"𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑏𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑑𝑎𝑚𝑎𝑔𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑒'𝑑 𝑑𝑜, 𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑖 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑔𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑖 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑑𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑦𝑜𝑢."
.・゜゜・ ・゜゜・．
"say something."
I didn't want to, how dare he think he deserved an answer from me after all the bullshit he's done. jean's grip tightened around my wrist and I could hear a low huff exude from his lips, "eren stop this shit man. haven't you put her through enough hell?" he replied to the now shocked brown-haired boy.
"I didn't ask you to speak for her."
"and she didn't ask you to tell her any of this now did she? if you never came back here she wouldn't be in the state she's in now. look at her you asshole!" jean yelled back pointing at my face as tears ran down my blood-stained cheeks.
"jean....please," I whispered using my other arm to cover my face.
it was all too much, meeting eren's family, seeing and hearing his mother's regrets, Reiner blurting out his feelings and knowing historia did nothing to protect me, and now watching jean and eren go head to head while I couldn't let out a single word.
"I get you're pissed about Mikasa fucking my best friend but don't use y/n as a paw-," I quickly yanked my hand away from jean and swiftly slapped eren harshly as I made my way over to him. I watched as he grabbed where my hand met his cheek and was going to surely leave a mark.
"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SPILL SHIT LIKE THAT OUT OF IT. I'M NOT YOUR PAWN AND I'M NOT JEAN'S EITHER. HOW DARE YOU STAND HERE IN MY FACE AND SAY YOU WANTED ME? I RISKED MY FUCKING FRIENDS EREN, I SAT FOR DAYS CRYING FEELING HUMILIATED AND I WAS STILL STUPID ENOUGH TO LET YOU COME BACK." I yelled in teary breaths pointing in his face.
"can you-,"
"I'm not done." I glared harshly, "you don't want me not one-bit eren, suko came back and what did you do? you yelled in my face and kicked me out, that was my last straw. eren I am exhausted, so goddamn exhausted. I did things I still feel eat at me just because I wanted you so bad to look at me as a person rather than another body to fill your bed."
"y/n," he reached out trying to grab for my hand.
"don't call me by my name, don't look at me, don't ever touch me eren. I hate that you don't change and I hate myself even more for sticking by you when you did wrong, cross me off your list of people because now you truly have nobody." I spat walking away and grabbing jean with me.
I didn't wanna see his reaction because, in the end, I knew I was hurting more than he was, although I wanted to believe his mother's words that eren had good in him it seemed like all eren knew how to do was drown any bit of light he had within himself out.
"WHY IS IT THAT YOU ALWAYS GET TO WALK AWAY? Y/N-," his voice faded more and more like me and jean distanced ourselves away from the jaeger's home and away from the gardens.
we walked in pure silence as we finally arrived at jean's car and stood at the car entrance, "you okay?" he questioned before slipping into the driver's seat and me following.
"what do you think the answer to that question is jean?" I snidely remarked.
"my bad." he spoke in a silent manner turning his attention to the road as the engine revved, "am I taking you back to your place?"
the last thing I needed was an interrogation by Sasha and to see historia's face at this moment.
"take me anywhere but there." I leaned my head on the window as we drove down the dark roads.
"My place?"
"I don't wanna see Reiner."
"Trust me I don't either which is why you're in luck ms. l/n because we no longer live together." he playfully sung his sentence.
jean and Reiner not living together anymore? my heart paused at the comment, "are you joking?"
jean laughed, "it's a surprise right? how did two best friends split up like that? turns out Reiner knew Mikasa was cheating and never cared to tell me, he only cared about the situation between you and eren."
I couldn't imagine the hurt jean was going through, in a way we were in the same boat except nobody cared to check on him and make sure he wasn't all on his own with the weight of the world on him.
"jean I'm so sorry, if I knew Reiner did all of that I would have gone off. you didn't deserve that."
his fingers nervously tapped on the steering wheel, "it's okay. sometimes things just don't work out you know?"
"I should have checked on you, you dealt with all of this on your own-,"
one hand parted from the steering wheel and rested on my knee lightly tapping at it, "you've been through literal hell and back. don't feel like you had a responsibility to be there besides I'm okay really. new start you know?"
I gave a small reassuring smile whilst resting my head back on the window, "who knew the school year would turn into this so quickly?" I tried laughing it off but deep down I knew it stung more than I really wanted it to.
the car came to a quick halt, it was a luxury-styled apartment building ad the next thing I knew my car door was being opened and jean was escorting me out. "jean are you a drug dealer?" I asked following behind him as he opened up his front door revealing the clean and stylish apartment.
"a drug dealer? do I look like one?"
"How did you go from that ugly ass place with Reiner to this?" I asked walking about the house.
"my parents. my dad is a lawyer and my mother is a chef."
"do you mind if I ask you a question now?" he motioned for me to sit down on the couch next to him, I simply nodded taking a seat at a distance from him.
"so why don't you wanna see Reiner and what are you gonna do about eren?"
"sounds like questions plural."
"come on man."
I leaned into my seat and stared up at the ceiling, "Reiner confessed, and I felt like he was trying to take advantage of the condition I'm in right now. as far as eren, the only thing to do is really let him go and move on; I deserve more and to be with someone who sees me as a human being."
jean wrapped me up in a tight hug, it was nice being in the presence of someone who knew what it really felt like to be in this position, someone who knew what it felt like to feel like an outsider looking in on their own life.
"you know I always got you in the end y/n, you do deserve better. we both do." he pulled back staring down at me, this would be an impulsive choice that would only leave more issues that were beyond fixing. jean leaned down further and our lips were now connected, jean didn't taste of regret and despair like eren did and his kiss was filled with care and passion.
this was the pain and regret speaking, I wasn't letting jean kiss me because I wanted him and jean wasn't kissing me because he wanted me; we simply wanted to forget everyone and everything that had a grip around our throats. and so we did, that night I and jean forgot and it was there that I realized I was only gonna keep making mistake after mistake.
(month time skip, preface this by saying jean and y/n begin a relationship)
"𝑑𝑖𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑒𝑛𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑦 𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑣𝑒? 𝑤ℎ𝑦 𝑑𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑟𝑦? 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑖'𝑚 𝑠𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑦 𝑖 𝑙𝑒𝑓𝑡, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡; 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑖𝑡 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑓𝑒𝑙𝑡 𝑟𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡."
*+:｡.｡ ｡.｡:+*
since that night with jean, more nights like that came and go and jean wanted more; more than just having my body under him. jean wanted me and everything else I came with, if you would have asked me if I thought something like this would happen since eren I would have told you no but here I was with a boy who I least expected to be with.
I hadn't talked about eren or talked to him for a month and it came as no surprise seeing him and suko shacked up together and the constant glares of disgust from suko when I was anywhere close to the pair. I'll admit it he was quick to forget about me, even if that's not what he really felt it definitely appeared that way.
"So when are you gonna tell Sasha and Reiner about us?" jean's hair had grown longer and was smoothed back in a clean and classy style, the question struck me hard and a sense of nervousness lingered over me; I was scared of telling Reiner. we hadn't talked since that day he confessed and his persistent attempts at trying to get me to echo a word to him were getting tiring, as far as Sasha since I decided to move back in with my aunt and get away from all the hectic shit going on in the city; I only ever saw her in class and during our occasional hangouts.
"do I have to tell them?" I asked while slipping my shirt over my head and letting it fall down my torso.
jean sighed plopping himself back down onto his bed and crossing his arms, "are you trying to hide me as you did with eren?"
ouch, jean.
I stayed silent and disregarded the comment, jean got up and I felt his arms wrap around my waist tightly from behind; "I didn't mean that I just wanna be able to go out and not feel like I can't show you off. I mean I told Mikasa and she was okay with it."
I turned around resting my arms on his shoulder, "it just needs some time okay? I'll at least sit down with Sasha and let her know but please don't make me tell Reiner, not now at least."
"Just don't make me wait forever okay? let's just head out."
I quietly followed him down to his car and we were on the way to classes, we split up with no words being exchanged other than 'see you later.'
I knew my hesitation was only hurting jean, I couldn't keep my thoughts straight as I felt a hand grab at my shoulder.
"long time no talk stranger?" it was suko.
I pushed her hand off my shoulder and was quick to comment back, "don't put your hands on me."
she playfully held her hands up and smiled at me, it wasn't like I hated her but I knew that she was only trying to antagonize me and if she was around I knew eren would soon follow. "you don't have to be so mean you know? can't we just be buds or does it hurt too much to see eren still?"
I didn't bother to speak.
she snidely chuckled, "you poor girl, I know that expression you're just like me. you have a nice day sweetheart." she moved forward using her finger to peck at my chin, and then she was gone.
although there was a sea of students it wasn't hard to spot that she was side by side with the long brown-haired boy who I hadn't spoken to in what felt like forever, however, I watched as he looked behind him and our eyes focused on each other; there was not a bit of emotion in his eyes I could read.
I guess some things don't change.
eren's pov
"𝑦𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑟𝑒𝑒 𝑒𝑛𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑡𝑜 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑡, 𝑦𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑙𝑠𝑜 𝑓𝑟𝑒𝑒 𝑒𝑛𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑚𝑒. 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑖 𝑠𝑒𝑒𝑘. 𝑖 𝑠𝑒𝑒𝑘. 𝑖 𝑠𝑒𝑒𝑘."
*+:｡.｡ ｡.｡:+*
"what are you staring at? hello? earth to eren I'm speaking to you!" suko whined pulling at my shirt sleeve however a silence came between and I knew she had realized it was y/n I had my eye on. her hair was much shorter and it was like she had a complete physical change since I had last seen her.
she looked good and happy and man did I hate it, "shouldn't stare at the girl you used to fuck when I'm here right next to you." suko harshly spat, she was right. she was here by my side and considering the fact for months on end I wished for a chance with her again; it was hard to act like the days have just gone by smoothly.
"shut up," I replied turning back to the front and pecking her on the forehead, I didn't consider myself to be back with suko but she helped pass the time and lessen the feeling of being consumed by guilt.
we walked into the music department hand in hand and the faces of Armin and Mikasa and a few others were the first things we saw, ever since I allowed suko back in; Armin and Mikasa decided I was worth forgiving.
as we drew closer to the two I stopped in my tracks hearing the murmurs being exchanged, "yeah jean and y/n are together now he said he felt like he should tell me. I don't know what to feel but I'm happy for him." I heard Mikasa whisper.
jean and y/n?
I felt my chest fall into my stomach at the revelation, were jean and her a thing that last time I saw her? did she really mean what she felt towards me? I suppose I had no place to be saddened by the news considering all that I had done but I hated the idea it was so quick for her to move past me and her.
I was broken out of my self wallowing when I heard Mikasa calling my name, "eren are you good?"
"jean and y/n huh?"
mikasa's eyes bugged open at the comment, "fuck you weren't supposed to hear that."
"Why does it matter anyway-"
"I wasn't speaking to you suko please." I quickly interrupted.
mikasa's head hung low, "they've been together for a month now, from the looks of it and from what jean has told me they're really happy."
they're happy? really?
I nodded letting go of suko's hand and silently sitting in the back of the classroom, I didn't care enough to hear suko's jealous snide comments and could not bear to hear any more details about the pair.
was she still hurting? did she still think about those nights I and her spent together or was she really at her last straw that day? it would be a lie to sit here and say I didn't spend nights wondering how she was feeling and seeing her in front of me in classes and wanting so badly to reach out and touch her but knowing it was impossible was like hell.
"Alright class, as we all know the music department was previously shut down and we've been recruiting students to come back in and you lucky few are my prodigies. recently the university has been preparing for the annual arts festival and only a handful of you will be chosen to perform. the object of this assignment and audition is you all will write a song and whichever is voted highest will perform not only at the festival but you'll also get a chance to intern for some of our biggest alumni." Mr.smith exuded to the class.
I couldn't keep my focus on anything Mr.smith said to the class, the thought of jean and y/n together made my stomach turn and made my blood boil, before I knew it I was out of that classroom with Mr.smith calling out my name.
y/n why is it only you who gets to walk away?
"𝑖 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑎 𝑏𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝑜 𝑏𝑎𝑑 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑖 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑦𝑜𝑢, 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑖 𝑠𝑒𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑏𝑒. ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑒𝑟, 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑟, 𝑗𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑦 𝑗𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑦!"
suko's pov
I was furious seeing him run out of the classroom, did knowing y/n and jean were now a thing really leave him so sick? I couldn't accept that my hold on him was slowly diminishing the more the thought and sight of her consumed her.
weren't you like me y/n? weren't we cut from the same cloth eren had sown for us? I suppose not considering it wasn't me on his mind anymore, it was her.
as class time had passed and we were on our way out of the classroom I caught a glimpse of jean and y/n alongside Sasha in the hallways, her smile was as big as can be and the admiration on jean's face as he watched her was disgusting.
how dare you smile and move on and leave me to pick the pieces of this boy you've shattered? granted eren was a piece of shit if not worse to her but this was my chance at having what it was eren denied me; and that was him.
I quickly followed behind them as they arrived at the cafeteria, I took a seat at their table and could feel y/n's eyes boring into mine; "ah you guys won't mind if I take a seat here will you?"
"you should go sit with-," y/n tried to speak but I was quick to interrupt.
"sit with who y/n? is my presence such an issue to you?"
she stayed silent as I watched her shift in her seat, in a secretive attempt I watched jean's hand slip and more than likely rest on her thigh.
if you wanted to be hostile y/n trust me I could get dirty quick.
"so jean you and mikasa-"
"you know we aren't together why are you here suko? did eren send you to bother her-"
"no, he didn't actually however my poor boy isn't feeling too well knowing that you and dear old y/n are suddenly Sina's lovebirds."
the pair's eyes were as big as the moon and I could see the blood rushing to each of their faces, Sasha must have known nothing because the surprised expression that took over her was enough to tell me.
"Oops, my mistake was I not supposed to know that?"
y/n jumped out of her seat and her clenched fists were a clear sign she was ready to beat down anything else I threw at her.
let the games begin y/n.
(AN: I am so sorry for taking more time than I should have I hope this long-ass chapter makes up for it 😭 PLEAAAAAAAASE DON'T GET MEEEE FOR THE JEAN AND Y/N PLOT TWIST YALL SCARE ME SOMETIMES 😖 anyway thank u guys for reading as always this chapter was a lot of fun to write and I always appreciate all ur feedback and love.)