I hear the sound of pages being turned as I sit in my meadow. I look around, and there’s nothing in sight. I stand up and I turn a total 360, and as I turn back to where I was originally facing, there’s a house. It’s a scary house though, I'm in the bright sunny day, but above that house, there are dark storm clouds casting a gray shadow over the area. I being to walk towards the house, and the sound of the flipping pages becomes increasingly louder as I get closer and closer. Finally, I'm on the porch. Being polite, I knock, but there’s no answer. I grab the handle and open the door slowly. Right in front of the doorway is a staircase leading up wards. I quickly walk up the stairs, and soon I'm on the second floor. As I examine it, I see a ladder that looks like it leads to the attic, and when I near it, the sound of the flipping pages stops. Knowing that whatever was turning the pages is up in the attic, I hesitate before going up. Do I really want to see what’s up there? What if it’s a monster that eats fetuses? Pushing those thoughts aside, I quickly climb the ladder. Sitting there on the floor is a book, no one is around. The book is the only thing in the room. I quickly walk over and get on my knees in front of the book; on the cover is a picture of Ed and me. I cringe, and I don’t want to open the book. I start to move to get up but the book springs open and the pages start turning at an alarming speed, they’re flying! They’re going on forever, is there no end to the amount of pages?! Slowly, a sign that I haven’t seen since my Senior year of high school emerges. A greater than sign from math rises out the book, and It flies towards me, knocking me back and my head hits the floor with a thud.
I walk up with a start, but I don’t move. I notice that I'm clutching at Niall, an- Wait. Niall?! What the hell did I do last night?! Last thing I remember was getting comfortable in bed after throwing Niall some of Jared’s clothing. I have my arm holding onto Niall’s side and I'm using him as a pillow, in return, he has an arm thrust around me. I shift slightly to look up at him, and he’s still sound asleep. His breathing is rhythmic and steady, he’s chest moving slightly as he breathes. It’s so adorable… Anyway, what was my dream about again? Oh yeah, flying math signs. But that had to mean something, didn’t it? Let me think, Ed, a book, and a greater than sign… What does that mean? There’s a great chance that Ed reads? Or… maybe there’s more to the story. It hits me like a ton of bricks, that’s it! There’s more to the story!! I quickly slip out from under Niall’s arm, trying not to disturb him. I look at the time, and it’s only 9 in the morning. At dinner last night, I picked up Rebecca saying they were leaving at one. I need to talk to Ed. I don’t care if I'm super pissed, I need to see if I'm right. Is there more to the story? Am I missing a vital chapter? There’s got to be something. So even if I have the whole story, I need an elaboration. My mind is going over all this while I quickly get dressed, not even leaving the room, Niall is dead asleep.
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=63950040
I write out a quick note saying I’ll be back in twenty minutes and leave it on Niall’s chest before grabbing my keys and dashing out of the apartment. I quickly walk to their hotel, not wanting to waste any time. I take the elevator to their floor, and thank God I remembered what floor it was, and if I remember correctly, Rebecca’s a morning bird. I knock on their door, and thankfully, Rebecca answers.
“Rachel!” She says and hugs me quickly.
“Well don’t you look adorable?” I say and quickly look over her outfit.
http://www.polyvore.com/untitled_174/set?id=62816841
“Thanks, I have a lot of free bathroom time in the morning.” She says with a wink.
“So no one else is awake yet?” I ask her, I would hate to wake Ed up, but then again, I really wouldn’t.
“Nope, why?” She asks.
“I need to see Ed, which room is his?” I ask, and she lets me in and points me in the right direction.
“Thanks Becca.” I say and walk to Ed’s room. I slowly collet my breath, now doubting whether or not I really want to do this, but I knock anyway.
Ed’s P.O.V.:
There’s a knock at my door, I ignore it. Whoever it is can go fuck themselves for waking me up this early. The person opens my door, letting in bright light from the hallway, and I flip them off as they turn the lights on.
“Bloody Hell.” I say and shove the covers up over my head.
“Ed, I need to talk to you.” A familiar voice says, it sounds like her, but it couldn’t be her. She hates me now. I slowly uncover my head, and hell, it really is her.
“What about?” I say groggily, not really accepting the fact that I'm awake, I could be dreaming.
“I feel like I'm missing a part of the story.” She says quickly. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her look this wonderful, looking closely, I see that she’s not wearing any makeup. I wonder why she wears makeup if she’s so absolutely stunning without it? It clouds her true beauty.
“What story?” I ask, what story is she talking about? Maybe she’s high.
“The whole, I-love-you-now-I-don’t-shit.” She says, more defiantly than I’ve ever heard her talk, and it’s pretty hot. I think back to last night, and my car ride to the restaurant with my management.
“YOU DID WHAT?” Stuart, my manager, asks me after I told him.
“I told Rachel I love her, and I'm going to make sure she comes back to England with us. I had to watch her leave last year, and I didn’t like that feeling.” I say, choosing not to mention the whole incident with the hookers. He doesn’t need to know...
“Ed, you can’t do this. It would ruin you. Do you realize that your songs make girls feel like you’re their boyfriend? That would be ruined if you got a girlfriend! Plus, when this girl first appeared, the boys had her and her friends audition for Simon, THE Simon, and he didn’t choose her or her friend Jordyn. But Jordyn ended up going on to the stage, and this girl? She went back to America! It’s not ok to be associated with her.” He exclaimed, using hand gestures and everything.
“So, what? Am I never allowed to get a girlfriend?!” I ask, getting agitated.
“That’s not what I'm saying.” Stuart says getting a little defensive. “I'm just saying that you can’t have one when you’ve just reached fame in America, and getting one so soon would wreck everything we’ve done.” He says as the car stops. “Now, you are going to call this girl and tell her you were kidding.” He says.
“I WAS KIDDING?!” I ask, flabbergasted. I already hurt Rachel once in the past week, this might kill her. “No, you’re crazy!” I say, and Stuart gives me a stern look. It’s a look that says, ‘Do it or your career ends here.’ I look down at my phone, and I open up Rachel’s contact.
“You can’t really be serious.” I say, letting a little bit of how badly this is hurting me flow into my voice. Stuart just gives a stern nod, and I quickly think about dating Rachel secretly, but I know she wouldn’t want to do that, she’s too independent for that. She’d feel like I was ashamed to be with her. Reluctantly, I press the call button, silently hoping she doesn’t pick up, but then the line connects.
“Hello?” Rachel says into the phone.
“RACHEL.” I say, a little larger than I expected it to be, I was so hoping that she wouldn’t pick up so I wouldn’t have to do this to her.
“…yes?” She answers hesitantly.
“I want to confess something.” I say quickly, trying to see if I do it quickly it’ll seem like ripping off a band-aid.
“…Go ahead…” She says, and I can tell she’s worried, it’s hurting me. Ditch the Band-Aid thought, time to stall.
“First, I need to ask you a question.” I say quickly, but I don’t want her to say anything before I ask her the first question that came to mind. “Did the boys offer to take you back to England with us?” I ask, trying to stall.
“Well yes, but-“ She starts, but if she could see the glare that Stuart is giving me right now, she’d understand why I interrupted her.
“Did you believe me when I said I loved you?” I ask, Stuart giving me a warning glance, as if to tell me not to fuck this up. She’s not responding, and I look at my phone to make sure it’s still connected. As I put it back to my ear, I hear the end of her quiet yes.
“Mother fucker.” I say lowly before gathering my breath and returning to the Band-Aid train of thought. “Forget about it. I didn’t mean it.” I say and I don’t want to hear her response, for I know it’ll be gut-retching, so I quickly disconnect from the call. I lean back against the seat and close my eyes. I can’t believe I just hurt the girl I cherish. I can’t believe I had to do it.
“Good, now go in to dinner.” Stuart says, turning his attention to his smart phone.
“Are you fucking kidding? After what you just made me do? You expect me to go in there and face that girl?!” I ask, I can’t even say her name. I know this party is for Bella and Zayn. I know that Bella’s leaving with us tomorrow, they told me after I left the apartment in case she didn’t want me there, but she did. I am so lucky to have her. Ow, had her. I was so lucky to have had her.
“Yes, you were invited to a dinner and you are not going to be rude and not go. Get out of the limo Ed.” He says, taking his attention off his phone just long enough to make sure I get out of the car and closing the door behind me.
I take a deep breath and walk into the restaurant. Thank God her back is to the door, and Bella sees me first. Loudly, she comes over and starts talking to me. I see Rachel get up and head towards the bathroom, not realizing that Niall had been watching her, and is now going after her. I allow myself to be seated. After a moment, I tell them that I need to use the Lou, and excuse myself. I'm about to enter the bathroom when I hear sobbing. It pains me to hear this, but I curiosity is getting the better of me, even though I bet it’s her. I peer around the corner to where the women’s restroom is located and I see my love in the arms of Niall, and she’s sobbing into his shirt.
”Why… would he… do… this… to… me?” She sobs, barely able to make out the words, and he shushes her, stroking her hair. God, how I would kill to be in his place right now. And I was, and I fucking blew it. I blew everything! Getting angry watching this, I storm into the male washroom and wash my hands about twenty five times. As I walk out of the bathroom, I say Niall leading her out the back, she has makeup running down her pale face, her green eyes shimmering from crying and a small smile on her face shows that she’s trying to be strong, but she isn’t doing too well. A sudden depression washes over me, and I slowly make my way back to the table.
The dinner goes past without incident; I eat the food without really tasting it, my mind completely centered on her. I go back to the hotel without really noticing and play a couple songs on the guitar, staying away from any that made me think of her, but even if the lyrics had been about rape and murder, my mind wouldn’t stray from her. Her laugh, and better yet her smile, it was one that filled up the entire room. The way she sang and the way she talks. For someone who wants to be in theater, she talks so intelligently, she talks as if she needs to sound smart, as if she needed to prove something to someone. Which she doesn’t, she doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone. She was mine, but now I’ve lost her forever. Finally, I just lie on my bed and await my slow and restless sleep.
And now we’re here, she’s standing there and she’s waiting for an answer. I just sit up and rub my hair, knowing it’s standing up in different directions. She looks impatient, and she checks her phone before speaking again.
“I don’t have all day, you know. And I'm not leaving here until I know something I didn’t before.” She says, and she isn’t happy.
“My middle name is Christopher.” I say, hoping she’d accept that and leave so I can wallow in peace.
“I already knew that.” She says, and her eyes narrow. “You know what? Never mind, fuck this!” she says, throwing her hands up in defeat and heading for my door. She opens the door and is about to step out of it as she starts to mumble, “I don’t fucking need this, I have a blonde band member waiting for me right fucking now.” She says and walks out finally, closing the door behind her. It strikes me, a blonde band member?! Niall is waiting for her?! I quickly jump out of bed and take off after her. I run down into the small living area, Rebecca is on a chair, reading.
“Where’d she go?” I ask Rebecca.
“She just stormed out, you guys must have had a lovers quarrel.” She says and takes a sip of the tea sitting next to her. I run out of the door way and I see her in the elevator, a couple tears streaking her face. She’s facing the ground and the elevator doors will only be open for a couple more seconds, so I run at them.
“RACHEL!” I call, finally allowing myself to say her name, because I know that the doors will close before I get there, but she could hold them open, it all depends on her. She looks up, startled by her own name. She looks at me, the sadness on it plain and apparent. She looks to the side of the elevator at the buttons, and she presses a button. Her face now becomes angry and the doors slam shut, faster than they should have. She pressed the close door button. She didn’t even want the possibility of me reaching the elevator in time. She’s now shut me out of her life. I reach the elevator and I lean my head against the cool metal of the doors and finally allow myself to break down.
Fucking piece of shit, I'm going to be looking for new management once I get to London.
Rachel’s P.O.V.:
Wiping away a tear, I feel the elevator come to a stop, and even though what just happened should have made me depressed, I feel as if I just got closure. Not really from Ed, but from myself. I finally have shut him out, I no longer have a spot for him to come and wiggle his way into my life. He will never hurt me like that again, and knowing that gives me a good feeling. I'm not sure why, but I'm getting pretty optimistic. I'm almost to my apartment and I start humming. I'm humming the opening to Titanium by David Guetta, and I'm now walking into the elevator. The chorus I hum while the elevator rises and once it opens, I skip over to our door and unlock it quickly.
“I am titanium…” I sing under my breath, not sure if Bella and Jared are awake or not. I walk into the kitchen and continue my humming. I open the fridge, now realizing I'm super hungry. HOLY HELL WE HAVE BACON! I smile as I pull out the bacon, might as well make it for us this morning since it’s the last morning we get to spend with Bella. I'm still humming Titanium as I get out the skillet and put the bacon on to cook. I'm getting bored with Titanium, so I start to quietly sing, “Since You Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson. The bacon is cooking nicely when I hear movement, meaning someone’s awake. Smiling to myself, I head to my room to get my IPod. As I go near my room I hear soft guitar playing, what the hell? I open up the door and Niall is sitting on my bed, playing my guitar. I totally forgot he was here.
“You never told me you can play guitar.” He said, looking up at me as I entered the room.
“I can’t. I got this guitar for Christmas, and I’ve always wanted to learn. Eli said he was going to teach me when we got back from London, but he never came back from London.” I say with a small melancholy smile.
“Oh right.” He says, looking back down at his fingers as he plays. I sit down next to him and just listen as he plays, he starts to sing along to what he’s playing, and I realize I’ve never truly heard him sing before.
“You’ll never love yourself half as much as I love you. You’ll never treat yourself right, darling, but I want you to. If I let you know I'm here for you, maybe you’ll love yourself like I love you.” He sings and it’s so beautiful, I can’t help myself but throw my arms around him.
“What?” He asks with a chuckle.
“That was so good.” I say, still hugging him tightly. “I haven’t heard you sing before.”
“It happens all the time.” He says.
“But I'm not around you all the time.” I tell him and he chuckles softly. I rest my head on his shoulders, still holding on to him. I don’t want to let him go, but I don’t want to seem weird. My heart is fluttering just being this close to him. Slowly, I retract, but stay sitting next to him. He looks at me as I straighten up and look at him.
“Hey Rachel?” He asks.
“Yes?” I ask, still looking at him.
“You look really pretty today.” He says, and I can feel my cheeks heating up. I look in the mirror on my dresser, and I gasp. “What?” he asks me.
“I haven’t put on makeup yet!” I say and start to get up to go put some on, when he grabs my hand.
“Don’t. You look beautiful.” He says with a smile and I sit back down on the bed. He’s still holding my hand, and I look down at our hands, which are now resting on the bed, when I smell it.
“SHIT!” I say and break away quickly and run to the kitchen, Niall right behind me. The bacon is burnt, and I totally fail. I take the pan off the heater and scrap off the bacon into the trash can.
“Oh well, I tried.” I say with a small smile and Niall laughs at me.
“Not much of a cook, are ya luv?” He asks me, his Irish accent flaring. He’s so cute; I'm really going to miss him when he leaves later today. At this thought, I hug him again, burying my face in his chest.
“What is it, luv?” He asks me, sounding concerned.
“I'm going to miss you.” I say, still holding him tightly. He chuckles again and wraps his arms around me, kissing me lightly on the top of my head. That small gesture just makes my stomach flop and my heart flutter. I just feel so great just standing here holding on to him. Slowly, I start to retract, but he just holds on tighter. My heart skips a beat when I think maybe he wants me close like I want him. I just rest my head on his shoulder and I wrap my arms around his neck as his arms tighten around my waist.
“You know luv, it’s not too late to come to England with us.” He says into the hug. I laugh at little and pull back so I can look at his face, his hands still at my waist and mine still around his neck.
“I can’t, I have classes.” I say, and remember that I have classes today too. I think I’ll just skip these to see them off at the airport. His blue eyes are bearing down into me, and I just, I don’t know. I was going to say melt, but that sounds dirty.
“But luv, I bet they’d love you at The University of London. Or you could’ve come on tour with us and drop school all together.” He says with a smile.
“But I need a degree.” I say, pouting a little bit. He looks down at me and bites his lip a little bit.
“Nah, you could get any part you wanted.” He says, giving me a huge smile.
“Thanks, but I’d feel more secure if I had a degree.” I say.
“Please luv? I don’t want to miss you either.” He says, and he starts to lean down a little bit, almost as if he’s going to kiss me.
“HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!” Ah, Bella’s awake. Niall stops where he is, and my heart sinks. God damn it. I clear my throat and, unfortunately, pull back from Niall. My head’s spinning, and I yell back at her.
“Brunt bacon.” She walks in to the kitchen and sees the guiltily look on my face.
“Freaking Rachel, I’ll make the rest of the bacon. You go do something else.” She says, and I hug her.
“I love you.” I remind her.
“Yeah, yeah.” She mumbles and sets to work. I laugh at her and take Niall out of the kitchen with me.
“So what song were you playing earlier?” I ask, sitting on my bed with him again.
“It’s a song from our new album, Ed wrote… it.” He says, slowing down the last part, as if thinking he’ll hurt me with what he’s saying.
“It’s ok, I got things sorted out.” I say and Niall looks up at me.
“When?” He asks.
“This morning, I just went to see him and when he didn’t want to tell me anything, I let my walls go up again.” I say, and Niall puts an arm around me.
“What walls?” He asks, his cute Irish accent flowing.
“Just things that block me from getting hurt.” I say, not looking at him, and he slowly puts a finger under my chin and pulling my face up to look at him.
“Don’t ever put those up, luv.” He says, and though it sounds dirty, I melt. A smile slowly creeping across my face. Seeing that, he smiles.
“See? Now luv, that’s beautiful.” He says and I just feel my cheeks heat up for the second time today. God, look what this boy does to me.
“RACHEL! COME GET SOME BACON.” Bella yells, and once again, Niall and I are so close to kissing just to have it ruined by Bella. I sigh and grab Niall’s hand from under my chin and take him to the kitchen with me. She hands both Niall and I plates of bacon, and we end up sitting on the couch, eating bacon and watching movies with Bella and Jared until 12 when Niall needs to leave to go and grab his things from the hotel. I walk him to the door, and there he stops me.
“You’re coming to the airport to see us off, aren’t you luv?” He asks me.
“Of course!” I say and his face lights up with a smile. He hugs me again, and then plants a small kiss on my forehead, then leaves. I just stand there, in a daze, and close the door. Now, I have to deal with Bella, who is freaking out, even though she’s already packed and ready.
“Bella it’ll be fine!” I say, trying to reassure her. Jared and I help her take all her stuff out to a taxi, and then we load in with her. She’s vibrating she’s so nervous. Once at the airport, we unload and head in. There Zayn walks over and helps her load most of her bag, all except her carry-on, and takes her hand before leading us over to everyone else. Rebecca and Jordyn excitedly hug me and voice their concerns about how much they’re going to miss me. Eli gives me a “manly” hug, why the quotation marks? Because it started out manly, but I wore him down and he gives me a real hug. Zayn gives me a one armed hug and Bella, with tears in her eyes, hugs me.
“Rachel, I love you and you have to come visit me ok? I'm going to miss you so much. YOU BETTER NOT FORGET ABOUT ME!” She says through the tears. I laugh a little, my eyes getting a little teary as well.
“Don’t cry, you’ll love London.” I say, and Bella looks at me and nods, a couple tears escaping her eyes, Jordyn rubs her arm in reassurance, and Bella looks at her gratefully.
I hug Harry next, who gives me a big bear hug, and I laugh a little. I completely ignore Ed. Naturally, Louis is next, and even though he’s going to miss me, I can tell he’s anxious to get back to London. Liam and Niall are last and before I could hug Liam, he stops me and gives me an envelope.
“Liam, what’s this?” I ask about to open it, but he stops me.
“Don’t open it unless you need it. It’s two tickets to London, the plane leaving in exactly a week.” He says and I look at him in shock. “There’s one for you and for Jared. We want you guys to come to London with us.” He says. “Now, you’ve got a week to decide fully and we think this the perfect way to convince you. So please, think about it.” Liam says and me, being too shocked to say anything, just nods, and with that Liam gives me a big brother type of hug, With the tickets in hand, I go to hug Niall last. I wrap my arms around his neck and burry my face in his shoulder as he wraps his arms tightly around my waist. My eyes get a little watery again as the thought of him leaving crosses my mind. He holds me tightly, neither of us really wanting to let go, but someone clears their throat, and I realize I have to let go. I pull back and he looks down at me with his blue eyes.
“Consider London, luv.” He says and I nod. He leans down and kisses my cheek before they all have to leave. They’re all walking away, and Ed turns back to look at me, and gives a one handed wave. I just advert my attention, suddenly the walls are very interesting. Finally, they’re gone. Jared and I awkwardly walk back to the taxi and get in and go home. The apartment seems too quiet, and I don’t like it.
“Hey Rachel,” Jared starts as we sit together in the living room. “we should consider London.” He says.
“We should, but I don’t know.” I say, staring blankly at the floor.
“I would love to travel.” He says.
“But leaving your family?” I ask him, knowing that his family is huge to him.
“There are phones.” He says. And I sigh.
Saturday:
“Hey Rachel, have you thought more about London?”
“No.”
Sunday:
“Hey Rachel have you thought more about London?”
“No.”
Monday:
“Hey Rachel, have you-“
“No.”
Tuesday:
“Hey Rac-“
“No.”
Wednesday:
“Have you thought more about London?”
“A little.”
“And?”
“I still don’t know.”
Thursday:
“Have you thought about London?”
“Yes.”
“AND?!”
“Pack your bags.”