A/N: Hey everyone! I wrote this story when I was a freshman in high school, so I wanted to make sure it was clear that the way I gave mental illnesses to characters was a little careless, but done with no ill intent. There might be some stigmatized or inaccurate depictions, because although I did my research at the time, that research consisted of wikipedia...and we all know how that goes.
Thanks for reading!
Madie
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Dear Inner Thoughts,
All selections in the history of Illéa all have a pattern. Royal Princes are taught by their fathers about love, or they see it in their parents growing up. Sometimes, it's not even love they are looking at. Some kings want someone obedient, like King Clarkson. His father wanted someone obedient as well. Is that not a pattern? The recent ones in history tell me that treating the princes like crap will get you far. They are looking for the hard-to-get ladies, because they assume those are the ones who don't want to be there. Princes struggle with the internal struggle of figuring out who wants to win their heart, or who wants to win the crown. Queen America kicked King Maxon in the balls. Our current Queen, Hero, shoved King Everette the first time he tried to kiss her. Those ladies are girls who didn't want the crown, they only wanted to feed their families. With that background in mind, it's like a safety net for our fellow princes. I'm not saying those couples don't have real love, they probably do. But then again, love is purely science.
You might have already acquired this conclusion, but I have been selected for Prince Forrest and (shocker!) Prince Harlan's (twins.) selection. Not only is that my ticket out of this foster home, it's my one way ticket out of this foster home. I only have one chance to be rid of this place for good and that is to become a Princess. No one wants to adopt a bipolar teenager. They want someone who will obey them and not argue, make them look good in front of all their catty friends. It's a proven fact, I would know. There isn't much to do in this dump, the only thing to do is think and think and think until your thoughts are a bundled tangled spiderweb or knot. That may just be me, but that's not my point. I've researched patterns, paid close attention to human nature. Anything is predictable, you just have to know the right information to draw the right conclusion. You can usually find this out by knowing patterns. I know my patterns, alright.
Back on topic, I have to take my one way ticket out of this place. Thank you genetics and heredity for the lovely male twins that are known as Forest and Harlan! I not only have one shot, I have two. I screw up? I have a backup plan. All I have to do is keep the one on his tones, while I focus on charming the other one. How do I do that, you ask? Ha! Patterns. Another thing I noticed? Having a unique name. I needed to stand out. I had my blond hair and bright blue eyes going for me, so that was one less thing I needed to worry about. I was dumped here with the name Lila. No last name. No middle name. Nothing. So when I turned ten, I changed my name. It wasn't too hard considering no one even knew I existed except for my very own Ms. Hannigin (Annie reference). All I had to do was sneak into her file cabinet, use a little white out, and viola! Name change. You see, I have a six step plan to winning one of those princes over and gaining my freedom from this awful place.
Step one: walk around areas of the palace most girls would not be seen in. America liked the gardens, where she was first seen by Maxon there. Hero couldn't sleep so she ran into Everette. I either have to act like a lunatic needing fresh air, or I have to run right into a prince and fall on my ass.
Step two: act like a proper selected around them but with a hint of attitude. Enough to stand out. They will get me alone, leaving the perfect gap for my sob story.
Step three: act like a total bitch around them. I need to be as if the fact that they are royal doesn't make them special to me.
Step four: physical abuse is key. Once they try to get me alone again, all I have to do is harm them in some way to emphasize the impression of how utterly uninterested I am.
Step five: slowly start warming up to them. I can't act totally uninterested the entire time, because then I will be sent home and that is not what I want. I don't even have a home to be sent to.
Step six: they will eat up the fact that I might be falling for them. That they have a slight chance with me.
The rest? Well, plans can change. Sometimes drastically, sometimes just a little bit. The one thing that is not in my plan? Actually falling for them. Love is a chemical being processed in your brain. The same area of your brain that processes sexual desire is the same area of your brain that processes the taste of food. I'm not giving a science lesson here, but sexual desire can be turned into love. And you know why? Because it's the same part of your brain where addiction is found. In other words, sexual desire is like a drug, and love is the product in which you become addicted to it. Lust is meth and cocaine and all that fun stuff, while love is the junky who can't get enough. How the hell am I supposed to trust that? My conclusion? Love isn't real in the sense people think it is. Therefore, I don't believe in true love. I don't believe in love at first sight. I don't believe in having a soulmate.
All I need to do is become the drug Prince Forrest and Prince Harlan become addicted to. What I'm really trying to say is that I have to get them to fall in love with me. I think I have a pretty sound plan in place here. I don't want the ultimate crown. I could care less about becoming the next Queen of Illéa. All I really want is my one way ticket, and those two boys are going to give it to me.
Sincerely, Cordelia (Schreave)