Chapter 10
Season 2, Episode 6
When you're a surgeon, you never get a day off from being a surgeon. Sure, technically you may have a day off on paper, but in reality, you are never going to stop thinking about surgery. It's your life and without it, there's not much left. I guess I have it easier than most. Med students who grew up in a comfortable, quiet home with the only stress inducer being school are suddenly thrown into this unexpected world. Me, I was never used to a quiet life, so when that pager goes off, I'm not surprised.
It's been hours and we are still sitting in Joe's bar chaperoning Meredith and her dreams of McDreamy. I'm attempting to throw darts at the dartboard while Izzie, George, and Cristina are beside me at the standing table. All of us are watching Meredith who is still sitting and waiting at the bar.
"When you tell someone I'll meet you later at a bar tonight, how long exactly does that mean you're supposed to wait?" Cristina asks as George takes a dart from my hand and trades places with me in our nonchalant game.
"Do you think he's really not coming?" George says throwing the darts but looking at Meredith. I grab his arm, stopping him from throwing another one.
"George, you're gonna kill someone." I take the darts from him and start throwing myself.
"It is getting a little hard to watch," Izzie says looking at her.
"It was hard to watch an hour ago. Now it's just pathetic." Cristina states and I nod.
"And sad," I say throwing my last dart before walking over to the table and taking a sip of my water.
"Who is pathetic and sad?" Meredith says turning to us quickly. "You who pretend to be my friends are calling me pathetic behind my back in front of my face." I notice George pointing to Cristina from the corner of my eye. "Why don't you just dump the pig's blood on me now and get it over with."
The door opens again and we all turn quickly, just to see Tyler the nurse walk in. Meredith turns back to the bar sadly before my pager starts beeping from my hip. I look down at it and see it's a 911. All of our pagers start going off and I hear someone yelling at Joe to turn the tv up.
"A massive train wreck occurred just outside of Seattle moments ago." The reporter on the tv explains.
"911? We just worked a 30-hour shift." Izzie says in disbelief as I pull my bag over my shoulder. So much for dressing nice and having a shower.
"I don't have any clean underwear." George states and I look at him weirdly.
"The Vancouver-bound train was carrying over 300 passengers." I hear the reporter say as I walk out of the bar. This is going to be fun.
∞∞∞∞∞∞
All of us ran across the street to the hospital and changed as fast as we could. All of us wanted to get to the ER first to get the best cases and the best surgeries. As we walk off the elevator and make our way to the pit, I look over to Meredith who looks to be stumbling.
"Mer, you're drunk. You shouldn't be working." I say to her genuinely concerned as we turn a corner into the ER.
"You just wanna better chance at getting a surgery." She slurs her words, almost tripping but I catch her arm.
"No. I just don't want you getting fired after tending to a patient intoxicated." I explain and she looks over at me before nodding. We make it to the doors and grab the yellow gowns to get ready.
"I think I saw a pneumothorax. I hope I get a pneumothorax." Cristina says anxiously as she pulls on her gown. I grab mine and pull it over my arms. I watch as George does the same and accidentally punches Cristina in the back of the head. I let out a snort of laughter as he apologized before turning to me and tying the strings on the back of my gown for me. I do the same for him.
All of a sudden we hear clicking of heels walking down the hall and we turn to see Bailey in her dress walking over and grabbing a gown for herself. Poor Bailey, missing her anniversary.
"What are you all looking at?" She asks when she realizes that we are all staring at her. We all quickly look away.
"Nothing." We all mutter but I can hear Cristina from beside me.
"Is that a dress?" She asks me and I smile, leaning over.
"Anniversary," I whisper and her eyebrows raise in surprise before Bailey hands her purse to Alex and tells him to get her shoes. He looks disappointed but doesn't argue.
"Let's move, people." She says pulling on her gown and walking to the doors before running into Meredith who tells her that she's drunk.
"Anybody else half in the bottle?" Bailey says annoyed, turning to the rest of us who shake our heads. "All right, then. Grey, just stay out of the way. I'll deal with you later. The rest of you stick with me and wait for your assignments. I know you get all A-quiver at the sight of blood and organs but it's gonna be a long night and you're already tired. I don't want any mistakes. Come on now!" She finishes and pushes through the doors motioning for us to follow her. The moment we step foot through the doors the ER is in full chaos mode. There are bleeding people everywhere, a sea of gurneys and it's very loud.
"I'm so not tired anymore," Cristina says excitedly, pulling on her gloves.
"Me neither," I say pulling on my own and waiting eagerly to get started. Bailey assigns Cristina and Izzie to new patients who rolled into the ER while George and I wait. I turn to see another gurney rolled in and my jaw drops open. It's two people attached by a metal pole stabbing them both through the abdomen. I'm so glad I only drank water.
"Dibs," I mutter to George and he looks at me disappointed.
"You can't call dibs on a pati-" He starts but then we hear Bailey's voice.
"Karev, you're in trauma room 1." I turn to see that the people attached by a metal pole were rolled into trauma room 1. I turn to George and stick my tongue out playfully before walking into the room. To my surprise they are awake. It's a young woman and a middle-aged man. When the girl sees me looking at them she looks at me.
"Is this the craziest thing you've ever seen?" She asks me and I try to give her a comforting smile.
"Uh, yeah, pretty much," I say and she smiles.
"Yeah. Me too." She says as I look at their injuries, I can't tear my eyes away from the pole.
"What's your name?" I ask her.
"I'm Bonnie. This is Tom." She says looking at the man in front of her and I give him a small smile before I hear talking from behind me. Burke and Bailey are discussing them and Bonnie notices too.
"Excuse me!" She tries to call out to them and Burke walks in to see her.
"I'm Dr. Burke. You shouldn't turn your head." He says walking up beside her. "You want to try to move as little as possible."
"Oh, okay." She says nervously. "So, are you gonna pull this pole out of us anytime soon?"
"It's a touch uncomfortable," Tom says, trying to lighten the mood.
"I'm sorry. We can't do that." Burke turns to me. "Dr. Karev, can you tell us why?"
"We can't pull on the pole without knowing what's going on internally. It could cause organs to shift and would result in the patients..." I pause looking at the girl before finishing quietly. "It could cause the patients to bleed out in seconds." Burke nods, satisfied with my answer before turning to the patients.
"I assure you, we will work as quickly as possible."
"Well, in that case, does anybody have a breath mint?" She says and many of us smile. "For me. Not for you." She assures the man attached to her and he smiles. Burke turns to leave as Bailey turns to me.
"Karev, O'Malley." She says and I turn to see George in the doorway. "Get them to x-ray. Move them extremely carefully."
"Really? Thank you!" George says excitedly, ripping off his gown and walking over to me. "This never would've happened before the elevator." We go to either side of the gurney and with the help of some nurses and other residents, we start to roll them slowly down the hall.
"Well, um, is there anyone you'd like me to call?" George asks the two patients.
"No, they called my wife from the ambulance," Tom assures us. Both of our patients sound surprisingly calm considering their situation. It's the adrenaline talking.
"And my fiance. They're flying down from Vancouver together." Bonnie says smiling.
"Normally, Amanda would be a tad upset to find me pressed up against another woman." Tom jokes. "But in this case, I think I'll get a pass." Bonnie laughs at his joke.
"You two weren't traveling together?" George asks them, surprised.
"No, we just met," Bonnie explains.
"Bit of an awkward introduction." I smile when Tom speaks, he's good at lightening the mood. When we finally make it to x-ray I see a giant line of victims from the crash and let go of the gurney before walking in front of it.
"Uh, hey," I say to the guy in front of us and he turns to see me before his eyes widen at the sight of my patients.
"Oh, wow. You can go ahead." He says moving to the side and I smile.
"Thanks," I say before moving onto the next person in line. Everyone I walk up to says to go ahead of them and I motion to George to roll the gurney straight into the room. When we finish the x-ray we bring the scans to Bailey and go into the darkroom before putting the scans up to the light. The moment I see it I gasp.
"It's going straight through her-"
"Spine," George says in disbelief cutting me off and I stand in front of the scan with a hand over my mouth.
"T8's completely crushed." Bailey states pointing at the scan and I shake my head sadly. I hear the door open and turn to see Derek walk in. He notices Meredith standing in the corner of the room with a banana bag attached to her. Bailey is trying to make her sober again.
"What happened?" He asks her concerned.
"Tequila."
"I'm keeping an eye on her," Bailey says unimpressed before turning back to the scan. Derek walks over to us, passing by Burke who is sitting at one of the desks in the room.
"These people are still alive?" He asks not believing what he's seeing.
"They're still making small talk." George answers.
"And cracking jokes," I say as Derek takes the scan to look at.
"The pole's tamponading the wound as far as we can see," Bailey explains as Derek examines his scan curiously.
"It's hitting the aorta."
"Look at him," Burke speaks up. "It's right in line with his inferior vena cava."
"Is there any way to operate without separating them?" George asks.
"You pull it out, they'd be dead in seconds," I mutter, still unable to look away from the scan.
"She's right, they'd bleed out." Bailey agrees with me.
"What if we don't move the pole," Burke says, when I look at him I can tell the wheels are turning and he has an idea. "What if we move one of the patients off the pole to get the saw in there? Then we can hold the pole steady in the other one. Move it very slowly and repair the damage as we go." He explains as all of us sit quietly, after a minute I speak.
"Who would you move?" Burke looks at me before answering.
"With her aortic injuries, her chances of survival are extremely slim no matter what we do. But if we move her, we have a real shot at saving him."
"Well, I could argue since her injuries are more extensive, we should move him. Give her the best shot we can." Derek adds which leaves us all quiet. Whoever we move is probably going to die so how are we expected to choose? I didn't become a surgeon to play god.
"So basically, whoever you move doesn't stand a chance?" Meredith speaks up from the corner of the room and we all go silent. This is impossible.
∞∞∞∞∞∞
Bailey sent me off to book an OR, as we still need a plan but we need an OR on standby because our patient's condition is too unpredictable. Derek still needs to meet with the patients for a neuro exam before a final decision is made. I'm on my way to the board when all of a sudden I see Cristina running down the hallway. The moment she sees me she runs over at full speed and grabs my arms.
"Have you seen a leg?" She asks me frantically and I cringe when I see the blood on her scrubs and gown before pushing her away slightly, she was just in surgery, I don't need all that on me.
"A leg? You have to be more specific." I say confused but she looks absolutely terrified.
"A severed leg! A man's severed leg! Oh my god, if I don't find this leg the Chief is gonna cut me from the program!" She starts rambling and then I'm the one grabbing her arms to hold her still.
"Cristina, no one is cutting you from the program." She looks at me and I try to give her comfort but she shakes her head.
"I need to find that leg." She says before running off down the same hallway. I would be surprised but that honestly wasn't the weirdest thing to happen to me while at Seattle Grace. Once I've finished at the board I make my way back to our patient's room to see Derek already there examining our patient's neuro status.
"Can you feel that, Miss. Krasnoff?" He asks Bonnie and she smiles at him, obviously charmed by McDreamy.
"You're a cute doctor. Cute doctors get to call me by my first name." She says and he gives her his charming smile before looking at her chart.
"Bonnie." He says and I see the grin spread across her beautiful face. "Can you feel that, Bonnie?" He asks her again.
"Can I feel what?" She says before noticing me. "Oh, well. I guess that's a no." I try to give her a comforting smile as I walk over.
"Excuse me," George says as he walks in. "I got the labs."
"Oh, great. Thank you." He says taking them from George and turning back to the patients. George walks to stand beside me and I look at him hopefully.
"Could you try to wiggle your toes, Mr. Maynard?" Derek speaks to Tom, one of the patients, and I lean to look around Derek. I smile as I see his toes start wiggling.
"Are they moving?" He asks, sounding a little nervous.
"Yes, they are," Derek says, clearly quite impressed.
"Good. That's good right?" Tom asks excitedly.
"It's very good, Tom," I say with a smile before Bonnie speaks up.
"What about me? Are mine moving?" She asks desperately and we all look down to her feet. My heart sinks when I look at her still foot.
"Yes. They are." Derek says softly and I look up at him curiously. I guess there's no point in getting her upset.
"Yay me!" She celebrates and it takes everything in me to smile back at her. Derek walks around the table when Tom speaks up.
"Dr. Shepherd, is it?"
"Yes, it is."
"Dr, Shepherd, Bonnie, and I, are we gonna live through this?" He asks seriously.
"Now that's just morose, Tom." Bonnie laughs.
"I'm sorry, dear," Tom says with a slight smile before looking back to Derek. "Doctor?"
Derek hesitates before answering. I know that we can never promise good outcomes for the patient and in this situation with such a small chance for survival, we have to try to not let emotions get in the way.
"We're going to do everything we can, Mr. Maynard." He says before gesturing for us to leave the room.
We spent the next few hours trying to figure out the best way to approach the situation was. Bonnie is in such bad shape, no matter what we do she is probably going to die, but if we don't move her, Tom has a greater chance of dying. It's a call no one wanted to make but eventually, Derek gave in and decided to would be best to move her.
I'm on my way to scrub into the OR when I see drunk Meredith under a doorway to a dark empty room. Her banana bag hanging beside her as her head rests on the door. I wasn't going to bother her but her eyes open and she spots me and starts calling me over.
"Audrey! Audrey Karev!" She says quite loudly and I walk over to her while looking around a little embarrassed.
"Shhh. Yes, Meredith?" I say once in front of her and she gives me a big smile.
"I like you. You're the nice Karev. A little uptight, but nice." She starts rambling, the alcohol clearly not yet out of her system.
"Uptight?" I ask her a little offended but I know it's probably just the tequila talking.
"Just a little. You know what you need?" She says leaning forward so she's very close to me before whispering. "Sex." She puts a finger to her lips as if it was the biggest secret ever and I step back laughing awkwardly.
"Yeah, uh, you are drunk." She shakes her head as I try to reject her suggestion.
"Don't worry. It's not a bad thing. When was the last time someone-" She starts but I step forward and put a hand on her mouth.
"Yeah, yeah, okay!" I stammer trying to shut her up. "Don't talk about this again, got it?" When I pull my hand away she just nods. "Go sleep in an on-call room somewhere."
"Maybe you're the one who should be in an on-call room with-" She starts and I roll my eyes before walking away.
"Shut up! I like sober Meredith much better. She minds her own business." I say so she can hear me and she laughs. I cringe as I walk down the hall thinking about what she said. She's not exactly wrong. It's been a while since I've done anything but it's not because I can't pick up guys or that I don't want to. I'm just way too busy to get caught up in all that drama. News gets around too fast here for my liking.
When I finally make it to the scrub room, George is already there with soap all over his hands. I take my place beside him, put my mask on, and start to scrub. I'm silent for a while, looking through the window into the OR where Bonnie and Tom sit on the table waiting for us to start. In a couple of minutes, she could be dead. I don't realize my eyes are tearing up until I blink.
"Ah, crap," I mutter to myself as I see a tear fall onto my scrubs.
"You okay?" George asks, concerned, looking over at me.
"Not exactly." I share and he nods knowingly. Nobody said this job was going to be easy. No one should go into this job thinking that they won't care, because you will. You'll learn your patient's names, you'll see them with their families, then they die. I start thinking about Jeremiah. It's the first time I've thought about it in a while. I know I can't go into the OR like this.
"She's young. She woke up this morning perfectly healthy and now she's probably going to die." I ramble, another tear falling down my face. "It's just not fair."
"Nothing about this is fair," George answers truthfully as we keep scrubbing. He finishes and before he leaves, he looks back at me and I know what he's going to say so I speak first.
"I'll be fine." I look over at him. "I just need a sec." He nods before walking into the OR and leaving me in the scrub room. I watch as Derek talks to the patients about the procedure before he walks into the scrub room to get ready. I nod to him before walking out into the OR.
"Hey Dr. K." Bonnie smiles looking at me as I walk in. The nurse gives me a towel to dry my hands before a gown is put over my shoulders.
"Dr. K?" I ask her and she gives me a mischievous smirk.
"Sounds cooler." She says as I'm gloved and I can walk over to her.
"Dr. Shepherd went over the procedure with you two?" I ask them lightly, knowing that with the explanation comes the fact that Bonnie may not make it.
"Yeah. He told us everything." I give a small nod when she answers.
"It's going to be hard, Bonnie, but you just have to be strong." I urge her and I can see the tears fill in her eyes.
"I can do that." She says and I give her a little nod, hoping she can see my smile under the mask.
"Of course you can."
∞∞∞∞∞∞
She didn't make it. We did everything we could but when Tom started getting worse, all the attention went to him. She became a lost cause and I couldn't leave her side. It took everything in me to help with Tom when Bonnie was lying so helplessly in front of me, but I had to.
I'm sitting on one of the benches in the locker room with everyone else. All of us sit quietly, no one has spoken since we got here. I finally stand and can feel eyes on the back of my head as I grab my bag and throw it over my shoulder. When I turn around, I see everyone staring at me, waiting.
"I'm going to Joe's. I'm going to get really drunk and maybe even have sex with some stranger." I say and George looks away embarrassed while Meredith looks at me with a look I can only describe as proud. We have a weird friendship. "You know why? Because we only live once. I could wake up tomorrow and die."
Everyone stays silent as I rant, Cristina sips her coffee as Izzie watches me curiously. I nod slowly before clapping my hands together.
"Good talk. You know where I'll be." I turn and walk out, making my way to Joe's. When I get there I look down and realize that I've been wearing the same clothes for 48 hours. Maybe I'll just be getting drunk tonight, without the sex part. I walk over to the bar and when Joe sees me he looks surprised.
"Back so soon?"
"I was told that I can be uptight. Tonight, I'm going to try and let loose." I explain to him and he nods unconvinced before asking what I want. "Something strong."
"Coming right up." He says walking away and I'm left to scan the bar. Lucky for me it's fairly packed but I can't seem to find anyone worth my time until the bell rings on the door. I turn to see a fairly handsome guy walk in who looks about my age. I'm caught staring when Joe walks over to me with a glass of white liquid, I take it gratefully and take a large gulp.
"Hey, Joe. Do you know that guy?" I ask and he looks at the man taking his coat off.
"Nah, never seen him before."
"Perfect." I smile before turning back around to look at the man only to see him walking toward the bar. I spin around quickly and take another gulp of my drink. Okay so maybe I'm a little out of practice. I watch out of the corner of my eye as he approaches the bar less than a meter away from me and asks Joe for a beer. I try to seem uninterested, not that it's the best tactic to get laid but I'm not sure what else to do.
"Hey." I hear from beside me and almost choke on my drink. I manage to avoid looking like a total fool and turn to see him looking at me.
"Hi," I mutter before clearing my croaky throat and trying again. "Hey."
"I'm James." He says holding out his hand and I take it.
"Audrey." He smiles at my name.
"That's pretty. Could I buy you a drink?" I look down at the drink in my hand to see that it's basically gone from my large gulps and I smile sheepishly.
"Yeah. Thanks." I say putting my original glass down. I may be out of practice but I can tell how this is going. Neither of us are here for a relationship, he's just a guy picking up a girl in a bar for a good time and I'm okay with that.
He buys me the drink and we start talking. It isn't long before I'm a drunk mess, laughing at every joke he makes. Eventually, he asks if my place is nearby and you can guess what happened next...