a tear fell from his eye as his cheek gets soaked with tears.
"Then... why are you sad? They're supporting you, shouldn't you be happy?" I asked him, confused.
"You don't get it, do you?.. the reason why I'm sad is because I get encouragement from people I don't know...
My parents.. those are the people that I want encouragement from!
I know I may sound selfish but... I help people with their problems... but no one really wanted to ask me about mine... but when they do... I push them away" he looked down, looking away from his phone like it was the hardest thing to look at.
"Why do you push them away?" I took away his phone since it was evident that it pained him. "Because. I know I'd be a burden. I.. Easily get paranoid... talking to people I don't know. I'm scared they may find put who I am and expose me and...I don't deserve it..." he whispers looking away from me.
I held onto my mouth as I shunned my cries. No... what mindset did... he have? Who made him think that? He's really perfect, who made him feel like he's a fucking mistake?!
My blood was boiling but I didn't need to be angry... well not now. Now, I need to help him. He took a pillow as he hugged it. "S-sorry" I whisper and hold on to his arm as he gripped onto the pillow. I look down in guilt as I realize I made him reiterate his memories and his insecurities.
He probably hates saying and opening about how his family's so... broken?
I placed an arm around his shoulder and leaned in closer. He on instinct moved away.
"Shoto... don't say that. Please, i know what you are. You are a talented person that has a very kind heart. You help people and isn't greedy and share what you have. You deserve more than what you have now. Please... trust in what I say" I say as I reached out to his crumbling facade.
His face was stoic but now his eyes and mouth showed what his true emotions are. Tears built up and fell. His mouth tugged downwards, showing a frown as he bit his lips, trying to stop himself from sobbing.
All in all, he was trying so hard to continue this facade.
I held his jaw and made him look up at me, I leaned in close, foreheads touching and breaths colliding with each other. "I wish I could take all your pain away" I whisper to him.
"N-no!" he interjected. "I... I deserve this. You shouldn't take it all. I can handle it. I CAN HANDLE IT" He yelled to himself, not even sure of what he was saying but nonetheless tried to convince himself he was okay and lying to himself in the process.
"No.... you can't do this alone!" I wrap my arms on his neck. He was so desperate on not opening up... but like ice... everything has a breaking point.
"Hey... I'm here. I'll stay. I won't ever leave you. I promise that" I say as I pull away the pillow that was blocking me from him and embraced his neck as I laid my head on the crook of his neck, exposing my neck as well.
He stopped moving, shock still present and body stiff. He was still until he let out a breathe of air as he shivered to himself. His head went down and laid itself onto my neck and finally hugging back.
"Please... don't say that. Don't make me believe" he said desperately, wanting to not fall in the wrong hands again, just like last time.
Third Point of View:
"I can't take it. Please! Just say you hate me! I.. I don't wanna be like this. Don't... Just let it eat me. Don't save me from this... I'll just fucking hurt you in the end!" The two-toned haired male cried out holding onto the other's shirt.
"You don't know me! I know you'll leave after I tell everything! Just leave me.. please!" He yelled in intense pain, he didn't want nor need to see another person leave him behind again... all the pain, the fucking hurt and all the betrayal attacked his memories and showed him the number of people that left him.
He was blocked in many conversations just by trying to open up to them, He was bullied for crying a lot just from small stuff but for him was a lot more. A crybaby, a pussy, a weak loser... all the names stuck with him even though all he was.... is an emotional and empathetic person that wanted to help everyone.
But instead... was the one that got hurt for being that. For protecting people. For crying about "small" things. So... he did his best to cover it all. Conceal his identity. Hid in an account where he could be himself. But even there he was bullied.
Threats from people, that he should stop doing what he loved because he was "Bad" at it despite not knowing they were all just jealous of the raw potential and the amazing talented hands that the younger bear and possessed.
"Sho... I'll kill anyone who tries and separate me from you. Please. I can only imagine the pain you're feeling right now. Just... please. I'll stay with you.. just believe in me" the ash-blonde called out.
The other however... wasn't convinced.... well that's what false trust and betrayal did to him after all.
Shoto Todoroki's Point of View:
I held my stomach as I couldn't stop this raging emotion of emptiness inside me. "Ahh" I groan as I let go of Katsuki, pushing him away as hard as I could. I needed to cut so badly.
"No! You're not leaving me! You... talk to me! Don't hurt yourself to vent!" He said as he squeezed himself on me. His grip was impossible to remove. "No... please. Let go!" I cried.
I. Want. To. Die.
Just. Let. Me.
I. Know. You. Don't. Care
Just leave me alone!!!
Why can't you let me FUCKING die!
All my friends online want me alive but... Keeping me alive only tortures me!
What's good in living? What is fucking great about being alive?!?!
"Tell me! Why shouldn't I die?!?!? Why the fuck should I even be breathing?! Give me one good god damn reason not to kill myself!"
I yell at him, trying to push his arms off my torso.
"I'm already fucking broken! I let someone die! Just let me die too" I sat weakly, feeling the exhausting weight of my shoulders fall. I start to quiver in the coldness as I started to look down at Katsuki.
"...just... one... reason" I whisper and he finally released the tight grip.
"Because... Shoto... you're the only person I want in my life. The knowledge of you wanting to slip away from me.... I'm not letting you ever do it." His soft red eyes looked at me with a pleading tone to believe him.
My eyes expressed shock as it widened and looked at him with a state of prostration enveloped me.
He... wants me... in his life? But...
What does it mean?
He'll regret that though...
.......
Sorry for a.. depressing Chapter...
I really can't be happy now since.. well I did fail to commit suicide and all but... why am i even telling this.
I just decided to put my feelings and what I felt in that process, my suicide in a chapter. I'll try and put my heart out more despite this story being boring and shitty. I can be more... open this way and make the story more heart-felt. Everything seems pretty fake... for me.
Also..I wrote down in this chapter what I felt and how it would've gone if I had someone to talk to at that time.... all my friends were offline and as I/ Shoto said in the chapter, I don't really like talking to other people because of Paranoia and the fear that I may do something terrible or say something terrible.
I'm pretty turbulent and I hate this.
The question "Why shouldn't I die?" kept ringing in my ears because everyone that I've opened up to told me "Don't kill yourself".... I was really stuck at that time because.. I needed an answer why shouldn't i kill myself? Like what was the point?