It's just past nine when the four of us finally decide to call it a night, but I don't mind. It was nice catching up with Thorne and Mia, and seeing Blake—though I have to admit it had been hard.
And it is. It's hard being around Blake knowing she's no longer the same girl I fell in love with, just as I am no longer the same boy she fell for. Yet I'm still in love with her, and I know nothing I could do can change that. When I'm around her, everything that happened in the past feels so final. Yet part of me knows the story written between Blake and I is far from over.
I wonder if she feels the same way.
"Bye," I say to Mia, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her into a departing hug. "It was good to see you."
"It was good to see you, too," Mia murmurs into my chest. "Know that you're welcome here anytime, Noah. Come by whenever you need anything. I mean it."
"I know," I respond softly. "Thank you, Mia. I love you."
Mia plants a kiss on my cheek before stepping back, smiling as she says, "I love you too."
Thorne approaches and rests a hand on my shoulder, his bright green eyes meeting mine as he shoots me his infamous smirk. "Expect a visit from me at the shop," he tells me, "I gotta get my motorcycle checked out."
"Will do." Thorne pulls me into a quick hug, patting my back before releasing me.
Blake enters the room after returning from the bathroom, her presence instantly shifting my mood. My gaze zeroes in on her, as if she's the only person in the room. I study her straight blond hair and her heeled boots, trying to remember the last time I saw her willingly wear heels.
"I guess I'm off," Blake declares.
"I'll talk to you later," Mia assures her. I watch the girls embrace, smiling at one another as they pull apart.
Thorne pulls Blake into his arms afterward, towering over her even in her new heels. He whispers something in her ear that I can't quite hear, to which Blake merely nods and offers a faltering smile to before stepping toward the front door, her jacket in hand.
"I'll walk you to your car," I offer Blake. Back when I was in high school, that was one thing my mother had drilled into my head. No matter what, she'd always tell me, a real gentleman always walks a woman to her car or to her door. And he holds that door open for her. Of course, Mom had been referring to the times I went on dates, but I feel the rule applies now as well.
Blake hesitates only a moment before nodding, averting her gaze from me as she mumbles, "Yeah. Okay."
Blake and I depart from Thorne and Mia after a few more moments of conversation. I hold the door open for Blake as we exit the apartment, descending the stairs to the parking lot in silence.
Although it's already May, the night air is oddly chilly. However, it's a clear night, the inky black sky above illuminated by the silvery light of the full moon, bright stars twinkling through the darkness.
Reaching the parking lot, I realize that Blake and I still haven't exchanged a word. I might as well take advantage of the fact that I'm alone with her, because who knows when I'll have the change again?
"It's a beautiful night, huh?"
Blake casually glances up at the sky as I ask the question, walking over to where our cars are parked across the lot. I can't help studying her as she's not paying attention, realizing that she has only gotten more beautiful with time. However, I notice that the aura of light that used to surround her when we first met—what generally attracted me toward her—has seemed to have faded. It's still there, though dimmed somewhat.
I want to bring her light back.
"It is," Blake agrees, offering me a forced smile that doesn't reach her eyes whatsoever. It aches me to see her this way, so clearly uncomfortable in my presence, so genuinely unhappy. I remember how beautiful her real smile was, how it could light up an entire room on its own. I miss that smile.
"It was really nice to see your family again," I admit after a moment, sliding my hands into my pockets. "I didn't realize how much I'd missed them. Seeing them again felt like coming home."
An unreadable expression takes over Blake's features, a conflicted gleam shining in her brown eyes. However, she's quick to force another smile, meeting my gaze as she says, "They missed you too."
I realize that I can't do this anymore. Blake may never love me again the way that I love her, but that doesn't mean we can't try to establish a friendship. Whatever it is going on between us now makes it seem like it's impossible for us to get along. I know we ended on bad terms and that I fucked up in the worst way possible, but I'll be damned if I don't at least try to clean up the mess I made.
I stop in my tracks, eyes on Blake. She takes a few steps forward until she notices that I'm no longer at her side. I watch as she turns around in confusion, standing a few feet away from her car as she glances at me.
"I'm sorry, Blake," I say after a moment of silence, noticing the confusion seeping from Blake and into the air. I step closer to her while still maintaining my distance. "I know I've said it before, and I get the feeling that I'm going to end up saying it a million times. But I'm sorry. I know I hurt you, Blake. I'm not expecting your forgiveness. Hell, the last thing I deserve is your forgiveness. But I don't want things between us to be like this forever. I want to be able to see you when we're with our friends without it being weird. I want to be able to run into you and talk to you like it's normal. I don't want . . . this." I release a sharp exhale, cautiously meeting Blake's gaze, almost scared of what I might find in doing so.
Blake blinks, stunned. I watch as she opens her mouth as if to speak, only to quickly purse her lips, her brown eyes staring at me wide and full of emotion.
"I wish you would stop apologizing," she finally says, her voice so soft I almost don't catch the words.
"Of course I'm going to apologize." I shake my head, a bitter laugh escaping me. "I was an asshole."
"You were a kid, Noah," Blake murmurs. "A kid who had just lost his mother."
"That's no excuse for—"
"Stop apologizing to me," Blake repeats to cut me off, tone gentle yet firm all at once. "You did nothing wrong. I don't blame you, Noah. I'm not selfish enough to have expected you to stick around after something so traumatic happened to you. The loss of a loved one is a hard pain to bear. You know I understand that, right?"
"Then why?" I question for a lack of better words, deciding I might as well just put it all out there. "Why do things between us have to be so . . ." I trail off, unable to find the words to describe the tension that is constantly found between Blake and I.
"I don't know," Blake admits, shaking her head slowly. "It's just . . . weird, I guess. Its been a long time since we've seen each other. And we were kids back then. And—"
"It doesn't have to be weird," I counter. "I don't want things to be weird. You don't want things to be weird. So . . . let's just not make things weird."
Blake stares at me expressionlessly for a moment. Slowly—but surely—the hint of a smile begins to break through her stony exterior. One of her signature room-brightening grins that actually reaches her eyes. As her smile widens, Blake begins to laugh. I watch as she shakes her head, gazing at me the way she used to all those years ago.
"What a Noah Reed thing to say," Blake murmurs to herself, slowly regaining her composure. Her laughter fades, though her smile remains intact.
"What can I say?" I tease. "I am Noah Reed, after all."
"Trust me"—Blake's eyes gleam with the reflection of the stars shining above us and the brightness of her smile—"I know."
"So you agree then?" I question, taking another step closer to her, killing the distance between us.
"With what?"
"That if we don't want things to be weird, they shouldn't be weird."
Blake gazes at me, biting down on the corner of her lip as her smile widens. I find my gaze focusing on her lip between her teeth as I wonder if she remembers how crazy that little gesture of hers used to drive me.
"You're right," she says, a bit of the Blake I used to know returning as she adds, "Things shouldn't be weird if we don't want them to be."
"Then no more weirdness from now on?" I ask, cracking a smile of my own.
"No more weirdness from now on," Blake confirms, eyes on mine.
The breeze blows at that moment, mussing my hair and sending a few blond strands into Blake's face. On instinct, I reach out to tuck those unruly strands behind her ear, only realizing what I've done when it's too late. Blake freezes as my skin comes into contact with hers, and I'm expecting her to pull away. However, her stiffness fades and she stands before me as my touch lingers on her cheek, brown eyes lifting to mine as another smile starts to illuminate her beautiful features.
"There's that smile," I find myself whispering, hardly aware that I'm even speaking. I find myself thinking that maybe not everything has changed, after all.
The air between Blake and I seems to crackle with static electricity, so heavy I'm certain that I'm not the only one feeling it. I suddenly realize that I'm standing entirely too close to Blake with a hand still on her cheek, and that I better stop myself before everything goes to hell again.
I force my hand back to my side, clearing my throat and taking a step back. I don't miss the look of disappointment that falls over Blake's face and rushes trough her eyes, noticing that she isn't quick to cover the display of emotion. Instead of pretending that she didn't pout at me once I removed my touch, Blake merely purses her lips and continues to hold my stare, as if she's daring me to move in closer.
"It's getting late," I force myself to say, which is harder than it should be. "I should probably head home."
Oddly enough, Blake doesn't hide the frown she sports at my words. A shadow crosses her gaze, though she's quick to blink, trying for a faltering smile before giving up on it. Nodding, she murmurs, "You're right. Guess I should start heading home too."
"Goodnight, Blake," I tell her as I open her car door for her. I hope the smile I offer her doesn't give away the ache I'm feeling at the thought of watching her leave me.
"Goodnight, Noah," Blake mutters softly. Her gaze lingers on mine for a moment too long before she climbs into her car, taking her seat and setting her hands on the steering wheel. I closer her door for her, waiting for her to drive off before heading to my truck.
Before she pulls out of the parking lot, Blake rolls her window down and surprises me by saying, "It was nice to see you again. I . . . I had fun tonight." Before I can respond, Blake rolls her window back up and drives off, disappearing into the night. I stand put until her car is long gone, part of me wishing she would turn back around while knowing that she won't.
Maybe I'm getting used to watching people I love walk away.
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a/n: hellooooooo here is an update :)