"I'm sorry!" I quickly put a step behind me to widen our distance, the cold wind passed through where his hand was placed earlier.
"You really went crazy and almost kissed that beam." He tilt his head to the concrete which I almost hit, the corner of his lip rose. I look down at our hands, he's still holding me, he seem to notice my gaze when he let go of my hand like it burned him, hiding it in his pocket after.
"Sorry and thanks. I was just out of my head." I placed my hands in front, fondling my fingers.
"We all go crazy sometimes. Even the ones who were made perfect." He shrugged his shoulder. I nodded and gave him a smile, he bent down and picked up something, I followed his movement.
"You must've dropped that because of me." I looked at the fallen juice-box with pity and guilt. He stood up and searched around, he stopped in one direction and raised the juice box and pulled it back behind his head, I jumped when he suddenly threw it to that direction. I followed the juicebox and saw that it perfectly went in on the carbag bin.
Wow.
"It was almost empty anyways." He then got his bag and pulled out a lollipop and in a rush got it out of the wrapper.
"Oh." I forgot he has this portable vending machine you call a bag, unknown to me a smile naturally rose.
"Why are you laughing?" He took out the blue lollipop out of his mouth creating a popping sound.
"Ah?"
"Forget it, I'm tired of talking." He took it inside his mouth again and started sucking it, the handle sticking out to the side of his lip. He muttered 'see you' while sucking the candy, and waved his hand. I nodded and waved back at him.
Nothing eventful happened after that, as soon as I went home it was the time that it pondered to me what the girls talked about that day. My heart sank again that night playing his song to me over and over until my eyes were forced to shut down of exhaustion but before my mind shut down I suddenly wished I'll wake up with amnesia so I could forget about all of it or that all of what happened was just a dream.
When when my eyes opened, reality dawned again but I needed to continue.
The next morning I passed by a vending machine on the way to our class, it made me remember of yesterday's event.
I scanned the content of the machine and saw the familiar light green box. It's my first time to operate this machine, I haven't seen anything like this in my past life. It's really weird and more complicated to use than just pushing buttons, they don't have a code but a pattern on every item and after tapping your student ID you have to follow the pattern and put it in like a passcode for the phone.
Was it always a hassle to get a snack?
A small smile became visible on my face, realizing that I was never the one who got my snacks in the past years. He would always come here early before class and lunch to get me some snacks since he knew I love sweet treats. My mouth tasted bitter all of a sudden knowing that he's not here for me anymore.
I lived without him for...no I lived with him on my side for years since we were kids.
I shook my head when I heard something fell from inside. I bent down to get it and walked to class, when I entered the room he's the first person my eyes automatically passed through. He was silently sitting while reading that book again, but now he's almost finished.
Just a few more pages.
My eyes faltered and I took a deep breath as I walked pass him.
"Sejie, is that for me?" Eunwoo came out of nowhere, stopping me in my tracks. He looked at the drink in my hand. I step back and tried to protect the snack from him.
"No, buy one yourself." I hissed at him and quickly walked past him, I heard his chuckle as he went back to his seat complaining about being hungry. Like I could care less about his stomach right now.
"You're so shameless Eunwoo." I heard Selen from a distance insulting Eunwoo but rather than their conversation I was busy heading my way to my seatmate who's planted his head again on the desk, but unlike most of the times, his eyes are open now.
"Here." After placing it to his table, I turned around and sat on my chair. I looked down to him.
"Juice?" He puffed his cheeks while speaking and his eyes found mine.
"It's for yesterday." I answered his thoughts. He parted his mouth and nodded as it cane to his understanding.
"Thanks." A flash of disbelief flashed in my eyes and I nodded.
This guy didn't even say 'you didn't have to' but basically just said 'oh so you know it was your fault?'.
His eyes then went past me, he raised both his eyebrows and with a smile he said.
"Your friend's here. " I turned around, expecting Selen and the others but I wasn't prepared to meet those eyes.
Those intense eyebrows furrowed, his small eyes which's fixated on me, now that I looked closely at his face it dawned to me how much I missed him...but what Sungjae said woke me up from my daze.
Friend.
"Sejeong-ah, can we talk?" He asked and the stupid me said yes.
We went outside, a couple of students passed through the hallway. I made myself busy by checking the time even when I couldn't even process it in my mind. My breathing became deeper as time passed by without us talking, we were just standing next to each other yet I feel almost our of breath.
"I miss you." He started. He towered over at me, I can hear my heart pounding against my chest. My heart fluttered but I don't want to start all over again, I bit my lips.
"I waited for you to say that for months." My mouth tasted bitter again. "It's a bit too delayed don't you agree?."
"I'm sorry. I don't have any excuses, I don't know what happened-."
"What do you want to talk about?" I cut him off.
"I just wanted to say I missed you." Huh.
Does missing me include him spending time with someone else?
"That's it? You've said it already, now can I ask you one thing?" I calmed myself and looked at him straight in his eyes. He was caught off guard and his eyes fluttered.
I heaved a deep breath and gulped.
"When did you fall out of love?" Just letting those words out felt like a hundred needles pricked my heart, I can't even believe myself for having the courage to ask him because I was always scared.
I wasn't scare of asking him but of his answer.
"It just so unfair, how you fell out of love without me knowing, you left me out." I stopped, my breathing became irregularly deep and turned to my side, the more I look at his eyes the more I feel pained. Thinking of about yesterday's rumors...
"You fell for her." I stated in a matter of fact. " So did you promise her forever yet?" I fought my tears, we're still at school I can't make a scene here.
"I never fell out of love." He exclaimed. " I have never loved anyone as much as I love you, seeing you in pain hurts me-."
"You always say that you're hurt when I'm in pain, so all those times you hurt me until you broke me."I searched his eyes before I continued.
"Did you close your eyes?" A tear fell and another one followed, until it all went out pouring.
"I just don't know how to take it away for you." He said. I wiped the tears dry and exhaled. I'm angry and in pain.
Now I know I have a habit after feeling the combination of both.
"All I ever needed at that time was you but you weren't there. I'll never need you again. "
I lie