" Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."
- Norman Cousins
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Once they had rolled away from Nuenen, Easy Company was on the road again, moving through Holland. The night after Lizzie was evacuated and they had gotten Bull back, with a neatly wrapped soldier, courtesy of Gene, Easy bedded out near Breugel.
Hazel had shared with Catherine the night before, but after the failure of Market Graden, all the officers were called to HQ to go over new orders straight from Sink. Catherine had told Hazel not to worry about her tonight and instead bed out with someone else, Catherine wasn't sure if she was getting any sleep tonight.
So Hazel slowly wandered through the dark, her helmet strap swinging as she moved through, eyes searching for Joe; she figured he'd be open. Hazel eventually found Joe Liebgott, digging a foxhole alone, which was surprising as Hazel had figured Joe would be off with Chuck or Tab or Alley.
" Hey," Hazel said as she approached. Joe immediately looked up at the sound of her voice and a smirk spread across his lips. Hazel grinned.
" Hey, Parker." he said, turning to stake the shovel in the ground, before leaning back on the dirt, " What's up?"
" Catherine probably won't be back, all officers have been called to HQ," Hazel said as Joe met her eyes, a playful grin now adorning his lips, " so she sent me off."
" C'mon, Tiny, you could've just said you needed a foxhole partner." Joe said, seeing right through her. She hadn't wanted to bug him entirely. She offered an embarrassed smile.
" I didn't want to bother you." Hazel said and Joe's smirk only grew.
" You can always be my foxhole partner and you know that." Joe said as he slowly stood up and out of the foxhole and looked down at her.
" So, wanna help?" he asked her. She grinned and nodded. Her and Joe got to work, digging out the remnants, before sitting down side by side and sharing a K-ration. There was quiet chatter in the field as the two passed bits of food to break off and eat back and forth, before sharing some of the water in their canteen.
Hazel eventually lied back in the grass and Joe did the same, something they always seemed to do now. Hazel sighed softly to herself before turning and glancing over toward Joe.
" Joe?" she asked him softly. Joe slowly turned his head to glance at her. He could see the stars in her big, blue eyes, reflecting like a million lanterns were floated towards the sun.
" What's up?" he asked her.
" The war. They said if we succeeded with Market Garden, we'd take Berlin by Christmas and the war would be over, I don't think that's going to happen anymore." Hazel said. Joe quirked a brow her way and slowly sat up on his elbow looking down at her.
" What makes ya say that?"
" We retreated." Hazel said simply, looking up at him, with a slight frown on her lips. Joe bit back his lip and looked out towards the guys who milled about.
" It was one battle, right? I mean we can't win every one." Joe said shrugging his shoulders. Hazel nodded softly and let out a sigh.
" You're right." she said, as she thought back on Nuenen.
" Your arm ok?" Joe asked, and Hazel watched his eyes trail down to her wrist area. Hazel slowly sat up, her head rushing a bit, as she slowly pulled back the sleeve of her ODs to reveal the bandage Gene had nimbly attached earlier that day.
" It's healing, but I'll be fine though. A little scratch won't do any harm." she said as she slowly pulled the OD sleeve back down.
" Hey, what's that?" he asked her and Hazel glanced at him before turning to follow his gaze where he pointed at her wrist. Hazel noticed that his eyes were trained on her bracelet, the one from Grace.
A small smile fell on Hazel's lips.
Hazel slowly brought her wrist up to her lap and gently let her right hand pick up the tiny bracelet from her wrist and hold it in her grasp.
" Grace gave it to me." Hazel said, and bit back her lip before glancing at Joe who was softly watching her in the moonlight. Hazel slowly turned the bracelet in her hands a bit.
" She said I was like a daughter to her because she couldn't have kids," Hazel said, her smile dropping a bit, " and so she gave it to me, before you took me to the pub." Joe smiled softly, the corner of his mouth upturned as he watched Hazel overturn the bracelet in her hands a bit, the slight shine the bracelet gave off as she turned it, glimmering under the glow of the moon.
" You should have it." Hazel said, turning and handing it towards Joe. Joe stared at her.
" Hazel, Grace gave it to ya, I'd hate to take it from you." Joe said, pushing her hand back.
" Incase I get hit," Hazel said, watching him, as he noticed fear overwhelming her eyes. In all the time he'd seen her in war, there seemingly wasn't an ounce of fear in her eyes, but now, now there was.
And it was a fear that had been shoved deep down into the darkest pits in her guts, hoping to never escape again. Hazel gently reached forward and took Joe's hand in her lap and brought the bracelet around his thin wrist.
" Hazel..."
" If I don't make it back, please at least take it to my mom." Hazel said glancing at Joe, a small smile on her lips, an unwavering one at that.
" Hazel, you're going to make it back." Joe said sitting up as his hand slid from her grasp. Hazel watched Joe, a soft smile on her face.
" Snipers don't have a high rate of making it back home, Joe." she said softly. Joe watched her.
" Don't say that, Parker." Joe said, reaching forward and placing a hand on her shoulder. Hazel softly grinned at him and shrugged.
" I've accepted it," she said softly, " better to accept death than to deny it." Joe watched her eyes, which seemed tormented and overwhelmed with stress and worry.
Beautiful eyes that shouldn't have to worry a second about life or death. But instead, she was risking her life, saying if she died, she'd have accepted it by that point in time.
" Hell, Tiny, you're braver than me." Joe said as he pulled his wrist back and looked at the bracelet on his wrist. It was dainty, and simple, with a gold chain that held it together on his wrist and nothing else. Hazel bit back her lip and watched as Joe gently touched it.
" I mean it when I say you're braver than me, Hazel." Joe said softly, slowly averting his gaze to her eyes which watched him gently, " Only other person who seems to have accepted death is that crazy lunatic Lieutenant Speirs, and he's fucking nuts." A small smile fell on Hazel's lips.
" Crazy lunatic is right." Hazel said and Joe snickered.
" It's brave though, I mean I have a hard time setting myself in that mindset." Joe said as Hazel softly smiled again.
" I never thought I'd have that mindset in war, but it helps with the memories." Hazel said, and then nodded, looking out at the stars.
Joe watched Hazel's eyes, even if it were from the side. He didn't know what had gotten into him, but Hazel truly fascinated him.
And it was a good fascination.
A fascination in the sense of adoration. And Joe never thought he'd adore Hazel as much as he did, because he kept a tight circle usually.
But Hazel....Hazel was Hazel.
She wasn't fake, she wasn't someone who tried to be someone else, she was loyal and trustworthy and genuine and Joe just knew he could talk to her about anything. Joe had never admitted it to anyone, but he had always thought that even from the start that she had a beautiful soul. And even if it were cliche, he had never met someone who was like Hazel. And he was glad that the person he did meet was Hazel.
Maybe it was the look in her eyes when she greeted everyone in the barracks as he stood cowering in the corner pissed off at Bill Guarnere for the fight that broke out between the two of them, and then the anger that resided with him the rest of the boat ride.
Maybe it was the fairly firm handshake she had offered and the way her eyes were gentle enough to tell a different story compared to the rest of the company.
Maybe it was because she didn't approach him, asking what the other girls would ask; a dance, a kiss.
Maybe it was because she had accepted Joe for who he was and didn't seem to care that he was a real asshole or that he was someone who would fight people, until his hands dripped crimson red blood, down his knuckles and into his fingers.
Maybe it was what she had said to him, as she looked into her eyes, without fear, that sometimes people fought because they fought for what they believed in.
Maybe because instead of doubting himself for launching at Bill, he actually believed it, for a probable cause. Joe didn't know what it was, why he was the way he was, but Hazel had accepted him for him - and she always seemed to do that with every person.
Joe Liebgott felt there was no higher strength than that.
Joe and Hazel eventually bedded down for the night, tucked into the foxhole, as the temperature dropped and it became a bit colder. They had no blankets yet; freshly dropped in and that was the last thought on Sink's mind. The officers just wanted this war done with. But Hazel, surprisingly fell asleep as if it were in the blink of an eye, curled up in a ball her head lulling until her eyes slid shut and she heard tiny snores from Joe's mouth fill her ears.
They were woken up early the following morning with new orders. They were to defend all the ports that streamed into Eindhoven for as long as they were needed to. And the Germans were planning audacious little attacks, one after the other supposedly, setting it straight on the 82nd who had been defending the left ports since yesterday and the runner had already brought back the heavy casualty reports.
In the days that followed after Nuenen, there were patrols, there were full fledged planned attacks, there were nights where sleep was nonexistent, and you were stuck, frozen at 0200 staring out towards the enemy line, praying one didn't clean your head from your shoulders. Hazel prayed more, more than ever.
Each shot was a prayer and she even hastily said prayers afterwards as well. And she was praying before sleep and before she ate. It was her only way to cope with the terror that came upon the grim war that only grew worse.
The only beacon hope was Lieutenant Catherine McCown.
True to her word and her character, she was one of the best Lieutenants Easy could've gotten.
Catherine, in a way, was a reflection of the way the NCOs were. She was often seen in the company of one of the NCOs or First Sergeant Lipton, a smirk playing on her face, even in the exhausted nights that were filled with rain and mud and sweat. She was tactful, intelligent and she knew how to lead a group with ease, without as much of being flustered. And the NCOs were never more grateful to have Catherine there to guide them.
Low morale riddled Easy Company, and even the NCOs were struggling to keep up the smiles that were disappearing from peoples' faces. But good ole Catherine McCown was persistent. Catherine's presence was a game changer for most. She was a force to reckon with. Many people agreed that the Catherine and her leadership of the NCOs were the reason they could get up in the morning from their foxholes. Catherine was someone who was observant of most things, and the closed off atmosphere of Gene Roe was one of them.
It was no secret that he missed Lizzie.
The group of 6 medics were thick as thieves, but Gene and Lizzie were closer than the rest. They just meshed together it seemed, like Yin and Yang, bouncing off each other, they just worked. Gene remained closed off without his medic buddy there. Lizzie always seemed to bring him out of his shell a bit, and he usually always laughed around her, so when Catherine would see Gene, avoiding people, just trying to get to the aid station, to then only be up all night, either worrying or stressing over other people, Catherine always felt her heart break.
Eugene Roe had been the one to save Catherine from near death and now Catherine felt she couldn't do a thing to save him.
And medics were the strongest people she'd ever met and the bravest, bearing the worst battle scars out of any one. Seeing Gene this way hurt her more than anyone could imagine. Because she knew that he worried for Lizzie and missed the blonde medic by his side. Catherine worried for everyone, it was just something she always had about herself, worrying about everyone in the company or the platoon or the officers or their CO.
By the 2nd week, after their week of defending the bridge ports around Eindhoven, they were finally making a bit of a push up towards Arnhem. Not that it was a big push, but they were finally moving away from the positions they occupied, that consisted of cold, crappy foxholes, that had been filled with rain water last night when they finally were let off the front lines for relief.
So now, Easy Company led 2nd Battalion as they walked through the rain, in two lines along the side of the road, towards Arnhem, even though they were only pushing to the town of Veghel.
Hazel walked behind Malarkey as their feet squished into the mud and the rain poured down as if it were buckets of water onto their already soaked and shaking bodies. It was absolutely miserable, their feet soaked with water and mud, their ODs soaked, people shaking from the cold, others were half asleep, some could barely walk with their eyes open. It was a miserable looking sight. Hazel glanced around Malarkey to look towards Catherine who walked along the center with a couple of the other LIeutenants, conversing with them quietly or talking in a hushed voice.
Then, a quiet voice began singing, a rather gruff one, but it was a fairly gentle, calming singing voice.
It was Joe Toye.
And he was singing now, that song he was humming back on D-Day, I'll Be Seeing You. And as he sang, a few others joined in around him, the quiet hymn slowly snaking through the company, as people stopped noticing the rain fell like bullets and that their feet were soaked. They just sang for some joy and for some hope and for a bit of bliss where the only sound you heard wasn't the squishing of your wet feet in the mud.
As Hazel walked, listening to Malarkey now chiming in, Hazel looked down at her feet as they moved through the muddy street, and softly mouthed the words on her lips, barely even able to start up the voice that lay deep in the back of her throat.
So she just walked silently, listening to the few guys who sang get led by Joe Toye in the song, mouthing the words, as if it were a prayer for the days that were to come.
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hey! i'm back! sorry for the flow of those 48 chapters, i had a bit of an update to them for a few things :) thank you for all the love and support and i really liked this chapter which showcased some of hazel's deep thoughts that haven't been generally talked about as a sniper, as well as catherine's character and leadership that she's led the nco's in. i enjoyed it a lot, especially the end!!
thanks!