Tommo is Typing

By ShyestExtrovert

384K 16.7K 31.4K

a witty story about two idiots who meet over the internet ft. dad jokes More

Chapter 1: Internet Friends
Chapter 2: Caught in the Act
Chapter 3: Not Harry
Chapter 4: Devil's Hour
Chapter 5: Oliver
Chapter 6: What Makes You Beautiful
Chapter 7: Left for the Wolves
Chapter 8: Captain of the Ship
Chapter 9: Roses are Red
Chapter 10: Knock Knock
Chapter 11: Confessions of a Gay Peter Pan
Chapter 12: Lucky Charms
Chapter 13: Happy Friend-iversary
Chapter 14: On the Loose
Chapter 15: Demons with Wings
Chapter 16: Wankรฉr
Chapter 17: Sass Lessons
Chapter 18: April Fools
Chapter 19: Broken
Chapter 20: Day Eight without Lou
Chapter 21: Daddy Payne to the Rescue
Chapter 22: Straight Facts
Chapter 23: Sleep Deprived Delusions
Chapter 24: Off the Rails
Chapter 25: Jealousy
Chapter 26: Good Night
Chapter 27: Soft Lou
Chapter 28: Act My Age
Chapter 30: I Love You 3000
Chapter 31: Not Today, Satan
Chapter 32: The Epitome of Chaos
Chapter 33: Video Chat
Chapter 34: Haz is Calling

Chapter 29: Fixed

9.3K 460 1.4K
By ShyestExtrovert

[Wednesday, June 16th, 2010 - 3:42 AM]

Haz: LOUIS

Tommo: you're late

Haz: THEY STOLE MY TEETH

Tommo: that's your excuse?

Haz: THEY'RE GOING TO SELL THEM TO THE TOOTH FAIRY AND KEEP THE PROFITS FOR THEMSELVES

Tommo: haz, have you been sniffing more of that glue recently? cause you're sounding proper insane today

Haz: oh my god you're right

Tommo: why have you stopped using punctuation and capitals, this isn't right

Haz: THEY DRUGGED ME

Haz: THAT'S WHY I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING

Tommo: wait, hang on, is today the 16th?

Haz: it's ur mum o'clock

Tommo: no, it's time to stop

Haz: it's time for you to get a better attitude

Tommo: oh boy, this is gonna be a long conversation

Tommo: hazza, was today wisdom teeth removal day?

Haz: but i don't want them to take my wisdom, boobear

Tommo: i'm fairly sure they've already taken it

Haz: how am i supposed to tell you all the facts?

Haz: i think i'm gonna cry

Tommo: no, no, it's okay, you can still tell me all the facts

Tommo: we can even learn new fact together

Haz: no thank you, lou. i don't want to learn anymore

Tommo: what, that's outrageous

Tommo: all you do is learn

Haz: last time i checked this isn't school so my brain will remain off

Tommo: but-

Haz: we're moving on

Tommo: god, you're bossy

Haz: louis, if you were a chair

Tommo: i've no idea where this could be going

Haz: would you want me to sit on you?

Tommo: ...

Tommo: harry fecking styles

Tommo: that is a brilliant question

Tommo: where do you come up with these

Haz: enough, enough, how am i supposed to remain humble with all this praise?

Tommo: ah-mazing question

Tommo added Payno to the chat.

Tommo: liam, you've got to here this one

Tommo: harry's just asked, if i was a chair

Haz: hi i'm harry, i came up with this

Tommo: would i want him to sit on me?

Payno: Fascinating information, thanks for waking me up for this, you two

Haz: you're welcome

Tommo: hey, no problem, mate

Payno has left the chat.

Haz: well? would you?

Tommo: absolutely

Tommo: great question by the way, i am blown away by the sheer creativity it took to come up with that

Haz: i'm bored, we're moving on again

Tommo: no, go back, ask me more questions

Haz: i want to write a children's novel

Tommo: do you now

Haz: yes

Tommo: didn't see that one coming, but alright, we'll roll with it

Tommo: what's it gonna be about then?

Haz: a cat that plays the banjo

Haz: obviously

Tommo: right, right, OBVIOUSLY. me brain's just retired for the night, if you'll excuse it for being a little slow

Haz: are you sure it's just for the night?

Haz: i don't think it's ever been present actually

Tommo: the only reason i'm not sassing you into next week is because you're probably so loopy you can't remember your own name

Haz: no need to worry, i wrote it down on my hand just incase

Tommo: course ya did

Haz: lou, my jaw hurts, i think i'm dying

Haz: what if it falls off and i can never speak again?

Tommo: then the world will be blessed

Haz: i'm not really sure what's happening, but i'm pretty sure that was an insult, and i'll have you know that i'm deeply offended

Tommo: hey, i thought we were talking about your book

Haz: oh yeah, so banjo cat

Haz: it's about a cat that plays the banjo

Haz: and it's in a band

Haz: with a dog and a ferret

Tommo: an interesting concept, but not sure if i would invest in it

Tommo: have you got a name in mind then?

Haz: banjo cat

Tommo: wow, you've really gone above and beyond for that one

Tommo: how long's it take for you to come up with it?

Haz: 12 hours

Tommo: christ

Haz: listen, i did not come here to experience your negativity

Haz: i cannot believe you would disrespect me like this when i'm so high i'm practically king of the clouds

Haz: speaking of clouds, why can't humans fly, lou?

Haz: i think humans would be more fun if they could fly

Tommo: i think you're more fun when you've gotten fly

Haz: really?

Haz: you think i'm fun?

Tommo: don't reckon i'd still be here if you weren't

Haz: okay, i'm about to be so honest with you it hurts

Haz: and i'm only telling you this because you've started being nice to me just now

Tommo: for the record i'm always nice to you

Tommo: but alright then, lay it on me

Haz: this is a big secret though, so you're not allowed to tell harry that i told you this, capisce?

Tommo: right, right, got it

Haz: i wasn't joking to you about the april fools thing

Tommo: what

Tommo: haz, we're not supposed to be talking about that again

Haz: i really do like you

Haz: you were just taking FOREVER to say it and i was so scared that you didn't like me back so i panicked BIG TIME

Haz: i think i might even love you, lou

Tommo: oh good god

Tommo: oh christ, oh shit

Tommo: i feel like i've just taken advantage of the pain killers

Haz: killers?! am i going to die?

Tommo: no, hazza

Tommo: but thanks for letting me know, you satanist

Tommo: i hate you so much

Haz: why do you hate me, i thought you said i was fun?

Tommo: i could never hate you

Haz: okay

Haz: well, what now? aren't we supposed to kiss or something?

Tommo: but how-

Haz: oh, i get it now

Haz: cause we're speaking through the internet 

Haz: and you can't kiss through that

Haz: silly me

Tommo: common mistake, happens to the best of us

Haz: i'll come to you, i just need to find my stupid car keys

Tommo: NO

Tommo: HAZZA DON'T

Haz: i swear they're around here somewhere-

Tommo is typing...

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