truth is like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
you push it, stretch it, it will never be enough,
you kick at it, beat it. it will never cover any of us.
and from the moment we enter crying to the moment we leave dying
it will just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream.
- TODD ANDERSON, dead poets society (1989).
TODD PERRY WAS ANXIOUS. And it wasn't his usual type of - Where have I put my glasses again?, or Shit, I forgot to do the important think I was supposed to but alas, I forgot. No, it wasn't anything like that. The type of anxiousness mixed with worry played with Todd's head as he roamed around the kitchen mindlessly, accidentally knocking a few bowls and pans for the fifth time over the past fifteen minutes since he arrived at the bakery. The teen adjusted his glasses back on his nose as he crouched down, picking up the bowls and placing them back on the counter as he let out a sigh. It's been three days since the party at the Williams and, with what Todd heard, he came to a conclusion that his dear friend Margaret had locked herself on her room. For three days. With a sudden wave of worry, he recalled on the events of the night, when he found the freezing girl on one of the benches outside of the Williams mansion.
THREE DAYS AGO.
the Williams' party
" - and then I told him to fuck off. And then I got expelled. Again." George rambled on and on about his adventures in Vermont. Todd smiled at his friend as they both walked down the long halls of the building. "Then, I moved to Britain." the enthusiastic boy explained as they walked as quiet as they could, careful to avoid a certain somebody under the name of Josie. "There I met Oliver. At the Charterhouse academy. Or Hellhouse, as everyone who actually attended it would say," the teen said, causing Todd to let out a laugh.
"That bad, huh?" he asked, as George dramatically sighed, "Don't ask. Worst six years of my life. Though, with Oliver it was easy. He was always the chill, friendly type of a person. Someone you won't get bored with. Though he does seem a bit cold and unapproachable sometimes. Well, most of the time." George smiled widely as Todd gave him a side glance before his eyes landed on a portrait in the middle of the hall. It stood out, different from the others. It was larger, that may be one of the reasons, but not in Todd's case. He stopped in his tracks as George continued walking, oblivious to Todd's actions as he carried on with his talk. The blue eyes of Todd Perry raked over the portrait, noticing the delicate brush strokes that made out a face of a woman. A very beautiful woman, at that. The dark haired boy squinted through his glasses, desperate for a better look at the carefully, precisely painted lines, features that almost made the woman seem calm. Yes, that was it. She looked calm. Collected. She looked motherly. That's when Todd's eyes landed on the child in the painting, his face similar to the woman's as well as their hair. The boy's hair was blonde, just like the woman's. She looked down at the child in the picture lovingly. The boy reminded Todd of someone. Someone he knew.
"Ah, I see you've met Mrs Williams and lil' Ollie, here." George joked, suddenly appearing behind Todd as the latter backed away in surprise. "Oh - I was just looking." Todd managed to say, as George nodded slowly, his eyes glued to the painting on the wall. "She died very young, you know." he started, as Todd returned his attention to the painting. With a sigh, George continued, "Eleanor Williams was like a mother to me. She took me in when I had nowhere to go. Didn't differ me from Oliver. Not once. She was such a caring person, a lovely mother, really. She didn't deserve to have such a tragic ending." George spoke with a smile on his face, but a nostalgic wave of sadness laced through his voice. As if a sudden slap of realization stung his cheek, George straightened his posture, clearing his throat as he patted Todd on the back, "Well shit, I almost got all sappy." he laughed, throwing an arm around Todd's shoulder as the latter diverted his eyes from the painting. There was something hiding behind George's words and his stone face, Todd knew that. He saw how George's eyes beamed as he talked about the Williams family - well, the mother and the son. He was determined to find out what. Todd Perry was determined to find out more about George. About the Williams' family.
"So, why don't we - Hey, I know that guy!" George's steps faltered, his hand on Todd's cheek as he turned the latter's head towards the person that was entering the mansion. Todd's heart dropped down to his feet as he saw Gilbert Blythe at the entrance, he seemed to be looking for something. Or rather, someone. "Shit." Todd muttered, turning his head to whisper at George, "That's Margaret's boyfriend, Gilbert." he informed, before furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, "And how the hell do you know him?" the boy with the glasses asked, stumbling forward as George leaned onto him, his eyes following Gilbert's retrieving figure as he exited the door quicker than he entered, failing to notice the two boys that stood in the middle of the hallway.
"Well, Toddy, it's quite simple." George smirked, "I know everybody." he exclaimed with a secretive glint in his eyes before removing his arm from Todd's neck, placing his hands in his pockets as he raised an eyebrow at Todd, who took a few steps forward, seemingly going after Gilbert.
"Where the fuck are you going?" the taller boy asked as Todd stopped in his tracks, turning around to face a confused George. "I'm going after him?" Todd answered, though it sounded more like a question rather than an answer. George shot him a quizzical look, "Why?" he asked, again. Todd raised his arms in desperation before letting them fall to his sides. "Well you said it yourself that you left Margaret and Oliver alone out there." he pointed towards the door, outside, "And I know Gilbert Blythe. He's smart as a whip, but also extremely - "
"Jealous?" George smirked, raising an eyebrow as Todd gave him a defeated nod in return. "Sort of. He's a bit... Irrational. When it comes to Margaret. If he sees them together, I'm afraid he'd start a fight." the boy with the glasses explained, as the other responded with a curt nod. He took a step towards Todd, "Come on, Todd, I know Oliver. He knows she's taken, he wouldn't try anything." George assured, placing his arm on Todd's shoulder as the curly haired boy turned his head back towards the door. "Besides, if they were to fight - Ollie would definitely beat his ass." he added, only adding oil to Todd's already burning anxiety and uneasiness. "Yeah, thanks for that. Really made me feel better." Todd sighed as George crossed his arms over his chest.
"Come on, Todd. They'll be fine." he assured as Todd seemed hesitant. "I just - What about Margaret? I don't want her to be caught in the middle of this." he managed to say, adjusting his glasses back on his nose, as he always does. George raised an eyebrow in question, "In the middle of what, exactly?" he asked, though the same knowing look was plastered all over his face. Todd let out a sigh, "Are you seriously asking me that? I mean, Oliver obviously likes her. He's been talking about her non - stop, ever since they met. And now you left them alone and Gilbert's going to freak and there's still something you're not telling me, I just know it." Todd managed to say in one breath as George bit his lip to prevent from saying everything he wanted to say in the moment.
"Todd." he said, instead, placing a hand on the shorter boy's shoulder. "If you're so worried, then we'll go after him. But I'll warn you - " he started, before a loud yell could be heard from the outside. A female voice. Todd and George's eyes connected, Todd sending him a I - told - you - so glare as the latter stood shocked and defeated. The two of them scrambled over each other as they practically sprinted outside, only to find Margaret standing by the bench, a garden gnome in her hands, over her head as Gilbert and Oliver stood on the opposide side of the yard. George found himself jumping down the stairs and towards a rather angry looking Margaret. "Hey, hey, hey! That's expensive, you know?" he asked as he stood in front of her, blocking her view of the two teens not far away from them. "Besides, violence is never the answer!" he added, as Margaret let out a frustrated breath, "Unless you were aiming for Blythe, then violence would be the only acceptable answer." he finished his sentence when Todd shot him a glance.
"What is going on here?" Todd asked, slowly making his way down the stairs as George retrieved the garden gnome back from Margaret's hands, which were shaking from anger. "Nothing. It's just a misunderstanding." Oliver spoke calmly, sending a glare Gilbert's way, as the other teen rolled his eyes. "He was hitting on Margaret like the Casanova he is. Just like his father." Gilbert answered, causing George to gasp, placing a hand over his mouth. "He did not just say that!" he shouted in shock, taking a step in Gilbert's direction before Todd placed a hand on his chest, shoving him backwards.
"You stay where you are." Todd furrowed his brows angrily, before making his way towards Margaret. "Are you alright?" he asked, placing a comforting hand on her freezing cold arm. Margaret didn't respond, instead choosing to shake her head. "Hey, it's okay." Todd assured as he gave her a side hug. On the other side, Gilbert and Oliver were still indulged in their heated argument, as they shouted all kinds of profanities and insults at each other. That is, untill George placed himself in between them, shoving them away from each other as he rolled his eyes.
"Oh, please! Look at you, bickering like an old, married couple!" George shouted, seriously crossing his arms in front of his chest before taking a step back, a smile suddenly replacing the previous frown, "I want to see some action! Throw some hands, for God's sake." he looked at Oliver, whose eyes went to the back of his head, as he threw his head back, exasperated. "George, this is not the time for your bullshit." the blonde boy warned as George managed a pout. Gilbert sighed, "Hate to say this, but I agree with him on that note." the dark haired boy confessed, as George raised a questioning eyebrow. He opened his mouth in shock. "Well that's a first."
"Let's not make this more dramatic than it already is." Margaret suddenly spoke, her voice shaky but stern as all of the boys turned around to face the blonde. As Todd removed his hands from around her, she took a step towards the three boys that were bickering, a determined look on her face, "I'm going home." she exclaimed as George went ahead to protest, "Aw, come on!" he complained, but quickly fell silent as Margaret shot him a look. She turned towards Oliver. "I had a really nice time. Thank you for returning my necklace." she took a deep breath as Oliver mouthed a 'It's nothing'. "I'm sorry for ruining this all for you and starting a fight." she apologized as George rolled his eyes, him being the only one to comment, "Oh, that's a load of bull, this wanker started it all, I can bet." he nudged his head towards an annoyed Gilbert. Margaret cleared her throat, pursing her lips as George muttered a 'Sorry' under his breath.
"You're a really amazing guy, Oliver." Margaret honestly said, staring directly in the blonde boy's eyes as he smiled sadly. But... he thought, as Margaret voiced his thoughts aloud, "But it'd be better if we don't talk again. Ever." she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper as the blonde boy nodded slowly. "Okay." he said, placing his hands in his pockets before walking right past a baffled George, the dark haired boy staring at his best friend's leaving figure. Margaret turned around as Oliver stopped right in front of the door, turning his head around towards them all as he smiled. "It was really nice meeting you, Margaret. I have to admit that tonight I spent the most relaxing fifteen minutes of my life with you." he watched as Todd sent him a sad smile, before continuing, "Have a good night. If you need someone to escort you home, George will gladly do it. It's nighttime, after all." were his final words before he retrieved inside, probably off to bore himself with exasperating talks of business and future with his dad and the overly interested guests.
George's mouth was pursed into a thin line as he sucked in a breath, sending Margaret a sympathetic look. He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, he's right. I would gladly accompany you home, if you want." his voice was, for the first time, serious as Margaret offered him a small smile. She looked over to a very guilty looking Gilbert before returning her gaze to George. "Thank you, George, but I think I caused enough trouble tonight." she said, "You two should go inside and have fun." she turned to Todd, "Don't tell Anne and Lily about this, please. And bring them back home by midnight, or Marilla will have our heads." she said, letting out a small chuckle as Todd nodded slowly. He took a step towards her. He opened his mouth to say something, but decided not to. "Alright." he said instead, placing a comforting hand on Margaret's shoulder before walking away, using the same route as Oliver just a moment ago. That only left George, Margaret and Gilbert as the three of them stood silently, George sending Gilbert a glare as Margaret crossed her arms in front of her chest. "George, it's alright. Go, have fun." she assured him as he let out a sigh.
"Fine. But I won't be enjoying it." he furrowed his eyebrows, throwing his head back exasperatedly as he, too, walked away, placing his arms in front of his face as if he were praying as he neared the door, "Please, Jesus, spare me the wrath of Josie Pye! I'm a mere, innocent boy!" he yelled out, loud enough for Margaret to hear, but still quiet enough for Josie not to hear. Margaret let out a chuckle at the boy's antics, placing her hands around her mouth as she replied to him, "Praying won't help you, George!" she yelled back, as the boy slapped his hands over his face before he was gone, through the door.
She then, finally, turned towards Gilbert. He had a sheepish look on his face, his hand finding the back of his neck as he scratched it nervously. "Margaret, I - " he started, but the blonde interrupted him immediately. "You are going to accompany me home. In silence." she ordered as he nodded his head with a sigh.
THREE DAYS AFTER THE PARTY.
Cuthbert household
"She hasn't left her room for three days. Come on, something must've happened." a worried Anne pried, as Todd, who had just arrived mere moments ago, did a good job at pretending that nothing had occured on that night of the party.
"I don't know, Anne." Todd replied as the redhead sighed, throwing herself right back on the couch beside Lily, who didn't seem to believe him. "Are you sure?" she asked, raising an eyebrow as she gave Todd a look over. But his face remained stern. "I'm sure, Lily." he answered. "She won't talk to anybody, either." Jerry noted, "Not even me." Anne added sadly. Todd just sighed, placing his hands on his knees as he looked at his three worried friends.
"What about Matthew and Marilla?" Todd questioned. Anne sat straighter, ready to explain, "Well, they left somewhere, as per usual." she started, "But she acted completely fine around them that night. Gilbert followed her home and then she even had dinner and everything. But only after they left was when she started acting like this." she explained as Todd's head shot upstairs. He bit his lip, feeling guilty about not telling them when they were obviously very worried. "Listen," he started, "Let me talk to her. Maybe I can - "
"Oh, come on, Todd." Lily rolled her eyes, groaning, "She wouldn't talk to Anne, what makes you think she'd want to talk to you?" the brunette bluntly asked as Todd didn't have a suitable answer. Instead, he remained silent. "But you know what? I think you two aren't telling us something." she exclaimed as Todd raised an eyebrow in question, "What makes you think that?" he asked, and Lily snorted. "Well, let's see;" she shot up in her seat, "Margaret said she wasn't feeling good - she goes to the balcony. Suddenly those two bimbos follow her - " she spoke as Anne gave her a questioning look, "What bimbos?" Anne asked as Lily groaned, yet again, "The rich prick and his errand boy." Lily explained as Anne still had a confused look on her face. "And then Gilbert suddenly takes her home, looking all pissy? Be honest, Todd, did Gilbert catch them together?" Lily asked as Todd went to debunk her, before Anne interrupted.
"Why would they follow her? I didn't see - " Anne started, but then Lily interfered quickly, "Oh, come on, Anne. That rich son of a bitch obviously has a huge crush on her." Lily stated as a matter of factly as Jerry let out a snort. "That rhymed." he said, causing the three of the other teens to send him a dissapproving look. "Oh allez! C'est marrant! (Oh, come on! It's funny!)" he defended himself before falling silent.
"Look, all I'm saying is - " Lily started again, but the creaking of the wooden stairs made her shut up, the four of the teens turning around towards the noise as they all witnessed Margaret making her way down the stairs. Her hair was messy, she was in her sleeping clothes and she looked... Well... Awful. Though, nobody dared to say a word as the blonde glared from where she was standing, looking very irritated, tired and mostly angry.
"Oh, go on, Lily. What were you saying?" Margaret urged her, as Lily furrowed her eyebrows. "He caught us doing what, exactly? Something shameful?" the blonde asked as Lily rose to her feet. "I didn't say that." the brunette defended, but Margaret just scoffed. "But you thought it, didn't you?" she continued angrily as Lily groaned. "I didn't! I just said that I know you two are hiding something. I'm not stupid, you know? You can't lie to me." the brunette exclaimed as Margaret stared directly into her eyes, the two ignoring the other teenagers in the room that stared at them dumbfoundedly.
"Do you think I'm stupid, then?" Margaret asked as Lily's face contorted with confusion. "I didn't say that, either." she answered as Margaret's lip trembled, she looked like she was about to cry any second. Not that she hasn't spent the past three days locked in her room, crying. "Then why did you lie to me?" the blonde asked, as the other looked at her, baffled. "What the fuck are you talking about?" Lily asked, looking at Margaret as if she were crazy. Margaret let out a sigh.
"You didn't give the book back to Oliver, did you?" the blonde asked. Suddenly, Lily grew quiet. The two glared at each other as Anne let out a laugh, rising to her feet as she stood beside Lily. "She did. She told me herself - she found him and returned it to him." Anne assured as she looked at Margaret, before turning her attention to Lily. "Isn't that right, Lily? Come on, tell her." she nudged her, but the brunette remained silent. Margaret shook her head in dissappointment. "It was his mother's book, you know?" she said as Anne furrowed her eyebrows. "It was the only thing he had left from his mother." Margaret added as Todd remembered the woman on the painting from before. His heart clenched by the mere thought of losing his mother, yet alone the only thing he had left of her.
"Lily." Anne looked at her in disbelief, a slight hint of hurt, fear in her voice as she managed to keep the smile on her face, "Lily, tell her. Tell her you returned the book!" she urged, as Lily finally crumbled, running a hand through her hair nervously, "I didn't !" she shouted, her head snapping towards Anne, who took a step back. "I lied." she confessed. Margaret shook her head slowly, a sad smile on her face as she looked at a distressed Lily. "You have to give it back, Lily." Margaret pleaded, approaching the girl in slow strides. "Please. You need to return it to him." she continued as Lily seemed uneasy. "What if it was you instead of him? How would you feel? We can always save a bit of money and buy another - "
"I can't return it." Lily said, suddenly, catching all of them off guard. Anne gulped loudly, "Why not?" the redhead asked. "Did you lose it?" she pried, but Lily just sighed loudly. Her eyes glistened, and Margaret was taken aback, this being the first time that she saw a glint of tears in the brunette's eyes. "We can help you find it. I know Oliver won't mind. I'll just tell him I found it at the bakery." Todd butted in, now making his way towards them, placing a hand on Lily's other shoulder. Lily looked at him with a guilty frown, a small tear finally escaping her eye as she closed both of them firmly shut. "I didn't lose it."
She opened her eyes, looking at the blonde in front of her sadly. "I sold it." she confessed, sniffling as she wiped at her face with the sleeve of her sweater. Anne gasped, placing a hand over her mouth as she looked at her girlfriend in surprise. Todd bit his lip, feeling sorry for both of them, then his eyes diverted to Margaret, who had an unreadable look on her face. "To who?" she asked, but Lily shook her head, "I don't know. Some old man at the market. He gave me a lot for it." she replied as Margaret sighed.
"What did you do with the money?" Jerry finally spoke up, as everyone suddenly became aware of his presence. "I bought some books for Gilbert. For the academy." she bursted out crying so sudden, "We didn't have any money! We're fucking poor for fuck's sake! And he was so excited, so excited... I couldn't just stand there and watch while his dreams crumble. I sold the book and bought them and then told him that the academy sent them so that he wasn't suspicious." she spoke, before raising her hands and placing them on Margaret's shoulders. "If I knew it was his mother's, do you think I would've done it? I know how it feels. I know. A day doesn't go by when I don't miss my mom." she cried, shaking Margaret's shoulders as the blonde remained silent for a couple of moments before finally speaking up, "Lily, I understand, believe me, I do, but - "
"No, you don't!" Lily shouted, shoving Todd's arm off of her shoulder, "Not everything is about you, Miss Perfect! You try so hard to understand, Margaret, but you don't ! And you never will!" the brunette screamed as everyone in the house looked at her in disbelief, "My mother didn't have a choice! Your mother did ! And she decided it would be better to end her fucking life than to live with you ! Stop trying to butt in and make it look like you understand other people because you don't !" Lily poured her heart out as everyone in the house suddenly fell silent, shocked looks on each and every one of their faces as they looked at the two girls in the middle of the living room. Margaret's face was blank as she stared at the angry, fiery girl in front of her.
"I didn't know you felt that way." the blonde flatly replied as a look of realization slowly managed it's way on to Lily's face. "Margaret, I... I don't - I didn't - " Lily started, but Margaret just waved her off. "I'm sorry. I won't bother you again." Margaret smiled sadly, patting Lily on the shoulder slightly before turning her back to the group.
"Margaret..." Todd called out, but the girl didn't turn around. They watched her as she climbed the stairs slowly, before getting out of sight. The last thing they heard were the doors closing upstairs. Todd sighed, averting his eyes to a crying Lily, who shoved past Anne and Jerry before taking her coat from the hanger and bolting out of the house. That's when Todd Perry realized that...
... That the truth is a blanket that will always leave your feet cold.
gale hansen as
GEORGE TAYLOR
the hellraiser