After my encounter with Michael, all senses that had fled away in his presence, seemingly came crashing back to me.
I was literally dumbfounded by my actions. What I professed to Ben when he asked me how I would react if I saw him again, I genuinely believed I would have been nonchalant, calmer.. self-controlled.
I was all but that.
Despite only knowing 1% about him, I couldn't help myself
It was like all the tension, desire, pain, understanding, even.. love, all that we shared created this surge.. a bubble of energy..
It was like a tremendous spark that had bound us together.
He knew every inch of my life, inside out.
I knew nothing.
Everything blurred in my mind as I walked towards the designated smoking area adjacent to the university lodge.
I could recognise Benjie from a mile away with his curly hair sticking in every direction.
He was deep in thought and I could sense his anxiety. After all, something triggered him to tell his story.
I didn't know what it was, but I had an idea it had something to do with seeing me and Mr. Vervain.
I knew Ben had a soft spot for me, but I would never acknowledge it in that way, I love him too much to lose him. He's my brother, and I've tried to embed this concept in his mind ever since the hospital accident, when he told me I was beautiful, that Mr. Vervain was lucky..
I brushed it off, I latched on to him because he's an old soul that only exists once in a blue moon. And he's my best friend. I would never let something like that jeopardise our friendship.
We are humans after-all, what we feel is beyond us.
I breathed heavily, and lit my cigarette as I sat right in front of him. I mirrored him and spread my legs in between the bench, "Talk,"
He sighed and gazed at me. His eyes twirled with an emotion I didn't recognise, as if he were trying to search my eyes, for answers to his silent questions.
"How was your reunion?" He said. He was very serious.
I lifted my eyebrows, but decided not to question his tone.
"Honestly?" I rhetorically asked. As if I were preparing him for an answer he already knew.
"That's all I expect from you," He whispered.
"I was taken back in time, to that moment my feelings relented to him. I was in a trance, it was instance, every emotion overflowed like it was a natural process, a natural pull," I sighed. Puffing the smoke away into thin air.
"I know Aster. That's why, for the love and respect I have for you. I've decided to share my story. I feel the need to give you a moral lesson. To allow you to discover yourself, through my story, my pain, my childhood," his voice didn't quiver, it was stone cold.
I didn't say a word, I've been waiting for this moment since I first laid eyes on him. I knew he had story, one that would resonate through me.. shift me.
"My dad and mum were crazy in love. Anyone in their proximity could feel it. It was contagious, it was high, it was bliss. In my younger years I was a cheerful kid. I literally was born of love..." he whispered.
My heart strung along with every word he uttered. I felt my cigarette die down in my hand, I was fixated with him. Urging him with my silence to continue.
"As I grew older, I began to wonder why my father was so cruel to me as I aged. When I laughed with mum, my father glared at me. When I fell, my father stepped over me while my mother rushed over to cater for my needs. My bedtime stories with her, gradually, turned into a wide awake nightmare, in which my mother and father would scream and verbally abuse eachother,"
I felt like I knew where this was headed.
"You know, you and Mr. Vervain look at eachother the same way my parents did," he sighed.
A tear drop slowly crossed my cheek.
"As I aged, my vision grew clearer. My senses heightened. My awareness made me inferior. My mother poured all her love into me.. and that infuriated my father. Can you imagine that he was jealous of his only son?" He laughed bitterly.
"The abuse became too much for my mother. She grew tired of protecting me. She left without a second thought. Her fear and pain overpowered her love for me. After all she was fragile and alone. She had no family but him. All she had ever known was my dad, she was so alone, and I was so naive and young to understand what was going on, she freed herself..
Her cries at night, extinguished all the loving memories I had growing up, my dads negligence and destructive behaviour, robbed me of feeling secure. I became a broken man before I even became a man," He sighed
I didn't realise I was crying until Ben began to wipe my tears away, one bye one.
"Their love destroyed them and me in the process. It was too much, too overwhelming, too passionate, too ... aflame. My dads a deadbeat drunk. My mother abandoned her son and is god knows where, and me, I'm in pieces, not having loved or been loved because of too much love,"
He chuckled, "How ironic isn't it?" his eyes sparkled, holding those unshed tears for all those years ..
I tugged his hand and stared at him, speaking silently. Telling him that I understood the message he was trying to send me all along.
"Aster, you need to contain your feelings and think logically. Both your heart and mind need to function as one. You need to know this man before you rip your heart out and hand it over to him... "
He hugged me, because I was shaking. I couldn't help the realisation that dawned on me. The bond Michael and I shared was a love that was more than love. It was thrilling in every sense of the word. But was it too much? Was it a form of-
"You need to figure out whether your love brings life or whether your love brings-"
"Destruction"
We both said it in unison.
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We're so close to the end guys!! Thank you so much for making it this far. I literally love you all for supporting me and falling in love with this book like I have x