Edited: 8/10/2020
Tris POV:
I woke up breathing really fast. The nightmare I had was the worse one by far. I get ready and put of leggings again because if anything my knee is even more swollen than it was yesterday. I just need to get through my fight today. I don't put on my jacket because when you have to struggle to walk it gets a lot hotter.
I hobble out the door. I am going to let Kylie sleep in again and I don't have to walk perfectly fine for a little while. I decide to go and grab a muffin early and go find somewhere else to eat it. I finally reach the dining hall and just sit down when Zeke comes in and he spots me. He starts to come straight towards me and then he stands in front of me.
"Hey Izzy. Can I sit?" He asks putting emphasis on Izzy. He knows.
"Sure." I say.
Zeke looks around and then he faces me again. "You better watch yourself Tris. I deleted the footage of you telling Kylie all about what happened, but Four could have easily heard you are heard it while he was going through footage. I won't tell, but you better come clean soon. Why would you leave? Where did you go?"
I sit there shocked for a minute before I answer. " I needed to get out of the city and this drama filled life. I went outside the wall." I stop. "Did anyone else know?" I ask.
"No, but it's only a matter of time before they figure it out. Throwing knives almost better than Four. Training another initiate after you have only had one day of training and doing crazy good moves training them. And acting just like yourself isn't helping. Your lucky your makeup covers who you are." Zeke says.
"Okay. I got it. I will try and be more careful." Something about Zeke saying everything I am doing makes me feel worse. I seem like a terrible person that can't even make up for everything I have done. "You don't know how much I want to come clean, but no one would talk to me let alone forgive me." I say.
"I am talking to you. I forgive you. I understand why you left. That does not mean I approve, but I think they will be happy to see you." he says.
"Yeah, but your my brother. Four would not forgive me." I say.
"Well you would have to give them time. You left for 8 months. You can't expect it to be better in a minute." Zeke says.
"I know. Thanks Zeke. I am trying to figure out what to do. I need to make sure that my fears aren't the same though. I don't know what to do." I say.
"I have an idea. Meet me in our old apartment at midnight." Zeke says. He looks around. "I am glad your back Tris." Then he walks away. He may be glad I am back, but no one else will be.
I am happy about how well he took it, but I am sure the others will not take it that good. I'm not even supposed to tell them. I don't know what David would do if I did tell them. I guess David is just going to deal with it. I really hope everything turns out okay. I lost my appetite and I don't want to talk to anyone, where could I go that way I don't have to talk to anyone. I don't think anyone will be in the training room this early.
I limp all the way to the training room. No one is inside so I go over to the punching bag and being careful with my knee I punch the bag hard over and over again. I block out everything around me and just focus on hitting the bag.
I can't be myself. Punch.
Lost Mathew. Punch.
Have to tell everyone about myself. Punch.
Got myself in a deep hole. Punch. Punch. Punch.
I stop and take a deep breath. My knee is sending a pain throughout my whole leg. I sit against the wall and and keep taking deep breaths. I finally reached my breaking point and now I have to find a way to put myself back together alone. I guess Kylie and Zeke are here, but I'll break even more when I tell the others it won't really help.
They may be mad I left, but I am only one person. They have all the others and I don't have anyone, but 2 people. One of them I just met, so it isn't the same when the rest have been there for years. I know I chose to leave and now that I am back it has to get fixed but I can't change that I left, even if it was a stupid choice. "I am so stupid." I say.
"Why are you stupid?" Four asks from across the room. I look away.
"I made a lot of mistakes." Is all I say. I can't tell him right now. No matter how bad I want to.
"Like training on your knee?" He asks.
"Not just that, but I can't talk about the rest right now." I say.
"Are you deciding that you want to fight today?" He asks.
"Yes. It is my last fight and I am going to do it. I will go get my knee checked out right after it." I say.
"I still don't think that is a good idea." he says.
"Well I need points even if I lose. Besides you can't stop me." I say.
"No. but I can tell you that if you go against someone you can get a lot worse then you are now." Four says.
"Well, I need to." I say and then I strech my legs out. "When is everyone getting here?" I ask.
"Any minute." He says. I nod and avoid looking at him because all I can see is him yelling at me for lying to him and for leaving him. The flood of transfers come in for their last fights. I stand up quickly and wince because it hurts my knee. I feel Four watching me, but I don't look at him.
Kylie walks over to me. "You ready?" I ask her.
"Yeah. I really hope I win." She says.
"I'm sure you will." I say. "You could probably beat anyone now." I say.
"Besides you." She says. I don't say anything because she probably would beat me right now.
Four calls the first people up for their fights and it isn't Kylie or and I fighting in that one. The same with the second and the third. That's when I look at Kylie and realize we will be fighting each other and I feel sick.
"Kylie..." I say.
She looks at me reaching the same conclusion. "Don't let me win." She says.
"No problem there." I say. "Kylie there is something you should know.
She looks at me. "Yeah?"
I sit down and then roll up my leggings and show her my knee. "I think it's dislocated." I say.
She looks at it with wide eyes. "Did I do it? That night you were helping me?" She asks.
"Yeah, but it's not your fault." I say quickly. "You are probably going to win. Don't let me win, but please don't hit my knee." I ask her.
She nods and faces away from me and for some reason I feel scared.
Then Four calls "Kylie against Izzy." I take a deep breath and go to the ring with Kylie. Four gives me a pointed look that says clearly I told you so.
Ignore him and then get into postion and look at Kylie. Our eyes meet and I see nothing but determination. She comes up for a side punch and I take her arm and half flip her to the ground. She sucks in a breath after she hits the ground. She hurries to her feet and when I see her face I know a second to late that she is going to hit my knee.
She uses a hard kick and launches it into my knee. I can feel it crack and cry out with so much pain. I fall to the floor. I shake with anger and pain. I get onto my right foot, with tears in my eyes. She comes up for another kick to my knee, but this time I am ready for it. I twist on my right leg and grab her arm and pull her hard to the ground. She lands on her back and I stand up. I look at her I can't kick her so I bend down and punch her hard on the side of her head.
She closes her eyes and she doesn't open her eyes, so I know she got knocked out and I fall back to the ground. I hug my leg not touching my knee and Four comes to my side, so does Christina and Uriah.
"Did you tell her about you knee?" Asks Four.
"Yeah. That's why she went to hit it." I say. "I felt it crack, it's broken." I say.
"I told you not to fight." Four says.
"Well if I didn't I wouldn't know that Kylie isn't really my friend would I?" Then the truth sinks in. Kylie purposely went to hit me. She could go and tell everyone who I really am. I start to breathe faster and everything starts to shake. "No." I say. And I keep breathing faster.
"I think she's having a panic attack." Uriah says. "She needs to go to the infirmary."
I start to shake and my breathing becomes harder. Everything is going to be ruined. Mathew comes running towards me and grabs my hand.
"Listen. It's going to be okay. Let's go to the infirmary." Mathew says.
I try and say no, but he doesn't listen to me. He lifts me to my feet and guides my arm across his shoulders that way he can help me walk. "Alex. She's going to ruin it. You need to stop her please." I say.
"Let's worry about you first." He says gently. I see Four's face as we leave and he looks confused, but hurt too. As soon as Mathew and I get into the hallway I let the tears fall.
"I told her. I shouldn't have. It's all my fault and I wouldn't even be hurt if I didn't help her." I almost scream.
"What's done is done. She might not even tell. Let's just get you to the infirmary." Mathew says.
********
An hour later I am on crutches with a knee brace and pay medicine in my system and even some more to take when needed.
"We need to find Zeke." I say. I feel a lot better now that I don't have to walk.
"Why?" Mathew asks.
"He knows." I say. I can't say anything when there are cameras around. "We are supposed to meet him tonight at midnight." I add.
"Okay." Mathew says. I can feel the akwardness between us.
"I need to tell them soon." I say.
"How about tomorrow?" Mathew asks.
"Really?" I ask.
"I guess, it would be better if you tell them and they don't find out from someone else." He says referring to Kylie.
"She might wake up before we get the chance." I say.
"I put some sleep medcine in her while you were getting checked out. She won't wake up until tomorrow night." Mathew says.
"Okay. I am going to have Zeke get them all to come to my old apartement tomorrow." I say.
"Okay. See you tonight." Mathew says.
I use my crutches to make it to the dining hall. I go and sit at the transfer table, but don't talk to anyone. I offically have no friends. I eat my lunch. I got there later then everyone, so they all leave. I stop eating.
Christina, Will, Marlene, Uriah, Shauna, Four, Lynn, Al and Zeke all come in and they come straight to my table. I think that they know until Christina says in the most serious voice I have ever heard her use. "What are you hiding?"
I don't say anything. I look at Zeke and he shrugs that he doesn't know what to do. "On top of that why would you fight on that knee?" Uriah asks.
"I knew I needed the points besides I still won." I say. " I know I got hurt, but I needed to know I could do it."
Christina shakes her head. "I know Kylie knows whatever you are hiding. She said she was going to tell us all today. As soon as she wakes up we will know." All of them leave and I sigh. Thank god Kylie won't wake up until tomorrow night.
*******
Mathew and I sneak as quietly as possible from the dorms that night. It is a lot harder than I am used to because of my crutches. I lead Mathew to my old apartment. When we open the door Zeke is already inside.
"I used a flash drive and hacked into the system. Your fears won't be the same. Unless people know who you. If they do it won't show up as your fake fears." Zeke says.
"Thank you. Zeke do you think that you could get the whole group to come here tomorrow morning?" I ask.
"Yes." He says. "Are you going to tell them?" He asks.
"I think so." I say.
"See you then." He says and he leaves.
"I'll be right back." I say. I go up the stairs and into my old room. I see everything the way I left it except there is a note on my bed.
I am so sorry. I know I messed up and I hope that when you see this it means you have come back. Everything wasn't your fault, I know you should not have been making more problems, but I also should have told you that I was jealous of Will. I should have told you or stopped you from leaving. You mean so much and I really hope you come back. -Tobias. '
I fold the note and put it in my pocket. It wasn't all my fault. He lied to me about Will, but that was so little and long ago, so I don't mind that much. I left because I thought messed up because of him. He was holding me together and I always felt so guilty. That I am mad about, but most of the problems were still my fault. With that tears fall down my face.