It was Saturday and my phone had been vibrating since seven-thirty without relent. Ikeisha spent half the morning trying to persuade me to meet at the beach for volleyball, soccer, a barbeque, and a swim. It was a piping hot day after last night's storm, but I didn't feel up for it without my hearing aid. Breakers Café was located right beside it, so I told Ikeisha I'd meet them there if they went over for milkshakes instead.
She texted back with, "Ugh, no. Don't you know that's where Ben Brown goes with his friends on a Saturday?"
Charlie's best friend with no filter and even less tact. Ikeisha's developed a bit of an aversion to Ben Brown, but in saying that, it sounded like her feelings went a little bit differently towards Charlie as of yesterday.
"I didn't know that," I replied. My thumbs were getting sore from the relentless texting, so I video called her so we could switch communication. It took half a second before she accepted the call, and her face and upper body appeared on the screen. Keeping my voice low, I asked, "Does that mean Charlie would also be there?"
Her eyes widened, and a small pink tinge accumulated over her cheeks. Obvious even through the phone camera. "Yes," she answered through sign. "His whole group."
If I went to the beach today, then I'd see Charlie through the café window on my way down to the sand. We'd spent hours working on basic sign language together before sending him off with a list of websites, brochures, and handbooks. Given how excited he got after memorizing most of the alphabet, I figured he'd appreciate a signed greeting. His excitement right up until his Mum dragged him out the front door at nine PM made me chuckle.
He was an easily excitable clown.
"What are you grinning for?" Ikeisha signed, giving me a suspicious look. "None of them are remotely worth getting excited about."
Then her cheeks pinkened even more as if she went a little too hard on the makeup. Ha. Except for Charlie. An embarrassed Ikeisha was a rare one.
"Not true," I said. "Jude and Goose are alright...Liam, too."
"Didn't G O O S E pay a girl to be his girlfriend?" she signed. Trey moved around in the background, waving as he noticed me on Ikeisha's phone screen. I waved back at him but scowled at Ikeisha.
"Are you in middle school?" I asked, frowning more than I meant to. "That was a mean rumor, Keish. Don't buy into it."
Her shoulders sagged. "True," she signed, looking embarrassed now. "You played soccer with L I A M in the past?"
"Yeah," I said. "In primary."
She shrugged and signed, "Just asking. Anyway, beach at twelve."
The day was already hot when it'd barely even started yet. I didn't wanna go all that much, especially when I couldn't play games. If there was any chance at all of blatantly missing a ball in front of the others, then I didn't want to take that risk. But I guess the secret was out now.
Would they act differently around me?
My hearing aid should be dry now since it had been in the cupboard since around four PM yesterday. I stayed on the phone with Ikeisha while I fetched new batteries. She watched with intent as I switched it on, waiting for the light to appear. It took a moment, but the green light blinked to life, making me sigh with relief. Ikeisha squealed, which I could hear clearly.
When I put my hearing aid in, I could hear Trey chatting and laughing at something in the background. Only then did I realize that Manu and Rangi were there right now. "The guys are there?" I asked, curious when that happened. "What's the occasion?"
Ikeisha turned her phone, pointing the camera to the boys. They were in the loungeroom with each of their parents, eating crackers and dip while they socialized. Bustling and lively. "They came in ten minutes ago," she said.
The sound of their laughter and chatter mixed with music and dogs barking in the background, feeling intense. I turned down the sound, feeling myself grow tired. Just as I was about to decline the beach, the thought of Charlie popped up in my head. I could see the image of him laughing boisterously and creating a ruckus with his friends.
I could see the gleam in his eyes while they crinkled with laugh lines, maybe watering in the process like they did sometimes. It was thanks to him that my hearing aid was safe, and I wouldn't have to show up back at school with a fat pink clump behind my ear. After yesterday, I realized I just wanted to see him again.
"We'll see you soon," she said, bringing the camera up to a more flattering angle. I could see the light hit her glossy lips, making her look like a real-life Bratz doll. Something Tess still had a few of, lying around somewhere. "Get your Mum to drive you."
"I'll walk," I said, enjoying the sound of my voice. "I could do with some sunlight."
She frowned, not bothering to hide her concern, but nodded regardless. It took some time over the last few years, but she eventually learned not to coddle me. Mum and Dad did enough of that already. Walking wasn't an issue as long as I remained vigilant and focused on the things around me. My depth perception was off, but I wasn't blind. I could do this much at least.
Plus, I could drop in and thank Charlie at Breakers Café. I joined Dad in the kitchen, helping him to prepare French toast for breakfast. Tess came down sometime later and started chatting away. It was a pleasant, carefree start to the morning, and I was feeling good.
When I informed Mum that I'd walk to the beach, she gave me a thorough rundown of road safety and the precautions I should take. To be reminded of road rules to this day, four years later, as if I was a child stuck in time. It was insulting. Like I was never growing up.
"Alright, Mum," I said, forcing a smile. "I'll see you later."
-
The sun was sweltering hot, making me thankful for my choice of a white tank shirt and black boardshorts. Since the news was out about my hearing aids, I decided to tie my hair back into a messy bun. There weren't many surprises left, so I decided to just roll with it and let it be seen.
On the brighter side of life, my surroundings grew more colorful and vivid the closer I got to the main beach. Walking along the esplanade now, where tall trees lined the banks, kids splashed around in the waterpark, and people sat on picnic blankets with umbrellas and beach chairs set up.
Minutes away from the beach, Breakers Café came into view. The path leading to the main beach area came just before it. Excited, I picked up the pace and reached the building. There I saw him directly by the window, the first table to the left. He didn't notice me. I didn't think his friends did either.
As I came through the door, I was immediately greeted with their obnoxious laughter and pig squeals; exactly as I imagined. Charlie was wearing a tank top, only his was yellow with rips in it. It fell in a way that showed off his chest, reminding me of how we hugged yesterday.
Charlie sat by the window, seated beside Goose and the pretty girl who I assumed to be his not-paid girlfriend. Liam sat opposite Charlie, with his arm up on the seat, around Jude's neck; looking like a protective boyfriend. Every time I saw them, I grew more convinced that they were more than friends.
"You can't leave those forums for five bloody minutes," Charlie said, leaning sideways across the table to scroll Ben's phone. "You don't ever get bored of living like a dickhead?"
"But it's just so funny," Ben said, wiping tears of what I guessed was laughter. "It was fifty-fifty before, but they make you out like some criminal now. I'll see your ass in jail."
"You're the only one who won't get near my ass in jail," Charlie shot back, sliding the phone back. Half his body was stretched across the table, and before he slid back into his seat, he looked up to find me standing there. "Oh, Aubrey."
Their heads all turned as they finally took notice of me standing here. What were the forums saying about Charlie? I didn't want them to treat him like a criminal.
It was an accident that he already apologized for.
"Um, hi," I said as my eyes grazed towards his chest, exposed by the way his shirt fell as he leaned over.
I could see his entire torso, finding more muscle there than I thought possible on a scrawny kid like him. My heart spiked at the sight of him. His warmth from yesterday stayed with me even until now. Watching as he signed hello to me, I broke into a smile. He signed hearing aid but before I could answer, Ben tugged on my arm and held his phone up in front of my face.
"You heard the shit-talk going around lately? Check this out," he said, moving the phone so much that everything was too blurry to read. I briefly saw mine and Charlie's names mentioned a few times in different comments, along with some choice words of slurs. "Oh wait, you can't hear, right? I meant 'read.'"
"You don't need hearing to read, you idiot," Jude quipped, bringing my attention to him. His arms were crossed, glaring at Ben. Liam nodded along attentively. "And don't be such an insensitive prick."
"What?" Ben piped, pulling his phone back in front of him. "It's not like I meant it like that or anything."
Liam and Jude both looked at each other, shaking their heads with mutual bewilderment and dismay. Goose shifted uncomfortably in his seat, while his girlfriend looked stunned. She cupped Goose's hands beneath hers, facing out the window while trying to avoid the situation. The air felt tense. I felt my breath hitch as Charlie's expression turned dark. Seeing the idiot clown looking this serious felt... Scary. Safe.
"Ben..." he said through gritted teeth. "Stop talking, stop digging yourself a hole. At this point, you're only gonna fall in it."
"I didn't do anything!" Ben protested in a way that almost convinced me he was right.
Was it weak of me to feel embarrassed right now, by drawing this sort of negative attention? Because of my hearing? Charlie looked pissed. I'd come over here to thank him for helping me yesterday. Or to see him, more than anything else. But now I'd created a rift in his group just by showing up. I backed away, regretting my decision. I didn't think things through.
Charlie pulled himself back off the table, straightening himself up. "Aubrey?" he asked, watching with confusion as I stepped back. "Where are you- did you come over for something?"
The question was so confronting, and I didn't know how to answer it in front of his friends. That I wanted to see him, to thank him. To see him smiling at me; happy and proud of how he helped me. But how could I say any of it? The pressure was overwhelming. Stepping back some more, I shook my head, both to deny his question and to shake off these thoughts.
I tried to speak, to come up with an excuse, but words escaped me. "I don't... I didn't..." Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and collected myself. "I didn't mean to. I'm not sure why I did. I'm sorry, I'll see you at school."
I turned to leave back out the door. This was a stupid idea. What was I doing getting so excited all by myself? My chest felt heavy; humiliated. I stared at the ground, not even in the mood to join the others at the beach. It's not like I felt like it to begin with.
Once I exited the building, I was confronted with a choice in the form of a trail. I could walk straight ahead to go home or turn left towards the beach.
I chose straight. Pulling out my phone, I decided to text Ikeisha and say I changed my mind. All I felt like doing now was curling up in bed and escaping the heat. Alone. The café door burst opened behind me.
"Aubrey, wait!" Charlie said, running out after me. He grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me around to face him. He stared at me, making me want to cave under the pressure. "I'm sorry about Ben. He has no idea what a douchebag he is. He's great in a lot of ways, but sensitivity and filters just aren't his strong points."
I chuckled at the understatement. "I'm fine. I'm not offended."
It was true that I wasn't offended. It wasn't what he said, it was the tension it created. Their happy and playful dynamic from moments ago had vanished. Because of me. I didn't come here to ruin Charlie's fun or cause a fight. I didn't want to be that disabled person who ruined the mood and stopped people from having fun the way they usually would. I didn't want to get in the way.
Selfishly, I just wanted to see him... Happy.
Although Charlie was a bit shorter than me, he had a stronger build that I knew he'd grow into. If nothing else, he was guaranteed to be a late bloomer. The look in his eyes told me he'd be strong and collected. A far cry from the guy I thought I knew for all these years. His fingers lifted to the side of my face, gently lifting a thin strand of hair that'd fallen loose from my bun.
"I've never seen your hair up before," he said gently, looking at it with awe. His hands were so close to my face, I almost wanted to lean into his touch. I wanted to mimic that feeling from yesterday; to feel it again. His eyes, even in the sunlight, were so dark that it was almost hard to distinguish his pupils from his irises. And yet they were so soft and sincere. "It suits you."
The day was hot enough already, and yet I felt five thousand more rays of light hit my cheeks. Being complimented by Charlie Rascal was nothing I'd ever imagined possible. Why did I like it so much? Like yesterday, I wanted to lean against him and enjoy that feeling of having his arms around me. Of having mine around his, too. That sounded pretty gay but... maybe it was.
My heart thudded, filling with nervous tension.
Maybe I needed to distance myself from him. Being deaf was one thing, getting chummy with the class clown was another. I'd spent four years trying to keep to the shadows, pretending everything was normal. Then Charlie Rascal had to come along and make me question and confront everything.
I didn't need him enough to become a butt of his best friend's jokes, or to cause arguments or debates over sensitive approaches to my disability. My friends were enough. Besides the bullcrap Uncle conspired to get me back into poetry, there was no real reason I had to be around him. I moved away from Charlie's hand, watching confusion etch across his face. Flicking a quick text to Ikeisha, I stepped back and gave a meager wave. Avoiding him was all I could do.
Turning to leave, I said, "I'm going home."