Aubrey appeared reluctant as he looked out to the water, repeatedly pressing his fingertips to his hearing aid. It might have been the romanticist in me completely misinterpreting the situation, but I wondered if that was a look of longing. Wanting to go to the water.
"I'll hold onto this first while you go dip your head in," I said, putting out my hand in an offer to take it. "You remember what it's like diving in and getting your hair wet, right? Submerging your whole body? Feels amazing."
He glanced back at me, looking dubious. "I guess..."
"You can towel dry before we go in after," I said. "You worried about it falling out inside the water?"
He wriggled the device in his ear before looking back at the still water. He turned back to me, shaking his head with confidence. "It's fine."
"Then it's fine, right? Swim now while I keep this safe. Just don't go too deep."
He nodded. "Okay."
After pulling out his hearing aid and placing it in my hand, I watched him run to the water. For whatever reason I didn't know nor ask, he kept his shirt on to swim. I couldn't recall any particular time where he exerted as much energy as he did right now. Like he was genuinely excited. When his feet hit the water, I think he almost recoiled, making me chuckle.
But I was impressed to see him persevere.
When the water reached his shins, he turned back to me, waving his arms in the air. I waved back, watching him continue further into the water. My heart raced like I was watching a wild sea creature returning to the ocean for the first in a long time. And for all I knew, maybe he was. Maybe he was always a sea fanatic until this accident robbed him of the confidence. I knew nothing about him.
Setting myself down on the sand, I absently swirled the device around in the palm of my hand while a particular poem came to mind.
Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay...
Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new.
Mathew Arnold's Black Dover popped into my head as Aubrey dived into the water, resurfacing just a few meters out. These verses might be how I've started viewing Aubrey in light of recent events, but the poem in its proper cynical context might closer reflect how he looked at the world. He dove constantly, coming up for air and diving back down again.
Something like this seemed to come so naturally to him. Maybe he did swim all the time with his friends. Maybe I jumped to conclusions that he didn't. And maybe I was throwing out all these assumptions without knowing a single thing about him. The more I questioned it, the more I wanted to know.
He soon came back out of the water, white shirt now transparent, clinging possessively to his body. At that moment, I desperately wanted to do the same. His hair had come loose. Flipping his head forward, he twisted the strands and squeezed as he made his way back here.
"That was awesome!" he said, louder than I'd ever heard him before.
His face was flushed, but his eyes were wide with excitement. Of course, he couldn't hear himself speak or determine how loud he was, but my stomach did somersaults twenty dozen times at the sound of his voice. At the mere sight of him. Couldn't he be like this all the time?
I handed him a towel and enjoyed the sight of him leaning over to catch all his hair inside of it. He dried the excess water from his hair and ears then pulled it into another bun, tighter than before.
"Good to hear," I grinned, handing over his hearing aid. I don't think he knew what I said, but he grinned back at me anyway. Maybe lost in his excitement. My heart lurched in my chest, wishing I couldn't grab and hold him. Especially as I felt the first cool breeze of the evening wind. Only his warmth sounded appealing to me right now.
"It made me want to try the surfboard," he said after putting in his aid, then extended his hand to pull me to my feet. "I think you've convinced me."
"Yeheeeee," I pretty much squealed, throwing out a fist pump. "Yes! Alright, let's hit the water."
"And you sure you remember what your Dad taught you?" he asked, wringing his fingers together nervously.
"Leave it to me, Mr. Keats, you'll be a shining star in no time."
After checking that it was safe to leave our belongings, I carried the surfboard to the sea. Aubrey went in ahead of me this time, splashing around like an excited puppy. We were knee-deep when I set it down on the water, and Aubrey guided it towards a more comfortable depth. The water was calm, but its current was strong enough to cause problems if we got careless.
Since Aubrey clung to the board, I took charge of ensuring that we didn't drift. We were at waist level now. He looked less excited than before, steadily growing more nervous. His brows furrowed; lips formed in his signature frown. Good thing he kept his hearing aids in since I could help keep him calm.
"How are you feeling?" I asked.
"Fine," he quickly said, but I didn't miss his subtle chattering of teeth, or his fingers clinging to the board till his knuckles turned white. The water wasn't particularly cold, nor was the air. It was still hot, even if it wasn't as diabolical as it had been throughout the day. Was it nerves that made him this way? Or was he weak to the subtlest temperature changes?
I couldn't tell.
"Are you cold?" I asked, looking down at his arms. "You got goosebumps."
His teeth chattering stopped while he looked down curiously at his arms, pretty much answering my question for me. "...Yes," was all he said.
I noticed the surfboard's leg rope floating on the water's surface. Taking a deep breath of air, I dove down, forcing my body to fight the wall of water until I could reach Aubrey's foot. His leg moved as I attached the strap to his ankle, then resurfaced. "You surprised me," he said.
"Keep this on so we don't lose the board," I said after catching my breath. I wasn't much of a swimmer, so my lungs weren't very well trained for even the shortest dives. He nodded with understanding. "Think you can climb on?"
His eyes widened. "What if it tips?" he asked.
"I won't let that happen," I said with certainty as if I had the right to make such a loaded promise.
If by chance it did tip and his hearing aid fell out, I'd be in the deepest dog doo-doo. But I felt sure about what I said. Sure, or stupid, I didn't even know. He hesitated for a moment but ultimately chose to trust me when he gripped the board and hauled himself up.
"You're too far up the nose," I said, remembering the way my Dad explained it yonks ago, way back when he tried to get me into it. "Slide back a little."
He did as I said, and now floated comfortably on the water. I pulled us a little closer toward the sand, just as an extra precautionary measure so we didn't stray too far. No matter what, I had to keep this as safe and pleasant for him as possible. Until he was ready to push himself even further.
"Think you could spin the board to face the other way?" Aubrey asked, momentarily glancing up at me.
With a proud salute, I did as he asked. Feeling the board glide across the surface of the water, he turned from the sand to face the open ocean. The sound it made was calming, save for the few people still yelling and splashing around us.
"As requested," I said. "Charlie Rascal at your service."
"Thanks," he said with a content sigh. "This is so relaxing. I could almost fall asleep like this."
I chuckled. "Just wait till there're actual waves."
He grinned lazily up at me. "I don't think I need to. I'm fine like this."
I cocked my head, studying his relaxed expression. His arms were folded in front of him, resting his chin on them as he gazed out at the vast and endless sea. When I looked past his slow and sluggish temperament, he did almost seem like a caged animal sometimes. One who caged himself but kept the key, internally begging to be released.
But maybe it was just another one of my many assumptions about him. He wasn't trapped in this new and quiet world; he was content within it. Or at the very least, he made do. Even as I understood this, I couldn't help but tease him a little.
"What?" I asked, grinning mischievously at him. "You're not worried about a few waves, are ya?"
He lifted his head and glared at me. "No way."
I pulled the surfboard so that its nose rotated, bringing us face to face. Careful not to tip or unsteady it, I folded my arms and leaned on it with as little weight as possible, grinning at him.
"That so?" I asked, deciding that a bit of taunting wouldn't hurt. "Bet you wouldn't even stand on the board."
He glared at me, pushing his body up with his hands as I moved out the away. The motion forced the board's nose into the water, tipping him forward and making it more difficult to hold his balance.
"Wait, wait," I said quickly, sliding my hands down the surface of the board so they were directly beneath his chest. "Here, put your hands here."
He collapsed onto his stomach again and pulled his hands beneath his chest, trying again. Now he was on the verge of looking like a banana, reminding me how I always cracked up when Dad tried to teach me.
For Aubrey's sake, I contained my laugh.
"Like this?" he asked.
"That's better," I said, then looked at the positioning of his feet. "Yeah, like that. Pull your feet together."
"They are, aren't they?" he asked, trying to crane his neck to look. I pushed his ankles together and centered them at the back of the board. The temperature was already growing chillier, but I ignored the prickling of my arms. He seemed to be too immersed in the task to notice and I wanted to keep this up.
"Here, just like that," I said, standing back a little, checking that it looked the way Dad's examples did. "Alright. When you're ready, pull your right knee straight under you. Don't pull further or you'll end up too far up the board."
He did as I said, following my instructions on body placements until he was almost completely upright. Needing only to rotate his foot now, he was well on his way to completing his goal. While he was still holding steady, I dragged us even closer to the sand. Just in case he lost his footing, he'd be able to touch the ground easily without worrying about his head going under.
"Alright, I'll count to three," I said, sticking my hands out more for my reassurance than his. "Rotate your foot just like I said. I'm right here if you fall."
He touched his hearing aid, ensuring it was still secured in place before he made his attempt. I counted, "Three... two... one... go!"
He swiveled his foot and wobbled a little, fighting to regain his balance. I kept my hands up, ready to catch him if necessary. "It's... hard," he grunted, trying to steady himself. "Feels like vertigo... because... my eye..."
"You're so close!" I prompted, filling with excitement. He was doing it. Now he only needed to lift his hands and pull his body back. "You've got this, just one more move. Remember to shift most of your weight on your back foot when you stand!"
Aubrey lifted his hands a few times, letting them hover over the board while he gained confidence. "Count again," he said, continuing to practice lifting his hands from the board.
"Three... two... one... go!"
Aubrey lifted his hands but failed to shift his weight in time, stumbling forward instead. Towards me. My hands were still in the air, catching him immediately as he landed in the water. My arms wrapped around him, keeping him safe above the water. His head rested on my shoulder, clinging to me while he caught his breath.
It must have been a huge shock to him. But I glanced to see his hearing aid was remained dry and secure in place. He shifted back a bit, breaking into a smile. I fulfilled my promise, helping to provide him with a safe opportunity to learn. A promise to myself, mainly. Did I earn enough trust that he'd consider coming back with me?
"You did it," I grinned, still loving the way he felt in my arms.
"I did it," he beamed back while making no attempt to move, even we stood chest to chest. I'd barely exerted any effort whatsoever, and yet I was left breathless by this single moment. A mere inch would close the space between us, setting my thoughts on fire.
I wanted to hold him forever.
As sparkles kept glistening around him, I remembered how I'd pictured this euphoric moment. The shimmering sea reflected in his eyes, locking mine in a stalemate. I suddenly wondered if maybe I'd gotten myself in too deep because even though we were at the beach, I was already lost in his ocean.
Ready and willing to drown in it.
The cold eventually settled in, forcing us to take out leave. We tackled each other dry with our towels and raced up the boardwalk. Any time he stumbled, too caught up in his excitement to stay on guard, I caught him, making sure he wouldn't fall. Our arms remained linked for ninety percent of it, and my heart couldn't contain its excitement for this massive leap.
When we reached his, we showered and got warm with a hot chocolate, then spent time working on more sign language. We sat on the floor, leaning against his bed with our legs stretched out, signing and chatting back and forth. He didn't really seem to understand why I kept practicing, "handsome," and "you're so cute," over and over again. But any time I repeated the signs back to him, looking him straight in the eyes, his face would flish and he'd avert his eyes away from me.
He was too precious.
When six-thirty rolled around, I was confident in the alphabet and basic greetings. He was always so excited when I'd accurately mirror every sign that he verbally prompted. Every time he smiled, excited when I'd fluently follow some basic conversation, my heart melted into a pool of soft butter. It was gooey, mushy, slippery and slidey that I couldn't get a grip of myself even if I wanted to. And I'd always think about kissing those smiling lips.
Could I pull something so brave? No, not with Aubrey Keats.
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, knowing without checking that it'd be Mum telling me to hurry home for dinner in thirty minutes.
"I'd better be heading off," I said, standing up. I extended my hand and helped him to his feet.
"Oh, your jumper," he said, lifting it up from where he'd at some point placed it on his computer chair. Beneath it were the materials I recognized from Art and Design, including those for Drama class.
"How come you have this?" I asked, picking out the needles and thread.
"Ikeisha demanded I learn how to cross stitch," he said with a shrug. "Seems like she found someone else 'cause she stopped pestering me a couple days ago."
"Oh, huh..." It's good she stopped trying to get him to otherwise Ben would have competition. I pulled out the materials and saw his shoddy attempts. Still, it was really cute how he at least tried for her. I got to work fixing up some of his stitches and finished the fabric piece for him. His eyes widened.
"You can cross stitch?" he asked, eyes widening with surprise.
"Yeah, I take Art and Design with Ikeisha," I said.
"Ben takes Woodtech, right?" he asked.
"Yeah," I answered, folding the fabric and messily stitching it together. "Why d'you ask?"
I created an ugly little makeshift kippah and placed it on his head, subtly letting my hands linger there under the pretense of making it balance. He ran his fingers across the little hat, touching mine in the process, searing me with his warmth. "It's nothing," he said, smiling, then glanced at his clock. "Keish's gonna ring me soon so I'll just see you at school, 'kay?"
His fingers paused and rested on my hands, making me desperately wish he'd close them around mine. If he could show me clear and definite signs of reciprocated attraction, I might just die of happiness. My heart was speeding up, making me breaths feel short. His eyes were intense, looking down slightly into mine. I was in awe of him. Remembering I was supposed to answer, I barely nodded, staring at his pouting lips the entire time.
Without a shadow of a doubt in my mind, I knew I was falling for him.