I'm not happy. This is something I have known for awhile now. To be honest I don't know what to do with my life. For most of it I've had people either controlling me or putting pressure on me. Even if they didn't realize they were doing it.
Maybe I'm the toxic one?
I just don't have any will to actually do anything anymore. Even the things that make me happy doesn't matter anymore. When it comes to writing I was in control, but now it just feels like I'm writing for others instead of myself.
I don't have any friends anymore, and it hurts to talk to my family. I broke down at a restaurant the other day when I was with my mom and dad. Even though they seemed like they were listening I don't think they actually were. It felt like they were just saying things to get me to stop crying.
I'm such a baby I can't even say what's on my mind. I can't even come fully out of the closet.
I'm Jessica N. V.
I want to legally change my name to Jason.
I'm a closeted trans male, and only two family members know I'm pansexual.
I'm 18 years old and have bad social anxiety.
I dunno what to do anymore.
I'm taking a break from this. I will return, but I don't know when.
Maybe tomorrow, a few days from now, a week, a month, or maybe even a year. I'm not sure when, but I will be back.