Sam said" Yeah, I hear you. All right, well, thanks for looking. Yep, bye. So, Nora didn't see any pattern to the dig sites either."
Dean said" Yeah, 'cause they got nothing in common. And I got nothing from local lore 50 miles in every direction of all of them. I mean, it's like they're just... old dirt. What's dick looking for?" The lights flickered, Sam and Dean stood up, pulling out their guns. Bobby showed up,
He said" Hey, hey, go easy, you idjits. Sorry for the jump scare."
" So how does this work, huh? I leave the cap off and you just genie your way out?"
" I wish it were that easy. The thing is-" And he was gone.
Sam said" Bobby?"
" Damn it. It's hard to stay focused. I'm still kind of worn out."
Dean said" You've been pretty busy for a dead guy."
" All right. Listen. I-I don't know how long before my next ghost nap, so let's just skip to the skinny- those numbers I gave you."
" The empty lot in cheeseville?"
" Yeah, well, it aint gonna be empty for long. I got a gander at Dick's big plan, right before he lincolned me. They're breaking ground- what month is this?"
I said" Uh, April."
" Ground's broke. They're building as we're yammering. Check it out yourself. It's all right. I mean, you guys missed it because you've been kind of busy killing ghosts the past few days. But Dick is about to get into the Soylent green business. That site'll show you they're building a biotech lab, right? Biotech my ass. That sucker is a state of the art slaughterhouse. And we're the beef."
Sam said" Don't you think that's a little bold, even for Dick?"
" I bet you no one will even notice, 'cause first he's gonna dumb us all down with turducken-style munchies. Make us docile."
Dean said" We haven't been to Biggerson's since that whole fiasco."
" Biggerson's? He's bought a list of joints 10 pages long."
" Ah."
" Next, he's gonna cure us."
Sam said" Cure of us what?"
" All the biggies- cancer, aids, heart disease. Let's just say they got an affinity for stem-cell research."
Dean said" The, uh, leviathan real-estate mooks building that cancer center."
" They're not hunting anymore. They're engineering the perfect herd. Now, we've gone up against plenty- liked to eat a few folks in the woods. This ain't that. This is about knocking us off the top of the food chain. This is about them levis living here forever, one-percenter style, while we march our dopey, fat asses down to the shiny new death camps at every corner." The computer beeped,
Sam said" It's an email. From Frank."
Dean said" Frank's alive?"
Bobby said" That jackass, always stealing my thunder."
Sam said" Sam and Dean, if you're reading this, I'm dead... or worse. This email was sent because some prince is trying to hack into my hard drive right this second. So unless it's you, you got trouble. Um, okay.... my drive is full of compromising info. Your new aliases, hangouts, where you stored your car..."
Dean said" Baby?"
" Even though he encrypted the crap out of his drive, he says we should assume that someone can hack into it eventually. He did put a tracking device in it. All right, let's see where Frank's drive is." He clicked in and it was at a Dick enterprise... shit, shit, shit!
" Perfect. It's in the middle of the Death Star. All right, well, off to Chicago."
Bobby said" No, wait, boys, you can't just break in. They know your mugs. What if we mailed in the flask? Then I could ghost through the joint. I mean, it's not like Dick can kill me twice. What, you got a better plan? Come on. Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I don't know how to do my damn job."
Sam said" Bobby, that's Dick's office."
Dean said" I think what Sam's trying to say is, what happens if you run into Dick and, you know... go vengeful. You know it's not something you can just shake off."
Bobby said" Come on. Give me some credit. What, I'm supposed to just ride the pine?"
Sam said" Sorry, Bobby." We walked away from him, oh, this is gonna go great!
——
We broke into the girl's place, the girl that hacked into Frank's drive. We saw her come in, then as she was about to leave. Dean stopped her,
He said" It's all right. I'm not gonna hurt you."
She said" Get away from me, you... shapeshifter!" Sam went up to her,
He said" Look, we're not shapeshifters." She swung the sword she picked up and it broke," Geez!" I grabbed the sword,
Dean said" Look, we're not leviathans, okay? You want us to prove it? You know what Borax does to them?" She nodded," Sam? Key?" Dean poured some on my hand, then Sam's, then his own." Huh? Your turn." She took the bottle and poured some on her hand," Good."
She said" Who the hell are you guys?"
We explained most things to her,
She said" So, you're saying you guys are monster hunters? So, there are other monsters? Stop. Never mind. Just shh." She's kinda having a meltdown," Okay, I get how you tracked the drive- straight gps- but it's still at the office. How did you find me?" Sam turned on his laptop and showed her the feed," Aw! Son of a gun jacked my webcam?!"
Dean said" Welcome to Frank."
" It's creepy, but I'll give it to him. So you're telling me everything he had on his drive is true."
" That and more."
Sam said" Wait. How long did it take you to crack into Frank's drive?"
She said" A day or so."
" Is there anything you can't hack into?"
" Not yet."
" How about Dick Roman's email?"
" Why would I... Oh. He's one of them."
I said" No. Uh, he's their leader."
" So what's the end game- steal our resources, make us some slaves?"
Dean said" Planet-wide value meal. We're the meat."
" You can't be... serious." As she looked at us," Okay. All right. Let's do this. What am I looking for?"
" Well, for starters, uh, anything about archaeological dig sites."
" Like Indiana Jones stuff?"
" All we know is that Dick has been digging all over the world, and we need to know what he's looking for."
" You know, I was having a really good week. I met someone, downloaded the new Robyn album. Everything was coming up me. Oh, crap."
Sam said" Look, we get it sucks."
" No, not that. This. Dick's email isn't on the company server. It's on a private one, in his office."
Dean said" Meaning?"
" Can't get in it unless you have his phone or you're at his desk."
" So you're saying that if we're inside Dick's office, then we can hack into his email?"
" You can't. Only someone like... But I sure as hell ain't doing it. I am doing my job and... what are the chances I see everything on that drive and Dick lets me live anyway?"
Sam said" I think you know."
" So I erase the drive first, protect me and you. Then I go back to my old life, right?" We stayed silent," What?"
Dean said" It's not that easy. You're on Dick's radar, which means you don't have an old life anymore."
" I'm gonna die. I should have taken that job at google."
Sam said" Look, Charlie, it's okay if you can't do it. I mean, you didn't volunteer for this."
" Totally. Exactly. But now I volunteer."
" What?"
" I got to go back in anyways to wipe Frank's drive. Might as well break into Dick's office, too."
" Are you sure?"
" No. But these things are gonna eat everyone I know. What kind of douche bag stands by for that? However, I have never broken into anything in real life before, so... plan?"
Dean said" Got a bluetooth?"
" Yeah." We walked to where she was, sitting down,
" Security system- can you get into that? I can reroute any surveillance cameras we need."
" All right. Let's start with that."
Sam said" Do you have a key card to get into the building?"
She said" Uh, yeah. I can't duplicate it, but I can make a fake backing."
We were in a van outside of the enterprise, Dean came in,
Dean said" How's it going?"
Sam said" Great, since she set all this up. Um, look. See this? I can put each camera on a prerecorded loop. Once I do that, she'll have 15 minutes."
" 15 minutes ain't a lot of time."
" No. She said if it took longer to hack his desktop, then she deserved to be eaten."
" I like her. Wait. Is that... son of a bitch."
Sam and I said" What?"
" Look at her bag." Sam went back and zoomed in, we saw Bobby's flask.
" Bobby. Wait. Y-You think he-"
" Hitched a ride after we told him to cool his jets? Yeah. What the hell's he thinking?"
Sam said" He's not. So what do we do- call the whole thing off?"
" We only got one shot at this." He connected to the bluetooth," Charlie, Dean. Are you singing?"
Charlie said" I sing when I'm nervous. Don't judge me."
" Judgement-free zone. Listen, uh, check the side pocket in your bag."
" Oh. Thank you. Mm. Good idea."
" Yeah, no problem. Look, that's, uh, kind of a family heirloom. It's a good luck charm, okay, so don't lose it."
" Copy that. Okay. Let's do this."
" Uh, Charlie. Uh, Charlie?"
" I'm having a hard time moving."
" You can do this."
" Uh, I'm-I'm not a spy. No, I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't."
Sam said" Charlie, hey, it's Sam."
" I'm sorry, Sam. I'm sorry. I-I just-"
" It's okay. Uh, listen, w-who's your favorite Harry Potter character?"
" Uh, Hermione."
" Hermione. Well, uh, all right, did Hermione run when Sirius Black was in trouble or when Voldemort attacked Hogwarts?"
Dean said" Seriously?"
" Shut up."
Charlie said" No, of course not."
" What did she do?"
" She kicked ass. She actually saves Harry in practically every book. And then she ends up with the wrong-"
" Uh, stay on track. Okay, so she kicked ass, right? So, then, what are you gonna do?"
" I'm gonna kick it in the ass."
" Good girl."
Dean said" Oh, you go, Dumble-dork." We watched as she went in, got into the elevator, got out then got back in, I sighed.
She said" I'm in. I've always wanted to say that."
" You're on the clock. Move."
" Hey, there's a big-ass guard up here, blocking the door. What do I do?"
" Just wait him out."
" He's not going anywhere."
" Okay, uh, you work there every day. Do you know the guy?"
" I guess. I mean, I've seen him. I've never talked to him."
" Okay, when you've seen him, does he look at you, or does he just kind of slide his eyes by?"
" Um... eye contact? I don't know. He always kind of smiles a bit. I don't really-"
" Good. What you're gonna do is you're gonna walk right up to him, and you're gonna flirt your way past."
" I can't. He's not my type."
" You're gonna have to play through that."
" As in he's not a girl."
" Oh, oh. Pretend he has boobs."
" Worse."
" I don't know. Um... do you have any tattoos? Give him a little sneak peek there. All tattoos are sexy."
" Mine in princess Leia in a slave bikini straddling a 20-sided die. I was drunk. It was comic-con."
" We've all been there. Okay, I'm gonna walk you through this. Start with a smile. Relax, Charlie. You just got home, and Scarlett Johansson's waiting for you."
" Hey... Bill. Charlie from IT." I looked at them, pointing to the building, raising my arms. They shook their heads, I groaned silently, staring at the wall.
The guy said" Oh. Burning the midnight oil, huh?"
Dean said" Just like you- I mean, when you're not at the gym."
Charlie said" Just like you- I mean, when you're not at the gym."
" What, do you work out with all of your free time?"
" What, do you work out with all of your free time?"
The guy said" I try to get to the gym at least three days a week. You know ,just trying to get back to my fighting weight, you know?"
Dean said" It shows. You look amazing."
Charlie said" It shows. You look amazing."
" This never happened." Glancing to me and Sam," Do you ever do anything else with your free time, like take a girl out for a drink?"
" Do you ever do anything else with your free time, like take a girl out for a drink?" Sam laughed, I turned my head and laughed,
" Stop laughing, Sammy."
" Stop laughing, Sammy. Um... y-you don't know that bar- Stop Laughing, Sammy? That place is bringing sexy back. Which is easy, 'cause they kept the receipt."
" Stop talking, Charlie!"
" Stop talking, Charlie... right. So, um, y-you were saying about going out, drinks?"
The guy said" Um... yeah, yeah. That'd be great."
" Cool. Pencil that in. Hey, can I ask you a favor? The ladies' room downstairs is nasty. Can I use the exec washroom to powder my nose?"
" Yeah, yeah. Why not? Um, it's right down the hall. It's the first door on the right."
" I feel dirty."
Dean said" You and me both, sister."
" The eagle is landing. Going radio-silent."
" Let us know when you're out." He put the phone down,
Sam said" So, I guess we just wait?"
" Yeah."
Dean said" Well, this is awesome. You know what? New plan. From now on, we just stay in the van and send in the 90-pound girl."
Sam said" Dean, every chomper on earth knows our face. How many do you think are in that building? We wouldn't make it past the lobby."
" Yeah, I know. Doesn't mean I got to be happy about sending in freaking Veronica Mars."
" She'll be fine... or we'll go in."
" We'll get as far as we can. Damn right."
Charlie said" Hey, guys."
" Hey."
" Sending you all the flagged dig files now."
Sam said" Charlie, you are a genius!"
" I know. It's problem. Dammit. Hey, Pete! Guess we're both on deadlines, huh?"
We heard a guy say" How's it going?"
" Good, good. I'll give you a full progress report in a few hours."
" Great. Hit that deadline, right? Well, holler if you need anything."
" Hey, guys, you still there?"
Dean said" Yeah. What the hell was that?"
" Oh, just my manager, the monster."
" Leave."
" I can't. I got to act normal. I told him I was working. Let's just finish this. Are you seeing this?"
I said" It looks like Dick stopped digging days ago."
" Why?"
Dean said" Guess he found what he was looking for. Can you check?"
" Way ahead of you. Looking at travel reports, expenses... here we go. Something in a suitcase left Iran last week. Spent the last 72 hours in armored cars and private planes. Whatever it is, it's coming here for Dick tonight. So, w-what the hell is it?"
" I don't know. Whatever it is, he wants it bad, which means we got to grab it, end of story."
" Well, it's landing at a private airport near here- crap- right about now. A courier's set to pick it up."
" What's the exact landing time?"
" 42 minutes. Can you make it?"
" We can try. Uh, all right, Charlie, one more favor, and then get the hell out of there."
" What do you need?"
" More time."
" Then let's get you some. Travel department's emailing Dick. Suitcase still en route, but diverted by weather and will be 30 minutes late. I'll finish mopping you guys off the drive and get the hell out of dodge."
" Call us when you're clear."
" Text you from the border, bro."
We were at the airport, Sam and Dean were disgusted as luggage handlers, I made a big borax bomb on the way here. Once they got back out to the car, changed, and we watched the guy leave with the borax bomb.
Sam said" So now what?"
Dean said" See what we've won." Dean opened the box and unwrapped the content, and it was a hunk of red clay... what?
" Did we just... steal a-a hunk of red clay?"
" That's a good question. Why don't we answer that a few thousand miles away from here, though? Where is Charlie?" Dean tried calling her and no answer, I looked at them, we gotta get back there.
We got back to the enterprise and they broke through shattered glass, I water-ported in. We saw Charlie, a guy, and Dick Roman.
Charlie said" Dean, he's one of them!" Dean poured borax on the guy next to Charlie, Sam punched a security guard. Sam lifted up Charlie,
Dick said" That would explain it. You're hanging with the wrong crowd, kiddo." He advanced but was thrown back, then Bobby appeared, then disappeared." All right, enough! Show yourself. Let's do this like real monsters." He tried to get up, but Bobby slammed him back down, Dick laughed," You got to do that again. That tickled."
Sam said" Dean, come on. Come on!" We ran out, I stayed still till I knew they were close to the car then I water-ported to them.
Dean was driving,
He said" Charlie, talk to us. You okay?"
She said" No. Why didn't you kill him?"
Sam said" 'Cause we can't yet. But we will."
" The really evil ones always need a special sword. Oh, okay. I'm gonna pass out now."
——
I was leaning against the wall, Dean, Sam and Charlie walked out of the bus station.
Charlie said" I left your dumb flask on the backseat, by the way. Worst good-luck charm ever."
Dean said" Here you go." He handed Charlie her bag,
" Thanks."
Sam said" Listen, um, we can't thank you enough."
" Actually, you can. Never contact me again, like, ever. Deal?"
" Deal."
Dean said" Keep your head down out there, okay?"
Charlie said" This ain't the first time I've disappeared. You think my name is really Charlie Bradbury? Please. So, good luck saving the world. Peace out, bitches."
" She's kind of like the little sister I never wanted."
Sam said" We got to talk."
" Well, you mean before we get back to the car and the flask?" We started walking,
" Exactly. So, what the hell happened back in the lobby, Dean?"
" Man, if I had a free shot, I'd have bitch slapped the hell out of Dick."
" Yeah, but, I mean, Charlie got her freaking arm broken." We stopped,
" He didn't mean to do it."
" Exactly. He's not in control, not about Dick. That was vengeful-spirit crap."
" I know. But it's still Bobby."
I said" But if he really goes there, he won't be anymore, and then we won't be able to pull him back."
Sam said" And then what are we supposed to do?"
Dean said" I know. Look, let's just figure out what that thing we stole is, and then we'll figure out what the hell to do with Bobby." Dean walked away from us, I sighed then followed, Sam next to me.