JESSE'S POV!!
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Dad yelled at Dawn, and she flinched.
I wish we could just leave this God forbidden house!
"Where's Jesse!" He yelled
"I. Don't. Know." Dawn replied, as if she was talking to a mentally challenged person.
I know what she's doing. She knows what she's doing. And she's doing it to protect me.
I looked out of my hiding spot, through the small crack, only to close my eyes tightly, my breathing decreasing.
Dad has his hand around Dawns throat. At first, he had no pressure around her neck. But then, he started squeezing, slowly. He's making it long, and painful.
Dawn's hands went to Father's, as she desperately clawed at his hand, trying to make him release her.
She started to breath hard, but, then, I noticed she's not breathing hard, but trying to breath.
Her face turned pink, then red, and it got darker, and darker.
Her eyes darted towards me, sending me a warning look- telling me not to move.
Her eyes rolled back, and she went limp. My heart stopes, as well as my breathing.
Father dropped her on the ground, like a sack of potatoes, and walked down the stairs.
I didn't hear a door open, or close, so I'm guessing he's in the kitchen or living room.
I quietly walked out of my hidding spot, and went into the hallway, where Dawn is laying.
Her chest and stomach are slowly rising, and falling. Telling me she's breathing.
I felt tears come to my eyes, as I looked at my beaten, and bruised, and brave sister.
She thinks she's a weak, lame, freak that doesn't deserve anything in life. But, to me, she's a strong, brave, women, that deserves anything, but the life we have.
I carefully picked her up, bridal style, and took her into her room.
I gently laid her down on her made bed, over the covers, and went into the bathroom to get a wash cloth.
I wet it with warm water, and rung it out.
I went back to my sister, and put it on her forehead.
I looked at the clock.
9: 15
I examined her neck, to see a huge bruise begin to form around her throat.
That's gonna be really hard to cover up.
I sat down beside her bed, and just let my thoughts wander.
Dawn thinks she is a weak, worthless, piece of trash. But she's not. She is far from it. She's brave. And she's needed in my life. And she is all I have. And she does whatever it takes to keep me safe. Even if thy means getting herself in danger. And, for that, I give her all of my respect. But, what she needs to understand is that she can't do this forever. She has her own life to live. When we get outta this hell hole, that is.
Everyday, we come home from school, to an abusive dad. Everyday, Dawn is the one that gets beaten, just because she wants to protect me. Everyday, I end up carrying an unconscious Dawn to her room. Only to see, she weighs less than 2nd grader.
I've never asked if she eats. She has enough scraps of money to get us both, at least, a $1.00 sandwich. She always finds a way.
But, then again, I've only ever seen her eat at school. And she doesn't buy her own food. I give her the food I don't eat.
What if... no. She would tell me.
But... it makes sense... maybe I should... no! I trust my sister. And if she tells me she eats, then I should believe her. Right? Right.
But... it wouldn't hurt to check. Would it? No.
As I was having a mental debate with myself, I didn't realize I was pacing.
I sat back down, beside a, still, passed out Dawn.
I looked at her stomach.
She eats. She has enough scraps. She would never lie to me. I tried to convince myself
But... what if...
You know what?
Fuck it.
I started to raise her shirt up, to her belly button.
I'm not being a disgusting pervert! This is my sister! I am trying to see if she eats, or not.
I raised her shirt to her belly button, and gasped.
Tears filled my eyes, as I looked at her stomach.
Her bones are poking out, and you'd think she hadn't eaten in years.
She's as thin as a rod!
She... she doesn't eat.
She... lied to me.
I pulled her shirt up, an inch higher, to see her ribs.
Her ribs are poking out, and it made me feel sick to my stomach.
I pulled her shirt down, and walked into the bathroom.
I ran my hand through my hair, tugging in frustration.
A tear rolled down my cheek, as I looked at myself in the mirror.
She lied to me. She lied to me. She lied to me. She lied to me.
I kept repeating in my head.
I went back into her room.
I went to her desk, and opened the last drawer.
I pulled out the book, I knew I shouldn't read. Filled with secrets. Filled with information. Filled with feelings. Filled with every last drop of emotion, that she tries to hard to hide.
Dawn's Diary.
I flipped to the 2 pages with the book mark between them. The book mark is an old lollipop wrapper.
I looked at the date.
September 7
The last time she wrote in it was 2 days before we moved here.
Just when I was about to start reading, I heard a groan.
I tossed the book back into the drawer, and closed it.
I rushed back to my spot beside Dawn, and took a few deep breathes.
"D-Dawn?" I asked, my voice shaking.
She slowly opened her eyes, and sat up.
I looked into her eyes.
Fear clouded her eyes.
She frantically looked around the room.
She let out a breath, when she realized Dad wasn't around.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, breaking 'the big Q'.
I focused my attention on the floor, not wanting to look at her right now.
"Tell you what?" She asked, confusion obvious in her voice.
"You... you don't.." I couldn't say it. It was just about her way of facing the reality of it.
"I don't what Jesse?" She asked worried
My head snapped towards her.
"You don't eat" I said through clenched teeth.
Her body stiffened, and she took in a deep breath.
"I- I don't know what you're talking about Jess. I eat. Just like you." She said, focusing her gaze on the wall behind me.
"Bull" I loudly said, raising to my feet.
"Jesse, I eat. Okay? Trust me." She said, looking at everything, but me.
"Dawn, I saw it!" I said so loud and angry, I almost yelled.
"S-saw what?" She stuttered, slowly bring her legs over the edge of her bed, letting then dangle.she but her elbows on her knees, head in her hands, and rubbed her temples, closing her eyes.
"You stomach! Your bones poking out of your stomach! Your ribs poking out of your stomach!" I said, my voice getting louder with each word.
She slowly stood up, holding onto her desk chair for support.
"J-Jesse, listen to me! I-" I interrupted her.
"You lied to me!" I said, my fists clenching.
"I was protecting you" she she said, her grip on the chair tightening, and loosening.
"Why? Why do you put yourself through so much pain, just to protect someone? Just to protect me! All you do is put yourself in bad situations, and in danger, just to protect me! What if I don't want you to protect me! Huh?" I yelled, forgetting about Father being downstairs
Dawn looked me in the eyes, for the first time since she woke up, and pursed her lips in a straight line.
"Because I love you." She said
I stared at her, and said the stupidest thing possible.
"What if I don't love you back?" I asked
Her face fell, and her shoulders slumped. You could shes it in her eyes, and face that her heart just shattered.
She looked at the floor, and bit the inside if her cheek, obviously having a mental debate with herself.
Then, she looked up at me, and took a deep breath.
"Jesse, even if you hated me so much, that you wanted to kill me, I'd still put my life on the line to protect you. Because you're my little brother. And I'll always love you, in no way other. You are my only friend, and family. I would never want to give that up. And you, of all people, should already know that you're my top priority. Not Father, not school, not money, not myself. Yeah, I don't eat properly, but that's only because I give you all of the money I can get, so that you won't end up like me. I want you to be better than me. I don't want you to go to school with bruises all over your body, and limping all day. I don't want you to end up with my eating schedule. I don't want you to end up being a mute freak in school. I don't want you to worry about taking care of a younger person, that is the only reason you stay alive. Jess, I don't want you to end up like me, so I try to keep you safe, and healthy, and educated, and have friends. Every morning, when we wake up to go to school, my first thoughts are 'What if I screw up?' 'What if someone finds out, and me and Jesse get separated?' 'what if Jesse turns into a peace of trash that will get nowhere in life, like me?' Jesse, I will always love and care for you, even if you want me dead, and 6ft under. Because you are my brother. You know, I think of you as my own son sometimes. But, then, I remember that I can't just replace mom in your life. So, I think of you as my best friend, brother, side kick, buddy, pal, and BFF all in one. Jesse, I love you. And that is why I lied to you. I lied to you so that I could protect you. I know I am overly over protective, but can you blame me? Our mom isn't here anymore, our father is an alcoholic son of a bitch, we move to a new state or town every 9 moths or every year, we get bullied, we get abused, but we are still standing. And when we get knocked down, we help each other back up. So, not only am I protecting you, but you're protecting me too. I admit, I've lied to you quit a few times, to protect you. And this, was not how I wanted you to find out I don't eat. Trust me. You say you hate me, but you and I both know that you don't. Now, go get in the shower. We have school tomorrow. We will talk about this more later." She said.
After her speech, she walked out if her room, and into to mine. She came back with a t-shirt, boxers, and pajama pants.
She turned me around, and pushed me into the bathroom.
I got in the shower, and did my shower business.
When I was done, I got out, and got dressed.
I walked back into Dawns room, to see her fast asleep.
The bruise on her neck is yellowish and blue and black.
I sighed.
I got into bed next to her.
"Dawn?" I whispered
"Mm hmm?" She hummed a reply.
"I'm sorry" I said, closing my eyes as sleepiness rippled through me.
"I know you didn't mean it when you said you did don't me, Jess. So it's okay" she mumbled back.
Little does she know, that's not what I'm talking about.