I know I insisted on staying home today, but it didn't feel all that much better than showing up to school. People would talk about me whether I was here or there. The only difference was that, here, I couldn't hear it. I chuckled at the dark irony. It was just as easy not to hear it at school, too.
It was almost two PM now. I'd decided to surprise Mum by putting on loads of washing and hanging them out on the line. I changed, washed, and hung out mine and Tessa's bedding, too. I vacuumed the entire house from top to bottom, wiped out the kitchen drawers and cupboards, and mowed the entire lawns; back and front.
Now I was lying across the top of my freshly made bed, throwing a hacky sack in the air, right above my face. While I was never exactly a master at it, it finally felt like I was getting the hang of it. My senses sharpened as it flung towards the ceiling, then dropped over my eyes. Sometimes I caught it, and sometimes I didn't. Every impact made me jolt with a fright, never getting used to it.
Something else I couldn't seem to get used to were these obscenely frequent thoughts about Charlie Rascal. Ikeisha called me during their first break to tell me about his altercation with Donavan Hughes. To hear her praise somebody like that, especially the likes of that rascal, was a definite shock. And now I couldn't stop imagining him playing the hero.
Did that scrawny idiot really square up to horse-face Donavan Hughes?
Since Ikeisha spoke so fondly of him, I wondered if he'd in the picture from now on. Like, maybe she'd developed a crush or something. Maybe they'd start to date. The thought made me shudder. Firstly, he was annoying and loud. I'd have my hearing aid out twenty-four seven with him in the picture. Secondly, I hated the thought of them together. He's such an idiot, and she could do so much better.
And also, they just didn't suit.
My phone vibrated beside me, so I picked it up. Seeing Mum's name across the screen, I accepted the call and brought it to my ear. "Hi, Mum."
"Hi, sweetie. How are you feeling?" she asked. There were a lot of sounds coming from her side of the line that muffled her voice. She must be busy at work. I continued tossing the hacky sack above my hand with just one hand but used less pressure than before.
"Fine," I answered, jolting as it smacked on my forehead. "What's up?"
"I'm with Vivi," she said as if the name was supposed to belong to somebody obvious. I scoured my brain trying to recall it, but when I came up blank, I tossed the hacky sack back into the air. "Mrs. Rascal. Charlie's Mum."
The shock I got from hearing his name made the ball fly up harder than I intended. It came back and hit my nose hard, making tears collect in my eyes from the sting.
"Oh," I said, trying to sound disinterested while I rubbed the sore spot.
"I'm quite friendly with Vivi so I'd like her to come 'round for tea," Mum said, being overly cryptic. Sometimes I wondered what went through her head.
I tossed the ball up again, not really sure why she was asking. "Um, okay."
"Right, so Charlie will be coming over, too."
Taking me by surprise again, I forgot to catch the ball and jerked when it landed below my chin and rolled onto my chest. My heart hammered. I gave up the game and tossed the ball to the floor, giving my full attention to Mum.
"Charlie?" I asked. "Why?"
"Is it a problem?" she asked. "You said you didn't blame him, right? Mr. Rascal will be home late from work and so I suggested Charlie come, too."
"Right," I answered, sitting up and running a hand through my hair. "It's not a problem or anything. I'm just surprised you became friends with Mrs. Rascal."
"She's an employee," Mum replied. "I've known her for a good few years already. This just gave us a reason to chat more. Alright, she'll be round with Charlie at half three. I'll be home not long before then. Rest up for a bit more, sweetie. See you in a bit."
"Yeah," I said. "Will do."
The line cut. I held the phone in my hand, staring at it while my mind started reeling. Charlie Rascal was coming here... to my house. Why did this affect me in any way? Being visited by an idiot wasn't a big deal at all. I'd just have to text Ikeisha and Trey to come over so that I didn't feel too weird. But when I thought about it, I realized that Charlie would wind up feeling weird instead. And he'd be in somebody else's house, making it way worse.
That seemed selfish, so I decided against it. I'd endure this alone.
The place still smelled like various cleaning products so I was sure that Charlie and Mrs. Rascal would notice the moment they walked in. I hoped the smell wasn't too overwhelming; I might have gotten carried away this morning. My room was tidy and wiped down, too. Grandad's books were neatly stacked on my shelf. There was no dust except for what floated in the air, illuminated by the sunlight filtering through the window.
Both my window and curtains were open, but the sheer ones fluttered against the gentle but steadily increasing wind.
Mum mentioned the possibility of a second storm tonight, so I had my eye out for clouds and rain. I'd bring in the washing at the first signs for sure. From now on, I was going to be the kind of kid who did housework like everybody else. I'd make sure that Charlie and everybody else knew that I was no different and that they had no reason to treat me any differently either.
I gave outside a last glimpse, deciding it looked clear enough that the rain wouldn't be here in a hurry. With a couple of hours to kill, I switched on my PlayStation and passed the time with some games.
-
The doorbell rang.
I'd almost missed it over the sound of the PlayStation, if not for its franticly repetitive buzzing. I looked at the time, seeing it was barely after three PM. Who was supposed to be here already? And what the hell was so urgent? I paused the game and lazily stretched my back before making my way downstairs.
The bell kept buzzing until I opened it, where I found Charlie Rascal staring at me. An awkward and confusing silence ensued between us as I watched his face grow visibly red. It was like watching the sun scorching his skin in real-time, only there was no visible sun outside anymore. Only rain.
... Only rain. "Crap! Just sit on the couch for a sec or something," I said, turning back inside. "I'll be right back."
I barely caught a glimpse of him as he stepped inside. Only at that moment did I realize that he was drenched from top to bottom. I paused and looked out the window, seeing the crowded washing on the line, blowing frantically in the wind. The weather had picked up exponentially over the last hour and a bit.
It's not like I could leave him standing here wet and cold. He was shivering; his normally rich complexion had already paled considerably.
"Um, never mind," I said, going to the hot water cupboard instead. Charlie gave me a peculiar look; like he was embarrassed about imposing. As if he was capable of being shy for even a minute. This clown didn't have a shy bone in his body, so I wasn't exactly in the hurry to fall for it.
I pulled out one of our softest towels and spread it across his shoulders. His eyes were on mine. I could feel them burning into me, but I averted my gaze.
"Why are you so soaked?" I asked, stepping back once I was done.
His gaze was gentle, but also positive and confident. The richness of his dark brown eyes felt so solid and resolute that even with all of their underlying complexities, they remained steadfast. Determined. Or maybe I was reading into it too much. Sometimes, I really couldn't tell why I was always so affected by him.
By his stare.
"I ran here as soon as the bell rang," he said, glancing at the floor. His expression looked nervous, as if unsure how I'd react. Even I couldn't be sure how I was supposed to react when he said, "Mum sent me the address and told me to be here by half-past, but I couldn't wait."
The rain had flattened his dark brown hair against his face. Water droplets trickled down his skin and lips, which were partially open, making me wonder if he'd say anything more. When he didn't, I turned and made for the stairs, gesturing for him to follow me.
"I'll get you some dry clothes," I said, leading him up to my room.
My curtains were flapping about while rainwater came straight in. I raced to the window and pulled it shut, using my shirt sleeve to dry the water from the windowsill. I'd have to ask Dad where the dehumidifier was. I couldn't risk moisture build up in my room, in case it corroded my hearing aid. It was too expensive to risk, even with disability insurance on it.
I'd listened to Mum and Dad talking about it one night when they must've thought I was asleep. Something about excess costing as much as the aid itself. My attention turned back to Charlie, whose eyes widened as soon as he entered.
Going by his reaction, you'd think he'd just walked into a bloody theme park. Trying to ignore him and not overthink it, I opened my drawers and started digging around for a shirt.
"Holy moly," he said. "This room is way more normal than I imagined."
I paused and closed my eyes, feeling annoyance develop in the form of a headache. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I half-turned back to face him.
"What, not enough beeping medical machines and devices for disabled people?" I asked, shooting him a glare. His eyes widened, pulling the towel tighter around himself as he shrunk back in response.
"Um, no, I didn't mean it like that. I still can't really picture you like that anyway. I always thought of you..."
My heart pounded as he paused, and his eyes flittered up to mine. "I always thought of you as some delinquent who'd probably have some fascist propaganda posters and maybe some old scratched records."
My eyes widened, not completely sure what I was hearing. "You what?"
He stuck his arms up in self-defense, not noticing the towel dropping from his shoulders until it landed behind his feet. He looked down at it, then back up at me.
"No, no," he said quickly. "I mean, I just thought you were different from how you really are. Of course, now I see I was wrong. Please don't hold it against me. You can't blame me, right? Sometimes you're really scary."
Irritated, I snatched a shirt out from the drawer and tossed it to him. "Here, change into this."
"Um, can I maybe have a shower?" he asked, looking at me sheepishly. "I kind of ran here, and um, my Mum said something about us staying for dinner."
What?
Mum never said anything about staying for dinner. Dad was barely ever in the door by then. Considering we usually ate at around seven, just how long were these people planning to stay? I'd prefer to be gaming than spend potentially hours with this idiot. I glanced at my TV screen, seeing that it had already switched to screensaver mode. Fingers crossed that the game autosaved.
"Yeah," I said, trying to conceal my sigh, "You can have a shower. Use my bathroom."
I opened the door of my en suite and led him inside. Having a little glance around, I checked if there was anything that wasn't self-explanatory, but figured he should be fine. I stepped out of the way to let him poke his head through before stepping inside.
"Whoa," he said as he looked around at it. "How lucky."
"Help yourself," I said, walking back out and closing the door behind me.
The washing was still out on the line.
My clock read quarter past three which meant Mum should be home with Tessa any minute now. I grabbed the laundry basket and opened the backdoor, thankful that the rain didn't feel as harsh as last night. I pulled out my hearing aid before stepping out into the rain.
Trudging along the slippery grass, I could feel the earth sludge beneath my feet until I reached the line.
I'd done at least four loads in total, so I'd probably need to make extra trips with the basket. The daylight made the task easier as I pulled off clothes and dumped them in the basket. I was able to concentrate and keep them off the ground this time.
I got inside with the first lot and loaded them inside the dryer. After switching it on, I headed back outside for the next round.
The ground was slippery, feeling like I was walking over a slip'n slide. It was never usually bad after one night, but this was already rain shower number two. Our entire neighborhood was suspectable to mud, flooding, and potholes. And in that exact moment, my foot collided with a small mixture of all three.
My ankle twisted as I fell back, landing on the wet grass. Not only was my butt soaked, but my ankle now throbbed from the impact. Day one of trying to better and this was all I could achieve. Maybe my disability did define me, after all. Who else was this miserably unlucky? As I started to get up, my hand touched something small and metal.
Turning my head left, I allowed the object to move out of my blind spot, then lifted my hand off it so I could see. There I found my hearing aid; wet and muddy. I think I sobbed, but I couldn't hear it, and the rain was too intense for me to feel the vibration of my voice.
Always so careful.
I was always so careful, and yet I'd ruined it in the space of a second. This device was expensive. I'd worked so hard to convince Mum and Dad to let me have it, and they made me promise to take care of it.
And now I ruined it. They would be so angry.
Someone tapped my shoulder. My head snapped upwards, to find Charlie standing in front of me with his mouth moving. I couldn't hear him. All I could hear was a scratchy sound, maybe the higher tones from the rain. He lifted his hands, motioning for me to stand.
When I didn't move right away, he traced his hand along the length of his arm and legs, then pointed at mine. I think he was asking if I was hurt.
I didn't want to speak when I couldn't hear how loud I was, so I stuck my ankle out and gave it a slight wriggle. I felt its pinch. Charlie put my arm over his shoulder and helped me stand, guiding me back to the house.
I was embarrassed; mortified. This time, I wanted things to be different. I wanted to be useful despite my disability. But just like last night, I couldn't do it. There was so much I wanted to prove, but it was out of my reach. Now that Charlie had witnessed me like this, it only hurt more.
I failed, again.