Ellie's part is here. I know many of you don't like Ellie, but she's just immature, and pretty selfish. Some of you might not like this chapter for many reasons, but I hope you read it. Give it a chance. If you don't like it, that's fine, too.
Above is the feet of a baby aborted at 10 weeks. The caption on the picture reads: This is Dr. Russell Saco's widely distributed photo of the feet of a 10-week old aborted baby. At 10 weeks the human body is completely formed. Although the baby is small enough to stand on his/her parents' little fingernail, he/she is so perfectly formed that fingerprints are already in place.
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*** Right before Em wakes up ***
I lay facedown on my bed and sobbed, clutching my belly as I went down. I had no idea what to do. I had no one to talk to about what had just happened. I felt like the scum of the Earth, and I really needed to confide in someone- to tell them the truth. I thought back to the day I was released from the hospital, which had been a week and two days ago.
I had managed to get some alone time to say goodbye to Em. I told her to wake up soon, and that she'd managed to make a man out of a guy who had worked to be an adolescent on his best days with me. I told her that her niece or nephew was growing inside me, hoping his/her Auntie Em would wake up before I gave birth.
I had talked with Adam for days about the baby. He and I had decided to give it up for adoption once it was born. Although I had been hesitant to agree to giving up a part of me, I eventually realized it was good for all of us involved. I was too immature and selfish to raise a baby, and Adam had just begun his relationship with Elise.
**** 2 weeks and 2 days ago ****
My mom was taking me home that day, and my dad and Drew were on Em watch. Somehow, those 2 had bonded since the accident. They could spend hours talking about football, books, movies, or Em. They hadn't spoken much when I was dating Drew. Then again, Drew and I had spent most of our time with our couple friends.
As we approached the car, my mom handed me a pamphlet. It read: The Abortion Alternative in big red letters across the top.
"Mom, Adam and I have already..." I started.
"Pish, posh, Elizabeth. Read it. I don't think you realize what a baby will do to that gorgeous body of yours. You know, my body used to be just like yours, until I got pregnant with you and Em. I've never been the same since. Not that you weren't worth it, but I wanted kids. Right now, a baby is only going to complicate your life in every way possible. After all, it's only a bundle of cells at this point," she said. "Do right by your body."
I stared at her and touched my abdomen. How could she imply that my figure was more important than the little guy growing inside me? I was already in love with him, and he was teeny tiny right now. There was no way that I could look at him as a "bundle of cells." For the first time in my life, I felt like my mom was completely stupid.
I shook my head back and forth, saying, "Mom, no. I'm having this baby."
Up until now, she had been driving along the back streets between the hospital and our house. Suddenly, she pulled the car off to the right side of the road, and turned to face me. Her blue eyes looked icy, and her lips were fixed into a tight, thin line. I could hear the raindrops hitting the car's roof, and the monotonous squeak of the windshield wipers gave me something to focus on, since focusing on my mom was going to make me hit her.
"If you want to keep living in my house, you will have an abortion. Read the pamphlet and view the suggested videos. You'll see. It doesn't make you a bad person," she said, before starting up the car and resuming our drive home.
I sat still, too stunned to cry. Did my dad know about this? What was wrong with her?
Walking into the house a few minutes later, I felt like a zombie. I walked slowly up to my room, clutching the awful pamphlet in my hand. I was going to do some research of my own. Sitting down at my desk, my laptop lit up as I opened the cover. Typing in my password, then clicking on my favorite web browser, I typed in "abortion."
The first site I saw was one called Abortion Info For Teens. When I clicked on it, it had many options to choose from. I chose the option titled "Abortion," and more options came up. It included testimonials by doctors who used to perform abortions, but were now against such procedures. It also included stories about girls who aborted their babies, including a girl from a popular reality show, and how they have had regrets about their decisions. Abortion survivors even presented their stories on a part of the page.
Each of these things helped to back up my decision to keep my baby, but I read on. The next part that caught my attention was titled "Abortion Clinic Procedures." Going through these pictures made me sick. How was I going to do this to a baby? My baby. I didn't know that a baby was completely formed by the time it had been in the womb only ten weeks. It is so tiny, it could fit on its mom or dad's fingernail. It even has fingerprints. A bundle of cells, my ass. I had a baby inside me, and I wanted to keep him.
I figured I'd give the pro-choice websites a try, just to get both sides of the picture. As it turned out, the pro-choice websites were covered with facts involving how many women got abortions each year, and that they were safe for a woman's health. I wasn't every other woman in the world, and I wasn't even that worried about it affecting my health. I was worried about killing my baby. The way I saw it, even if there was a chance that I might be killing a baby, I didn't want to do it. How could I live with myself in the future? What about when I had other kids? What would I tell them about their half-brother or half-sister that I aborted? What would they think of me?
No, no, no, no, no. I couldn't do this. I read that dumb pamphlet again, which didn't help me at all. Once again, more facts about statistics concerning abortion. I wasn't the brightest person out there, but even I knew when someone was skirting around an issue. I decided to confront my mom. She was in the living room when I walked out of my bedroom and sat on the brown leather arm chair that was positioned perpendicular to the matching sofa.
"Mom?" I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
"Yes, Honey?" she asked.
"I've been researching abortion, and I don't want one," I said.
She stared right at me, and said, "Do you want to live here?"
I started to talk, but my voice was unsteady, and I knew I'd be crying soon. "Yes, but.." I began.
"But nothing," she said. I'd never seen her this angry. "I know you think I'm being heartless now, but you'll thank me someday," she said.
Tears were pouring from my eyes now, and I had to stifle a sob before I spoke. "Mom, I don't think I will. I've read testimonials from girls who have had abortions, and most of them are really sad," I said.
"Honey, that's just propaganda to convince you to have the baby. Those girls probably didn't even have abortions," she said. "Besides, I made an appointment for you on Monday."
"But I have school on Monday," I said.
"I'll write you an excuse. It'll be fine," she said. "You're doing this."
Yeah, I thought, real fine.
******** That Monday ********
On Monday, I woke up, getting out of bed slowly and walking into the bathroom I shared with Emily. I really wished that Em was awake. She would know exactly what to do in my situation. I stared into the mirror, lifting my pajama shirt and turning so that I could see my profile in the mirror. From what I could tell, my belly stuck out slightly further than it usually did. I didn't look pregnant by any means, but I could tell that my baby was in there. If only Mom would let me keep you, I thought, rubbing my belly affectionately.
After my shower, I walked slowly down the stairs. My mom was sitting on the sofa, as if she was waiting for me.
"It's about time, Elizabeth," she said, standing up and walking toward the kitchen.
"Do you want breakfast? We have a half hour until we leave for your appointment," she said.
"Nope. I can't eat breakfast. I'm sick about doing this," I commented.
"Elizabeth," she said sternly, staring at me disdainfully. "This is for your own good."
"It doesn't feel like it," I said, plopping down into the chair.
"You have your whole life ahead of you. You have to finish high school, and go to college, and find a nice guy to marry. That will be so much harder with a child," she said, her voice taking on a softer tone.
"I chose to have sex. I got myself into it. What you said about my life might be true, but that's part of the reason Adam and I have chosen to give the baby up for adoption. Please let me do this my way," I pleaded.
"This is one time where you are wrong Ellie. Now, let's go," she said, standing up and heading toward the front door.
I stood up and followed her, still trying to figure out what I was going to do.
I didn't talk to her once on the ride to the clinic. I had to use all of my energy to avoid a breakdown. If that happened, I'd be useless to the precious little guy inside me. Once at the clinic, I sat in the sage and tan waiting room, unable to do anything but talk myself out of losing it.
When they called me to go back, my mom asked, "Would you like me to go with you?"
"No," I answered. "You've already done enough." I was sure she could hear the bitterness in my voice. Our relationship would be forever broken because of this.
The nurse showed me to a room which reeked of that medicinal smell. It was sickening. I sat and waited until the doctor came in to discuss the procedure with me. She was describing the procedure when I felt the overwhelming need to release my pent up frustrations. Unfortunately for her, she was the one with me when it happened. I couldn't hold back anymore. In the middle of some stupid statistic she was quoting me, I started sobbing, my tears escaping at an exponential rate. She stopped talking and stared at me.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"I don't think I can do this!" I cried, wiping my face with my hands.
"You don't have to, but you don't need to feel guilty about it," she said. "Everyone does it."
"Everyone does it!" I screamed. "How do you think I ended up seventeen and pregnant? Everyone was having sex, so I figured I should, too! How is that fact supposed to make me feel better? Does saying that to dimwitted, scared girls really work, because I'm not buying it."
She started to say, "Now, miss, there is no need to..."
I cut her off, asking, "Are you required to tell my mom if I refuse the procedure?"
"No," she said, looking at me as if I was a crazy person.
"Okay," I said, calming down slightly.
"You're refusing the procedure, then?" she asked, trying too hard to sound as if everything was hunky dorey.
"Yeah. I can't murder my baby," I said.
"Miss, abortion isn't murder. It's a woman choosing to rid herself of a cell mass that has the potential to develop into a baby," she said, as if she were a recording.
"If that's what helps you sleep at night," I said, before handing her the URL's for a bunch of the abortion websites I'd researched. "I hope you research these sites, so you can see what your work is really doing to all of girls who are doing things just because 'everyone else is.'"
She stared at me for at least ninety seconds before saying, "I'm sorry you feel that way, miss."
I couldn't even respond to her ignorance.
"Do you mind if I sit here, just to make sure I'm not overreacting?" I asked, hoping to convince my mother, at least for the time being, that I'd really had the procedure.
"Yes," she said, looking at me skeptically. "Let me know if you change your mind."
"Certainly," I said.
A little while later, the doctor stuck her head in to check on me.
"Have you given the procedure any more thought?" she asked.
"Yeah," I lied, "but I just can't do it."
"Okay. Are you going to be ready to go soon?" she asked.
"I'm leaving now," I said softly, picking up my things as tears sprung to my eyes."
I walked down the hall and back into the waiting room. My mom stood up, a big grin on her face.
"See? All better," she said, continuing to smile.
"Yeah, you would think that," I said.
My mom left me to go to the receptionist's desk.
"Do I pay now?" she asked.
Dread ran through me. Would they tell her I hadn't had the procedure?
"We'll send it to insurance first. They'll send you a bill for what isn't covered," she said.
"How long will that take?" my mom asked.
"At least 6 to 8 weeks," the receptionist replied.
"Okay, thank you," my mom said, walking back toward me.
*** Right before Em wakes up ***
So, here I was, pregnant, with everyone thinking I'd gotten an abortion. I felt terrible lying to Adam this way, but I was scared. I didn't know what to do. Maybe it was better that everyone just thought I was "bitchy Ellie." They'd all leave me alone out of disgust. I had no plan about what to do once people began to realize that I was still pregnant. I was just thankful cheerleading season would be over within the month.
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Please vote and/or comment. Also, I know the topic of abortion brings out the best and worst in people, no matter what side of the issue they choose. I don't mind the debates in the comments, but please refrain from swearing and/or completely disrespecting each other. I'll be forced to remove them if things get out of hand.
As you can guess, I'm Pro-life, but I did actually research right along with Ellie. I feel that the woman's choice should be to have or not to have sex, rather than to abort or not to abort a baby. I get that sometimes there may extreme circumstances, and none of us knows exactly what we'd do until we find ourselves in the situation, but I'd like to think that I'd NEVER abort a baby. I've known people who have had abortions, and who love their present children dearly. They still are haunted by the life they chose to end before it had a chance. Did it ruin their life? Not completely, but they definitely aren't as content as they could be.
If some of you choose to stop reading my story because it is a "body lesson" as one reader pointed out, then that's certainly your choice. I'm choosing to use this "body lesson" as part of my story, and as part of Ellie's story. She's growing up because of this. I think that still qualifies as a story, whether you agree with my (and Ellie's) opinions or not.
Anyway, thanks for reading. I've included the website that convinced Ellie below.
http://www.teenbreaks.com/?gclid=Cj0KEQiAuMOlBRDf6_izz93n-pEBEiQAsJCJWs_XYPVvd1cqYJI_wxhiTBIwgU2bCZN5KRifqA8iyM0aApfu8P8HAQ