CHAPTER 37
DERECK
[“SIR, SORRY, HINDI KO KAYO mapupuntahan r'yan, yung baby ko kasi may sakit, kailangan kong bantayan. Sorry, Sir.”] It's Selene. She has a baby now.
A baby. I wonder, what is my baby? A girl? Boy? The color of my baby's eyes? Is my baby okay? I wish I could be with my baby, but I need to accept the fact that it won't happen anymore.
“Alright. Pakisabi na lang sa interior designer na pakigandahan yung opening ng resort. I want it to be memorable. Isa 'yon sa bunga ng paghihirap natin sa Canada.”
[“Okay, Sir.”] I ended our call.
I looked at the ceiling. I was in Canada for 5 years. Too much work. Madami din akong tinrabaho sa Canada dahil binigay na din sakin ni Daddy yung kompanya niya to help me.
I laughed.
To help me? To fucking move on? I wish it helped me, but nah. Na-stress lang ako ng sobra pero sa gabi siya pa rin ang nasa isip ko. Siya at ang baby namin. Iniisip ko kung paano niya nakayanan.
Anong naramdaman niya noong nagla-labor siya? Noong nanganganak na siya? Noong paggising niya? Hinintay niya kaya ako? Hinanap niya kaya ako? Umasa ba siyang dadating ako? Pumunta ba siyang Manila para kausapin ako?
Binalikan niya kaya ako?
Ang daming tanong. Tanong na hindi naman masasagot kahit anong gawin ko. Kung tutuosin kayang kaya ko siyang ipahanap pero natatakot ako. Nakakatakot akong aminin sa sarili kong naging miserable ako sa loob ng limang taon na wala siya.
I don't even know if I am moved on.
May asawa na ba siya? Baka mamaya may isa pa siyang anak. Paano kung nag-asawa na 'yon? Five years is long. Siguro nga meron na.
I looked at my ring. Our memories...
Nandito pa rin. Lahat ng ala-alang binuo namin noon, lahat 'yon hindi ko makalimutan. Parang siya, hindi ko makalimutan.
Yumi Steve. She's with me. I don't think she can help me to move on dahil ni hindi ko siya mahalikan dahil mukha lang ni Brie ang nakikita ko.
I remembered how miserable I am.
“Son, I suggest, leave this country. Ibinigay ko na sayo 'yung kompanya ko, diba? It's time for you to manage it.”
“Yeah. I guess you're right but, dad. Paano kung bumalik siya at wala ako dito? Sinong magbabantay sakanya?”
“Paano kung hindi?”
Is it true, Brie? Hindi ka na talaga babalik? Please, come back to me. I am nearly lost my sanity. If you do really care for me, come back.
“I don't know, dad. I'm pissed.”
I closed my eyes. My resort's opening is tomorrow night. Maganda ang simoy ng hangin dito sa Palawan.
Naalala ko kanina. May nag-propose sa park. Hindi na ako nakisingit dahil baka mainggit lang ako. And besides, Yumi was there. Yumi Steve, the owner of agency. She accompany me here. We're friends now.
What if umalis ng bansa si Brie?—Fuck! Enough with Brie! I'm done. Nakakagago na iniisip ko siya samantalang ni hindi ko alam kung iniisip niya ba ako.
Damn. I need to stop thinking about her. Ngayon na lang ulit siya pumasok sa isip ko and I have no idea why.
Sa loob ng limang taon, ginawa kong busy ang sarili ko para makalimot by the help of Jackson, of course. Lagi niya akong sinasama sa mga bar at club dahil lagi din siyang nakabuntot sakin dahil nag-break sila ni Loraine para daw makapag-focus siya sa sarili niya at para maging proud ang ama nito.
It helps a little. Pero ni minsan hindi ko magawang matulog kasama ang ibang babae. I lost my interest about that thing.
I took off my shirt at bumalik sa kama. I closed my eyes. Hindi mawala sa isip ko ang proposal na meron kanina sa park. It's romantic, but if I am the who is proposing? I won't do it at the park.
“Dereck Cole Rivera?” I looked at the familiar girl. Who the fuck is this?
“Hmm?” I think I'm drunk or what. Damn. I looked at Jackson who's fucking sleeping right now.
“What are you doing here in Canada?”
Same question. What I am doing here? Moving on or making our business grow?
“For business.” I closed and immediately opened my eyes. I'm feeling dizzy. “Who are you again?”
“Yumi Steve. Wait, for business? Are you with your wife and baby?” I laughed stupidly. Wife and baby, huh?
“I don't have any of those.”
“Huh? You said—”
“Fuck...” I groaned. My head hurts.
“I think you need to go home. I will accompany you and your friend.”
Friend?
“He's not my friend, he's my cousin.” I saw her nodded.
Naramdaman kong may tumulong saking tumayo and the next thing I knew, I'm already in the car with Jackson.
“Dereck? Can you still hear me? Your address, please?” I opened my eyes.
“Paradise Condominium.”
I laughed. Yeah, she's nice. A good woman. Hindi ko alam kung bakit tinanggihan ko siya noon. Siguro dahil kay Brie, masyado nakatuon ang atensyon ko sakanya noon kaya hindi ko magawang tumingin sa iba.
Tumayo ako at nag bihis. Ayokong magmukmok sa lugar na 'to. It's better if mamasyal ako.
“Dereck? Where are you going?” Tanong ni Yumi pagkalabas ko ng kwarto ng hotel na tinutuluyan ko ngayon. Bukas ang dating ni Jackson dito dahil gusto niya din daw maki party at maghanap ng ipapalit kay Loraine.
“Kahit saan. Ang boring, e. You want to come with me?” I asked. Napaisip siya kung sasama but in the end, sumama pa rin siya.
We're walking at the park again. Hindi ko alam kung bakit dito kami dinala ng mga paa namin. Masyado kasing maganda ang park na ito. Masyadong makulay ay masarap sa mata.
“Something is bothering you.” Pansin niya. Ngumisi lang ako. Ayoko sanang pag-usapan kung ano man ang gumugulo sa isip ko pero parang ngayon ko kailangan ng makakausap.
“Yeah...” Umupo kami sa isang bakante na upuan katabi ng puno na may mga christmas lights.
“What is it?” I didn't talk. “Is it because of your ex wife thingy?” I chuckled.
“I don't have ex wife, Yumi.” She just shrugged.
Hindi ko maiwasang tignan ang babaeng katabi ko. For five years, she's with me. Akala ko noon hindi siya kagalang galang na babae because she tried to seduce me in her own office but I was wrong. May problema lang pala siya sa boyfriend niya noon kaya sinubukan niyang akitin ako.
She's beautiful. Maamo ang mukha niya. Her nose is proud and her eyes is so innocent. I don't know kung bakit hindi ko na lang maibigay sakanya ang pansin na na kay Brie pa din.
“So, ex girlfriend? Fling? I know something or someone is bothering you, Dereck. I'm your friend for five years, hello? You can open up to me.” I shrugged. Wala naman sigurong masama?
“I already have a child.” Her eyes widened.
“And you don't want to marry the mommy? Or you don't want the child? Gosh! You're such an asshole!” I glared at her. “What? Don't give me that look.” She rolled her eyes.
“Of course, I want my child.”
“Then what's the problem?”
“Five years ago, there's a competition between me and my cousin. Kung sino ang unang magkaka anak samin ng pinsan ko, siya ang makakakuha ng Rivera's Empire. Of course, that's mine kahit na naunang magtrabaho doon ang pinsan ko na 'yon as vice president ng kompanya. I met this girl,” Umayos siya ng upo.
“And then?”
“I asked for help, I asked her if she can help me to have a baby... in exchange, she will have a baby because she doesn't have any family.” She covered her mouth.
“Oh, gosh, and then?”
“She said yes, she's desperate to have a baby and of course, I don't want her to have a hard time while taking care of our baby so I gave her 10 million. Akala niya galing 'yon sa agreement but nah, that's from me.”
“So, nasaan na siya ngayon? I'm sure five-year-old na din ang baby mo.”
“I don't know. Hindi ko alam kung nasaan siya. I didn't bother to look for her though.”
“What?! Tapos ngayon nahihirapan ka? Damn your pride. Find her! Hindi madaling magpalaki mag-isa ng anak. My mom was a single mom and I can tell that taking care of me without a husband by her side wasn't easy! Kaya nagsumikap akong marating ang mayroon ako ngayon.” Guilt ate my whole body.
Nahirapan si Brie.
“I don't know where to start.”
“Duh. Bilyonaryo ka, marami kang implyuwensya kaya mahahanap mo siya kung gusto mo.” I stretched my neck.
“Yeah...”
“Do you love her?” I saw pain in her eyes. I'm not dumb. I know she has something to me kaya ayokong magbigay ng motibo dahil alam kong masasaktan sya sa oras na mabigo ko siya.
“Don't ask me that question.”
“Maybe, yes.” She sighed.
“Kung ano man ang meron kami, makakalimutan ko rin 'yon. I think she has a husband or a family now.”
“Paano kung wala?”
I stilled. Paano nga ba kung wala? Would I chase her? Pababalikin ko ba siya ulit sakin? That's easy for me. Walang kaso sakin para na rin makita ko ang anak namin pero paano kung ayaw niya?
But, what if may iba na siyang gusto? Dapat pa ba akong manalig sa sinabi niyang mahal niya ako? Damn! Five years! Hindi imposibleng magkagusto siya sa iba.
“I don't know...”
“Siguro nga dahil mahal mo siya kaya nahihirapan kang magdesisyon.” I'm damn confused.
“Anong kailangan kong gawin?”
“Really? You're asking me that?” I tsked. Alam ko namang matalino ako pero hindi sa ganito.
“Uh-huh.” She rolled her eyes.
“Hmm. Sabi nila follow your heart but of course, you need to learn when to fight and when to stop.” Ang gulo. Follow your heart pero—ewan.
“Yeah.” Tanging sagot ko.
“You know I like you, right? Hindi ka naman siguro tanga o manhid para hindi 'yon maramdaman?” I chuckled.
“Yes,”
“Nababadtrip ako kasi nagkakaganyan ka. Nababadtrip ako kasi nandito naman ako, kung ako lang sana, Dereck, hinding hindi ko hahayaang na masaktan ka lalo na sa loob ng limang taon.”
“Yumi...”
“Ikaw yung nand'yan noong niloko ako ng boyfriend ko noon, ngayon ako naman yung nandito para sayo. Hindi ko hahayaang magka-ganyan ka for Pete's sake!”
“I was there because you need help and I'm being gentleman.” Inirapan niya ako at kulang na lang ay hampasin niya ako.
“Dereck?”
“Hmm?” I saw how she licked her lips.
“Ako na lang kaya? Hindi rin masama, magka-partner tayo sa business, magkakilala na rin tayo for five years.” I laughed.
“I'm not yet ready, Yumi.”
“At kailan ka magiging ready? Niloloko mo ba ako? Hindi ka magiging ready kung hindi mo susubukan.” I looked at her.
“How can you say that?”
“Duh. I've been there before. Besides, maganda naman ako, sexy, mayaman, wala ka nang hahanapin, Dereck.” We both laughed. “Mahalin mo lang ako, 'yun lang yung gagawin mo, then tapos na.”
“It's not that easy, Yumi.” Inirapan niya ulit ako.
“Basta kung moved on ka na, sabihin mo lang sakin. Nandito ako para saluhin ka.”
I felt guilty. She's been a good friend to me. I think she's right. Hindi na rin masama na sakanya ko ibuhos ang atensyon ko. Is it really the end of us, Brie? If yes, I must open my heart for someone else, then.
I leaned towards her. She looks shock pero hindi niya ako pinigilan.
I saw how she closed her eyes so I closed mine and let myself to kiss this woman. If it's the end of us, I wish na makahanap ka rin ng para sayo, Brianna.
I pulled back from our kiss. I saw her smile. Mas lalong gumaganda ang babaeng 'to kapag ngumingit—Brie?
I stilled. Napako ang tingin ko sa babaeng may hawak na plastic bag na may lamang pagkain habang naglalakad palayo.
Hindi ako pwedeng magkamali. She's Brie! The way she walks. Her hair. Her height.
“Ikaw ba 'yan, Brie?”
LESSURSTORIES