Tommo is Typing

By ShyestExtrovert

384K 16.7K 31.4K

a witty story about two idiots who meet over the internet ft. dad jokes More

Chapter 1: Internet Friends
Chapter 2: Caught in the Act
Chapter 3: Not Harry
Chapter 4: Devil's Hour
Chapter 5: Oliver
Chapter 6: What Makes You Beautiful
Chapter 7: Left for the Wolves
Chapter 8: Captain of the Ship
Chapter 9: Roses are Red
Chapter 10: Knock Knock
Chapter 11: Confessions of a Gay Peter Pan
Chapter 12: Lucky Charms
Chapter 13: Happy Friend-iversary
Chapter 14: On the Loose
Chapter 15: Demons with Wings
Chapter 16: WankΓ©r
Chapter 17: Sass Lessons
Chapter 18: April Fools
Chapter 19: Broken
Chapter 20: Day Eight without Lou
Chapter 21: Daddy Payne to the Rescue
Chapter 23: Sleep Deprived Delusions
Chapter 24: Off the Rails
Chapter 25: Jealousy
Chapter 26: Good Night
Chapter 27: Soft Lou
Chapter 28: Act My Age
Chapter 29: Fixed
Chapter 30: I Love You 3000
Chapter 31: Not Today, Satan
Chapter 32: The Epitome of Chaos
Chapter 33: Video Chat
Chapter 34: Haz is Calling

Chapter 22: Straight Facts

9.6K 473 610
By ShyestExtrovert

[Saturday, April 10th, 2010 - 1:17 AM]

Tommo added Haz to the chat.

Tommo: you're a proper ass you know

Haz: I know.

Tommo: and what you did isn't okay on any level

Haz: It isn't.

Tommo: and if you pull that shit again, i will actually drop you

Haz: You should.

Tommo: and you really don't deserve me forgiveness

Haz: I don't.

Tommo: but i can't live without you either

Haz: You can't?

Tommo: i missed you too

Haz: You don't know how badly I missed and needed you, Lou.

Tommo: oh, i think i've got a rough idea

Tommo: i had to resort to talking with me second in line friend

Haz: I tried the same thing, but Niall shut that down pretty quickly.

Haz: He can't tolerate me as long as you can.

Haz: Those were the worst 8 days of my life.

Tommo: can we never speak about april 1st again?

Haz: Yes please.

Haz: I can't imagine how things would have been if you hadn't replied to me in February.

Tommo: boring probably

Haz: Hey!

Haz: Okay, maybe a little bit.

Haz: I probably wouldn't fear geese as much.

Haz: I still wouldn't know where leprechauns come from either.

Tommo: and i may never have experienced how annoying a flirty teen can be

Tommo: oh wait-

Tommo: they're lined up at my doorstep

Haz: Nice subtle flex, hardly even picked up on it really.

Tommo: i'm just out here spitting straight facts, mate

Haz: Are you sure they're straight?

Tommo: quite the opposite actually

Haz: Do you have any actual straight facts?

Tommo: honestly no, i don't think i've got the capacity for them

Haz: Right, no, you're right.

Haz: But if you're not using your internal storage for useful information, then what is it saving?

Haz: Sass?

Haz: I don't understand how you fit so much of it in such a small body.

Tommo: i don't understand why you shave your legs

Haz: You're not allowed to attack me for that right now.

Tommo: it's weird, haz

Haz: I like it when they're soft, okay?

Tommo: no

Tommo: i don't respect it, i never have, and i never will

Haz: You'll like them smooth when they're wrapped around you.

Tommo: HAZZA

Tommo: WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU??

Haz: I genuinely can't believe I sent that.

Tommo: you need to be stopped

Haz: The FBI's here already, no need to worry.

Tommo: i'll come visit prison on sundays

Haz: No, I'm definitely going straight to area 51.

Haz: I'll befriend the aliens and we'll escape together.

Haz: If you bring a tactical shovel you can help break us out.

Tommo: oh christ, what have i gotten myself into?

Haz: The heist of the century.

Tommo: i suppose we'll have to cancel our plans for the fair then?

Tommo is typing...

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