"How could you ever love me?
My attention is never yours, it's never on me
And I respect you, of course, I hate to see you cry
But I'm the reason why, shorty
I'm Jekyll, I'm Hyde, I can't even lie
Everybody want that crazy love
Until they find a crazy one"
- Wale
"I'm back." I announced while walking into my office. Braelynn looked up at me and I could see the nervousness in her eyes. Aimee looked between us, noticing the slightly awkward tension.
"Brae, I have to go back to work. Are you okay with being with Brynn?" She looked from Aimee to me while nodding her head. I know she's uncomfortable, and honestly I'm a bit uncomfortable too. "Call me if you need me. I just have to do the end of day wrap up." Aimee told me on her way out. I nodded and walked over to sit next to Brae on the small couch in my office.
"I know you're scared right now, and that's okay. I'm scared too. I've never had a child before." I told her while rubbing my hands against my skirt.
"Lisa said you didn't want me. That's why I had to be with her cause daddy works a lot." She rushed out, speaking in such a tiny voice. Everything about Lisa infuriates me, and every run in that I have with her she's pregnant.
"It's not that." I don't really know how to explain the situation appropriately to a four year old. "I just din't understand the situation. I don't really know Lisa. How is she?"
"She's okay." I knew she wasn't being fully honest, but it's too early to press her about details. I have to make sure that she's comfortable around me first and that's hard to do when I'm not even comfortable. "Are you really my mommy?" She looked up at me and I slightly froze. I did agree to be that mother figure for her, everything is just happening overwhelmingly fast.
"I, uh, yes. I am." Her eyes lit up and I couldn't help but to smile at her.
"My daddy tell me about you." I knitted my eyebrows, confused on how a man I just recently connected with after close to five years is talking me up to his child.
"He be saying bad stuff about me?" I said in a joking matter, bringing a giggle out of her.
"No. He say that you smart, you super nice and you live really really far away."
"Well that sounds true. Do you talk to your daddy a lot?" I really don't know anything about their relationship.
"I talk to my daddy like all the time." She said with an excitement that made me smile. It didn't really answer my question, but the reaction I got from her was enough to tell me that Gabe is someone who brings joy in her life.
"Do you have fun with him?"
"Yeah, my daddy really fun. I like being with my daddy, and grandma, and grandpa, and Uncle Noel. I wish I live with daddy. You don't wanna live with daddy?" I twisted my face up in disgust, bringing a loud giggle from her.
"I used to live with daddy, but then I moved down here to start my career. Daddy, he's a great man. He just needs a little guidance sometimes." She nodded, while swinging her legs. I could tell she didn't understand what I meant, but she's becoming comfortable with me and that's all that matters.
"Can daddy come down here?"
"Of course." I answered too quickly. Gabe is obviously someone that she's comfortable with and already has an established relationship with, so it wouldn't make sense to deny her that relationship or even give off the impression that she might not see her dad.
"You have a big house?"
"No. Your cousin Aimee and I share a condo, but it's not really big. You'll see when we get there. Are you hungry?" I've been holding back from buying a house because I still look at Gabe and I's house in Long Island as home, and apart of me knows I'll eventually go back.
"Yes." She answered with no hesitation while nodding her head.
"When is the last time you've eaten?" She shrugged her shoulders, a small growl coming from her stomach. I took a controlled breath, not wanting to show my anger. "Come on. Let's go grab some food and go home." I stood up, holding my hand out for her to grab. She slid off the couch and eagerly grabbed my hand. We walked out of my office where we were met with Aimee sitting at her desk.
"Bye MeeMee! I'm going with my mommy!" Brae waved excitedly at Aimee, her words catching us both by surprise. Aimee widened her eyes, giving her wide smile.
"That's so cool! You guys have fun. I'll be there later okay?" Brae nodded excitedly while pulling me towards the elevator. I glanced back at Aimee to see her sending me a wink. I smiled, my nerves starting to dissipate a little. I can do this.
"What do you have a taste for?" I questioned as we rode the elevator down, her face almost close to being pressed against the glass wall to look out on the view of the city.
"I wanna eat chicken!"
"Cane's it is." We made it to the lobby and it didn't take long before we were at my car. I helped her into the car seat and it took me longer than I'd like to admit to strap her into it.
We got to Cane's and dined in so I could take the time to learn some more stuff about her. I learned that her favorite color is yellow, and sometimes it's purple. She loves French fries and ice cream. She doesn't like candy that gets stuck in her teeth. She loves music and loves to dance. Within the forty five minutes we spent at Canes I learned a lot about her. The most important thing I learned is that she has a big personality, but she hasn't had the opportunity to fully express it. I hope that with this new environment and the proper attention and encouragement she'll feel more comfortable being herself.
We made a quick Trader Joe's run to stock up on snacks and other child friendly foods since I doubt she'd enjoy all the keto food items that Aimee has stocked our kitchen with. By the time we made it home we were met with Aimee, Destiny and Kailah lounging in my living room. I called my sister in distress after Lisa left the office. I had a mini breakdown over the phone in the bathroom and now that I've gotten over myself I feel bad that she flew out here with my niece to comfort me.
"Hi MeeMee." Brae waved at Aimee, keeping her arm wrapped around my leg. I know she's nervous because there are new people around. It made me feel warm inside that she'd become comfortable enough to even cling to me even though I don't like seeing her nervous.
"Brae, this is Auntie Des, and your cousin Kailah." She mumbled a hi while giving them a small wave.
"Do you wanna watch Frozen with me?" Kailah asked, immediately bringing a smile to Brae's face. She looked up at me and I nodded me head to let her know it's okay. She rushed over to the couch, climbing up beside Kailah. I looked at my sister, nodding my head to the kitchen since I still have all these bags in my hand.
I made my way into the kitchen, sitting the bags on the counter. As I was putting the food up it hit me that I still have to go back down to my car for Brae's stuff that I got from Target, as well as the folder with all her information in it. I want to read through the custody and adoption paperwork before reaching out to Gabe. I don't know what kind of agreement Lisa and Gabe had, but I need to make sure that this paperwork is set in stone.
I don't want Lisa to even think about trying to insert herself into Brae's life again. I also want to make Lisa's identity anonymous on the adoption paperwork and birth certificate. She doesn't need to have anything tying her back to Brae. I've done private and sealed adoptions before with a few of my clients. Mainly with my athlete clients who are paying off the side chick who never wanted the baby in the first place. The wife would then usually post some fake maternity pictures and a couple months later post pictures of their little blessing.
"I talked to Gabe. I think he's legit mentally challenged."
"Here you go again. Leave that man alone, Des."
"And here you go again defending his ass, Brynn. If you don't want to admit that your husband is slow then say that. Dre isn't the best speller and I'm not too prideful to admit it." I rolled my eyes, flipping her off.
"He isn't the best at math either. I hit them pockets up at Target."
"You're telling me! I had to put a lock on the account. His ass down here withdrawing all that money so he can lose in the casino." I laughed while shoving the empty bags into the trash can.
"Come with me downstairs to get these Target bags out of the car." I grabbed my key card for my Tesla and my key fob for the elevator to get into the garage. As soon as we got to the car Destiny pulled me into a hug. I took in a deep breath, appreciating the warmth of her hug.
"How are you feeling about the situation?" She asked as we pulled apart.
"Better. I'm so angry at Lisa, and I'm so angry at Gabe for not seeing through whatever facade she put on to keep collecting money from him. She wasn't being treated right in that house, Des. The way Lisa spoke to her made me sick to my stomach. I'm going to make sure she never goes back there."
"Do you want to keep her? Like are you completely positive?" I nodded my head, no longer having any second thoughts about it.
"We both know my husband isn't the brightest, and I'm still disappointed in him for how he went about things, but I'm no longer mad. It's a situation that I know I can no longer run from. I'm ready to sit down and finally discuss everything with him." I admitted out loud.
We got to see Brynn and Braelynn interacting with each other. How do you feel about that?
How do you think the conversation with Brynn and Gabe is going to go?