lovelytheband – broken (acoustic)
"There's something tragic, but almost pure
Think I could love you, but I'm not sure."
Friday rolled around far too quickly, and as Draco stood in front of his mirror he almost decided not to go again because he couldn't figure out what to wear. He knew it was just casual drinks, but all his day clothes were still very fine, and he didn't want to stand out. He knew he would regardless, but whatever he could do to blend in would help.
He eventually settled on his plainest pullover sweater, which still had a nice silver trim, over a collared shirt and plain black pants. Simple. No need to overthink it. It's not like that was what he'd spent the last twenty minutes doing.
There was knock at his door, and he ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to flatten it (he'd stopped using gel sometime during the war when he was too stressed to care much about his appearance) and opened the door to Potter.
Potter gave him a quick once over, then simply said, "Come on, we're heading out now."
The rest of the Gryffindors and a few Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs whose names he did not recall were milling about the common room and started to make their way out as he and Potter came down the stairs. Draco gave a nod to Granger and Weasley, hoping it would at least start them out on the right foot, and they nodded back. Okay. This wouldn't be too difficult.
Potter stuck next to Draco as the group made their way over to Hogsmeade, trailing a little bit behind once again.
"Hey, I'm sorry about Pansy and Blaise," Potter said after a while.
Draco only raised his eyebrows, surprised to hear Potter using their first names. It took Draco a few minutes to respond, but he replied, "It's not your fault."
"It's not fair of them, though."
"I think they have a right to blame me."
"Blame you for what?" Potter actually sounded like he was outraged at even the thought. "Malfoy, I don't know exactly what happened, but you can't blame yourself. Everyone has different circumstances that they have to deal with, and sometimes we can't help that. What's important is that we try to be there for each other, but if they couldn't do that then maybe they just need time."
"I don't know..."
"Just trust me. Either they'll come around or you'll be better off without them."
Draco was discovering that Potter was actually really easy to talk to, and even easier to open up to, which was a scary thought. There were many things that Draco was ashamed of, and there were certain truths about him that he'd never shared with anyone and didn't know how because he had pushed that part of him down so deep. That identity was buried right at the back of his mind, the bottom of his soul, and if he knew that if he dug it up it would change everything.
"Do you ever feel like who are goes against everything you were raised to be?" he found himself asking.
Potter gave him a piercing look, and Draco felt like he was seeing straight through to that hidden part of him. "More than you know. You probably don't know much about what being raised by my aunt and uncle was like, but... maybe one day I'll tell you, for now I'll spare you the gory details."
That made Draco more curious than ever, but he kept quiet, waiting for him to continue.
"Basically, they raised me to believe that magic was terrible, and that being different in general was terrible, and so it took me a little while to come to terms with the fact that they had been feeding me lies my whole life."
"I never knew that."
Potter nodded. "But if you're being your true self, then that can't be wrong. So be whoever you want to be, Draco Malfoy."
Potter grinned at him, and this time Draco smiled back.
At that point they had reached the Three Broomsticks, and the group found a large booth inside and ordered a round of butterbeers. Draco sat at one end, across from Potter and next to Granger, Weasley on her other side. The two had their hands joined on the table, but Granger regularly turned to him to make conversation as the others were chatting, and she was so nice to him that Draco wondered how he could have ever thrown slurs at her. He almost felt like he didn't deserve her kindness, but she somehow made him feel worthy of it. Potter also frequently included him in conversations, but mostly he listened as everyone chatted, catching up on what had happened over the summer and recounting old memories. Every now and then something to do with the war would be brought up, and a few nervous glances would be thrown his way. But Potter or Granger (and even Weasley once) would quickly change the subject.
The butterbeer flowed and so did the conversation, until Potter quieted them all down. "I have an announcement to make! The next round is on me." There were cheers from all the boys bar Draco, but Potter interrupted, "No, no, that's not the announcement you twats! I have something to tell you all." He paused for a moment, looking around at everyone's faces as if savouring the anticipation. "I'm bi."
There was another moment of shocked silence, but Granger and Weasley were grinning – of course they already knew. Longbottom clapped him on the back and said, "Good on you for coming out, mate!" and the cheers started up again.
Draco was shocked, but there was another feeling swelling up inside him. Was that... hope? No, don't be ridiculous, Draco thought as he squashed it down.
Potter's round of butterbeers arrived, and Weasley led them all in a toast. "To Harry Potter! The Boy Who Lived and the sexiest bi wizard in all of Britain!" Draco thought Weasley must be a little drunk, but they all raised their glasses regardless.
"To Harry Potter!" they cried, and Draco found himself joining in. As he took a sip of butterbeer, he noticed Potter watching him over the rim of his own glass. His face was a bit flushed – from the alcohol, he told himself – and it made his eyes seem even more green. Draco made himself hold his gaze until Potter's attention was drawn away by someone else.
Eventually they migrated from the booth over to the pool table, and currently Weasley and Longbottom were playing while some of the others cheered them on. Draco was stood nearby with Potter and Granger, and they had been chatting about their Potions projects. When they finished off their drinks, Potter volunteered to grab them some more and headed off to the bar, leaving him alone with Granger.
"I'm really glad you came tonight, Malfoy," she said.
"Me too. I've actually quite enjoyed myself."
"I'm glad to hear it. I think that this year is going to be really good for all of us."
"Yeah, I hope so." Draco thought for a moment, knowing there were things he wanted to say but not sure how to say them. "Listen, I want to thank you for... being so kind to me tonight, I know I probably don't deserve it –"
"Malfoy, everyone deserves a second chance."
"Still, I just want to say..." Draco steeled himself, needing to say this and wanting her to know how much he meant it. "I'm sorry for the way I used to treat you. There's no excuse. And I can't take it back, but I want to do everything I can to make up for it."
Her eyes softened, and she smiled as she said, "Thank you, Malfoy. That means a lot."
And then she did something that he hadn't been expecting at all – she stepped up onto her toes and hugged him. For a few seconds Draco was frozen, before he tentatively hugged back. It was only brief, but after she let go Draco couldn't find any words. He couldn't remember the last time he had been hugged, and just that quick embrace was flooding him with feelings that he didn't know what to do with. He eyes started to well up, and so he looked down and gave a small cough in the hopes of covering it up.
"I think I might call it night."
"Okay, no worries." Of course, she was understanding as well as kind.
"Tell Potter goodbye for me?"
"Will do. Goodnight, Malfoy."
"Goodnight."
Draco made his way out, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Potter headed towards Granger with three butterbeers in hand. The corners of his eyes were still watery and threatening to spill over, so he kept going until he was outside and headed back towards the castle. He couldn't even fathom why he was so upset.
"Malfoy, wait up!" came a call from behind him.
Draco really didn't feel like he was up to talking to Potter right at that moment, so he kept walking. Potter's hand grabbed on to his wrist in an attempt to slow him down, his left wrist, and in a panic he spun around he yanked it out of his grip.
"Don't touch me!" Draco held his wrist to his chest, feeling the cuts there as if they were burning. But then he noticed Potter's face, his mouth open and eyes wide.
"I didn't mean –"
"No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Draco said, dropping his arm. Seemed like he was just full of apologies tonight. "I didn't mean to yell at you."
Potter nodded. "How come you left?"
"I had a good time, really," Draco assured him. "I guess I just got a bit overwhelmed."
"Oh. Yeah, of course, I'm sorry if I put a lot of pressure on you by dragging you here –"
"No, I'm glad I came."
"Okay. Good. I'll walk you back then."
"You really don't have to –"
"No, I want to."
"And there's no convincing you otherwise is there?"
"Nope. You can't get rid of me that easily."
Draco couldn't help a small smile as Potter fell into step beside him and they headed back towards the castle. He noticed him glancing at the wrist he had grabbed a couple times, however, and felt like his gaze was burning holes straight through his sleeve. To distract him, Draco asked, "So you're really bi?"
"Yep. Well, I've never been with a guy but I'm pretty sure. No, definitely sure. Pretty definitely sure."
Draco chuckled at that, and Potter looked at him with his eyebrows raised. "Hey, I don't think I've ever heard a genuine laugh out of you before. I'm getting through to you!"
"Keep telling yourself that," Draco said with a smile and a shake of his head. "Okay but, you're not afraid at all of... coming out?"
"I mean, I knew my friends would be accepting, but there might be some negative reactions once it gets out to the public. It's not like I'm going to try and keep it a secret or anything now that I've told the people that matter to me the most, so if it happens, it happens. But I'm not going to let it bother me, because it's who I am and damn anyone who disagrees with that."
Draco thought for a moment on whether that meant he was included in the people that mattered most to Potter, but decided that that was just wishful thinking.
"Still... that was brave."
"Is that a compliment, Malfoy?" Potter held a hand to his heart as if he was so shocked he might have a heart attack. "Why, I never would've thought!"
"Sod off, Potter," Draco said, but he couldn't help the upwards tug of his lips. And Potter's grin only made his own grow wider, like it was contagious.
They finally reached the eighth year dormitories, and Potter followed him all the way up to their side-by-side rooms.
"Aren't you going to head back?" Draco asked.
"Now that I've walked all the way here I don't much feel like it, to be honest. Besides, I don't think they'll be out that much later anyway."
"Ah." They stood in the hall, facing each other, and Draco found himself wishing that the night didn't have to end. Instead, he said, "Goodnight, Potter."
"Night, Malfoy."
Draco retreated to his room with one last glance back at Potter, and as he closed his door, he realised that for the first time in a long time he was content.