Sturgis and Lord Fitton stood as Clara entered the room. She was exquisite in that gown of blue. It was the exact shade Lord Fitton wished he could have had a gown made for her in. Where Lord Fitton couldn't look away, Sturgis couldn't meet her eye.
Benjamin did not care for the look of appreciation Lord Fitton had for his wife, even though Lord Fitton explained their arrangement and that he was of a different persuasion when it came to sex. It still rankled him that Clara wore Lord Fitton's ring and posed as Lord Fitton's wife. They must have made quite a believable couple to have fooled so many.
Benjamin pulled out the chair between him and Fitton for Clara to be seated. Clara had eyes for only one at this table, and it surprised Benjamin that it was the boy that had her undivided attention. He remembered Sturgis telling him how he did not deserve her. Not that the boy was revealing anything that Benjamin did not already know but he planned on repairing that damage.
"I've taken the liberty of ordering. I hope I did not overstep any boundaries," Lord Fitton said breaking the awkward silence.
"Not at all," Benjamin said, though he spoke the language fluently, he was not familiar enough with the food to make an appropriate choice.
The food had arrived and it was once again a delicious fare of traditional foods that delighted the senses. Such a colorful sight and the tastes ranged from delicate to downright spicy.
"When do you set sail?" Lord Fitton asked.
"Daybreak would be my guess. I've made arrangements for our belonging to be sent ahead of us, so once Clara and I join the Black Star there will be little reason to remain."
"I have sent the letter to the Center as you requested. I'm sure Clara's belongings from the Center have already been sent ahead as well. She has all of my research, not that it will be of much help. It will help the general community but there is little in them that will help the King."
Clara and Sturgis remained silent while Lord Fitton and Benjamin made small talk over his findings at the Center and the postulation if they only had more time a cure might be found but both men knew that hope was futile.
Clara noticed Sturgis was only toying with his food and he loved everything that Lord Fitton had ordered. She remembered how excited he was the first time they had shared this meal.
"Are you not hungry?" Clara asked Sturgis concerned.
"I've been on a strict diet since entering the Center. I'm not sure I should indulge in such foods," Sturgis answered but he did not look up from his plate. He then pushed his plate away. "I am going to my room. It's going to be an early morning. I've already lost a day of treatment. I do not wish to lose another. If you'll excuse me."
Sturgis stood, placed his napkin on the table, and left the room.
Clara stared after him. She soon stood and threw her napkin down, ready to go after him. Benjamin grabbed her arm, "Where are you going?"
"I must talk to him. I cannot leave things this way between us." Her eyes were pleading for him to let her go. Benjamin felt so conflicted but he released her. The moment she was out of his sight he regretted the decision and stood to go after her.
Only, Lord Fitton stopped him with his words. "You'll do yourself no favors by going after her. Give them a moment," Lord Fitton reasoned.
Benjamin looked down at Lord Fitton. He was a war with himself. "What hold does he have over her?" All this time he thought Lord Fitton the threat. Never in his wildest did he think some young buck could be a cause for concern.
"Hold?" Lord Fitton asked confused.
"Does she love him?" Benjamin asked staring now at the doorway that they both exited through.
"Yes, but not in the way that you think. She has been like a mother to Sturgis. She cares deeply for that boy. To have to say goodbye must tear them both apart."
Benjamin did not know what to make of this new information but took a seat for the time being. He pulled out his watch and marked the time. Ten minutes, ten minutes he would give for them to say their piece to one another, and then he was going up those stairs to reclaim his wife. He snapped the watch shut.
Clara knocked softly on the door. "Sturgis, please let me in?"
Sturgis opened the door and pulled her into the room causing her to yelp in surprise. He shut and locked the door. "I didn't think you'd come. I thought you didn't care, but you followed me. You're here."
"Yes, I'm here," Clara said confused by Sturgis' sudden frantic nature.
"He started to pull her toward the balcony. We will leave this place the same way we came. Over the balcony, I'll take two horses, and we'll be gone. They will never find us. HE will never find us."
"Who?" Clara asked as she was being pulled along. Clara pulled back and stopped Sturgis in his tracks.
"Your husband," Sturgis' hands came up and touched Clara's face. "He'll never have the chance to hurt you again. I could not bear it, Clara. I know you think of me as just a child but I'm not. I'm a man, a man who now thanks to my treatments can take care of you, the way that you deserve to be taken care of. I won't let anyone hurt you."
He grabbed her hand again and pulled, but Clara did not move. He looked back at her confused. "What is it? What's wrong?"
"I do love you, Sturgis but I love my husband as my husband, there is no other in my heart to take his place."
Sturgis dropped her hand. He winced like she had struck him with a physical blow and turned from her. "I'm not trying to take his place but you don't deserve the way that he treats you. Clara, you are the bravest, strongest, most beautiful woman I've ever met, and I didn't need my eyesight to return to see that about you. You deserve better."
Her hands rested upon his shoulders and then she pulled him towards her. Her arms wrapping around him in a protective embrace and his hands reached up to touch her arms. "Maybe I'm just as horrible, Clara."
"Why would you say such a thing?" Clara asked.
"Because... every day I prayed I would heal. And every day I prayed, you would not."
His confession shocked Clara. Her arms dropped away. "Why would you do such a thing?"
Sturgis turned to look at her. "Because it was my only chance. If you healed then I knew you'd go back to him but if you didn't I'd get to keep you for myself, and we would stay a family. I don't want to lose you, Clara."
Tears burned her eyes and she pulled him towards her and she held him close. "I don't want to lose you either, Sturgis. You are the closest I will ever come to having a child of my own and I could not love you more, or be prouder of the man you've become."
Sturgis clung to her for a moment before letting her go. "But you are going to leave all the same."
"I must."
"Everyone has a choice, Clara. Even you."
"I know and I've chosen. I've chosen Benjamin, the man who did not stop until he found me. Who traveled around the globe to collect me. I know you do not approve but I know he loves me desperately, almost as desperately as I do him. Benjamin did not put me through any torment. I've learned through my treatments at the Center to take responsibility for my feelings. He is the emissary to the Queen and that comes with an obligation he cannot ignore but I knew all of that before agreeing to marry him. The truth is Sturgis, he needs me."
"I need you," Sturgis admitted though it hurt his pride and heart to do so.
"Not anymore you don't. Your vision has returned. Your future is bright. You will be an officer commanding your own ship someday. Of that, I have no doubt. And should you ever need me, for anything, Lord Fitton knows how to reach me."
She tilted his chin up so he had to look at her. "You have your own mother, your brothers, and sisters, you must look out for. But know this, you have your own place in my heart, Sturgis. A place no one can take from you. No one."
Sturgis hugged her again. He did not want to say goodbye. It hurt too much.
And that is how Benjamin found them when he unlocked the door and entered the room. Lord Fitton tried to reason with him again. Benjamin relented giving them more time but when he tried to enter the room and realized the door was locked he nearly lost his mind. Getting access to the key was a simple matter since he held the reservation for both rooms.
Clara, his Clara, held on to Sturgis like he were a lifeline and Sturgis clung to her the same. Benjamin knew how they felt as often he was distraught to have to let Clara go when he was forced on a mission for the Crown.
Upon hearing him enter, they broke apart. Sturgis turned his back to Benjamin to quickly scrub away his tears with his shirt sleeve, but Clara wore hers without shame. "It is time to go, Clara," was all Benjamin could think to say.
Clara's hand turned Sturgis' face towards her again. "Promise to continue to make me proud."
Sturgis just nodded and walked to the balcony, unable to watch her walk away. Clara's hand lowered and her heart plummeted. This is just how it had to be between them and it hurt so damn much. She remembered this pain. She experienced it before when she lost her baby. She locked eyes with Benjamin and walked towards him.
He did not know he was holding his breath until he exhaled. Never in his life had he ever had to compete for Clara's love, never until today. Her love for this boy was clearly written in her expression of loss. Sturgis had somehow stolen her heart.
"I'm ready," she told him, she took Benjamin's arm a led him from the room.
Sturgis heard the door shut behind them, the sound was as hollow as the hole in his heart.
Clara said one final goodbye to Lord Fitton. "Take good care of Sturgis for me?" Clara asked.
"I promise," Lord Fitton said as Benjamin handed her up into the carriage that would take them to the seaport.
"And you best take good care of her, " Lord Fitton said boldly to Benjamin.
Benjamin nodded and took his seat beside her. Lord Fitton shut the door and tapped the side of the carriage letting the driver know his passengers were safely inside. The driver spurred on the horses and Lord Fitton watched Clara McAllister ride out of their lives.
Benjamin took several side-glances at Clara as she stared out the window watching the town of Fort Kochi pass them by. "Clara?"
She turned to him and a single tear glistened as it made a trail down her cheek. He reached out and wiped it away.
"I know you love me but I know you love him, too. Say the word and I turn this carriage around."
Clara gave him such a heart-wrenching smile. "The only man that I love is you."
"But Sturgis?"
"Is the closest I will ever come to experiencing having a son, a family, that is hard to say goodbye to, but my life is with you. I can't live a life without you. You are the only man I have ever loved."
"Oh, Clara!" Benjamin reached out and crushed her in his embrace. "I'm so sorry, Clara. I'm sorry I ever doubted you. I'm sorry I made you feel like you ever had to leave. That I somehow would find you unworthy. I can't live without you either, Clara. I felt I died that day I got your letter. I couldn't even bring myself to read it until I knew I was close and would possibly see you again.
I was a coward. I didn't want to believe you would ever leave me but what you wrote was far worse. Knowing I drove you to this decision to travel across the globe to find a cure for an ailment that ... Clara, we may never have a family in the sense of how you pictured it but I hope you never regret choosing me. I hope I am enough. You are my family. You are all I need."
Clara stroked the side of Benjamin's face with the back of her fingertips before she kissed his lips. Benjamin continued to hold her close for the rest of the ride back to the Black Star and Clara took comfort in his arms.