I had always been amazingly skilled at having momentous occasions on New Year's Eve. To list a few examples, there was the time that I had to have surgery because my jaw had locked open (rather unfortunate); the time that I had rushed into the house crying because my cat Biscuit had been hit by a motorcycle, and yes, I was still bothered by it, and finally today- the day that I had decided I would come out.
So, originally this hadn't been in the plan, but after Lily and I had kissed on Christmas day, we drew apart to find that Violet had seen the whole thing.
Fortunately, she hadn't told mum and dad yet. I was planning on telling them soon, though, it only felt right to do so. I mean, they were my parents after all, I was hardly going to hide these important life matters from any of them.
I knew who I was, and more importantly, I knew who I liked, and my parents adored me.
I adored them back, of course, and my father and I had promised a while ago that we wouldn't keep secrets, unless we absolutely had to.
In saying that, though, he had also told me that he would help me hide a body if need be, so it was hard to tell when my dad was being serious.
I just rested on my bed, as I listened to indie music fill the space of my room.
I began to debate how I was going to go about this whole thing, but soon heard a notification ring from my laptop, and wandered over to it, to open it up.
My results had come back for the assignment that I had done before the break!
I had gotten a 2:1 on that particular essay, and already knew the topic for the next one. I was planning to write an essay on George Orwell's novels, next. This was particularly going to focus on his classic 1984.
Now, I had read that book a while back, but I knew that I could certainly benefit from studying the text a little better when possible.
I had been busy lately, though, spending time with my family.
It ended up really snowing in December! So, we had all taken it upon ourselves to go and have a snowball fight in the early hours of New Year's Eve.
So, I was going to consider that a success for now, given that I had plenty of time for both reading and writing, in order to raise that grade.
Regardless, I was incredibly proud of myself, and was planning on telling my friends and family about it, soon.
I didn't usually brag about matters.
This was true, except for when it came to my studies, when I wanted essentially everyone to know how well I had done on an exam or assignment.
I supposed that I had been wrong about Lily being one of the only people I knew to relish in attention. Here I was doing the same thing.
"I'm tired," Violet said, as she wandered into my room then.
She simply walked over to my bed, and then collapsed upon it.
"Hi tired," I replied.
Violet just sat up on the bed to deliberately shoot me an unamused look.
"What's new in Selina town?" she asked me.
"I got a 2:1!" I told her.
She beamed, and held her hand out for me to high five her, then.
"Ay! That's amazing, Selina," she told me.
It certainly meant a lot to me to hear that from her, at least.
I knew that my sister was going to do amazingly once she had gotten to university, too, it course.
She had always had an incredible work ethic and I admired at for it.
"Now I wanted to talk to you about something. I'm going on holiday," she said then.
I gave her a look.
"What?" she asked me.
"Is that really such a great idea? I mean, mother has been struggling lately," I told her, then.
Violet sighed.
"Hold on a minute. So you're going to judge me for going abroad, when you're the one who is studying hours away?" she asked me, then, with judgement in her eyes.
I just exhaled then, trying to not get too annoyed by her statement.
"There is quite a difference in being a couple hours away at university than there is being in another country, Violet," I told her.
She just shrugged.
"Whatever. Look, when are you going to tell mum and dad that you like girls?" she asked me then.
I just raised an eyebrow at her in response to that question.
"How do you know that I like girls?" I asked her.
"Uh, hello, I can hear your LGBT playlists from my room. Aside from that, I saw you two kissing on Crhsitmas day, Selina. You're not about to get that past me," she stated.
"I'll tell them when I'm ready," I replied, matter-of-factly.
"I'm just curious, is this whole thing serious or are you just experimenting?" Violet asked me then.
I just gave her a look.
She raised her hands up in mock-surrender.
"Hey, I'm just saying," she stated then.
"I like her, Violet. I really do," I stated.
In all honesty, I really did. I had been playing our kisses on repeat inside my head since the moment that they happened.
Violet's eyes seemed to sparkle a little at my confession of that, but then again it may have just been down to the reflection of my fairy lights in her warm eyes.
"Well, that's adorable. And sort of disgusting. I only say that because im jealous, though," she stated then.
I sighed.
"I'm kidding," she said, as she ruffled her hand through my hair momentarily, "Kind of. Anyway, I would tell them soon. Maybe then you could get out of going to church with grandma," she suggested.
Our church weren't the most supportive; that much could be said.
Despite that, for once in her life my sister may have actually been onto something.
As if sensing my thoughts, she tucked some stray hair behind her ear before stating, "I have my moments."
I just smiled towards her.
"Thank you Violet. Now get out of my room," I said to her, as my phone began to buzz, and she just simply smirked and wandered outside into the hall again.
I went to answer the call, and been surprised to hear her voice, but pleased all the same.
"Hey Selina," she greeted me, in that perfect voice of hers. Lilys voice had a sort of harmonious tone to it at times, especially when it was happy.
"Hey Lily," I replied.
I was thankful for the fact that my university relationships all seemed to be improving, even the ones that I hadn't initially expected to.
In truth, Lily was actually kind of...nice.
I admired her for sticking up for what she believed in, anyway.
"I just missed your voice," she admitted, then, "But you know...don't think too much on that," she added.
I just smiled.
"How are things with you?" I asked her.
"Better," she said.
"Yeah? How so?" I asked.
There was a pause for a moment, before Lily spoke again.
"I'm just thankful for you," she said, then, and I felt my heart beat a little quicker.
It always did when she said things like that.
Perhaps I was just getting used to this new version of Lily.
I never wanted this one to go away.
"Well, that and the fact that I'm excited I get to see you again soon!" she said enthusiastically.
That much was true, of course.
It wouldn't be long now, before I returned to university again, and I was looking forward to getting started on the Lent term.
"Me too. I missed you," I said.
I could hear the smile in Lily's voice, as she replied.
"You too," she said.
There was so much that I wanted to ask her, especially when it came to Dr dad and how she was feeling about me and all of this. I decided I would just have to wait for a later occasion to begin to talk about such matters.
"You know, I do like you a lot, Selina," she said, then.
Each time she said my name, I felt my heart warm.
I was ridiculous.
"I keep thinking about our kiss and it was just... so good. I miss that. I miss you," she said.
I knew that it had probably taken a lot of courage for her to bring it up again. I respected that about her. I knew that things were going to take time, but I also knew what I wanted.
She was it, for me. At least, for now.
Maybe my feelings were growing stronger, a lot quickly than I had initially expected them too, but I didn't at all mind.
"I like you, Selina, that's what I'm trying to say here."
I closed my door so that I could have some more privacy, then.
"I wanted to talk to you about that," I said, then.
"Right. Is it because you don't feel the same? I mean, I wouldn't really understand if you didn't but..." she trailed off.
I chuckled at that comment.
"I like you too, Lily," I replied then.
"You do?" she asked.
"I do," I said and when I said it my tone of voice was calm and controlled, so I took myself by surprise a little bit, too.
Either way, I was certainly glad that the truth was now out there I had wanted to tell Lily for a long time now. It just had my been the easiest of tasks, when I hadn't been sure of her feelings for me whatsoever.
However, she really had told me that she liked me back, and I couldn't help but feel slightly brighter at that.
"Lets just take our time with this, though, okay?" Lily asked me.
"Okay," I said.
I understood that it was going to take some time, just for her trust to build up again.
I knew that her time with Zara hadn't been the easiest, and despite our country being mostly accepting, I knew that a lot of people still came from homes that wouldn't support them.
I was very fortunate to have the family that I did, but I couldn't do but feel incredibly empathetic towards the people that were dealing with hatred every day.
I wished I could pluck them all up, and have them move I with me.
"Thank you for understanding me, Selina. It really does mean a lot," she told me, "And I really am sorry...for all the spiteful things I said to you before. I couldn't imagine ever saying them now. Especially not when I like you this much."
"Is that so?" I asked her.
"It is so. You're beautiful, sensitive, creative and kind. You remind me of a spring day, and you always smell like apples..." she trailed off.
I just couldn't help but smile at that, with a glimmer of amusement.
"I care so deeply for you, Selina. I really do. You deserve the world, and I can understand if it takes you time to trust me, especially after everything but-"
"Hey, it's all forgiven," I informed her.
"Really?" she asked me.
"Really, really, Lily," I stated then.
"That's certainly a relief," she replied, and I could just imagine her smile, on the other side of the line.
She always smiled sweetly, and I had always admired it. Maybe due to the fact that, at first, I hadn't always gotten to see her smile. The way that her lips edged upwards at the sides, and the way her lip gloss shone in the light. The way that her eyes seem to sparkle, and the grey would become warmer. The way that simple in her cheek appeared again.
I was getting distracted, though, it seemed.
Her smiles were infectious though, even if I was simply relying on the memory of one, at present.
"I better get going, beautiful. I'll see you soon, though, okay?" Lily asked me, then.
"Of course," I replied.
Soon enough, the call ended, and I proceeded to write some of my George Orwell essay, for a moment.
It wasn't long after that I got a little hungry, though. So, I hurried downstairs to get some cookies, and then returned to my room to write a little bit more.
This time around, it wasn't for my essay, though, I just wanted to write a short story.
I think we could all do with breaks, from time to time.
Soon enough, my phone began to buzz again, and this time around it was with a call from Winona.
"Hey you," she greeted me.
"Hey Win," I replied.
Almost as though she had some idea, Winona then asked me if I had anything that I wanted to share with her.
"I suppose there's something...Lily and I kissed," I admitted.
"What? Dude! I didn't even realised you liked girls too!" she said.
"Wait, you do?" I asked her.
"Duh," she replied.
Soon there was a knock upon my door.
"I better go, Win. I'll talk to you soon," I said.
"You better," she replied.
I ended my phone call and went to answer the knocking on my door, and soon found my mother standing there.
Out of London's population of millions, my mother was certainly one of my favourite members of it. I supposed that was why it hurt so much, to know that she had been struggling recently. I also knew that I would do whatever I could, within my power, to help her. Things may be tough, However, I was never going to let her down.
She smiled a little, when she saw me.
"Hey mum," I greeted her, then.
"Hey honey," she replied.
"Mum...there's something that I wanted to talk to you about," I informed her.
"Yeah?" she asked me, "Anything," she stated.
After she said that, my father headed up the stairs and soon joined the two of us.
"Sel! You're going to have to come and look at my car designs soon," he told me, with a positive tone to his voice.
He soon caught on to my serious expression, and his own expression shifted to one of curiosity.
"What's up?" he asked me.
I took a deep breath.
"You guys remember Lily, right?" I asked them.
"Yes. She's a lovely girl," Jacqueline stated.
"Well, I'm glad you think so. I needed to tell you something, though. I'm just going to come right out with it. I like Lily. I'm gay," I said.
My dad just pulled me into a hug then, and my mother joined it, and I soon heard Violet leave her room to join the rest of us, too.
"I'll always support you, kid," my dad said.
It was a relief to hear it, although I didn't really have any doubts.
I just smiled into the moment.