everything i wanted - billie eilish
"jake! come in here!" i yell from the kitchen out to my boyfriend who was in the living room watching tv. i was making popcorn getting ready for the movie that we were going to watch.
i, soon, felt hands snake around my waist as jake put his head on my shoulder. "yes, babe." he says smiling kissing my neck as he moved my hair from around my shoulder. i turn around to him popcorn in my hand.
"you ready?" i ask, trying not give in and kiss him.
"yeah, i had everything set up in the living room." i nod as he grabs my hand bringing me into the living room. the movie had been put in, 'the craft'.
"why this movie again?" he laughs as we sit down on the couch.
"i don't know i just really like this movie." he puts his arm around my shoulder, and i snuggle into his chest.
the dream faded into another one, i look around for jake but don't see him. instead i'm in my room, with my brother. he is sitting on my bed, reading through one of the textbooks on witchcraft that my mom had given him. i was sat at my desk, english work in front of me. trey looked younger, fourteen maybe. back when he was learning more on witchcraft. i never had to, it just came to me. he always disliked that about me, especially when he was trying to grow on his powers and i tried to help him. he tended to get frustrated when things wouldn't go his way and take it out on me.
"belle, how easy was it for you to learn latin." he says looking up at the from his book.
"not super hard. but, you know everyone learns things differently." i say flipping through the english book in front of me.
"i wish i came to it naturally like you did." he mumbles before reading off the latin to do a simple levitation spell. the pencil in front of him started to float in the air. he smiled as he had finally got it right, but his happiness was cut short by the pencil dropping back onto the bed. he cursed under his breathe.
i got up from my seat at the desk making my way over to him. i sat down in front of him and the pencil. "you just have to focus more." i say raising my hand up at the pencil floated in the air, before i dropped it.
"but, you could always do that. you learned that when you were five, i'm fourteen and i can't even do that." i smile at him slightly. he always beat himself up for not being able to do things as quickly as i could. no one blamed him though, he just was hard on himself.
"mom and dad didn't figure it out till they were around your age, you will get soon." he sighs before going back to work on his spells. i got up walking to my door to go to the kitchen.
when i opened the door and walked through i was at bobby's house, sam and dean sat in the living room. sam was on the arm chair beside the window while dean sat, leaning on top of the desk.
"belle, we need to talk." dean says seriously. my heart slightly drops.
"what about?" i say swallowing tightly. i was nervous. they both looked to each other before looking back to me. sam had a heart wrenching worried look on his face, while dean held a serious one.
"we know, that you knew about crowley being alive." i breathed out at dean's comment.
"okay, and?"
"belle, we get that we should have told you about our interaction with him but if you knew that he was alive, i guess you knew that we tried to kill him right?" dean says anger rises in his voice, making me shake a little. he never really showed how mad we was with me until this. he always hid his anger, not wanting to upset me.
"well, i knew you would just try to kill him again. i didn't want that to happen." an angered look starting to come up on my own face.
"he's a backstabbing demon belle. i thought that maybe you had enough sense to want him dead to." he starts yelling.
"dean, you saw how he saved me. you still have the nerve to question even a little of me wanting him dead? he's the reason i'm still the real me dean! you have no idea what it was like to have that darkness brought out in me. it's like being possessed. your good parts of you have no control over you anymore. and that was mostly me." he rolls his eyes looking away.
"leave." he says looking into my eyes with a dead stare.
"what?" i say starting to choke up on my words. i look to sam to see a pained expression on his face. "sam-"
"go belle!" dean yells pointing behind me. tears streamed down my face as i turned around, walking to the door.
next thing you know, i was back with jake. different scenery. it was the day he graduated from college. right before i left him. i remembered him being so happy that day, the next one i ruined everything. he was going to ask me to marry him the next week at a family dinner, so that my parents were there to witness it. my heart hurt at the memory.
it was after the ceremony, we were walking back to his car. his gown was open and you could see his suit underneath. his tie was loosened so it was more comfortable for him. he held his hand on the small of my back as he lead me to his blue toyota tocoma. he had loved that truck. he got it on his sixteenth birthday and he would never let it get out of shape.
"you ready to head home?" he asks as he gets to the passenger door, but doesn't open it.
"yeah, whenever you want. it's you're big day." he smiles turning fully to me. he leans in, putting his hand up to my face giving me a long passionate kiss. i fall into the kiss, never wanting to let go. i was so happy with him, i never wanted to leave. but i had to.
i pull away looking into his hazel eyes with sadness in mine. "jake, we need to talk."
"what is it?" concern all over his face. "baby, what's wrong?" he asks as a tear drops down my face.
"i have to break up with you." i say quietly enough for him to hear.
"what? what are you talking about rina?" he asks giving me his nickname he would always say to me. it hurt my heart even more.
"we have to break up. you can't stay with me. it's too dangerous." i say looking down between us, not wanting to look him in the eyes.
"baby." he pulls my chin up to look at him with his hand. "what's going on?" tears welled up in his own eyes, my heart dropped.
"i'm sorry." i say, tears blurring my vision. i wouldn't have been able to live with myself if he had gotten hurt because of me. especially with lucifer out there still trying to find me. i break from his grip starting to walk away, he grabs my wrist pulling me back.
"no. you can't just leave like that belle. you have to tell me the real reason. don't say some bullshit like you're too dangerous. i know you belle, you are the sweetest, most kindhearted person in the world. you would never hurt me on purpose." he rambles on, trying to get me to stay with him.
"that's the point. i may not be dangerous but, the people after me are. they won't stop. you'll get hurt because of me, i can't let that happen jake. you mean to much to me. i love you to much." i was full on blubbering.
"don't i get a say in this, you're my girlfriend. you've been my girlfriend for two years. i love you so much that i would do anything to protect you. please just, don't do this." he says the tears falling quickly from his eyes down to his cheeks. i had never seen him cry until now.
"i have to protect you too jake. that's why i have to leave. go live your normal life. do it for me. if there was another way i would take it over this a million times, but there is no other way. i'm sorry. i love you." i say before releasing myself from his grip walking away.
i was in a dark room, all i could see was myself. tries dropping off of my face. hurting, with every drop. i loved him, and i really miss him sometimes. maybe after all of this, i can go back to him one day. but, i can hide the feelings i have for the winchester's. especially, how drawn i am to dean.
"belle." i heard a male voice call out to me. i looked around, trying to find the holder of the voice but couldn't see anyone. "belle, wake up. i need your help." i heard again. i hold my eyes shut for a moment, trying to wake up.
suddenly, a scene was flashed before my eyes. it was lisa and ben being taken by some people, which i assumed they were demons based on how they were acting. lisa was yelling for them to let her go while they snap a man's neck that she was with. ben was upstairs on the phone with someone, then i heard him say dean's name. he was about to jump out of the window to get away but, it was too late someone came into his room and took him as well. next thing, crowley is picking up the phone talking to dean.
i wake up, startled i look over to my right to see dean sitting there with my dad and sam at the door. i look around the room until my eyes land on my phone on the side table. i grab it as dean placed his hand on my arm to stop me.
"belle. what's wrong?" he says with a worried glance.
"i saw it. lisa and ben. they got taken by some demons and crowley. ben, he-he was on the phone with you." he looked at me amazed of how i knew about it.
"wait, how-?" he starts to ask loosing his grip on me.
"crowley, he wanted me to see it. probably wanted me to help him, take his side. but that's not gonna happen." i say while opening my phone dialing crowley's number. i put it up to my ear and after a few rings he picks up.
"hello, love. get my tellagram?"
"you have gone too far." i say into the phone grit in my voice.
"well then, guess you aren't on my side this time."
"why would i? this is low even for you."
"i thought that since i saved your life you would side with me but, guess that human thing can give you feelings for those winchester's."
"i will find you crowley. and if no one holds me back, and with dean's permission i'll be the one to kill you. you and me both know i can." i say before hanging up not letting him get a word in.
"well, i guess i don't have to ask you to come help us?" dean asks.
"nope, you don't."
~
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