The cold wind harshly blew on Chuuya's side, causing him to whimper. The moon's refection is visible from the Ginger's point of view. The beautiful blue moon looks disorted in a far away puddle of blood.
It never should have been this way. He should be home right now, sipping a cold glass of wine while talking to Dazai.
'Speaking of, where is he? He messaged me that he will come as soon as possible. It have been already half an hour.'
Words cross his mind, trying to focus himself away to other things.
Chuuya started to cough blood, showing his worsening state. He tried to sit up but every inch of his energy is drained from him. The only thing that he can do is force his eyes to open while waiting for him.
He just need to wait a little longer.
Eyelids closing, he can hear a faint rushing of footsteps and faint calling of his name.
His body went limp as he tried to look at the voice's direction.
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' Is this all a dream?'
'So what now? Am I already dead?'
' I can't be dead. I still need to see his face'
'His? Who it is I mean?'
A warm sensation came from Chuuya's chest. What is this feeling?
Chuuya remembers something. Something specific. Like, what exactly? It is not a name for as long as he remembers.
'soulmates'
But who? And what exactly? What is a soul mate? It is just a person. Right? A soul mate. What is so special about them? I only heard them on movies.
A person that loves you?
Someone once said that a soul mate is someone you can depend on, like a friend or a lover.
I heard some people talking about their soulmates like a lover. Boyfriend Girlfriend thing.
I once knew a child who called his playmate "soulmate".
But what is it really? Heh. I guess that I will never actually know since I'm dead.
Well. It do not hurt to guess, right?
For me, a soul mate is like a friend. Yes. A Friend. Maybe even more. How about best friends? Probably. A person who you can depend on. Someone who knows you even more than yourself. Someone who made you a better person.
Maybe they didn't actually made you a better person because the only one who can do that is yourself. They just inspire you to be better.
A soulmate is someone that, you can be together and you can carry on forever. Not even bothering to worry if they would leave you because you trust them.
It's the only person who..... Knew your flaws but still accepted you. He knows it but still love you for who you are.
They believed in you before everyone else did. Or no one else could. They believed in you even you are losing hope to yourself. The believed at everything that you can do.
No matter happens, you'll always love them.
Heh. Nothing can ever change that.
I believe.
Too much words from someone who can't keep himself alive. Why can I tell what a soulmate anyways? Maybe I did met them. Probably. But who?
Dazai
How could I been so stupid?
Someone who said that a soulmate is someone who you can depend on?
It is me who said it.
A friend to a lover?
It is also me.
A childhood friend?
It is also me.
Dazai is the only one who I really care about. Probably the only one.
What happened to him now? Is his porcelain body is covered with thorns? Is he dead now? Maybe he committed double suicide. Who knows?
Maybe he decided to live. Experience a life that I would never see anymore. Maybe travel the world and find a Happy thing to do.
Or probably, knowing Dazai, try to commit suicide or attempt it even more. Eventually, not thinking because his life have no purpose.
I am just here. Waiting for death to deliver me in the depths of hell. Darkness surrounds me, not knowing where is it. Maybe I would be able to see even the faint light from afar.
I tried to move but I can't. Or maybe I can't tell it anyways. I can't feel my body. It is like my conciousness is just walking and walking around. Not knowing what to do.
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I don't know how long it has been. Minutes? Hours? Days? Maybe it is already my burial. We may never know.
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It feels like a dreamless sleep. The times when you just hope that you won't have a dream than have a nightmare.
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It has been a time now. I can hear someone's voice. A familiar voice. Very familiar like I knew it since birth.
"Please wake up."
Am I still dreaming? That voice is Dazai's. Maybe he is crying at my coffin
Right now.
Why do I even embrace death? Suicidal bastard have influenced me too much. Maybe I am still Alive?
Maybe.
"Please wake up, Chuuya"
Dazai's voice echoed in my ear. Repeating itself like hell alongside with
Thorns. Death. Double suicide. Never see. No purpose. Dreamless sleep.
Words such as this echoed in my mind non-stop. I want it to cease but no use. The only thing I can do is.. close my eyes and I can see the brightness crawl it's way towards me.
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I opened my eyes, expecting the darkness that once consumed me but no. All I can see is a white room and Dazai's sleeping figure, holding my hand. It is all just a dream. Gladly.
I moved my hand trying not to wake him but failed. He noticed the movement and jolted suddenly. He stood up, looking at me in the eye.
It was a dark and gloomy day as the two of us were just staring at each other. I tried to break the silence but he raced me for it.
"CHUUYA YOU NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH I MISSED YOU. I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN ALIVE. CHUUYA PLEASE COMMIT DOUBLE SUICIDE WITH ME."
Dazai said, burrying his face in my chest.
"Heheh. You look like a baby"
"I don't care!"
"What happened anyways?"
"You fought alone and used corruption! You stupid slug! You just need to speak if you want to die already!"
So this is real life now. No flowery shit. Just as nice as I want.
I hugged back to Dazai and like the gloomy day it is, a lightning welcomed itself through.
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This is reality.
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I closed my eyes since I was afraid of lightnings.
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I closed my eyes, knowing that if I open them, it is reality.
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I closed them. Knowing that everything is fine now.
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I closed my eyes.
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And yet, I was decieved.
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Again.
As the thunderstorm have passed, I opened my eyes. Finding Dazai. I can feel a warm feeling in my stomach and from the sides of my lips.
I tried to form a smile. I was laying down in the pool of my own blood. Dazai, trying to stop the wound.
This is the reality of it all.
Such cruel fate.
Cruel world.
I reached out my hand, touching Dazai's cheeks. He looked at me with his red and puffy eyes. He held my hand, receiving the message.
"Da-dazai. Can I tell you something?"
"Yes Chuuya. Please."
"I have a double dream. The first one is that we lived where your wound will put flowers on the same spot on your soulmates. Dazai, you are my soulmate."
Dazai didn't looked at me. He nodded, kept his head down and continued to apply pressure on my wound, attempting to stop the bleeding.
"It is a happy dream but I died."
"Chuuya. Please don't say such things as that. You won't die! I promise."
"Dazai, I died but woke up. With you in a hospital. You cried and hugged me."
"Chuuya."
"Dazai, please come over to me."
He bent over and I hugged him with all of my strength. He hugged back and I can feel the warm tears flowing from his eyes.
He looked at my eyes. Gave me a short peck on the lips.
I closed my eyes. I feel very tired. I can feel that he moved me next to his chest. I can hear his heart beating.
I can hear Dazai's silent sobbing.
I managed to put all my strength into four words.
"I love you Dazai"
And my body fell limp.
I can still hear Dazai's screaming but not clearly. Maybe this is how it should be.
Life and fate is such a cruel aspect. Dying in the arms of someone you love.
Seeing their face, suffering with what you left them. Maybe in an alternate universe, the two of us would be happy together. I just want to see your smiling face again. Your soft touches along side my skin. The words you say.
"I love you too. Chuuya"
Now I can die happily.
Thank you Dazai. For everything.
Good bye.
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Now Dazai, I shall take my leave.
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KimchiNeko here! So this is the official ending that I wrote in a seperate book but now I think that is is irrelevant so I added it here and deleted it.
I hope everyone have a nice day. :>