Kakyoin had made sure to take his pills this morning; though they make him feel empty and down, he wants nothing to ruin his date with Jotaro. As he looks at himself in the mirror for the hundredth time, searching for every minute flaw he can find, he thinks about the comedy in that.
Although there is a reason why it is this way, one would think all the suffering Kakyoin has been through would convince him to care for himself more than a random — albeit wonderful — man. Over the years, he has come to learn that his mind is not normal. He has had a few people tell him that, anyways, and majority rules. Kakyoin is not sure he believes there is anything wrong with him in the way they say there is. Even now, three years after his first psychotic episode, he only sees a lonely, stupid boy in the mirror.
He takes a deep breath and unbuttons the top of his shirt and decides he will not think about it anymore. Instead, he wanders what Jotaro sees when he looks at him. An artist? A soulless ginger? Does he see nothing but a schizophrenic, too?
Kakyoin realizes he is stalling for time as he rearranges his clothes and lets his thoughts run wild. With the presence of pre-date jitters, he fears another breakdown. Nerves tend to jump start them, and he has quite enough of those right now. There is nothing more unsettling to him than never being completely sure when a break will strike. The anxiety it causes does not help stave them off, either.
He sighs and shakes his head. Get it together.
Jean looks up from his phone when he exits the bathroom and whistles. Kakyoin snorts.
"Look at you, hot stuff," he grins. "I guess you're leaving me all alone tonight, huh?"
"Unless you want to third wheel, yes," Kakyoin says.
"Depends who I'd be third wheelin' for."
Kakyoin had not told him, for he knew he would disapprove. He can live his own life, but Jean gets annoying when he gets upset. "Jotaro."
"Oh. I'm good," Jean waves a hand, returning to his phone. Kakyoin bites back a sigh of relief that he is not getting a lecture about his choice in men.
"I'll be back in a few hours," Kakyoin says, as he gathers his phone and bag, slipping on his shoes at the door.
"Don't get drunk this time," Jean suggests. His tone is playful, but Kakyoin cannot help thinking, there it is.
"Don't you have an exam tonight, asshat?" Kakyoin reminds.
The sound of Jean jumping up to study pleases him. From how careless he is, Kakyoin is not sure he would have ever guessed that Jean is a criminal justice major. When he thinks detective, he usually thinks intelligence.
-
By now, the route to Jotaro's house is a familiar one, and Kakyoin loses himself inside his head while he walks. It is a good twenty minute walk, long enough to justify listening to a few songs off of The Soul Cages. Halfway through it, he realizes that he forgot his jacket and the chilly air is beginning to seep past his thin shirt. If only Jean bugged him about something useful once in a while.
Holly notices his slight shiver before he can even utter a greeting. "You'll get a cold without something warmer than that," she chides, tugging him inside by his wrist. "Borrow one of our scarves."
She does not give him time to pick, and he hardly gets a good look at the scarf she pulls out before she is draping it around his neck for him. It's a little embarrassing, though it has been far too long since he was doted on by a mother for him to care. His only concern is that this scarf smells like Jotaro, and he might not like that Kakyoin has borrowed his clothing.
"Thank you," Kakyoin says. Holly gives him a smile.
"I don't want you getting sick," she says. She perks up, looking past Kakyoin's head. "There he is. You two have fun, okay?"
Jotaro falters when he sees Kakyoin in his scarf, but scratches the back of his neck and nods at his mother. As far as Kakyoin knows, Holly is not aware that this is a date; so he waits until they're outside to put his hand on Jotaro's back.
"Sorry about the scarf. Holly jumped me."
"It's fine," Jotaro reassures. His voice grows quiet. "You look nice in white."
"Hm. It's more cream, I'd say," Kakyoin corrects, smiling when Jotaro playfully shrugs his hand off.
He mumbles something, tugs his hat's brim down, and begins the walk to the metro station without another word. Kakyoin regrets not asking where they were going beforehand, but being with Jotaro soothes some of his nerves. He has a calm, focused aura. Even the afternoon crowds seem more manageable when he is with the other man. When faced with the shortage of seats, Jotaro insists that Kakyoin be the one to sit, and rests a tentative hand on his shoulder while they wait. Kakyoin feels much happier than he did an hour ago.
They get off and walk the rest of the way to a steakhouse. Kakyoin thinks the name, Smokey's House, is clever. Jotaro must be a regular, as he and the hostess share small talk as she leads them to their table. Kakyoin takes the time to appreciate the inside of the building. He loves the characteristic warm wood tones and sparse lighting. Coupled with the sun setting outside, it is even cozier.
He continues to steal glances at the architecture after they sit, feeling Jotaro's eyes on him in turn.
"You act like you've never been anywhere before," Jotaro jokes.
He shrugs. "I like the interiors of these places."
"Artist approved, huh?"
Kakyoin fights off a frown. "Yeah."
Few words pass between the time they order and when the food arrives. Kakyoin would not have anything but the comfortable silence. Neither of them is very good at making polite conversation, so it would have been horrendous anyways.
It appears to bother Jotaro a little more, and he attempts to spark talk while they eat.
"You've met my family," he begins. "Have you got any?"
Kakyoin nods. "I haven't seen them a while," he admits. "We moved here when I was younger. From Japan. My dad got a job offer. It fell through right after I enrolled here, so I stayed and they went home."
"All the independence you want now."
"Well, Jean is practically my new father."
Jotaro chuckles. "Yeah, he's a... character."
"He cares about me," Kakyoin says. "That's all I could ask for."
"I can tell he does. Must be nice to have a friend like that."
Kakyoin hides a frown in his next bite of food. Jotaro is rather popular with both women and men — does he really not have a best friend? Kakyoin cannot imagine life without Jean, and not only because he is stuck living with the lovable oaf for the next year and a half.
"Yeah," he replies absentmindedly. "What about your dad?"
Jotaro's gaze, which had been focused near Kakyoin, drops to his plate. "Divorce. I'm from Japan, too, and Mom moved us here a few years back 'cause Joseph lives here. I don't see my father a lot."
Kakyoin feels like he hit a nerve, but does not apologize or bring it up. He finds it better to move on when it comes to talking to Jotaro. "Ah."
"Are your folks nice?"
"I suppose," Kakyoin says. "Strict. But Holly reminds me of my mom."
"Woof," Jotaro says. Kakyoin laughs.
The mood grows lighter after that. While the drone of a sports channel and chatter from the nearby bar puts him on edge, it's easy enough to tune it all out while he listens to Jotaro.
"So what's up with Jean?" Jotaro asks, once the conversation has died down.
"Did he get to you that much?" Kakyoin asks jokingly, though there is sincerity hiding within it.
"No," he says. "He's just kinda territorial."
Kakyoin rests his chin in his hand, thinking. He can recall the night a few weeks before he met Jotaro where he and Jean really bonded; though he will not mention that part Jotaro. They had confided in each other and Kakyoin decides it's safe enough to at least share a theory with Jotaro. "I think he feels indebted to me."
"Guess that'll do it," is all Jotaro offers.
He feels piggish agreeing to it, but allows Jotaro to order desert to split between the two of them. Kakyoin teases him for getting food all over his face, but the red that rises in Jotaro's face as he wipes off the flick of ice cream with his thumb makes his heart skip a beat.