After he walked away, I resumed my spot at the table, twirling the straw around in my milkshake as I pondered, contemplating everything that just transpired. I hated that look of embarrassment and regret as Aubrey walked away. Why did he have to make that face?
Why did stupid Ben have to make him?
I didn't want to watch him leave. I wanted to take his hand and go with him, but that'd have been a mistake for so many different reasons. Looking out the window, it occurred to me that they probably saw how close we were. The way I touched his hair, or how relaxed he became in response. Nobody acted weird when I came back in, so I could only hope my body blocked us from view. I didn't want anybody seeing him as vulnerable as I did.
Selfishly, I wanted to be the only one.
My eyes trailed over Goose's pretty girlfriend, Rana, who offered me a sympathetic smile. It was like she recognized what was going through my head. Resting her head on Goose's shoulder, she moved her fingertips along his arm in a gentle stroke. I still didn't understand how Goose landed her. Considering she was almost in Ikeisha's league in terms of looks, her personality seemed to exceed even that.
Swear to God I had an equal shot with Mr. Sex-God Hardy.
"Dude, you alright?" Liam asked, turning my attention over to him. Seated directly opposite me on the window side, the sunlight almost set his red hair on fire, making it glow. Even his orangey freckles appeared luminescent under the light. "What did you two talk about? You look tense."
Beside him, little Jude was sipping out of his milkshake straw, nodding his head in agreement. My attention dipped toward the window, noticing Ikeisha coming up the boardwalk from the beach. She stopped at the top, panting, with her hand gripping the rail as she looked around frantically.
She must be looking for Aubrey.
She turned to the window, greeting me with a smile the moment our eyes met. Wearing gold bikinis and matching sunglasses sitting on top of her head, she looked ready for a photo-shoot. Judging by Ben's engorged saucer eyes, he must've been thinking along the same lines as me.
Stopping in front of him, she set her hands on her hips all sassy-like. Ben gulped hard, then started trying to speak. "H-hell-"
"You!" she said, voice laced with immediate accusation. "You did something, didn't you? Why the hell did Aubrey cancel on us out of nowhere?"
Ben turned to me, face paling. I could see his panic, too scared to think or speak for once. If only that was his natural reaction to anything else besides Ikeisha Hansen, things wouldn't be like this to begin with.
The moron didn't do himself any favors, but nothing he did or said was out of maliciousness. Didn't Aubrey forgive me for that same stupidity? Maybe I could find a way to help her forgive Ben, too. He was caving under the pressure of her scrutiny, shriveling like a dried mushroom in his seat. Even if he was an idiot, and even if I wasn't going through with the bet, I still didn't want to see my best friend go through that sort of embarrassment.
I had to find a way to resolve this situation. To remove the blame from him, then pray to every god in existence that he'd somehow pick up his act so he could win her over on his own.
"It was my fault," I quickly said, scratching my hair and mentally kicking myself for not having thought up an excuse first. She turned to me, raising her brows with surprise. Wait, no. Surprise was too strong of a word. Maybe surprised it wasn't Ben, but definitely not surprised that it could possibly be me.
"Your fault?" she asked, looking between us with uncertainty. Sighing, she conceded, but didn't offer him any sort of apology though. Instead, she shifted her weight and stared at me, waiting for an explanation.
Goose's eyes were on Ikeisha, not leaving her as he leaned towards me and whispered a little too loudly, "What are you on about?"
What was I on about? How far was I willing to go? There wasn't a whole lot I couldn't or wouldn't do just to prove I could do it. That way, they couldn't tell me I'm too young, too ignorant, or that I wouldn't know or understand either way. This was what divided me from the troublesome youngest child at home, to a strong and capable one at school. This was just one of those things. As long as it wasn't a lie that would be called out by Aubrey, it'd be fine.
Rather than shifting the blame, I had to somehow neutralize the story.
"Um, we got a bit carried away and mentioned his hearing... more than he was comfortable with," I said, shifting in my seat slightly. "That was mostly my fault, but I chased after him and apologized. I thought he was okay when he said he was going home, but I didn't realize he bailed on you because of us. I'm sorry."
She sighed, face relaxing into one of concern rather than scorn.
"I like how much of a clown you are, Charlie," she said, voice and expression softening, "but you should be more sensitive to people's feelings. Aubrey doesn't like attention, and he doesn't need it. You get that, right?"
I nodded in agreement. "You're right," I said, trying to look as sheepish as Ben should damn well be feeling. "Again, I'm sorry."
Now that I thought about it, Aubrey would obviously have come for a reason. It wasn't like he came all this way just to see me or say hi. So why didn't it occur to me that just as soon as he came, he left again? Why was I so stupid and insensitive when it came to Aubrey Keats? I wanted to find him and apologize.
No, I needed to. He deserved better.
"Well, there's a fat load of nothing we can do about it now," she said, looking defeated. "And we were so excited to try getting him surfing with us."
"You surf?" I asked, kind of surprised by the idea of it. The grin that stretched across her face seemed to immediately verify it.
"Yeah, do you?" she asked.
Ben stared between us, furrowing his brows further with every exchange. Well, bloody good. Jealousy was the least he deserved right now.
"No," I said, emphasizing my excitement for dramatic purposes, "but I see people surfing on the reg and it's so cool."
Her eyes lit up, forgetting about Ben staring up at her in awe and amazement. The sucker was so positively infatuated with her that I was surprised he could even continue existing day-to-day as a functional human being. I guess some could argue that he didn't really do that, anyway.
"Right?" she agreed, gleaming.
Liam pulled his arm down from behind Jude, putting his elbows on the table to lean forward and look over at Ikeisha. "You guys are all pretty hardcore surf fans, yeah?" he asked, apparently having paid particular interest to the topic.
She grinned over at him. "Like you wouldn't believe," she said.
"I have a couple of boards at home," he said, taking me, Goose, and particularly Ben by surprise. "Should we join up for some waves, then?"
Yes! Yes, yes, yes! If Ikeisha Hansen said yes, then Liam just paved a way for Ben to get back into her good graces. Her eyes darted straight to me, breaking into a smile.
"I'll talk to Aubrey about it," she said, affirmatively. "But I know the boys will be def be keen on that."
At that moment, I felt an eternity's worth of envy for her being surrounded by hot guys twenty-four seven.
Then a realization dawned on me.
I always assumed I was more likely to be the 'Jude' in a relationship. The bottom, the puppy, the otter. I was always lusting after those tall and muscly sex-gods, or the absolute daddies of the world, like Mr. Hardy. I'd pretty well spent my entire descent into puberty admiring anyone two heads bigger than me; fantasizing about being pinned against the wall during hot and fully consensual make-out sessions.
Just not by the likes of Donavan Horse-face Hughes, though. Of course. Never did I want a repeat of that debacle. The thought alone made me shudder.
Aubrey, on the other hand... Unlike his scrumptious looking friends, the word hot just couldn't describe him. Up until recently, I thought he was some gumby looking downer who hated the world like his life depended on it. It was hard to believe I ever thought that way when now, all I could picture was his big grey-blue eyes boring into mine. Beautiful and innocent.
His delicate but masculine features. Strands of his soft blonde hair carrying in the wind, whisking across his face. His vulnerability, but an invulnerable take on life. It all made me want to protect him. Rather than Jude, I was becoming the Liam. The protective one with a dominant complex. They were my close friends, but their bromance made me almost wish homosexuality was contagious.
I found myself rooting for them so bad.
I looked at them. Jude was holding up his milkshake in front of a very sweet and attentive Liam who, right at this moment was sipping at the straw, very clearly pretending to like it. These two were a great fit. Jude looked so excited thinking he had shared a new taste with Liam. It made me want to find something to use on Aubrey. Then an idea struck me.
"Aubrey surfs, too, then?" I asked, maybe acting a little more interested than I'd intended to. I imagined him submerged in water, clinging to a surfboard while his wet hair clung to his pastel-white skin. Ocean glistening around him, reflecting deep in his eyes; it seemed almost euphoric.
Ikeisha shook her head. "We'd wanted to learn since we were younger, but before we had a chance, he-" She cut off her words, probably figuring she was saying too much. She hesitated before continuing, "He hasn't taken an interest in a while. It's been impossible to convince him to do anything he used to."
Including poetry, but I didn't say that bit out loud.
My chest tightened. Seeing him looking that defeated before he walked away still messed with my head. It couldn't have been more than twenty minutes since he walked home, but I wished that I'd chased after him. He'd be home by now. I wanted to go there. To see him, and to apologize.
"Alright," I said, excitedly clapping my hands together. "Let's plan this for one of these next coming weekends. Thanks to Liam's stroke of genius."
Ikeisha was practically beaming, 'til the idiot spoke. "Yay, great! Looking forward to it," Ben said, sticking his fist in the air with forced enthusiasm.
The poor girl's smile receded with the ocean tide, or my hairline after witnessing that horrifically awkward attempt. We were gonna have to work our asses off to make that group accept him. But somehow, that didn't feel like my priority right now. All I wanted was to race to Aubrey's place and see him smile. Maybe convincing him to come with me to the ocean would cut it.
If he wanted to surf when he was younger, then it must be the accident that has kept him from pursuing that wish, right? Well, what if I could help him change his mind? It was wildly audacious of me, but I had to at least try. Mr. Hardy said both Ikeisha and Trey struggled to get him back into poetry, but he accepted my participation before I got a word in, right? I had to shoot this shot.
Trey came up the boardwalk, searching left and right. He spotted Ikeisha through the window, then stuck his head through the door, calling her over. It didn't look like he was willing to acknowledge us all that much. Considering how badly he hated Ben, I couldn't pretend to be surprised by it. It also wouldn't surprise me if he still held a grudge against me, too, for outing Aubrey.
But then his eyes trained in on Ben, glaring, looking like he was ready to gauge Ben's brains out. Now, this might sound a little selfish of me, but I was glad it looked like I'd been basically all but forgotten.
"Alright, I gotta head back," she said, looking between me and Liam.
She briefly nodded, immediately dismissing him. "Bye guys," she said, then her eyes set on me. "Bye, Charlie."
She waved us off, offering Rana a particularly friendly girl-to-girl wave before heading out with her brother. When the door clicked shut, every head at the table turned towards me, especially a very upset and distraught looking Ben.
Liam snorted.
"Bye Charlie," he said, mimicking her girly voice while flitting his fingers in a seductive little wave.
Jude elbowed his rib. "You're such an idiot," he giggled. "But that was spot on."
"Y-yay, g-great! Looking f-f-forward to it!" Liam continued, swinging his fist across his chest. "You're so lucky it costs literally nothing to be that stupid."
"Shut up," Ben protested. "I wanna die."
Everyone chattered, laughing and teasing him. For once, I wasn't in the mood to sock it to him. As I stood up, Rana was the first to pay attention me, watching as I patted my pockets, making sure I had everything. Still absentmindedly stroking Goose's arms, she asked, "Where're you off to in a hurry?"
When I was sure I wasn't about to leave anything behind, I scooched past her and Goose, briefly turning around to face them all once I was out from the table.
"Huh?" Ben cocked his head at me, confused.
There was no time to explain, nor had I any desire to. Aubrey stayed at the forefront of my mind, where even in my imagination, he shied into the background. Well, I wanted to pull him into the spotlight. To make him find some newfound confidence. I could only pray I'd be successful in dragging him along to the beach.
If not, then even just having him back in my arms would suffice.
"Gotta go," I said.
With a quick wave, I left the café and headed straight for his. I hoped he was okay, and if he wasn't, then I'd make sure he was by the time I left.
I just wanted him to be okay.