Hardin
After days of feeling the worst I have ever felt in my life. I finally gained a little energy, just enough for Vance to notice and tell me a new thing he came up with which was I have to go to AA meetings or he isn't keeping his promise.
If it's any consolation having cancer or should I say starting chemo has made me not want to drink or do any sort of drugs. So I think I'm cured, Vance however wasn't as convinced. He told me he would be leaving work early to take me to a meeting at a church nearby.
Something I got really good at during rehab is saying exactly what people want to hear during these meetings but I'm hoping to get by without having to say anything.
"I'll just walk home" I say to Vance
"How will i know that you stay for the whole thing?" He replies
"Baby steps... I'm going and walking in the door aren't I?" I reply.
Surprisingly he is okay with taking the chance that I don't stay.
When I walk in I take a seat in the back and people are taking turns going up and talking. Just when I am thinking about leaving Tessa's dad walks up and I immediately recognize him I am hoping he doesn't recognize me.
I wonder if Tessa has been in contact with him recently. He starts talking and talks about how he has been sober for 4 years but how it's an ongoing struggle. He talks about how he wishes his life would have been different.
Me too man...me too is all I can think.
After he's done talking I decide it's time to leave. But...I didn't realize how weak I actually was or how far Vance lived from here when you have to walk.
On my way to Vance's I realized I haven't been out anywhere in a while. I pass a park on the way and decide to take a break. I brought a book to read during the meeting but it seems like a good opportunity to read.
Before I know it it's starting to get dark and I check my phone and I feel like a little kid who has missed curfew. I have text after text and calls from Vance.
"Where are you?"
"Do you need a ride?"
"Are you okay?"
When I walk in I am surprised to see my mom.
"Sweetheart it's so good to see you, how are you feeling?" My mom says while she is smothering me with a hug.
"Why are you here?" Is all I respond.
"I wanted to be here for your treatment since you can't go back right away and do it in London I wanted to be here." She says.
"I didn't need you to come as soon as I get the all clear I'm going back to London." I reply.
"It doesn't need to be on Vance to take you. I'm your mother and I want to be here." She says.
" I don't need either of you or anyone." I reply.
I don't. I don't want this. I can take care of myself. Vance has already been smothering me at this point I'm almost to the point of fuck it and let him tell people just so he leaves me the fuck alone.
And now with my mom being here...I just don't want it. Any of it.
"Well too bad Hardin. You have dictated a lot of my life and it's always your way or no way and I am done with it. I'm here and i am staying." She yells which surprises me.
She is right though I have always made my own rules. Even when I was younger I did whatever I wanted and she was always scared of me running off or doing something stupid so she would just let me.
I don't say that like she was a bad parent because she wasn't. I was just a pain in the ass...well I still am.
"Where were you anyways...?" Vance asks.
"I did stay for the whole thing but I walked home and stopped and read before it got dark" I replied which was actually the truth but I don't think either one of them believed me.
"Are you staying here?" I ask my mom.
"Kim insisted I stay so yes I am, is that okay with you?" She replies.
"Ehh seems like a full house maybe I should go stay at the hotel." I say.
"If we could trust you I would say go for it" replies Vance.
"You realize I am 27 years old right...and I don't have to stay here. This is all pretty ridiculous if you ask me and again I can take care of myself." I say.
"Hardin, we just all want to make sure you're okay and .."
I interrupt "and...know what I am doing every fucking minute? This is fucking stupid." I say as I slam the door and walk out.
I start walking and realize I am not going to get very far I decide to get an Uber.
I have the driver take me to Kens. Although I don't go in. I use the keypad to the garage because I know ever since I left my car has been there. I know it isn't running so I decide what better way to get my mind off things then to start working on my car.
I know no one is home or someone would have come out by now. I check inside the house just to be sure and no one.