This is a very short chapter but I wanted to separate it from my next one.
Also I hope you're enjoying your weekend xo
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We spent the evening watching several movies some sad, some scary but most were comedic and like I said, the boys were in tears by the end of the notebook.
See, they should listen to me more often.
All of us parted ways at the end of our evening together, I think we all just wanted space. I headed up to my bedroom as although I enjoyed the evening it didn't discard of the thoughts in my head and the stabbing pain that had built up in my chest.
As well as it being pretty late by the time we had finished and I was exhausted both mentally and physically.
When I reached the top of the stairs, I realised that my door had been replaced and no longer had bullet wounds from Doms little temper tantrum.
Well thank god for that because the sight of an open door seriously triggers me!
He had no business DESTROYING it though.
My room had also been thoroughly cleaned and held the smell of fresh mint. I inhaled it and it calmed my thoughts.
The night air was cold and I shivered from it but I let it send goosebumps onto my skin.
I jumped into bed shortly after and lay there for a while, I wasn't thinking about anything I just stared at the ceiling, my eyes and mind holding a blank expression. It was like I was frozen and my mind was blank. Crisp.
I wanted to pull myself out of it but I want sure how.
Once I had shook off the terror dreaming that I had assumed I was doing, tiredness embarked itself onto me and took over my body unwillingly as I dozed off into my thoughts as well as what would end up to be, a terrible night.
...
I gasped sucking in the cold, crisp air as I was awoken by the mental screams of my mom inside my tainted head. I coughed violently as a reflex as tears uncontrollably ran down my face, soaking my cheeks until they grew red and stung from soreness.
Fuck this. I'm not sleeping!
Every time I close my eyes I am introduced to a new terror, each more horrifying than the last. So much so that it makes me feel anxious for the day to pass and reach night again.
I could still hear her voice, I'm not crazy but I can just hear her. She was calling out for me, telling me she needed me and to come and find her. I could smell her perfume and her natural scent and it was torture to me as I couldn't do anything to make it go away.
She replayed constantly in my head, on repeat like a broken record, traumatising me every time it went on a loop and escape was not an option, I can't escape my own damned thoughts.
Half asleep but very much mentally awake, I jumped out of my bed and switched on the shower throwing myself violently into it.
I sat under the freezing water with my clothes still attached to me in hope that it would numb my body and my thoughts.
Maybe it would wash away the guilt in being bombarded with?
Sienna water can't magic the pain away.
I wasn't aware as to if I was in my right mind or not but honestly, all I cared about and all that was important to me in this moment was numbing this pain that was constantly being evoked in me.
I soon began to feel the burn of the cold water against my skin, it stung and engraved itself into me. I grew red and sore but I remained there, I was to weak to remove myself so much so that I'd rather sit and continue hurting myself.
Mentally I knew I should get out but I couldn't physically bring myself to, it's like my body wouldn't let me.
My mind was telling me to leave but my body told me that I deserved it.
It's funny that I never thought I could experience this level of hurt. Life was always, well not easy but it was manageable.
Right now I feel like a helpless bitch.
"Sienna what the fuck are you doing?" Dominico invades the bathroom scolding me.
I notice him in grey sweats and topless. It's an incredibly sexy sight but I'm kinda having a mental breakdown right now.
Fuck off you sexy fuck.
He reaches for the switch and turns the shower off leaving me a quivering mess.
He picks me up in bridal style, I am yet to make contact with him due to my current mental state.
My eyes are superglued open and my lip quivers vigorously but I'm aware of his presence and I can't help but feel like he is annoyed that he has to deal with my bullshit in the middle of the night.
Why is he always here?
I don't know if I should complain, be grateful or simply curse the universe for letting him see my vulnerability on numerous occasions.
He enters my wardrobe and grabs a hoodie, throwing a towel at me which happens to be the factor that draws me back into reality.
"Change now." He demands.
God, He is so self righteous.
I don't argue, his tone scared me slightly but I didn't let him know that.
Sienna? Scared by him?
I'm really going soft aren't I?
"Are you trying to fucking kill yourself what's wrong with you." He scolds me aggressively as if I am a child and I don't have a brain of my own.
"Good suggestion I'll add that to the list." I sarcastically reply rolling my eyes.
"SIENNA." He shouts and I flinch at his voice, he notices it.
He sighs deeply, I can't read him. I don't know what he's thinking and it's weird because I can read everyone. "Go back to sleep it's 3am." He warns me.
I shake my head "I can't, I keep seeing her." I frown at him.
"Do you wanna stay in my room then?" He questions sympathetically.
Don't try it Linguini.
I hesitate, "I don't want to sleep at all, it doesn't matter what room I'm in, she's still there, torturing me." I whisper spine chilled and fearful.
I mean part of the reason is because I didn't trust myself being in his room alone.
When I'm fucked up I do stupid things and I can't afford to do that around him.
"Do you wanna go out and get some food then?" He sighs.
At this time?
Fuck it, I'm hungry.
After careful consideration and weighing out the odds, I nod my head. I needed to get out of here for a while anyway these mansion walls are driving me insane.
He tells me to wait downstairs while he gets changed and I do so, I put on the first thing i see in my wardrobe and waited for him.
When he came walking down, I had a heart attack-
How does someone look that fine at three fucking am. He was wearing black jeans and a white t-shirt that defined his muscles.
The ink from his tattoos were also visible through the t-shirt giving off dangerous vibes.
It was a five star view.
Sienna I swear to god if you don't shut up with these corny ass phrases-
He grabs his keys "lets go." He says ushering me out the door.
Damn papi chill.
"Do you not need a coat it's freezing?" I question him.
"There's one in my car, Andare." (Go). He nods his head motioning to the door and I sigh but exit as he commands.
The car ride was awkward to say the least, Dominico has seen me at my vulnerable point too many times and I felt weird about that.
No one has seen me that guard less as I'm usually a very enclosed person but maybe loosing her was my breaking point.
Vulnerability, it was something I kept to myself, I didn't bring my own negativity around other people.
Everyone has their own baggage going on.
He turns on the radio and plays Biggie, bearing in mind it's the devil's hour and he has music at full volume.
Jesus take the wheel.
"Sorry Dude but can you turn the music down." I question rhetorically. What I meant was turn the damn music down before I hit you in your big ass head... Sexy.
"Aren't you from New York, don't you rep Biggie neonata?" He says with a smirk growing across his face.
"Actually thug, I'm more of a Tupac girl." I reply, turning the music off.
"Don't touch my speaker." He warns me.
I sigh before touching everything in my reach to purposely annoy him.
I think being petty is my toxic trait.
He stares at me with these intense eyes and I find myself feeling slightly intimidated by him.
"Look at the road before you kill me puta." I shout at him.
"That's Spanish amore." He laughs to me.
"I happen to speak a lot of languages actually so suck it." I shoot him a joking kiss before going back to minding my business for the rest of the drive.
The food better be good.
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Who do yall picture the characters as?
I want to know your opinions before I say who I see them as.
Until next time,
Enjoy xoxo