Chapter Sixty:
The cemetery was quiet, nobody was there expect for Theodora as she stared down at the remarkably shiny headstone. It stayed looking brand new, mostly because his police friends would visit and polish it every so often. His name stretched out against the dark gray, her mother's written neatly underneath his. Unlike Johnathan's, her mother's death date remained unmarked. Theodora refused to let them etch anything there, with the ridiculous possibility of Jay Fletcher's return.
She didn't have flowers, it didn't cross her mind on her walk over here. Theodora hadn't been to visit her father in forever, unaware of how much time went by. When he first passed, she went every weekend, always while the sun set. He loved watching the sun set, recounting countless stories of how he met her mother at sunset, how they got married under the setting sun and told her it was like tradition for the two of them to watch the sun go down whenever they were both home together. Theodora couldn't believe how alone she suddenly felt, and how no matter how many times she shoved those thoughts and memories behind, they always crept back up again. She would always explode, and those ways were always changing. Theodora was beginning to fear she would end up like Malcolm, always trapped in his own mind with the nightmares of what his father did. That she would become hung up on her mother's disappearance- but she supposed she already had. It was hard to walk away from something like that.
"Hey, Dad." She whispered, picking at her nails. "I'm sorry I haven't visited in so long."
Obviously she was met with silence, just the light breeze that picked up and rustled the nearby trees. Theodora shifted on her feet before sinking to the grass, sitting cross-legged. "I work for the NYPD now. You're probably happy about that." She chuckled, now picking at the grass instead of her fingernails. "Malcolm and I are a thing, too. You'd want to know about that, give me your relationship speech and everything. He works there as well, with your friend Gil."
Theodora glanced around, eyes roaming over the empty grounds. "They're still looking for Mom. But it's been so long— I don't know."
Her eyes burned, she bit her lip hard, hoping the slight pain would distract her from her feelings. "I'm starting to give up, Dad. I didn't think I would but..." she trailed off, taking a deep breath. Her head hurt, and her heart ached staring at the tombstone. Why did her life end up like this? Why did everyone she ever loved leave her, and they all died alone. Theodora shook her head, bringing her knees to her chest. She hugged them close, balancing her chin off them.
"I wish you were here." She whispered, "With me. I need someone with me. To hug me when I'm upset, even when I haven't said anything. I'm tired of being alone."
Theodora sobbed quietly, emotions bubbling up. She felt like a teenager again, crying uncontrollably because she missed her mother. Back then her father always found her and held her as tight as he could, whispering things Jay used to say to her.
"I miss you so much." She cried, letting her guard down. Theodora buried her head in her knees, shaking silently as sadness overtook her.
Something gripped her shoulder, she peaked her head up to see Malcolm. "Come here." He mumbled, sitting down next to her. She curled in on him, holding onto him tightly.
"How long have you been here for?" She whispered.
"A few minutes." He held her back, "You're not alone, you know."
"How do you do it?"
"What?"
Theodora sighed, wiping her eyes. "You never let anything show. You live with that dark cloud hanging over you all the time and most times nobody can tell."
"It's not a good thing, Theo."
"I know." She took a deep breath, regaining her composure. "I used to be good at it. Now, I don't know— I guess I stopped caring."
Malcolm sighed, "You know I have days like this. More times than not, now. It's not something we're good at it, it's just something we get used too."
She nodded, sitting back up. She slowly got up, brushing off her dirtied pants. He followed suit, staring down at her with worried eyes.
"How profound." She chuckled, moving her line of sight to the headstone. "See you sometime." She said, her legs moving quickly away from the plot. Theodora took off, zigzagging along the narrow gravel path until she passed the gates back onto the street.
Malcolm paused at her side, glancing back into the cemetery. Theodora watched him, his gaze calculated.
"Did you find the car?"
"Mhm?"
"Your dads car you were looking for?" She questioned, "Have you found it?"
He shook his head, "No. I'm supposed to be working. So are you."
Theodora snorted, mood slowly lifting into something other than sadness and defeat. "After we'll find it."
"Didn't you say it was crazy to even try?"
"No."
"But you thought it."
She shrugged her shoulders, taking the lead as they made their way down the sidewalk. "You know me too well."