"Thanks for the ride Taylor".
Nessa waves as her older cousin drives off, Drake playing through her speakers at an unnecessarily loud volume. When Taylor is out of sight, Nessa turns to face the building across the street and her stomach twists with nerves. Slowly she crosses over and makes her way inside. The automatic doors slide open when she stands in front of them and her legs carry the nervous girl into the main reception where she sees three other woman, all of them disconnected from their current settings and in worlds of their own. Nessa notices that they're different ages, one of them looks the same age as her and the other two are older.
"Name please sweetheart" the receptionist asks, her shiny green eyes staring into Nessa's.
Hesitantly, she leans on the desk with her arms. "Nessa Barrett" she states, waiting patiently while the woman types on her computer- nodding her head.
"If you'd like to just take a seat for a moment, doctor Callow will come and collect you when shes finished" The receptionist instructs, pointing to the waiting room.
Nessa makes her way over slowly, taking a seat near the back of the room. She sits down in the uncomfortable chair- people watching the other women subtly. She can't help but wonder what their reasons are for being here. Why don't they want their babies? Is it financial troubles? Too young? Workaholic? Complicated relationship? The possibility's are endless. Nessa wonders if they're racking their brains, asking themselves questions about her too. She starts to feel the nerves get the better of her as she wishes that she'd asked Taylor to stay with her or even Mads even though the last time they spoke- she raged out on her. It would have been comforting to know her best friend was here if she needed.
"Zoe Laverne" a woman wearing a white coat calls. The girl who sits closest to Nessa sighs while closing her magazine and standing up.
Immediately, Nessa recognizes the girl and remembers that she used to go to her school. She's a year older. She and Nessa had economics together for a while. They never had any actual conversation though but it didn't stop Nessa from knowing who she was. Zoe was popular amongst her class and the majority of the school. It made Nessa wonder what happened to her after she graduated and what her reason for being here was.
Choosing to ignore her current situation, Nessa leans back in her chair and unlocks her phone. She sees missed calls from her mom and sends her a quick text before putting her phone down again and watching the floor with an intense stare. This is all so unnatural for her and it's something she's never been through before. She's having all these raw emotions and has no clue how to control her chaotic thoughts.
She begins to feel weak, her hands clammy and heart racing. She tells herself it's just the nerves and dismisses the icky feeling. Picking up her bag, Nessa reaches inside, her hand searching for her water bottle. She struggles to find it until finally her hand clasps around the plastic and she pulls it out, a piece of paper falling out with it. Nessa tuts, annoyed. Quickly, she leans forward and picks up the small rectangular paper and holds it in her hand.
When Nessa turns it over, her eyes are met with the scan photo she had previously shoved to the bottom of her bag days before. Her heart swells before dropping to the pit of her stomach as tears start to form in her tired eyes. She allows herself to study the scan, smiling a little when she recognizes the small raspberry sized blob she was first introduced to at the scan.
"Nessa Barrett?".
Wiping away the tears, Nessa stands up, putting the scan photo in her back pocket carefully. She understands that she can't be a mother but whether she wanted to or not- when she first saw that scan, she did connect with her baby and she'd regret it for the rest of her life if she ended it. There are other options available, ones that she'd be more comfortable with and just because she can't give her baby the life it deserves, doesn't mean she shouldn't let someone else try. Why make her child pay for her irresponsible behavior?
"Sorry, I cant do this" she mutters to the doctor before slinging a strap over her shoulder and making her way out of the building. The receptionist shoots her a smile and a nod as she walks out.
With the fresh air hitting her, Nessa takes some time to breathe, to let everything sink in. She thinks. Maybe it's not too late to turn back and still make the appointment. However, a sharp shooting pain makes the decision for her as she groans, clutching onto her side.
"Okay okay, no going back now" she whispers.
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The sound of tyres screeching against the smooth road, fill the almost empty street. as Josh breaks to a sudden stop, parking questionably in front of the tall building. The rushed boy unbuckles his seatbelt quickly before stumbling out of his car, raising his arm over his shoulder and locking the Ferrari Portofino effortlessly.
Josh wastes no time in making his way into the building, receiving some questionable looks as he passes by people. Upon arriving at reception, Josh feels his lungs about to collapse. He's an athlete sure but he's never done as much running before as he has in the past half hour. Breathless, he leans on the reception desk, his sweat dripping down his face.
The receptionist eyes him up, moving all her paperwork away from his dripping body fluid. She makes a disgusted face at the boy, wishing he'd just leave.
"Boy, you got the wrong building or something?" She asks, the look of disgust easing.
Josh looks up, panting and groaning, finding the air very hard to breathe. He holds up two fingers, asking for her to give him a moment.
"I'm- I'm looking for...nessahhh b-ft nessa barreht" he wheezes, reaching for the water dispenser. The woman gives him a cup quickly, afraid that he'll die right in front of her.
After Josh fills and refills the small cup three times, he leans against the desk, sighing with relief. He doesn't allow himself to waste anymore time though as he throws the cup into the recycling bin and turns back around to face the receptionist.
"Nessa Barrett" he says sternly. "Am i too late?".
The woman gives him a confused look, "Sweetie she left around five minutes ago" She tells him.
Josh thanks the woman before walking back out of the building. He knew he should've taken a different route. A quicker route. In all honestly, he had absolutely no idea what he was going to say to Nessa but he knew that he had to let her know that if she was scared of not having his support, she was wrong. Josh may be a douche at times and he knows that himself but he also knows when to take responsibility and this was one of those times. On the way over, he thought about what it would be like, to have a baby. Obviously the timing is the worst and he's not ready- not even in the slightest - to be a parent but it doesn't mean he wasn't ready to try. To be there.
As he makes his way over to his car, Josh looks across the street at the play park. He notices a familiar brunette sitting on the swing, a look of fear on her sad face. Josh can't help but feel the anger rise inside of him. He knows that yelling and arguing won't help anything, that it won't change anything but he has to let her know how he feels about it.
Rushing over, Josh grabs the attention of the smaller girl when he lets the gate close with a bang. Jumping a little, Nessa looks up from the ground and wishes she could be swallowed whole when her eyes meet his.
"She told you didn't she?" Nessa questions, referring to Mad's.
Josh scoffs, crossing his arms while he stands in front of her.
"Well someone had to" he replies, bitterness lacing his tone.
"Look Josh I didn't know how to tell you okay? I didn't know how you were going to react" the defeated girl sighs.
Shaking his head with disbelief, Josh takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.
"Didn't know how I was going to react? Ness, come on! We've been in each other's lives for so long. I know we're not the best of buddies but I'd like to think we were at least somewhat friends. I care about you, regardless if I show it or not. I cant believe you'd think I'd leave you to deal with it on your own".
"I didn't say that" Nessa argues, standing up.
"You didn't have to. I know that's why you never told me". he fires back.
"We can talk about it now" Nessa says, her voice cracking.
Josh ignores his urge to reach out and give her some sort of comfort. He might not have any romantic feelings for Nessa but he meant it when he said he cares about her. He always has and seeing her upset is something that's always irked him.
"There's nothing to talk about now though is there" Josh says through gritted teeth. "Nothing to talk about because you made the decision without me. I wouldn't have argued if you didn't want to have the baby and I would have came with you today, I would have supported you but I couldn't because you took that opportunity away from me. I get the whole it's your body your choice thing, I agree but c'mon Nessa. I should have been informed that I was going to be a dad whether I wanted to be or not and you should have been the one to tell me".
"But Josh I didn't-"
"I don't want to hear your excuses. I'm leaving." And with that, Josh turns around, slamming the gate closed once again.
Nessa sits back down on the swing, watching as Josh gets in his car and drives off. She has never felt more alone than she does in this very moment. She was stupid to make assumptions about Josh and how he would've handled the situation. She knows she messed up but there's no way she can tell him now. She has got to come up with a new plan.
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I'll double update today :)
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